The months following that night in the woods were hell, but it was no less than I deserved. Perhaps it was nothing more or less than the exchange for the brief period of happiness I'd been granted with Bella; something that would haunt me for the remainder of my existence…as long as I had a purpose to do so.

Even with the distance I had placed between us, she was still the reason behind every action I took or decision I made. As long as she existed, I would endeavor to keep her safe, no matter what I had to do, how far I had to go, or how thirsty I became. It was all a penance worth paying to ensure that no harm would ever come to her, for as long as I could prevent it. The one remaining threat to her because of me was exactly what I sought—Victoria.

I cared for nothing else in that time. My family still had each other, or at the very least, their mates—they didn't need me for survival. Time would heal Bella's heart, as long as I remained away with no reminders of my presence in her life, including the horrors I had brought to it. Then she would have a chance to be truly happy, without having to sacrifice a thing.

My world came to a screeching halt with one single phone call. If it had been any other member of my family, I would have suspected there was a chance of them simply pleading with me to come back. However, when Rosalie's number appeared on the screen, I felt compelled to answer. Of any of them, she would be the last to call me unless something was drastically wrong, and unfortunately, I was proven right.

Alice had returned to Forks. She'd had a vision of Bella jumping off a high cliff, but nothing of her coming back out of the water. Rosalie attempted to convince me to see reason and return to the family, "where I belonged", but her words fell on deaf ears.

No, Bella could not be dead. Alice's visions had been wrong before. Or maybe Rosalie was simply trying to devise a scheme to force me to return. I would not have put it past her, knowing that Bella was my reason for staying away. Anything but Bella ceasing to exist; there was no way.

I ended the call with Rosalie abruptly and dialed Bella's house, praying to hear that beautiful voice come through. Then Rosalie would be wrong, and I could hang up, keeping my promise to never interfere with her life again. I would know she was safe, alive.

"Swan residence." Even with the weak connection of my phone, I knew there was no way that was Bella, or her father, for that matter. It was a voice that had not left my consciousness once since first I heard it—Jacob Black.

I attempted to disguise my voice, posing as Carlisle and asking to speak with Chief Swan. His voice would not deceive me, and I would know the truth. There was a difference in the anger of a man whose daughter was heartbroken and one who would blame another for his child's demise, without the raging hormones present in an adolescent boy.

And then the dreaded words came. "He's not here right now. He's arranging a funeral."

Heart drop. Stomach tighten. Anguish consuming as I never thought possible, frozen in disbelief as the words settled like lead on my shoulders.

Bella…crunch.

The phone began to crack in my grip as my hold tightened around it, and I began to go numb.

Bella…funeral…crunch, crunch.

If I could have vomited, I probably would have. If emotion could break through the shell of disconnection that was surrounding me and I had the ability to cry, tears would be streaming down my face.

Bella…my Bella…slipped away like the cracked shards of plastic falling to the floor as I released the remnants of the phone from my hand.

I had failed to keep her safe. She had given up. She was gone, and with her, as I had known from the moment I first saw her, went all reason for my existence. There was no reason any longer; it was time.

I remained numb and vacant throughout my entire journey to Italy, where I humbly requested one simple task of the Volturi, what I had only contemplated in the past—to put me out of my misery.

I had always heard from Carlisle that Aro did not waste time, and I had hoped that it would be the case with my plea, but I was to be disappointed. He was intrigued by my request, while Caius sneered, and Marcus looked upon me with a sympathetic gaze. When they could not come to an agreement on my fate, they requested that I return once they had an opportunity to discuss it at length.

If I thought the first day was excruciating, it held nothing on the second. My sanity was hanging by a thread after hours of tormenting myself with all that no longer was. Every touch, every kiss, every glance from Bella ran through my mind, with nothing to distract me.

When I was finally summoned back to stand before Aro, Caius, and Marcus once again, the hallway seemed as never-ending as the torment filling me. I attempted to reassure myself that it would soon all be over. After all, how could they refuse me? If nothing else, I had broken one of the strictest laws of our kind—I had divulged our existence to a human. The fact that Bella would have never betrayed that confidence by sharing her knowledge with another living soul in life, and the secret had gone with her in death, would make no difference, especially in the eyes of the Volturi.

It was the end, at last. After nearly a century, my existence would finally cease, and I was more than prepared for it. I walked through the doors of the large hall and their thoughts grew louder until I came to a stop before them.

No, this cannot be. How can they find justification for this? "Pardon" me from actions that had swiftly earned an execution for so many of our kind?

I released a humorless chuckle as Aro tilted his head slightly, disbelief washing over me. "So, you've made up your minds."

Aro gazed at me with a haunting smile, and his hands slowly rubbed together. "It was an intriguing debate. We've rarely encountered a vampire who would willingly end his own existence."

"Pathetic. Disgraceful," Caius added, wearing his ever-present sneer and running his eyes over me in disgust, which Aro seemed to find a hint of amusement over.

I could not have agreed with Caius more, although certainly not in the context he intended.

Aro continued in a deceivingly sympathetic tone. "I'm afraid your particular gifts are too valuable to destroy. But if you're unhappy with your lot, join us. We would be delighted to utilize your skills. Won't you consider staying with us?"

I could not help the small, weary laugh escaping me as images ran rampant through his mind, each one including me as a member of the Volturi guard. He believed my "gift" would be a contributory asset, to join their cause and become more of a monster than I had ever conceived of being in all my years with Carlisle, and far worse than I had ever done on my own. My lip curled slightly, and I closed my eyes for a moment as I spoke, a renewed emptiness filling my tone. "You know it will happen anyway."

Marcus' eyes slowly shifted and gazed upon me meaningfully. I knew he understood my plight, but he was also well aware of Aro's determination when it came to something he desired—and he coveted the acquisition of my abilities. "Not without cause."

I slowly nodded as I turned to leave the room, my own determination settling in even more. There was only one thing left to do, and it was clear that Aro knew it as I heard his final parting words. "Such a waste."

~oOo~

Noon was approaching, and I stood just inside the doors of the clock tower. It was the end and I embraced the idea like a dear companion, but with that thought, also came the memories of my reason.

Bella. My beautiful Bella. A precious life extinguished. I remembered how she looked at me that day in the meadow, as if I was anything but an abomination. The unconditional love I saw exuding from her eyes—a love I never deserved, nor should I have allowed myself to relish, even for a moment.

She was gone. Gone.

Even if I could not join her where she most certainly was, I would accompany her in death. I could not bear this world without her living and breathing somewhere within it.

The loud chime echoed from above, resounding in the cove of the doorway surrounding me as I began to make my movements forward and unbuttoning my shirt. Another chime, and then another, each one counting down the moments to my ultimate goal. On the sixth, I shed my shirt and dropped it carelessly to the ground; my eyes fell to the illuminated step before me with the next.

One movement of descent and the sun would be upon me. With the festival in full vigor in the courtyard, there were hundreds, if not thousands, of eyes that would take notice the instant I revealed myself. The glare from my skin would be impossible to ignore, and my fate would be sealed at last. There was nothing Aro could do to prevent it after that.

The ninth toll followed the first heavy fall of my foot on the stone below, and I lowered myself down to meet the tenth with my final step. I felt the warmth of the sun I'd avoided for decades, with one exception, hit my skin and I turned my face to the sky as the thoughts of a young child filled my mind.

She was watching me in amazement, wondering if it was just a trick of the light, or if I was actually glittering in the sun. Her eyes never left me as she began tugging on the sleeve of the person beside her. I'd been noticed. Any moment now, it would be over.

"Don't!" I heard as a blunt force struck me with the twelfth and final chime, and I knew it was done. I did not feel even a glimmer of pain, and I was suddenly swarmed with a familiar burning scent.

It could not be. I did not belong there. A mistake had been made—or had it? Could it be hell, and I was to be tortured with the feel and smell of her for eternity, wishing for all that could never be and never should have been? Or was there a chance that Carlisle had been right all along? That despite our unnatural existence, our souls were not completely lost? That our deeds in the immortal life were taken into consideration? But what had I done that would render such a reward? Perhaps I was imagining it.

I brought my hand to her hair, and it was just as soft as I remembered. Her body against me was just as warm and yielding as I felt the fingers of my other hand press against her lower back. Her scent—her glorious scent—just as potent as ever. It could only be one thing. "Heaven."

Her breaths were heavy as she tried to extract herself from my hold, but I didn't open my eyes for fear that she would vanish if I did, even if I was in heaven.

"You have to move!"

What? Why? And why is there such fear and urgency in her voice? I thought until she finally pulled away, and I felt her fingers gripping at the skin of my neck.

"Open your eyes, look at me. I'm alive," Bella panted, and I hesitantly acceded to her request, startled by the view around me.

She was standing there with me, still in Volterra beneath the clock tower, a sea of red flooding my vision from behind her. She looked just as I remembered—pale, naturally luminous skin…deep, brown eyes…pink, full lips…and a beating heart…human and alive.

"You have to move!" she repeated, her hands on either side of my neck as if to snap me out of a trance.

"Bella," was all I could murmur in barely above a whisper, clutching her to me and rushing back inside with her in my arms, the door slamming behind us. I continued to hold her until we were fully inside, refusing to let her go. Yet, she pulled away enough for me to look down at her and a renewed flood of elation rushed through me, although I was still hesitant to believe what was right in front of my eyes. "You're here."

"I'm here," Bella breathed out shakily, and I could not restrain the laugh of relief that escaped me.

"You're alive."

"Yes," she replied softly, and my smile began to falter as I took in her expression.

It did not mirror mine. She was not thoroughly relieved, as I was. In fact, she remained very tense in front of me. Distraught. Shattered. It was marked even more so by her soft sniffling before she began to speak again.

"I needed to make you see me once. You had to know that I was alive, that you didn't need to feel guilty about anything," she paused in her breathless speech, hesitantly bringing her gaze back to mine, and what I saw in those eyes destroyed me to my core. She was there to save me, but her expression revealed that she still believed every word I'd spoken in the woods and didn't expect me to return with her. "I can let you go now."

I began shaking my head, hearing the anguish in her voice—pain that should never have been there to begin with. "I never acted out of guilt. I just couldn't live in a world where you don't exist."

Bella's brow furrowed in confusion, gazing at me in bewilderment, and I could almost see her thoughts, even if I could not hear them. Her pounding heart spoke volumes. "But you said..."

"I lied," I interrupted her, emphasizing my words and hoping she would understand them. "I had to lie, and you believed me so easily."

Bella blinked repeatedly, her lips and breath trembling more as she fought to respond. "Because it doesn't make sense...for you to love me. I'm nothing but human. I'm nothing."

I watched her eyes lower again in resignation, and I lifted my hand to her soft face in an effort to return them to me. As I responded, I stepped closer to eliminate the remaining distance between us. "Bella, you're everything to me. You're everything."

Bella gazed at me for a moment as I rested my forehead against hers, and then I felt her trembling hand rise to the back of my neck. Her fingers moved along the ends of my hair as she gripped me tightly and met my lips with hers in a heated urgency. It felt as if heaven was welcoming me back all over again. I was not consumed by the desire to drain her. I did not feel the pull to part from her. For the first time, I allowed myself to kiss her without the normal restraint I used to practice unyieldingly.

All too soon, our moment was broken by the footfalls and menacing thoughts of two of the approaching guard. Felix and Demetri—and they had a message.

"I won't be needing your services after all, gentlemen," I said, still holding Bella protectively against me.

"Aro wants to speak with you again," Felix's voice responded, staring at me intently with a heavy robe draped over his arm.

"No rules were broken," I stated in a firm voice, casting him a look that I hoped would be more convincing, and less revealing to the falsehood I had just spoken.

"Nonetheless, we should take this conversation to a more appropriate venue," Demetri said with a careless air, and his chin rising indignantly.

"Fine," I replied, resolving myself to my fate, but I would not risk Bella. As long as she was safe, whatever happened to me was irrelevant. With the sounds of Alice's nearing thoughts, I knew that all I had to do was get Bella outside and both of them away from there. "Bella, why don't you go and enjoy the rest of the festival?"

"The girl comes with us," Felix stated resolutely.

My body tensed and began to move in order to shield Bella a little more from their hungry stares. "No, you can go to hell." The heavy clang and rattle from the latch on the door sounded and my sister floated in as if she didn't have a care in the world, but I knew better. Her manipulative little mind was alive with activity, plotting every way possible to extract Bella, as well as myself, from the Volturi's presence. "Come on, guys. It's a festival. You wouldn't want to make a scene."

Felix locked her with a stare and a barely noticeable, ominous grin. "We wouldn't."

"Enough," a bored voice came from down the hall and we all looked up to see a petite blonde removing the hood of her robe as she made her way toward us.

I bowed my head in recognition, but also resignation of what was inevitably to come. "Jane."

"Aro sent me to see what was taking so long," Jane stated, her eyes moving sinisterly between each of us, landing on me again before turning to lead the way back down the hall.

Bella trembled beside me and looked to Alice, who whispered for her to just do as Jane said.