Life is hard.
Hurting people you love is even harder.
I was tired; I hardly got any sleep last night, mainly because I was tossing and turning, worrying about Jacob, and thinking about Edward.
I had never been so captivated by a person before, not even when I first got to know Jacob.
I had first met Jacob when I was a little girl during my summers in Forks. His father and mine were old friends, and every summer we would go fishing with him and his three kids; Jacob, and his twin sisters. Jacob was a year younger then me, and I never really thought much about him, until I moved to Forks when I was 17.
Charlie had thrown a welcome home party for me my first weekend there; practically the whole town was invited. Billy was there, with Jacob, and that was the first time I remember really seeing him. He was tall for his age, and big, and had the warmest smile I had ever seen. He was so carefree and happy it was hard not to smile around him.
And it was the first time a guy had actually shown any romantic interest in me. At first I was against the idea, but the more time I spent with him, the more I started to like him, until one day he kissed me, and we were together from that point on.
Being with Jacob was easy; like breathing. We never argued or got into fights. We always had fun no matter what we were doing; whether going to Port Angeles to watch movies or sitting in his garage drinking warm coke out of a can. We just were.
And everyone was happy for us; everyone except for Alice. She thought I was settling for Jacob without really seeing what else was out there. Alice had always been a hopeless romantic, getting her inspiration from romance novels and chick flicks. I never paid much attention to her, since I was happy with Jacob, but I couldn't help but wonder if she was right.
Emmett didn't really care for Jacob either, but since he was living eight hours away, he never really spoke much about it.
So if I was happy with Jacob, content in my relationship, why did I find myself thinking so much about Edward Masen? I hardly knew the guy, except for where he was from, but I couldn't help but feel that I wanted to know everything about him.
"Bells, are you awake?" A soft voice came from outside my door. I groaned as I looked at the clock, glaring at the glowing red letters. Seven Thirty.
"Yeah Al. Come in." I said, rolling over and facing the door. I smiled as she tip-toed in and climbed into my bed.
"I think I'm in love B." She said with a small smile.
"With who?" I asked, looking at her. She didn't look like her normal cheery self (although it was hard for anyone to look cheery at this time of day). Her eyes were dark, void of their usual sparkle. Her hair was matted from sleeping, and her mascara was smudged below her eyes.
"Jasper." She said, looking down. "I know it sounds crazy, and I know I barely know him, but I feel like he's the one I've been waiting for B." She whispered.
"Oh Al…" I said, reaching over and pulling her into a hug. Alice was the only person I knew who believed in love at first sight.
"I can't stop thinking about him. I was lying awake all night, tossing and turning, trying to scheme up ways to see him again, and to spend more time with him."
I laughed. Typical Alice, always scheming to get her way.
"Al, you have to let it happen naturally. If it's meant to be, it'll happen." I told her, rubbing her hair. "You can't mess with fate Alice, you know that."
"It's going to happen Bells, I can feel it. I've never been so sure of something in my entire life."
"More then that time you were convinced that I was going to be nominated for prom queen?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.
"Hey, I was right about that, remember." She said, defending herself. She tried to sound offended, but she burst into laughter instead.
"Like I said before Al, you can't mess with fate." I said, sighing.
"What's wrong B?" Alice asked, finally taking in my appearance. "You look like hell." She added with a smile.
"Thanks. But I think I'm in the same predicament as you." I told her.
"You think you're in love? Isabella Marie Swan, have you been holding out on me?" She asked, sitting up.
"No, no, not that. I didn't sleep last night at all. I couldn't stop thinking about him Al, and I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. I don't know what to do." I was close to crying now, which was something I really didn't want to do.
"Stop thinking about who? Edward?" Of course she knew. She always knew.
"No, of Albert Einstein." I said sarcastically. "Yes, of Edward. I just… I can't stop thinking about him. I want to know everything about him. I've never felt that way about someone I've only just met. And I feel guilty." I admitted.
"Guilty about what? Did you do something last night?" She was interested now; I could hear it in her voice.
"No, I didn't do anything last night. But I thought about it. I thought that if the opportunity presented itself with Edward, I might not be able to stop it. And the whole time I was with him, at the party, I didn't once think about Jake." I whispered as I said this, as though saying it out loud would make it worse.
"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. I know it's hard, but you've got to do what your heart is telling you to do. You and Jake are in different places now, not just in location but in life too." She said, rubbing my shoulder. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I always thought you were settling with Jake. What more proof do you need then what you're feeling about Edward?"
"But I can't hurt him Al. He's my best friend." I said, as if it would make things better.
"But is it worth hurting yourself? What if you realize, ten years down the road that you're absolutely miserable, that you gave up something that could have been great because you were afraid of hurting someone? Bella, you are the most unselfish person I have ever met. You need to start doing more things for yourself, and stop trying to cater to everyone else."
"Does that mean no more Bella Barbie?" I asked with a small smile.
"Well, Bella, some people always need catering, and I'm one of those people." I rolled my eyes. I should have known it would apply to everyone but her. "Besides, I always have such amazing results with Bella Barbie, and I think a lot of people would complain if I stopped." She said with a giggle.
"Well, you can work magic." I admitted. "Thanks Al, for being such an amazing friend." I said, trying to stifle a yawn.
"You make it so easy B. I love you, I really do." She said, yawning too.
"If you loved me, you wouldn't torture me with shopping and makeup." I said as I rolled onto my side. "I love you too Al."
"It's not torture. It's tough love." She said as she leaned back against my headboard.
I laughed as I closed my eyes, trying to clear my mind. Before long, I drifted into a dreamless sleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A loud banging woke me up, and I groaned in annoyance. Leave it to Alice to make as much noise as humanly possible.
I rolled over, glancing at the clock on my nightstand. Two forty five. Wow. I had slept in late. Running a hand through my tangled hair, I crawled out of bed and walked out to the living room to see what all the noise was about.
"Al, you know you could wake the dead with all the noise you're making, right?" I asked as I entered the room.
The sight that greeted me was not what I was expecting. Sitting at my dining room table was Emmett, enjoying a large bowl of cereal.
"Morning sunshine," he said through a mouthful of food. "'Bout time you woke up."
"Nice to see you too," I said, walking into the kitchen. "And feel free to help yourself to my lucky charms." I said in annoyance.
"I'd be happy too." He said, pouring more into his bowl. "So did you have fun last night? Alice told me there was a little incident at the end of the night with James, but don't worry Ella, it's been taken care of."
"James? Oh, that. What do you mean taken care of?" I asked, sitting down next to him at the table. I grabbed the box of cereal and poured some into my bowl.
"James is no longer a part of our house." He said, annoyance dripping from his words.
"Oh. I'm sorry." I said, not really knowing what to say. I poured some milk into my bowl and took a bite, the marshmallows instantly cheering me up. I loved lucky charms.
"S'not your fault," he said between bites. "I told him to stay away from you. It's his own fault he didn't listen. And I wasn't the one who kicked him out anyway. Edward was furious; yelled for a good twenty minutes before throwing his sorry ass onto the curb, at three in the morning to boot." Emmett laughed at that, leaning back in his chair. "The guy had it coming anyways. He's been pulling a lot of stupid shit the last couple of months. About time one of us snapped and chucked him out, never thought it'd be Eddie though."
"That's interesting." Alice said, suddenly appearing in the kitchen. She looked a lot more rested, thanks to our morning nap, and in a much better mood. I was still focused on the fact that Edward had kicked James out.
"So what are you girls up to today?" Emmett asked, pouring himself another bowl of cereal.
"Well, I'm going to have to go buy more cereal, the way you're going." I said, snatching the box away from him. I tried to scowl at him, but I ended up just laughing. "I need to get started on some homework, actually."
"Homework is for geeks." Alice said sweetly, sitting down at the table with us. "And you could probably stand to eat something with a little less sugar." She said, frowning at me.
"Okay mom. At least geeks get good grades though." I said, sticking my tongue out at her.
"Alice is right. Homework can wait for Sunday's. It's what it's there for anyway."
"I agree with Emmett." Alice said with a smile. I groaned. She was determined to make me fail out of college my first term.
"Besides, I kind of wanted to ask Emmett for some help with something." She said, turning to him. She gave him her best puppy dog eyes, and I frowned. This can't be good.
"Shoot." Emmett said, falling hook, line and sinker.
"So, you know your friend Jasper?" She started, and I dropped my spoon.
"Alice, no, you're not going to use my family to get a guy!" I exclaimed before she could get any further.
"Let me finish." She said, glaring at me. "Now, I really think that your friend Jasper is an amazing guy, based on what I saw of him at the party. I was hoping you might be able to help me get to know him a little better."
"I don't know Alice. Jasper is a pretty quiet guy, he normally keeps to himself. I don't really know all that much about him." Emmett said, frowning a little. "I've tried to hook him up numerous times, but he always seems to come up with an excuse."
"Please Em, try, for me?" She pleaded, sounding pathetic. She was good. Emmett was hopeless against her.
"Of course I'll try Al, but I can't make any guarantees. What did you have in mind?"
"You've got to be kidding me." I groaned as I got up from the table. I didn't even want to hear what Alice had planned for this poor Jasper guy. "I'll be in my room attempting to do homework." I called as I put my bowl in the sink.
I laughed when I got no response. Whatever Alice had up her sleeve, she was fully committed to it. I just hoped she wouldn't pull me into whatever it was.
