Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, or any associated characters or concepts. Consider it disclaimed.
I have written and re-written the last several chapters – if the last time you read this fic was before Thanksgiving, 2018, you'll want to start over or you'll be very, very confused.
Summary: On the way to the Undying Lands, Billa Baggins is eaten by a time-traveling sea monster. She wakes up in her 33-year-old body and realizes she has a chance to change everything. Unfortunately, Thorin has a tendency to run around shirtless, and Dis thinks she has improper designs on Fili and Kili, but if she can convince the Shire that Dwalin is a dance teacher, things might be okay.
Chapter 50
By the time they made it down to the Smials, Thorin and Billa's red eyes and cheeks had settled. Nori, walking a few steps behind, thought that they made rather a lovely couple.
The contrast of tall and short, broad and slender, brunette and blonde, straight hair to curly - the list rather ran on and on. Where Thorin typically used brute force and sheer stubbornness to get his way, Billa relied on politeness, charm, and underhanded manipulations - though Nori had to admit, Thorin and Billa were quite well-matched in stubbornness.
In fact - she was so stubborn and so relentless that she actually had Nori - yes, Nori - on speaking terms with an elf.
Actual speaking terms. With an actual elf. It was crazy.
Even crazier was the fact that he was growing to like Lithir. Lori had wanted to come and visit Lithir almost every day, bringing Gimli along with her. Ori was learning to speak the damn language and often engaged in long conversations with her. Balin - even Balin! - was often found in discussion with Ori and Lithir together, conversing with both of them politely.
Dori had been won over when he'd come to fit a new tunic for Billa, and Lithir had gasped and praised the beauty of his design. He'd warmed to her considerably and had mentioned her "very good taste in clothing," to Nori later. One the one hand, Nori was suspicious that Lithir had used a tactic of Billa's. On the other, despite much observation, he'd never seen the elfling to be anything but sincere.
After the morning several weeks previous when Billa had summoned them like a madwoman at 2 am with a mad scheme to build peace between dwarves and elves, using the Shire as neutral territory, Nori had sat down in his room, and quietly, carefully considered whether or not Billa was truly sane.
One the one hand - she'd single-handedly brokered a deal to feed Ered Luin over the winter without damaging Thorin's pride, or making a bad deal.
On the other hand - elves.
On the one hand - he was currently living in a smial in the Shire with dozens of dwarves, many of whom would not have survived the winter in Ered Luin. And yet - every single one of them had.
On the other hand - elves.
Then there was the whole 'eaten by a time-travelling sea serpent' thing, but he'd made his peace with that a long time ago.
He had considered that member of the Durin family who'd met her had been won over (which was no easy feat!) but then, considering history of mental health in that family, he wasn't sure if that spoke for her sanity or against it.
He hadn't quite made up his mind as to whether he could support her in this scheme for 'peace with the elves.' But it was as if she'd sensed it, because the next time she'd seen him, she'd said, "Dwalin and Thorin thought that turning Dwalin into a dance teacher was insanity. But it worked."
And grudgingly, he'd had to agree. So he'd decided to keep doing what he'd been doing - that is, supporting Billa's crazy schemes, pointing out problems, bringing her back information, and quietly circulating rumors that would work in their favor.
He'd also had to admit that he'd never had quite as much fun on any other job, and that maybe this was more than a job, because Billa treated him less like an employee and more like a valued friend and confidante.
When Orii and Lithir had started getting regular mail from Rivendell, Nori had had to swallow down his instinctual reaction and remember his previous decision. Ori had noticed his distress and taken him aside to Billa's study.
Ori'd pulled out a map of Middle Earth, and given Nori the exact same lesson that Nori had overheard Billa giving to Ori. After that, Nori had had a chant in his head and whenever the subject of elves were raised, Nori would repeat it in his head. When he'd heard that the elves were sending a representative to act as a tutor for Lithir and Ori for a few weeks, he'd chanted it in his head very loudly.
Rivendell, Mirkwood, Erebor. Rivendell, Mirkwood, Erebor. Rivendell, Mirkwood, Erebor. It reminded him of the two enemy obstacles to be overcome if dwarves ever marched back towards Erebor. And, given that there was a giant dwarf-eating dragon at the end of the journey, they could probably use all the help they could get. Good terms with Rivendell, then good terms with Mirkwood, and then the Dragon at Erebor.
Sometimes, Nori wondered if Billa could even get Smaug on their side. When he needed a laugh, he'd picture that conversation.
"Mr Smaug," she'd say, "I don't believe we've been introduced, for surely I would remember a dragon with scales as shiny and golden as yours." And within a few minutes, the dragon would be apologizing for his bad behavior and offering to share the mountain as if he was a fauntling learning to share a toy.
Their arrival at the Smials drew Nori out of his thoughts, and he was surprised to see Thorin practically vibrating with excitement.
When they knocked at the door of the northernmost Smial, Thorin was grinning with excitement. As the door opened and a dwarf with muscled arms and wasted legs rolled out on a wheelchair, it wasn't hard to see why.
"Billa, it is my great pleasure to introduce to you my brother, Frerin." Billa gasped, as if she was shocked. Nori found that disquieting - why would Frerin surprise her? but he stopped thinking to continue listening. "Frerin, this is Billa, and she has agreed to court me."
Billa was uncharacteristically quiet, but Frerin started speaking, and Nori was grateful he didn't have to be incredibly rude and create a distraction to cover for her.
"The more Thorin told me of you, Lady Billa, the more I was convinced he was insane. No lady as wise, plucky, or determined as you've been could possibly want a grumpy frowny dwarf like Thorin. I hope you know the courtship phase isn't binding, and you can escape any time you like."
Billa couldn't help but laugh, just as Frerin had intended. Nori relaxed, and knew they'd be fine. He let them head into the main entrance of the Smial on their own, while he snuck around to the back entrance.
Just as he'd suspected, the back entrance was where they'd piled all of the courting gifts that Thorin was bringing back from Ered Luin.
Nori had been shocked and amazed at the enormous pile of stuff that Billa had sent as courting gifts. Compared to the obscene mountain of chainmail, vambraces, jewelry, gems, leather armor, furniture, fabrics, and weapons that Thorin had brought for her (totally separate from the wagons of well-stored swords and shields in repayment for the blankets and grain!) Billa's had almost showed restraint.
Nori snorted.
He'd never known any couple more unlikely, or more well-suited to each other. And frankly - no couple as entertaining to watch, or as much fun to serve.
