A/N: I promise the suspense of the actual case will return soon. I think some of the drama amongst the characters should be resolved first. Honoré de Balzac is responsible for the quote that Eric cites. There is a definite truth to his words. Reviews would be amazing. This chapter is rated M.
Forgive Me My Sins
Blair woke up with Chuck by her side. His arm was slung protectively across her waist and she let out a contented sigh at the feel of his skin against her own. It felt good to feel so safe. She reached out to touch his tousled hair and he shifted slightly in his sleep.
"Blair," he murmured against his plump pillow.
An involuntary shiver ran down her spine at the way he said her name. It sounded like the name of an angel across his lips and she had never felt so beautiful in her entire life.
He flicked his tongue at her waiting nipple and she hissed at the sensation. She instinctively arched her back to urge him on and he was more than happy to comply with her demands.
"Chuck," she moaned.
He ran a finger over her slick folds in response and she felt her eyes roll to the back of her head as she gasped at the insistent fluttering of butterfly wings riveting her body from head to toe.
Blair smiled at the memory. She had always thought that her first time would be an extremely awkward experience, but Chuck had made her feel so comfortable and safe in his arms that he had left little room for her insecurities.
"Chuck," she whispered, her voice quivering slightly with a mix of anticipation and fear.
"I would never hurt you Blair," he assured her, cupping her left cheek in his hand.
She nodded numbly at his promise and closed her eyes, waiting for the pain. She whimpered as his tip grazed her entrance and he kissed the crook of her neck until she turned to mesh her lips with his. He continued to kiss her feverishly as he slowly began to enter her. He paused when she broke from their kisses, placing a hand lightly on his chest.
"Did I hurt you?" he asked in concern. "The pain will go away soon sweetheart."
He continued to stay where he was as he witnessed a tear slide down her cheek. Oh Christ! He was hurting her. He started to pull out of her when she placed a hand on his arm, urging for him to stay in place. He complied with her request and waited until she ready.
"Alright," she told him after a few silent moments.
"You sure?" he questioned once more as he kissed away her fallen tear.
She nodded her head vigorously in response and murmured, "I trust you."
His heart swelled at her words as he delved further into her heated core. She gasped, but this time it was in pleasure. He buried his nose in her chocolate curls as he began to move in and out of her very slowly each time taking it only a tiny bit further. He wanted to make this good for her. She moaned at the feel of him inside her and he felt like he was about to burst at the feel of her walls tightening even further around him.
"Faster," she pleaded with him as a fire gradually started to ignite within her.
The unfamiliar stirring in her lower abdomen left her desperate to further aggravate the flames.
"Faster," she pleaded with him again as he seemed to have ignored her request the first time.
He began to slide in and out of her at an increased pace as she raked her nails across his back in silent approval. He hissed at the welts she had left and he thrust himself inside of her to her very hilt at her command.
"Chuck!" she shouted in pleasure and she grasped onto him even tighter than she had before.
He felt her walls pulse around him and he knew she was close. He flipped them over so that she was now on top and she placed both her hands on his chest for support. His own hands rested gently on her hips to guide her in her movements.
The rain was no longer falling now and all that could be heard was the synchronized symphony of their heavy breathing. She continued riding him at a steady pace and he let her explore the moment on her own. The goddess before him was astounding. Her figure was illuminated only by a stray ray of light radiating from the moonlight and he found himself mesmerized by her every movement.
His inner praise for her beauty, however, was interrupted by her desperate moans and he knew what she wanted. He thrust upwards into her core several times to meet her fixed rhythm causing her to throw her head back and close her eyes at the impression.
"Oh my God! Chuck!" she cried out as he met her one last time, taking her to the very edge of her sanity.
The way she screamed his name pushed him over the edge as well and they rode out their orgasm together, clinging tightly onto each other afraid that when they let go of one another, this night would have only been a dream.
The second time they had made love was even better and it had had nothing to do with the fact that this time, they were in an actual bed. They had cuddled in the limo for an hour or so before they had somehow stumbled into his room to spend the rest of the night. Luckily, Eric had left a note to inform Chuck that he would be spending the night with Jonathan.
Last night had been utterly incredible. Every time he had left her wanting more. She felt invincible in his presence and the way he looked at her was indescribable. He constantly reminded her of how beautiful she was, but for once in her life, she didn't need to hear it. She felt beautiful in every sense of the word and she knew she could never feel like this with anyone else for the rest of her life.
She relished in their intimate memories as she ran her finger down the length of his jaw. He mumbled a few inaudible words again and she longed to hear what he had to say. Her phone began to ring then, interrupting her thoughts and she picked it up almost immediately afraid to wake the sleeping boy beside her. He looked so serene in his slumber. She wrapped a sheet around her waist and made her way into the bathroom.
"Hello?" she whispered into her phone, still paranoid over waking Chuck.
"Did I wake you up sweetheart?" Dan asked affectionately.
The way he had said sweetheart felt foreign to her this morning though he had used that term of endearment many times before. The pain will go away soon sweetheart. She blushed furiously as the dark, sultry voice that had taken the liberty of assaulting her mind.
"Dan," she started. "We need to talk."
"You can tell me when I pick you up for our anniversary date," Dan insisted. "I will be the extremely nervous boy stepping out of a stretch limo at around seven tonight in front of your building."
"Dan," she urged, trying to interrupt him.
"I love you," he reminded her as her courage to reveal the truth vanished into thin air.
"I love you too," she responded out of habit before hanging up the phone.
She would tell him about her and Chuck tonight. He deserved to hear the truth from her in person and she would give him just that. It was his reaction to what she would tell him tonight that she was afraid of. Dan would be deathly silent upon hearing her shameful confession. He would be silent not because he had no words to express, but because his words would be buried by the heart-wrenching sound of his own shattering heart.
She walked out of the bathroom minutes later to find Chuck wide awake.
"Good morning," she greeted him as she fell back onto the bed, her voice tinged with the unmistakable color of gray.
"Good morning," he returned, pulling her tightly against his chest.
He could hear the dejection in her voice and was about to open his mouth to speak when she interrupted him.
"That was Dan," she told him truthfully after a moment of uncomfortable silence.
Chuck remained silent, but subconsciously tightened his grip around her. She turned around in his arms so that she was now facing him. The tip of her nose gently brushed against his own.
"Dan and I have an anniversary date tonight," she informed him. "I plan to tell him about us then. There is an us, right?"
He responded by giving her an assuring kiss, but she was not in the mood to return the sentiment. Chuck pulled back from her unwilling lips and looked at her questioningly. She rolled out of bed and slipped on her dress unable to express the mix of emotions that were currently swirling within her.
"We should probably avoid each other until I break up with Dan tonight," she suggested. "I think he deserves to hear it from me in person rather than from someone else. Serena and Jenny are suspicious of us already."
He put on his own clothes and went over to wrap his arms around her slender waist as she automatically leaned back against his chest.
"We could tell him together," he offered. "I played a hand in this as well."
Blair shook her chestnut curls in his face.
"I can handle it Chuck," she assured him.
He could tell from the tone in her voice that it would not be negotiable, so he let the subject dissolve itself in the silence that gradually enveloped them once again. Neither of them had expected the morning after to be so awkward when the intimate moments from last night had felt so right. Blair took her purse from his hand as he walked her to the front door.
"We can have breakfast before you go," he told her before he opened the door, a part of him unwilling to let her go.
There was an unsettling feeling at the pit of his stomach that the moment she stepped out of his house, she would be gone forever. She would see the light and decide to kick him to the curb and stay with Dan after all. Blair could read him well and gave him a bruising kiss to reassure him.
She pulled back moments later and said, "You have nothing to worry about."
He genuinely smiled upon hearing her words of reassurance. He had never felt so free before. For once in his life, he had let his guard down and it had been worth it. Blair Waldorf had been more than worth it. She was the first woman he had trusted in a long time and it was absolutely liberating.
She returned his sure smile and he found himself missing their usual banter. The last time the two of them had smiled at each other like this before the events of last night had been never. It was sure to return of course once the awkwardness had blown over, but he wanted to expel the awkwardness now. He leaned in close to her as his signature smirk began to form across his features.
"I am pretty irresistible, aren't I Waldorf?" he teased her.
She rolled her eyes and swatted at him playfully.
"I see that taking my virginity has only served to further inflate your enormous ego," she noted sarcastically.
"That, amongst other things," he mentioned casually, glancing down at his member. "Believe me. The pleasure was all mine."
She scoffed at his remark. "You are disgusting Bass."
He pulled her in for another kiss before whispering in her ear, "I am and you love me for it."
She tensed slightly at his words as he did the moment they had left his lips. He played it off quickly though and bade her goodbye.
"I have to meet Nate," he informed her as he got into his car. "Call me later tonight."
She smiled and was glad that he had not realized his own words. That would have probably made the atmosphere between them awkward again.
"I will," she promised before climbing into his waiting limo and heading in the other direction.
Chuck flipped open his phone the moment the limo had disappeared from his rear-view mirror and dialed for Nate.
"Detective Archibald," he spoke into his phone.
"Nathaniel," he greeted his best friend. "I need to take the day off."
"What for man?" Nate asked curiously. "You never miss a day of work."
"Eric was with Jonathan last night. He sent me a text message this morning to pick him up at his house. I think Eric and I will pay a little visit to our mom and dad," he explained.
There was a slight pause before Nate spoke up again.
"Really?" he asked, an air of uncertainty highlighting his evident disbelief. "You always pay your respects to your father every year, but never to your mother."
"I know, but I think I have finally found it in my heart to completely forgive her Nate," Chuck answered him confidently.
"Wow," the blond responded on the other end of the line. "Alright then."
"Thanks Nathaniel," Chuck said genuinely.
"Not a problem man," he assured him. "I am really proud of you right now. I hope you know that."
"Thanks," the brunette reiterated. "Talk to you later."
He hung up the phone then as he neared the target location. Eric was already waiting for him by the curb. The moment he stepped into the car, Chuck headed in the direction of the cemetery.
"School would be the other way," Eric reminded him, swinging his thumb in the other direction.
"I will call them personally to excuse your absence for the day," Chuck promised.
Eric shrugged. He never liked school that much anyway. At the moment, he was much more curious as to where his brother was taking him. As the car rounded the corner of the next street, however, his curiosity was quenched. He was driving towards the cemetery.
"We paid our respects to dad yesterday afternoon already," Eric mentioned in an attempt to jolt his memory.
"I know," he responded, a look of severe determination etching his features. "I think we should pay our respects to mom this year."
Chuck reached to the backseat then and Eric swiveled around to discover what he was groping for. The younger boy couldn't help but let out a surprised gasp when he saw the bouquet of hydrangeas resting on the leather seats.
"Are you sure about this?" Eric asked his brother for a final confirmation.
Chuck nodded confidently at his younger brother.
"Come on Eric," he urged as she stepped out of the car.
Eric followed behind him eagerly. Though his mother and father had been buried next to each other, Chuck had always demanded that he ignore their mother's tombstone. His older brother would always tend to their father's slab with such great care. He would clean it and lay out fresh flowers whenever he had the time to do so. His mother's gravestone, however, remained neglected only to be covered in dust and cobwebs. It was only when it rained or when the lazy caretaker saw fit to it that her tombstone would be tended to. Several times a year, Eric would sneak out to perform the routine himself. He had hated his mother for her infidelity to be sure, but he had forgiven her long ago. He had been freed from the ghost of his past much earlier than Chuck had and that was in many ways a blessing in itself.
Chuck stood in front of both gravestones then and greeted his father. He turned to kneel beside his mother and laid the hydrangeas before her. Eric watched him in silence and decided to walk away for a moment. He wanted Chuck to have this moment for himself. He had secretly come here to talk to his mother over the years anyway. Chuck failed to notice his departure and continued to kneel in front of her tombstone unable to speak. He decided that a casual conversation would be best.
"I brought you hydrangeas mother," he told her. "I know how much you love them."
There was a pause as he heard his own hitched and uneven breathing.
"I have no idea whether or not you can actually hear me, but I want you to know that I forgive you."
His voice cracked slightly as he felt an incredible weight being lifted off of his shoulders. It was a figment of the past that would burden him no longer. He had had the same feeling whenever he had opened up about the incident to either Eric or Nate, but this time, he had a strong hunch it would not return to haunt him.
"You see I met this beautiful girl. Her name is Blair. I knew her from high school actually and we were far from friends, but I met her again recently," he continued. "She was the one who helped me let go of my hatred towards you mom. I think you would like her at least I know I do."
He paused once more as he felt the tears welling up in his eyes. He had no idea how much he had missed his mother until now. She had made a mistake and a huge one at that, but she had never neglected him as a child. She had treated him like the most precious jewel in the world. Suddenly, he felt extremely guilty for having neglected her over the years because of his blinding hatred for what she had done as a result of her infidelity.
Eric returned then, knelt beside his brother, and said, "You had every reason to hate her Chuck and to neglect her. What matters most is that you have forgiven her now just as mom has surely forgiven you for disregarding her over the years."
Chuck nodded furiously at his words as a single tear trailed down his cheek. Eric pulled his brother into a tight hug and although he resisted at first, Chuck fell into his comforting embrace.
"Do you really think she has forgiven me as I have forgiven her?" he whispered in a rigid voice.
Chuck hated feeling so weak and vulnerable though it was nothing to be ashamed of.
Eric nodded reassuringly against his shoulder and answered, "The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness."
