After informing my family of my plans—hearing Alice and Esme's pleas to change my mind, and Rosalie's condemnation of me as a selfish bastard, Jasper's guilt and regret, Carlisle's reluctant understanding, and Emmett's rage—they finally agreed to leave Forks and separate themselves from Bella. It was for the best; they all had to know that.
Once she left for school, I spent hours in her room, committing everything about it to memory. The collage of papers and pictures on the corkboard above her desk, the softness of the comforter I'd rested on for countless nights, just watching her sleep. But mostly, the scent. I never wanted to forget that scent, the one that led me to the first semblance of happiness and serenity I'd felt in nearly a century. Closing my eyes, I drew in a deep breath, drowning myself in it one more time. There was no way to give justice to the smell, the heaven and hell blended together in one glorious essence that I would never experience again.
As I walked along her bed, my eyes fell on the open scrapbook that Bella's mother had gotten her for her birthday, to the picture that rested on the first page. The photo was noticeably folded lengthwise and only my image remained. I tugged it free from the page and unfolded it, looking down at the beautiful face that appeared on the other side.
Less than twenty-four hours had passed since that picture was taken, yet things could not have been more different. I was content—happy, even—in the photograph, with Bella gazing up at me as if everything she could ever want or need resided within me. And knowing her as I did, that had not changed, and it was tearing me apart.
I wished that I could find some way to avoid what I knew must be done.
I heard her truck rumbling up the road and I quickly made my way out the window, waiting for her beside the house as she pulled up. The look of relief on her face when she came to a stop and stepped out of the truck was short-lived, her expression gradually shifting to confusion as I stood stoically on the lawn. Her brow furrowed slightly as she began to walk toward me, nervously taking in my appearance. I could only imagine the worry I had caused her when I did not arrive at school that morning, and she'd had no word from me all day. There had not been a single day since the very beginning that I had disappeared without telling her, and I knew the events of the night before would be weighing almost as heavily on her mind as they were on mine.
Her steps grew hesitant, her eyes flickering over me as she came closer. "Hey."
Her voice was soft and nervous, obviously waiting for some form of explanation. I was unsure of exactly what to expect from her reaction, and since Charlie would be home before long, I knew that the conversation could not take place there. A scene could not be made or else it would not work. With a brief glance around, I brought my eyes back to hers and nodded toward the woods just behind me. "Come and take a walk with me."
I gazed at her blank, confused expression for a moment before turning and walking toward the trees, hearing her footsteps finally begin to follow me. I never looked back again as we moved deeper into the woods, until nothing but the sounds of the birds echoed through the air, surrounded only by the sight of an endless sea of trees. Where there was no possibility of a single soul hearing or seeing us. I came to a stop and paused to steel myself in preparation for the most excruciating moment of my entire existence, but even as I turned for her to see me, I still could not look her in the eyes. "We have to leave Forks."
She took a moment to process what I had said, and then shifted slightly as she stammered, "Why?"
"Carlisle's supposed to be ten years older than he looks, and people are starting to notice," I replied, finally able to bring my eyes to meet hers, as my response was not a complete lie, only a slight fabrication.
"Okay, I..." she paused, and I could practically see her thoughts running rapidly through her mind, obviously unprepared for me to say something like that. "I've gotta think of something to say to Charlie."
Then, her face froze, her eyes locked on me as what I was telling her finally became clear. It was absolutely agonizing to keep my face blank, without emotion or any contradiction to the realization she was coming to.
"When you say 'we'..." she began, her eyes flickering nervously before returning to me in expectation.
I fought to maintain my neutral expression neutral before I could look at her again, knowing how deeply my next response would affect her. "I mean my family and myself."
She nodded painfully and began to tremble, her breathing accelerating as she attempted to reason with me. "Edward, what happened with Jasper? It's nothing."
"You're right. It was nothing. Nothing but what I always expected. And nothing compared to what could have happened," I replied as the images that had not left my mind continued replaying over and over, affirming that I was doing what was best for her. No matter how much it hurt either of us. "You just don't belong in my world, Bella."
"I belong with you," she choked out softly in disbelief, only to have me contradict her in the next breath. "I'm coming."
Her persistence was torture to my ears, leaving me with no alternative but to deliver the inevitable painful blow. The most horrendous lie that had left my lips in my decades of constant deception. "Bella. I don't want you to come."
Bella inhaled a shaky breath, and I could almost see her curling in on herself under my icy glare. "You don't...want me?"
The utter devastation in her expression was unbearable to witness, as she so effortlessly believed every word I said. The selfish beast inside of me was screaming at me to tell her the truth, to end the charade, but for once, I was not going to think of myself. I needed to let her go. "No."
The pain in her eyes increased and her breaths became more staggered, causing her body to tremble more. "That changes things. A lot."
With her shattered expression, I felt a chord of fear being struck deep within me. Will she destroy herself over this? I knew that if anything ever happened to her because of what I had done, I would never forgive myself. So, I decided to make one last selfish request. "But if it's not too much to ask, can you just promise me something?" She gazed at me in disbelief, unable to form the words to either agree or contest, which I used to my advantage. "Don't do anything reckless. For Charlie's sake." I added. "And I'll promise something to you in return."
I lowered my gaze from hers, knowing all too well that I would never be able to utter the following words while looking her in the eyes. As observant as she was, even in the anguish she was experiencing, she would see right through me and the fraud that I was.
"This is the last time you'll ever see me. I won't come back. And you can go on with your life without any interference from me. It'll be like I never existed, I promise."
Her pain shifted to anger with my words, her jaw tightening as she shook her head in an almost defiant manner. "If this is about my soul, take it. I don't want it without you."
"It's not about your soul," I replied, struggling to hold my composure and keep my eyes on hers. "You're just not good for me."
The statement had its intended result as I watched her crumble into despair again, her fragile self-esteem rapidly becoming her own worst enemy. She believed it, absolutely. The effect my words had on her was driving a dagger into my own dead heart. I was hurting her, the last thing I had ever wanted to do, and I was using her own insecurities against her. I was loathsome and despicable, and I deserved to be damned for eternity, even if I had not been already. "Not good enough for you."
"I'm just sorry I let this go on for so long," I replied in the first truly honest statement I had made all night. If I had left and stayed away back in the beginning, none of the danger she had been subjected to would have occurred. She never would have come so close to death as many times as she had since her first contact with me.
"Please...don't," she breathed out heavily, her eyes pleading with me along with her words.
This has to end. Now, I thought to myself as I hardened my expression one final time and uttered the last word I would ever want to say to her, knowing there was no turning back from it. "Goodbye."
Her breaths came in short bursts and she began shaking more noticeably, breaking me as well. I leaned in to kiss her hair before she could look up to witness me falling apart, and I lingered there. Touching her face, feeling the softness of her hair...severing my world from hers. I winced with the pain that thought brought me.
How could she believe me so effortlessly? How could she not see that I was dying all over again; that there was no me without her anymore? After all we had been through in such a short period of months, why couldn't she see through my dishonesty?
I need to pull myself together. I cannot let her see this. I have to let her go, I thought as my eyes shot open, steeling myself long enough to extract myself from her presence and disappear from her sight, up into the trees to watch her.
I heard her mutter my name softly, frozen in her spot as she opened her eyes to realize I was gone. For a moment, I thought she would break down in tears, possibly even turn around to head back home. Until her head lifted abruptly, gazing out into the trees, and she began moving in my direction, calling out my name with more force.
"No, Bella. Please, just turn around, love," I choked out faintly from my perch above, following her from tree to tree as she stormed into the woods in her desperate search. Time passed far too quickly, and it began to grow dark before she finally stopped to look around her. I witnessed the fear settle in as she realized that she was lost, and there was nothing I could do for her. I fought to stay in place as she stepped forward into the dark, tripping over a raised root and hurdling to the ground.
I watched her body curl into a ball, but I was powerless to do anything. Not only because I could not bear to leave her there, alone in the middle of the forest, but also as a reminder for the months and years to come, if I ever questioned my decision to leave. I could not save her anymore. She was right about one thing the night before; I could not protect her from everything. However, I could protect her from me, and I needed that image imbedded in my mind. It was just more evidence of the monster I truly was.
I inflicted that pain on her. That was what came of acting upon my desires. It made the reason clear as to why I should not be blessed with something as beautiful and pure as a young girl that I only had the capacity to destroy. Love wasn't supposed to hurt like that.
I heard voices calling her name in the distance, but they were still too far away. My gaze remained fixed on Bella, appearing more fragile than simply human and lying there in the cold damp forest, showing no sign of intent or desire to move. My hand tightened around the branch beside me, willing myself once again to not drop to the ground and gather her into my arms, selfishly reclaiming what did not rightfully belong to me.
Get up, Bella. Please, get up and leave this forest, I internally pleaded until my fingers unconsciously snapped the branch in my hand, and I froze stock still, praying that it would not alert her to my position. She never stirred so much as a single muscle, still ignorant of my presence. However, she was the only creature in the vicinity that was. The deer scampered, birds whisked away from the treetops above me, and a sudden, rancid stench filled the air, causing my fists to clench and my lips to retract over my teeth. My eyes locked with the immense black beast, his thoughts swarming my head.
Parasite. Get away from her, his mind seethed as he transformed before my eyes, shifting into the form of a man. His glare never left me as he dressed and hurried forward, lifting her from the ground and holding her carefully against his massive chest. Cold but still alive. Charlie will be relieved.
As I watched him whisk her away, I stayed until I could hear the relief in Charlie's thoughts as he took her into his arms, to see through his eyes that she was safe as he carried her into the house.
She's safe now. I can go.
A/N: I've had a few people question my interpretation of this particular aspect of the story, whether Edward had actually stayed. This was just my own sequence of events in my head and may or may not correlate with the actuality. And anyone who knows me knows all too well that I have a very firm image of who Edward is in my mind, and it's very difficult to sway me on it lol. So, this is what my Edward in my head would have done, and what I always envisioned in watching the movie, down to making sure she was safe with Charlie. :)
