Second to last chapter!! :D: That face means I'm happy and sad. It's a little long, and Kairi's being emo in some places. Anyway, just read it.
Ed gave an exasperated sigh and got up to leave, but she grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to a sitting postion.
"You're bleeding," he frowned. She hadn't really acknowledged the cut on her wrist until he said something, but it had almost stopped anyway.
Shrugging it off, she took a deep breath. "My mom always told me that my brother, James, was a stillborn." Ed nodded. "But I was going through some of her old pictures and there's a photo of him with her when she was pregnant with me."
"Are you sure it wasn't her nephew or something?"
"My parents were both only-children. And he had her hair and eyes," she snapped. "It was him." Shaking her head, she went on. "He looked about one or two years old in the picture, and he was definetely alive. So I ran outside and dug up the grave he was supposed to be in. He's obviously not there."
"Any idea where he is?"
"Maybe my grandmother's," the idea brought her some relief. "But I have no idea where she is."
"It's better than the alternative."
"But why would they lie to me about something like that?" Her voice shook, and she was having trouble keeping it at a normal volume. "Why did they tell me he was dead when he obviously wasn't?"
He wrapped an arm reassuringly around her shoulders, planting a kiss on the top of her head. He breathed in the scent of her hair (like rain...) before he announced, "Some things you're just better off not knowing."
I think Ed's out of character, but he doesn't really like girls that much in the anime anyway. So later that night...
That night, Kairi walked dreadingly up the stairs and into her parents' room. Standing on her tip-toes, she grabbed the edge of a pile of blankets and pulled (she was too short to pick them up). Realizing her mistake a moment too late, they came tumbling down on top of her. The dark blue plaid blanket she'd lay on with her mother and watched the meteor showers and made wishes on every star in the sky was still there, still soft as the day she'd first lay eyes on it. She picked up the pullows off the floor (she still hadn't cleaned the room up) and traveled back down the stairs.
"She returns," Ed smiled, and she could feel her heart speed up.
Rolling her eyes and unable to stop a blush from creeping its way across her cheeks, she tossed several blankets at him before laying the other out for herself, the plaid one underneath her.
"Why aren't you sleeping in your bed?" Al inquired.
She glanced at the stairs. "There's a monster under there." They both chuckled, and she never gave them a straight answer.
Unfortunately for her, whilst Ed fell asleep after the first half hour (he was probably waiting for her to because he talked to A at night), her insomniatic sighed, inherited from the Blood Alchemist himself, kicked in and she found herself having "one of those nights." The kinds where the few timesshe fell asleep, she was being chased byflashes of color so bright they hurt her eyes and people whith upside-down faces that asked her the same questions over and over again.
Al was sitting on the couch, and Ed had pushed the coffee table to the opposite wall, against the TV, so that they were in seperate make-shift beds around the center of the floor, on top of the Transmutation Circle . At about one she gave a frustrated grunt, stood up, and stepped over Ed. Al seemed a bit surprised , but he didn't say anything when she sat on the couch opposite him. She leaned against the arm of the couch, arms crossed, legs folded under her. Her eyes rested on Ed, his form clearly visible in the light of the full moon, despite the clouds that were steadily forming outside.
She sighed inwardly. He was almost too good. Every time she got hurt, he seemed to materialize. Kairi chewed her lip. She really did like him; this Winry girl had her worried, though. She didn't want to ask about her for fear of upsetting him. He wasn't fragile or anything, but she hated it when he got frustrated with her.
"Are you okay?" Al's voice nearly made her jump.
"Huh?"
"Can't sleep?"
"No."
"I know how you feel."
She laughed lightly. "I've never seen you sleep. I don't even know what you look like."
He turned to her. "Oh." Lifting up his head, her eyes widened slightly when he revealed his empty insides.
"That explains a lot."
"That's why I don't sleep or eat or do anything like that."
"Mmm. Nights must be lonely."
"All the time." He sighed.
"I'm sorry." She felt so miserable. Was this how she'd alway felt? Empty as Al's armor? Her parents were dead, her brother was missing, and she'd been lost since she was eight years old. Why did her life go on? What did she keep breathing for?
"Are you okay?"
She hadn't realized it, but her eyes had filled with tears, her vision blurring, and they were running down her face. "I'm fine, Al." He saw through the lie, she knew, but she wiped her cheeks and tried to fix her smeared eyeliner.
"Why are you crying, then?" His echoey voice was soft.
She took a deep breath, and her voice was shaking the way it did when she had trouble controlling its volume. "Life's a prison, Al."
There was a pause. "Well, that's depressing. Why are you thinking like that?"
"I don't know. Stupid shit."
They didn't say anything for almost an hour, during which Kairi dozed off and woke up again, and Al finally said, "A long time ago, Ed and I wanted our mother back after she died. We tried to get her back, the same way your father did, but Ed lost his leg in exchange, and I lost my entire body. It wasn't even her, and it died anyway. But he gave his arm to transmute my soul to this armor. He saved me, and we need the Philosopher's Stone in order to get out bodies back."
"He's really brave." She heard Al snicker softly at the loving look that crossed her eyes. She settled her hazel gaze on his sleeping form. He'd taken off his black overcoat and his upper half wasn't under the blankets. He was laying on his stomach and somehow he'd managed to get his pillow down by his feet. He appeared to be looking for it, because his metal arm was moving around, and his flesh arm twitched. She finally dropped the pillow next to his arm, and when he reached for it, his metal arm painfully brushed the scratch on her right wrist.
Noting her sharp intake of breath, Al volunteered, "You should probably clean that up."
"I'm too lazy," she replied, sitting back down.
"Oh." He paused, trying to think of something to say.
She fell into a light sleep and woke up again at four. Al didn't realize she'd woken up because she didn't open her eyes, so he was caught off-gaurd when she announced, "Pisses me off." Her neck hurt, and she'd been sleeping all bent out of shape.
"What?"
"I'm freaking tired and I keep waking up."
"Look on the bright side," Al remarked peevishly, "If you're tired enough, Brother will carry you."
"Oh, shut up," she laughed delicately, rolled over, curled up into a ball, and fell back asleep. She didn't wake up again until seven, and her back ached severely. Rubbing the sight back into her eyes with her palms, she opened her eyes to see Ed, on the opposite end of the couch, his amber eyes on her.
"Good morning."
She gave a half smile.
"You know, you talk in your sleep."
"What'd I say?"
"Something about food, and that you can't get out because it's all scripted."
She laughed, and they didn't say anything for a few minutes. "Augh! Quit staring at me! It's creepy!"
"Sorry," he pretended to be hurt, and she smiled before she ran upstairs to take a bath. When she was running she discovered that Ed had cleaned up her wrist.
Brushing her teeth extra hard and stretching profusely, she sighed. She was exhausted. I'll tell Ed we can leave tomorrow instead. I'm way too tired. Popping her ankle and finishing up her eyeliner, she walked down the stairs. The second she turned around the stairs, one arm of flesh and one arm of metal found their way around her waist. She half-laughed and set her hands on his upper arms.
"You're happy today," she commented.
"Oh, geez, I'm sorry," he replied. "I'll just be a jerk instead."
"Nah, I kinda like it."
Well, anyway, with Al...
Al was around the kitchen corner, watching them, but they were too caught up in each other to notice. Despite the possibilities of blackmail, Al was too nice of a brother, so he just decided to enjoy the show. He tried to stifle a laugh when his elder brother pressed his lips to Kairi's, his cheeks aflame. They were like that a few moment, her arms around his neck, his hands entangled in her hair. After a while, Al turned away. Making out is gross. I'll never do it after I get my body back. He checked to see if they were done (they weren't) and he probably would've turned green if a suit of armor could do that. Never ever ever.
But he found it funny that his brother was flushing and she wasn't at all. Well, he is new to that, I guess.
Anyway, about fifteen minutes after Kairi tells Ed that they're staying another night, placing them around 9:30 AM...
Ed told her not to worry about the grave and that he and Al were going to take care of it. She smiled, but the second he was gone, she sat on the stairs, her chin resting in her hands.
"I love you every day, and twice on Sundays."
It was, ironically, a Sunday, and it was starting to drizzle outside. They would have to walk back in the rain if it was still raining the next day. She did love me. There was a reason she lied about it. She tried to push the thought of it from her head, but her mind wandered to its darkest places, and she just grew more and more depressed.
"Nobody's fearless."
There was such a cruel truth in it. Nobody was fearless, and her least of all. She was afraid of water, afraid of snakes, afraid of being a humonculus (though it was clear she wasn't), afraid of losing Ed and Al. She was afraid to live, but she was afraid to die. And she wanted something, something she didn't know it was, but she needed something more. She played with the tips of her white blond hair. Her mother's hair, her father's eyes. "Nothing about me is original. I am the combined effort of every person I've ever known." Why had Serenity painted that on her wall? What had it meant to her mother?
She tried to think of those fuzzy memories from before she turned one. They consisted of distorted, funny voices saying words she didn't understand. Except she heard her name, and it was the only clear word, and her mother was always there. She couldn't remember anything else. Frustration formed a knot in her throat. Never had she felt such a deep hatred of herself.
She'd never even really done anything on her own. She couldn't walk to her house by herself, couldn't get away from Travis, couldn't even swim. She felt so needy, so dependant. She hated that Ed always wanted to help her, but she knew she had no right to. She could only really justify hating herself.
"You have to learn to play with the cards you are dealt."
She couldn't remember who said that to her. It had been from before she was one. She squeezed her eyes shut. Who said that? The image of a tall, heavy-set, middle-aged woman filled her head. Salt-and-pepper hair, just beginning to get crow's feet next to her eyes. Grandma. She could hear her grandmother saying it, but the message was not for her. She'd said it to Serenity. Kairi had been playing... playing... playing with... James? Mommy was crying, and then Grandma took James away; just got into her old car and left.
She breathed out and stood up, looking out the window. The sky was gray, a light rain was falling, and the road was so long she couldn't see the end of it. Opening the door, she stepped outside, off the porch, and let the water run over her skin, through her hair, soaking her right to the soul.
Next chapter will be the last!! Agh!!! But I'll explain something else later, I can't do it here without revealing the end. Review!!!
