Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, or any associated characters or concepts. Quotes in this chapter taken directly from The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien.
Summary: On the way to the Undying Lands, Billa Baggins is eaten by a time-traveling sea monster. She wakes up in her 33-year-old body and realizes she has a chance to change everything. Unfortunately, Thorin has a tendency to run around shirtless, and Dis thinks she has improper designs on Fili and Kili, but if she can convince the Shire that Dwalin is a dance teacher, things might be okay.
Chapter 49
When at last they'd broken away, both of them were blushing fervently, and smiling.
"Hi," Billa had said shyly as she gazed at him.
"Hi," he'd said agreeably. "Billa, you've spoiled my plans, and if I weren't madly in love with you and happier than I've been in centuries, I'd be very put out with you."
Billa felt like her heart had stopped. "You... you love me?"
"Yes," Thorin had said calmly, "And I had a very clever plan to see if you loved me too. But, it rather seems like you do..." he trailed off, and she leaned in to kiss him again.
"I do," she informed him. "Very much."
Thorin looked smug. "Good. I mean, yes. I mean," he decided kissing her was a better use of his mouth than speaking, and she quite agreed.
Several minutes later, he tried to speak up again, but she pushed him back against the wall and silenced him with kisses. He didn't really mind.
Several minutes after that when they'd both begun to get quite enthusiastic and a little carried away, Balin coughed from the hallway, an unwanted chaperone.
Rather than jumping apart, Billa sighed as she slowly pulled away from Thorin where she'd pinned him quite happily to the wall. Thorin's hand trailed down her cheek as he let her go, his eyes soft and dark. They straightened their clothes, tidied their hair, and sat down in the drawing room like civilized adults.
Balin came in a moment later, as if nothing had happened.
"Thorin," he'd said warmly, and Thorin stood to bash foreheads with him in the dwarven custom.
"Balin, Dwalin and the others should be at the Smials by now, and he has some... supplies he'll need your help with," Thorin said vaguely.
Balin's eyebrows rose, and a smile tugged at his lips, but he would not be dissuaded from his self-appointed role as chaperone. "It sounds like we should all make an appearance there. I'll head out now, but before I go, I'll let Nori know the others have returned. He'll be wanting to walk down with you."
Thorin's lips twisted in displeasure, but he held his peace.
"Thank you Balin," Billa said, her eyes shining.
Balin made his exit, and Thorin thought they'd only have a short time before Nori appeared. He intended to make the most of it.
"Billa," he said, his voice turning grave, "Before I left, I offered you a gift, and you told me a very long story. I did not know what to think of it then, or what to say to you, but I have had several long months to think it over. You asked me to pass judgment on your actions. Is that still your wish?"
Billa twisted her hands in her lap. "I had such good intentions," she said quietly, "and things went so badly, badly wrong. I have spent decades wondering what I should have done differently, and wondering if I did wrong or right. When you died, I lost all hope of resolution from you. When I died, those thoughts and regrets still troubled me. I cannot put myself at peace..." Her eyes began to water, and he reached out to clasp her hand. "Only you have the right to condemn or condone my actions. So yes, please."
Thorin squeezed her hand. "Billa, you swore to abide by my judgment. Do you still intend to do so, no matter how harsh or uncomfortable it may be?"
Billa swallowed, nervous. "Yes," she whispered, her head falling down to gaze at her lap.
"Look at me, Billa," Thorin said hoarsely. She looked up, a tear trailing down her cheek.
"I have puzzled your story over and over," Thorin said, wiping away her tear. "There are many places where you could have made a different choice. Maybe things would have turned out differently. But - you made your choices at the time, because they made sense with the information and experience you had. You were surrounded by dwarves, elves, and a wizard with centuries more of experience, and they, too, made their choices with the information and experience they had at their disposal. Looking back, it is easy to see the mistakes that were made. But, you can't despair over a gem that's been cut poorly - you can only try to make use of the pieces as best you can."
He paused, and Billa let out a shuddering breath, more tears falling down her cheeks as she gazed at him, wide-eyed.
"You did not have to tell me your story, but I am honored you did. I am convinced that the things you spoke of will not come to pass - simply because you are here, and you have changed everything. To me, it doesn't matter what happened then, and if I could leave it at that, I would. However," he said gently, and his large, calloused hands carefully cupped her face, his thumbs delicately rubbing away her tears, "it clearly matters to you. And so this is my judgment, Billa Baggins: There was no betrayal, only a desperate attempt to save a sour situation that had been worsened through the stubbornness, selfishness, and stupidity of others. I am convinced that had he - I - lived, we would have told you the same."
Billa burst out sobbing, and Thorin cradled her to him, continuing to speak. "There is nothing to judge, because there is nothing to forgive. I forgive you, Billa. I love you, Billa. And I think it's time the silk came off your knife and you accepted the whole set, because I am certain that there could be no better representative of my authority, and that's just the first of many presents I have for you."
Billa clutched him and wept on his shoulder like a child. "Love - You!" she gasped between waves of tears.
He continued to hold her. While he was normally quite taciturn and it was Billa who filled the silence, Thorin found that in this instance, he didn't really mind.
"You should have seen Dis's face when she saw all the goods and gifts you had sent. She very nearly threatened that if I cocked things up with you, she'd propose to you herself. I thought it was funny then, but after nearly every dwarf in Ered Luin found time to tell me the same thing, it was decidedly less funny and I knew I had to hurry back and get here ahead of the competition."
Billa snorted at his story, and then sighed. She was much quieter now, with only the occasional sniffle.
Thorin kept talking. "I have spent my life as a very suspicious, very stubborn, very irritable dwarf. I had to be, because there were so many threats to myself, my family, and my people. Often, it felt as if the whole world was against us and it was only sheer stubbornness that had us holding on."
"It probably was," Billa mumbled. Thorin smiled ruefully and petted her head, still nestled on his shoulder.
"It probably was," he agreed. "When I first heard that someone was asking for us in Bree, I knew you were trouble. And I was right." Billa snorted again, but Thorin continued. "You are trouble. But not the kind I expected. When I saw you outside the forge, giving yourself a pep talk about facing a shirtless dwarf - "
Here, Billa squawked in indignation and tried to rear up. He held her firmly in place and kept talking as if nothing had happened. "I knew that you were not a kind of trouble that I had ever faced before, and I smiled for the first time in months."
Billa used her teeth to nip him lightly in revenge.
Thoring glared at her lightly. "I am trying to have a moment here," he scolded teasingly. "Please behave yourself." Billa snickered, her tears forgotten.
"So sorry for interrupting you," she teased back. "Please go on."
"Thank you," Thorin said rather primly. Billa snickered again. "That first night in Bag End, when you wore a dress and had your hair down - you were so lovely that I drank more than I planned to, simply for the pleasure of having you come over to fill my cup. You are so lovely, Billa. The next morning I thought the blackberry tarts had to be an omen of luck - but now, knowing what I do, I can see you deliberately chose it, because you knew the pleasure and the memory it would bring to us."
Billa nodded.
"Bombur made dozens of pies out of the preserves you sent us," Thorin said. "The memory moved us to tears. If you could have seen it - scores of scarred old dwarves weeping into their pie while the younger generation looked on in confusion -" Thorin swallowed tightly. The sudden lump in his throat made it hard to talk.
Billa hugged him tightly, taking her turn to offer comfort.
They sat in silence for several moments as Thorin mastered his urge to weep. Billa would have filled the silence, but she suspected he wasn't done yet.
He wasn't.
"I had planned to take it slow, and make sure you felt the same before I offered my suit. But, Billa, I am so certain of you and of our happiness together..." He trailed off.
"Billa, will you - can I - Can I court you?" he asked softly, turning to look down into her eyes.
She reached up to stroke his cheek. "Yes," she said quietly, happily. "Yes, let's."
And that was that.
Out of sight, on the other side of the drawing room wall, Nori did a fist pump. Bifur SOOOOO owed him money.
Judging that the time was right, he snuck back down to the bedrooms, and then turned around. For the first time in centuries, Nori deliberately made noise as he came down the hallway and bustled into the kitchen.
When Thorin and Billa came in a few moments later, he pretended not to notice their red eyes, red cheeks, or beaming smiles.
