I own nothing.

And thank you all for all your reviews; you guys are seriously the best and you make me more eager to write!

By the way, beware the vulgarity in this chapter. There's one "f" word.


Jace got up that morning with a new joyful hop in his step. He knew all too well the cause of his happy mood, of the smile that was still on his face when he woke up but he didn't want to say it out loud. Because somehow he felt like she was a secret all his own; it was exciting, having this twisted relationship with Clarissa, the town outcast, under everyone's nose. He was Jace Herondale, after all, no one would suspect him of doing something of the sort.

He was in such cheerful spirits that not even the harsh words of his father or the cooing of his mother could distract him as he grabbed an apple from the center island and quickly slipped into the coat Robert held out for him. With a turn of his head and a bright smile he thanked Robert delightfully before pulling him in for a hug and taking the elder butler completely by surprise.

He ran to his car and threw his book bag in the back with a flourish before revving the engine and taking off with a screeching of rubber, his wheel's whining in protest as he sped off. The sun was shining today making his sunglasses good use as he sped down the street toward Kingsley High.

He parked in his usually spot before the morning caught up with him like a punch to his face. Why was he rushing to get to school? That wasn't like him nor could he even acknowledge Clary when he got there. He slammed his head down on the steering wheel in front of him with a well placed groan. A wave of anger shot through him suddenly, this was all so stupid. If they knew the Clary he did, they would want to be around her too.

She was so full of strength and fire. Something that lit up even the darkest of corners; she was a different being, a species all her own. And she belonged completely to him; she was like a fairy that was glamoured from the world only allowing him to truly set sights on her. And he felt special that she allowed him to do that; to see her completely. Because, boy, was she something to see.


I still remember sitting in my car that morning; with that idiotic smile on my face. A smile that always seemed to be there because of her; she was so different. Clary was. Something so foreign that not even I could put an exact name to her. She was mystical and a complete mystery.

A never ending puzzle that just got more confusing the more time you put in to solve her. She was a never ending maze of secrets and ambiguity; something so unknown and tantalizing. She truly was my greatest regret.

But she was also my greatest joy.


Jace let a sigh escape him as he hitched his backpack up higher on his shoulder. He couldn't help his eyes as they swept the hall for a small head of curly red hair; of eyes that shined like jewels and for a Cheshire cat smile. And he certainly couldn't help the feeling of disappointment that rushed through him when he came up completely empty.

"Hey Jace." A low voice echoed as he turned his head; his heart knew it wasn't Clary but he couldn't help the rush of excitement his brain felt at the thought that it just might be her.

He turned quickly before, again, the inevitable disappointment set in. "Oh, ah." He said with a scratch of his neck. "Hey, Aline." He let out a breath of air as he turned to his locker and began to move his nimble fingers around his locker lock.

Aline Penhallow was a beautiful girl, truly more striking, if not gorgeous. Her mother's Asian descent was slight in her hair and almond shaped eyes. Her full body and plump lips more like her American father. She and Jace had always had an off and on sort of relationship. They both used each other in a sick way; he more so than her. Aline enjoyed the attention that came with being with the major's hot son and Jace, being any other teenage boy, liked to use Aline for a quick night every week or so.

Suddenly, his whole relationship with the slim girl disgusted him. He almost felt nauseated at the thought of what they were doing. How had it come to this? That he didn't even feel the need to try in a relationship and instead used Aline as a means of being close to another human being. When had it just been about sex? When had that shaped him? When had he stopped caring?

"So, I heard about the big game tonight." She said in a husky voice that used to drive him crazy but now made the nausea in his stomach increase. "The party will be at my place; my parents will be gone after all."

Aline had said about three different things in that one sentence. She had 1. said that she expected him to win another game. Much like everyone did at the school. And why shouldn't they? Jace had never lost a game since being the youngest selected person to be Varsity Quarterback in the Kingsley Hawks history of football.

2. She had implied that they could have sex tonight.

And 3. that she expected them to have an "on" again relationship at the moment. Though Jace could swear they were supposed to be "off".

All of these things brought a lot of pressure onto Jace's brain. The primitive part of him practically screamed at him to take Aline up on her offer while the more practically part of him told him to walk away.

The practically part of his brain sounded a lot like a certain red head too. . .

"Uh," Jace said, not sounding at all like himself and more so of a babbling idiot. What had Clary done to him? It was like he couldn't even form coherent sentences. This wasn't him. He was an ass and proud of it! So why did the thought of such a thing make him sure he'd vomit? "Of course I'll be there." He answered stumbling over the words.

Aline tilted her head confused as real concern flashed over her face. "Are you alright, Jace? You don't look so good—"

"Now, we both know that is a complete fabrication. I always look good. It comes with the territory of being well . . . me." Jace said with a smirk, feeling more like himself as the moments ticked by. Aline's face seemed to twist as her seductive smile came back into place.

"I know that's true." She said slowly, trying to make the moment sexy but in truth it just made Jace twitchier as her eyes took him in. "I'll see you tonight, babe." She said taking a few steps back from him with a wink. "I'll be waiting."

Jace felt the false smile settle on his face, his body doing all the lying for him because his heart just wouldn't seem to let him. Slumping from, what was almost, fatigue he quickly swapped his books and headed for his Chemistry Class.


Now, I know what you're all thinking. How could you, Jace? What about Clary? What about all that crap you said before about a "moment" with her? How could you change so quickly?

At the time, I didn't truly know who else to be. I didn't know how to change or that Clary was in fact changing me at all. But she was. She had been since the first moment she shook my hand. Accepting me instead of the other way around. You see Clary and I's story isn't an easy one. There were a lot of obstacles in our way. And the problem wasn't if we could overcome them or not.

But if we could overcome them together.

That was the real question.

Could we?

But, more importantly . . .

Could I?


Jace felt his mind begin to shut down after his Chemistry Class only to fully come back to him when the bell rang for lunch. He stood quickly and exited the room with the rush of students who had the same mindset as him. With a sigh, he quickly passed through the student body as he muttered hellos and head nods; winking to passing girls and smirking to everyone and anyone. This was Jace Herondale. Not that sappy, vulnerable boy that had shown his face the last couple of days.

He'd been too open lately; to damn sentimental and foolish. He was acting like a damn sissy for Christ's sake. And it was all because of that stupid red head. She had somehow weaseled her way passed his defenses. But not again, whatever this feeling was that she seemed to always make him feel was going to end. Whatever his twisted relationship was with the Morgenstern girl was going to end too.

As Jace nodded his head and walked with a higher more superior look, he couldn't help the feeling that inside him something was dying. But he didn't dwell on the fact as he pushed through the crowd that formed by his locker.

Sebastian slapped a hand on his back as Jace gave him a well placed smirk."Well, Captain, I hope you plan to lead us to another win today." The crowd of students around them gave a cry as the cheerleaders stepped forward and waved their pom poms at him.

Jace raised an eyebrow at his friend as he smiled. "It's like you expect any less." The crowd gave another cheer as they watched with hungry eyes.

Jordan sighed from beside him; putting a more comforting hand on his shoulder than Sebastian's cold presence. "Just do you best, Captain. That's all we can really ask.

As Jace gave Jordan a soft smile, Sebastian stepped forward throwing a hand around Jace's shoulders and turning him back toward the crowd. Drinking up the attention that was not truly meant for him but for the golden boy around his arm. "Like hell "that's all". We expect another victory right?" The crowd cheered as a wave of nerves settled in Jace's stomach.

And as soon as the crowd began to cheer a hush followed soon after and as if parting like the Red Sea or by some invisible hand, Clary stepped through. Her hair was down in spirally curls, making her eyes swirl with mischief and the smile upon her face soft and plump. She looked more like a fantasy creature, Jace thought, as her hair moved around her head like an open flame. Jace felt a feeling of excitement and dread settle in his stomach.

What was she doing here? She knew they couldn't be seen together? She did remember, didn't she? They were a secret; him to her and she to him.

"Hey, Jace." Clary said with a friendly smile. Sebastian was looking at her wide eyed as was the rest of the crowd. As if they couldn't fathom the thought of the outcast fraternizing with the golden boy."Ms. Culsko's birthday is tonight and she wanted us to come over and celebrate. I told her you were there for the picture this time and she—"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Sebastian said with a growl. Something in Jace wanted to curl his hands around Sebastian's neck for talking to Clary in such a way but Clary barely batted an eyelash at him.

"I was just talking to Jace." She said with an open smile of happiness. Her green thermal button down was open over a grey t-shirt and her jeans just slightly baggy. Her boots were scoffed and had seen better days in perhaps the 1900's. She looked so small and fragile under the fluorescent lights of the school ceiling but she didn't falter under Sebastian's accusing stare or that of the crowd around her. She was simply stating the truth; one that twisted Jace's stomach raw. "You see—"

"I don't give a fuck." Sebastian stated vulgarly as he stepped toward her; she didn't back down but she didn't look in the least bit threatened either. She simply stared up at Sebastian with a wrinkle between her eyebrows like she wasn't positively sure what he was. "I mean, we all knew your grandfather was crazy but this is just ridiculous!" Sebastian gave a cruel laugh as he circled Clary like a shark would its prey. "I think someone has a slight obsession with you. Don't you think, Jace?"

Clary's eyes turned to him as if waiting for the answer with everyone else. As if she were testing him; searching for something in his gaze alone that could tell her the answer.


This was it. This was my moment of truth. This was my make or break moment. Would I stick with Clary and be the new me? Or would I continue down the path I walked now? Completely in the dark and utterly alone. Where would that path lead me? I had no idea but it couldn't have been good; nothing good came out of loneliness.

But was I strong enough to look my fellow students in the eye and tell them the truth. That the "Golden Boy" was hanging out with the town Outcast. What would my father say? Or the entire town for that matter? Nothing good and it would be all for one girl. A girl I wasn't even so sure I liked.

And so as they stared at me in anticipation; as the crowd watched with greedy, soulless eyes. I did what I always did, when I had no idea what to do.

I did what the crowd wanted.


"I think so." Jace's voice held the same air of mockery as he tried not to stare too completely at Clary but she was unrelenting as her eyes bored into him making him look her way; making him accept what he was doing. Accept the monster he was becoming. "But who could blame her? I mean, look at me!" Throughout the crowd, the girls let out a merry scream. "Obsessions are truly unhealthy, Outcast. You really should have that checked out. And while you're there check your grandfather out as well. I hear murder and insanity are the two main things they look for in any asylum. I'm sure they'd offer you both free room and board."

Sebastian threw his head back and laughed as he followed suit; feeling nothing but a nagging feeling in Jace's gut as Clary looked at him with those green gems and nodded her head. Her mouth pinched together in sorrow; but not her own, Jace could tell, but for himself. "I see."

That was all she said. That was all she needed to say for a large hole to pop in Jace's heart.

Overhead the bell rang for the next class and for lunch to begin as kids scurried down the hall; trying to make it before they were given a tardy. Jace stood unmoving as Sebastian slapped him on the shoulder again still laughing as he walked away. Jace looked over his shoulder and peered at Jordan, his true friend, the one that had always been there, but the look in his friend's eyes was too much to take. It was like living with what he did to Alec all over again. He remembered the look he had gotten from his best friend then. The same look Jordan seemed to be giving him now as he walked away without a glance back.

Clary shuffled away with the rest of them as she crossed to the other side of the hallway. A lanky boy with a rat-like face waited for her with his stringy arms crossed. She shook her head before giving Jace one last look. One that would haunt him and keep him up in the nights to come before heading down the hallway toward the cafeteria, heading the way Jordan had just gone moments ago.

And through it all, the only thing Jace could think was: why hadn't that damn bell gone off sooner.


Jace didn't know how he ended up on the road he did at 12 o'clock at night. The sun had set and the dark was being lit up by his headlights as he flew down the dirty road he had drove down more times than he should have. He spent all night telling himself she wasn't worth it; that what he said just hours ago in the hallway was true. That she was simply obsessed with him, that it wasn't his fault. But then he would have to admit he was crazy himself and if that was true than he shouldn't have said the things he did at all.

He tried re-reasoning with himself after the game, which they had won, and then again on his way to the after party. He thought a few drinks would clear his foggy mind but it only seemed to increase the yearning in his heart and stomach for a certain red head as he searched the crowd for the only girl that ever seemed be a complete challenge for him.

He even tried to simply let go of the thought of her as Aline had lead him up the stairs into her room and began touching him in all the spots that should have brought him blinding pleasure but instead proved useless. Because he didn't want Aline, he wanted Clary.

With all her strength and red hair; so fiery in her own silent way never having to raise her voice, she was like a beautiful song to Jace but it was like every time he thought he knew the words they changed.

And so that was how he ended up here. Staring with beady eyes at the house that should have made him scared and weep but instead felt like a fenced barrier that was simply keeping him out. And before he could really talk himself out of it and ready to use alcoholism as the excuse if this didn't work, he jumped up the porch steps two at a time and rang the bell quickly, giving him no time to rethink his actions.

"Jace?"

And as if by some act of God; she was there, pulling the door open and stepping out as if having no choice but to come forward. Did she feel as compelled by him as he did by her?

"I know you're upset and you have all rights to be. What I said was cruel and unnecessary in all counts. And there isn't anything I can say but that I am so sorry. I feel awful and I know that's not enough and it will never be close to enough," The words seemed to tumble out of him as Clary blinked up at him in surprise as if having never thought to see him here. "But it's all I have and I. . .where are you going?" Jace inquired confused as he studied Clary closely.

The porch light made her now straight hair blaze bright as if she was the reincarnate of fire itself, one side was pulled up and held with a silver butterfly clip; the emerald jewels gleaming with envy under the glaring light. Her normally copper lashes were lush and black fanning her cheeks every time she blinked, her mouth painted a seductive color of crimson to match the red dress that flowed to her knees. Upon her feet were black pumps that looked so completely foreign Jace had to swallow at the moisture that had gathered in his mouth. In short, Clary looked beyond gorgeous. She looked like a princess.

She blinked, her lashes brushing almost to her thick eyebrows as she glanced down at her dress as if totally having forgotten she had it on. "Oh, well, I just got back from Ms. Culsko's house. I completely forgot to grab her gift . . ." She trailed off a moment before looking back up at him in a firm stance. "Don't you remember? I told you, you were invited." Clary said with a well placed scowl; her green eyes shining like the jewels in her hair making Jace more than nervous. His hands closed and opened in fists as he felt himself fidget under her harsh stare.

He rubbed the back of his neck with nerves as Clary's unwavering stare bore into his mind digging for what it wanted. It was as if she had stripped down all his walls; that she had tore right through his mask and left him defenseless. She was searching his soul as if she wasn't so sure anymore if he had one at all. "I remember." His voice was low and full of sorrow as he dropped her gaze unable to feel it a moment longer.

"I figured you might." Clary said as she pressed her fingers, still coated with paint, to the camera around her neck before dropping them back to the canvas in her fingers; a look of sorrow crossed her face as she looked up at him. "Perhaps, I was wrong." She said before pursing her lips together and giving him a soft smile. The hand that wasn't holding her canvas reached upward to touch his cheek; a feeling of something Jace had never felt before settled in his stomach. Something so wild and tame that he couldn't quite put a name to it. Didn't she feel it? Jace wasn't so sure; because his whole body, his whole being responded to her soft caress while she seemed completely unmoved. "I thought you were different." She said with a sigh, her small nose scrunching a moment before stopping. "I put too much pressure on you because I thought you could take it. I thought I saw something in you, Jace Herondale." She said with a remorseful tone as she let her fingers drop from his harsh cheek. "But I was wrong."

And just like that Jace heard it, the finality in her tone. He knew if he walked away now that would be the last he ever saw of Clarissa Morgenstern. Of the frail, small girl who looked like a strong wind could knock over. Of the same girl whose strength rivaled that of even the mightiest superhero. She shined with life and energy and Jace longed to shine that way too. Had he? Once upon a time? Had he shined like her? He didn't think so but he wanted to, God, he wanted to badly.

Wasn't this what he wanted? To have Clarissa Morgenstern out of his life? To not have to deal with the fiery, mysterious, pretty red head? It's what he had convinced himself on the way home. It's what he tried convinced himself at the after party and when he had let Aline lead him upstairs. So, why is it that right now, in this moment, he felt like if she walked away she would be taking all of him with her. That he would break if she left him standing there.

He took a deep breath as Clary walked by him having paused long enough for him to say whatever he had to say. "It was a mistake. . ." He spoke silently as he bowed his head.

"Was it?" Clary said questioningly. Her green eyes compelled him to answer with nothing but the truth. And because he respected her more than even he knew and because he knew she knew the answer anyway he said nothing. "'It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.'"

Jace swallowed thickly as he watched her turn and walk down the drive; her red hair bouncing behind her and slowly beginning to curl again in the harsh autumn breeze. He didn't ask her for the person of the quote she had named. He did nothing but watch helplessly as she walked down the path toward Ms. Culsko's house again and disappear into the darkness taking with her that light that shined in her. Taking with her that mischievous smile Jace had grown so used to; her honest eyes and knowledge of life. Now, he would have to journey down this path alone; without her as his guide.

Jace wasn't so sure he could do it alone.


Gandhi.

She had quoted Gandhi that night.

I just thought it was important that you know.


Oh No, Jace! What have you done?

Will Clary ever forgive him?

Will Jace every stand up for what he believes?

Find out, next time!