The first week in Chicago had done little to convince her that there was more to her life than merely surviving, and Roxanna flopped back on her mattress as her alarm went off at seven am for the eighth morning in a row. Sighing deeply, she forced herself to sit up before pulling her legs close to her chest in an effort to try and find a reason to get out of bed and shower.

To her surprise, her phone began to ring, and she frowned as picked it up, looking at the display. "What on earth could Serena want?" she mumbled as she swiped across the display and brought the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Roxanna MacMillan, where are you and what are you doing?"

Though her words were harsh, beneath it all, Roxanna could hear the faint note of concern in her voice, and she let out a deep sigh. "Honestly?"

"No, lie to me. Because we all know what good lying does for everyone. Of course I want the truth!"

"Maybe I don't like the tone of your voice," she shot back petulantly, listening to the dry chuckle on the other end of the line. Another sigh slipped from her lips as she stretched her legs out and looked out the window, trying to formulate what she wanted to tell the woman. "I needed to get away. Just when I thought I was finally belonging somewhere, after everything that happened with David and Ollie, it all turned to ashes and rust when I wasn't looking. I was so desperate to belong that I threw myself into whatever project was at hand, not looking to see what it might do to me in the end."

"And that involves not calling any of us here at Holby? And you still haven't said where you are! If it's close by, I will come and shake some sense into you. Because there are many people here who are missing you!"

She let out a scoffing laugh as she shook her head, stretching out on the bed so that she was a little more comfortable. "I highly doubt that. I've been here a week, and no one has reached out to see if I'm okay. And you don't count, because I have the sneaking suspicion that you were told to do so by someone else, someone who should have had the decency to contact me himself!"

Serena let out a deep, annoyed, breath and Roxanna could almost imagine the look on her face. "If you must know, Abigail asked us to try and get in touch with you. Seems like there's more than one person you're running away from."

"I most certainly am not running away! I simply had to escape for my mental health. There's only so much disbelief that one can handle before one breaks beneath the weight of doubt. Especially when that doubt comes from the person you care for deeply." She knew that she had perhaps revealed a bit too much, but found she couldn't muster up the energy to care as she closed her eyes and allowed a few tears to roll down her cheeks. "I tried to show him the proof that John was lying to us all, and he ignored that, chose him over me, again. I couldn't deal with that. And so I came here, to try and forget about everything."

Roxanna had reached the point of not being able to keep a handle on her words, knowing that Serena would most likely think less of her for the admissions she was making. "I ran, too, you know." The soft words sounded like they were almost painful for Serena to say, and Roxanna felt her breath hitch in her throat as she waited for the woman to say something more. "My daughter died, almost two years ago now, and I couldn't face anyone at Holby City, least of all the woman I loved. So I ran to try and heal. But, and here's where we differ, I reached out to that woman, my Bernie. I was lonely, all by myself, falling into a depression that seemed to take all the color from my life and turn it to dull, drab, lifeless, grey. So don't think I don't know you. We may have different weights on our hearts, but I know what comes from being a fucking numpty. Nothing but frustration and a deeper well of loneliness."

She couldn't help but giggle a little at that, listening to Serena trill a little laugh in return. "What if he won't answer me? I sent him a long email, pouring my heart out to him, and it's been radio silence ever since. Don't you think that he should reach out to me, at least once?"

"If I know Henrik, he's probably wringing his hands, wondering what to say to you. He's always been a bit emotionally constipated, you should know that better than me, though, since you've known him longer."

Roxanna nodded a little as she took a deep breath. "Still, do you think that you could put a bug in his ear? Let him know that he is missed?"

"I will do that, Roxanna."

"Oh, and ask him not to call until noon? Even then, that makes it six in the morning here."

She knew that was almost giving her location away, but there was no way that Serena could say with any certainty that she was in Chicago, since there were a number of large cities in the Central Time Zone. "I'll let him know. Take care of yourself, Roxanna, and try not to buckle beneath the weight of your grief. I know what it's like to be close to that point. And if you need an ear to shout into, I suppose that mine is open. Okay?"

"Okay," she replied with a yawn. "Sorry, my sleep hasn't been the best this last week, I hope to talk to you soon. Bye." She hung up before Serena could say anything more, and turned the ringer off on her phone before setting it aside on the nightstand and let out a deep breath. Slipping off the bed, she padded over to her suitcase and pulled out a new set of clothes, finally wanting to wear something fresh. It didn't take long to strip off her pyjamas, and then she pulled on the fresh clothes, still breathing in the scent of sandalwood that permeated all her clothes.

Slipping her phone and key into her purse, Roxanna drew in a deep breath and headed down to the breakfast nook. Though she wasn't particularly feeling any less depressed from everything that was going on around her, there was a desire to get out and explore the city, to try and find some beauty out there. In all likelihood, she knew that she would end up going to the water once more, since that was the only place that she could find peace these days, but even then, at least she had a plan for her day, instead of the aimless wandering she had done for the last week.

There were more people in the breakfast room than usual, but Roxanna still managed to snag her secluded chair next to the fireplace, leaving her purse there whilst she made up a plate. The food, at least, seemed to be a bit more appetizing this morning, and she couldn't help but wonder if that was the result of Serena reaching out to her. Still, Serena wasn't Henrik, and Roxanna knew that her heart would still be heavy until she could find her sense of belonging in his life once more.