I am sorry that I left you all hanging for so long, but sometimes life gets in the way and that is just the reality of things. I truly appreciate all the response that this story and I get so much joy from writing it, however this is never my first priority, that spot is always filled by school. That being said, I will try to update as often as I can, and "as often as I can" will change based on my life. So I appreciate your patience and I hope that you all enjoy chapter 26! Thanks for reading!
JAY
"I got it!" I hear from inside Erin apartment after I nervously ring the doorbell. It opens to reveal Hailey and I know I'm about to get my ass kicked.
"What the hell are you doing here?" She hisses, shutting the door behind her as she steps in the hallway, forcing me out with her.
"Is she okay?" I ask her.
"Of course not," She says with a scoff, "You know what you did to her,"
"I'm serious Hailey," I reply, "I saw her at the hospital yesterday, is she okay?"
"She's fine," She responds curtly. "It's her mom,"
"What happened to Camille?" I ask in a panic.
"You should talk to her." She says, not even showing an ounce of emotion as she stares me down.
"You know she won't talk to me,"
"You never know until you try," She says before stepping back into the apartment, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
"Hey Will," I ask as I sit at the counter as he cleans the dishes from dinner in the well lit kitchen, Natalie out of the house at tee ball practice with Owen. "Did you see Erin at the hospital the other night?"
"Yeah," He says shortly.
"Her mom right?" I ask him.
"Yeah," He responds.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"You know I can't tell you that," Will says, both of us well versed in HIPAA violations.
"Okay, fine. Just tell me this. Do I need to go see her?"
"I would yeah," He replies. "It's bad Jay,"
"How bad?" I ask.
"Let's just say that right now, whether either of you are willing to admit it or not, she needs you as much as you need her."
I lay nervously on the guest bed, staring up at the ceiling and contemplating all of my options. My phone is beside, fully charged, Erin's number just waiting inside. Natalie, Will, and Owen are all asleep, the house is quiet. It's just me and my mind.
I might as well call her, she probably won't pick up anyway. But what if she does? It doesn't matter, I have to do this. I should do this.
I take a deep breath as I hit the number below her name, holding it to my ear as the line trills.
"Jay?" I hear on the other end, her raspier usual voice greeting me.
"Erin," I say surprised, shocked that she even gave me the time of day.
"That's me," She says with a small little giggle. But it doesn't sound like her normal laugh, it's broken. Something broke her.
"I saw you at the hospital, I thought I should call." I say, purposely keeping my knowledge of the situation to myself. "Is everything okay?"
"No," She says curtly, "It's not okay."
"What happened?" I ask.
"It's my mom, she has cancer. A brain tumor. They can't do anything about it. She is going to die."
"Oh my God," I say quietly, it being so much worse than I ever could have imagined. "I'm coming over,"
"Jay don't," She replies.
"Erin, let me do this. You need someone right now and I'm here, let me be here for you."
"Okay,"
ERIN
"Hi," I say, opening the door to see his face for the first time in what feels like forever. I'm not going to lie, no matter how mad I want to be at him, seeing his face feels good. Really good.
"I'm so sorry," He replies, not waiting to pull me into one of those amazing bear hugs that I adored.
"Thanks," I say, not quite knowing what else to say. I don't think it's really hit me. I mean I know that she's sick, I know she's dying. But I don't think I've been able to comprehend that one day I'll wake up and she just won't be here. A world without Camille just doesn't seem right, it doesn't make any sense.
"What do you need?" He says, pulling back.
"Just having someone here, it helps,"
"Then I'm here until you tell me to go,"
"So," Jay asks, the two of us sitting on opposite ends of the couch as I wrap myself in the blanket Camille knitted for me when I graduated high school. "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know," I say with a sigh. "I can't just watch her die, but that's what she wants."
"She's refusing treatment?" He asks.
"Yeah," I reply. "Doctors said it would only give her more time, she said that she doesn't want to spend the last little bit of her life in a hospital. She already had a seizure, I know it's going to get worse and I just don't know what to say to her. I feel awful because she's dying and she's still parenting me, trying to help me figure out how I'm going to get through all of this."
"She's your mom," He replies with a smile. "Did you really think that she was going to stop?"
"No," I respond with a grin. "I just wish I could make her feel better,"
"Do what I'm doing right now," He responds. "Just be there and let her know that you love her,"
"You love me?" I ask, looking up at him confused.
"I don't know I ever stopped," He tells me, stars in his eyes, "I just have to figure out how to earn that back from you," I want to tell him that he's on the right track, but I hold my tongue. Now is not the time, but him coming here, just to make sure I was okay, even after I told him not to, it spoke volumes.
"Can I tell you something?" I inquire.
"Anything," He responds.
"I had a scare, a little while after-" I start, my sentence trailing off. I don't really know how to address it. "Anyway, I thought I was pregnant,"
"Oh," He replies, not even trying to hide the shock on his face. "Wow okay,"
"But I wasn't," I quickly input. "So we're fine, we're okay,"
"What would you have done?" He asks, his inquiry nearly matching Hailey's after those endless three minutes in the bathroom.
"I don't know," I say. "Kept it probably,"
"Would you have told me?"
"I'd like to think that I would have," I tell him, feeling the strangest urge to curl into him.
"I would stayed, well come back I guess,"
"And maybe that's why I wouldn't have told you," I reply, "I wouldn't have wanted you to just come back for the baby,"
"C'mon, that's not fair Erin," He retorts.
"I know, but it's true," I confess, leading us into an uncomfortable silence. "It's getting late, you should head home,"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure," I tell him softly, "I managed to survive before you came around,"
"I don't doubt it," He says with a small grin. "Are you going to the hospital tomorrow morning?"
"No," I tell him, "I got work, can't take any more time off. Plus my mom basically threatened me into going back,"
"Okay," He replies. "Call me if you need anything,"
"I will," I promise him, actually meaning it for the first time in a while. "Goodbye Jay,"
I wake up to the blaring of my alarm, the sky outside still dark and a number that begins with a five staring back at me from my bedside table. I don't want to go to work, I want to go see my mom or just curl into my covers and let them eat me alive. But life has to go on and this work is important, I know that. I have to go to work.
I forcefully pull myself out of bed, quickly shooting a text over to Hank to ask about how she's doing. He'll be awake, there's no way he's sleeping right now. He's watching her, making sure she doesn't stop breathing in her sleep. He won't sleep for weeks, that's just who he is.
I drag myself into the shower, only doing the bare minimum before brushing my teeth, blow drying my hair and putting on just enough makeup to get by.
I feel like I'm operating on autopilot, pulling a navy blue dress on that I've worn a hundred times. I feel I can't do this, not today. But I don't have a choice, this job is so much bigger than me, so I go.
"Hey," I hear, turning to hear Olivia calling my name, perfectly put together as always with a huge smile on her face.
"Hi," I say with a grin, her face always brightening even the worst of days.
"So," She says stopping next to me. "I heard you had a rough couple of days, but there is a Safe Haven baby that just got dropped at St. James'. Healthy baby girl, might be a little ray of sunshine. I can give her to Jake, but I thought I'd check with you first. You want to take the case?"
"Yeah," I tell her gratefully, a distraction. This is good.
"Alright, she's at Med. I'll call Maggie and tell her that I'm sending you over,"
"Thanks Liv," I call after her as the trots back over to her office.
"Anytime!"
"I'm here for the Safe Haven baby," I say as I walk into the ED of Chicago Med, a place I have come way too comfortable with in the past few months.
"She's in the nursery, you know where to go?" Maggie doubles checks before I nod over at her. It's nice to only have to go to the nursery, there's nothing wrong with this one. She's not addicted to drugs or born with fetal alcohol syndrome. She's healthy, she's going to find a family and she's going to be great. That's the best part of this job.
"We got a name for this little one?" I ask, walking into the nursery after going through the more than thorough hand washing regime.
"Nope," Emma responds, "Waiting for you,"
"Alrighty then," I say as I open a brand new file, writing the name Ainsley Camille James on the top of her sheet. "Welcome to the world Ainsley Camille, now let's get you home."
"You sure it isn't going to fall through this time?" Emily asks. After a very long day of making phone calls and sending emails, I finally have a set of prospective parents in the hospital with me. Emily and Marcus Wicks, a gracious couple who have had three failed adoptions through our system. I've got a feeling that this one is going to stick and it was a great joy for me to be able to make that phone call to them.
"I understand why you're nervous, and I can't make any promises," I tell her. "But I don't see any reason why it shouldn't. She's a Safe Haven baby, I don't foresee any issues, so she should be all yours,"
"Thank you," Marcus says, the look of desperation painted all over his face.
"It has been my pleasure," I assure him. "So I just have a few more things for you two to sign and then she will be all yours," I lay out the last of the paperwork and they quickly sign on the lines, their smiles growing wider by the second.
"Okay," I say, closing up their file. "I'll go get her," With that, I slip out of the hospital conference room and make my way down the sterile hallways to the nursery.
"She ready to go?" I ask Emma as I walk into the bright room.
"She's good to go. Peds just gave her the final write off, baby James is as healthy as can be," She says, swooping her out of the plastic bassinet and handing her off to me.
"That's good to hear," I reply, taking in that intoxicating baby smell.
"She's been discharged and I will send down a baby nurse in a little bit to go over the basics with the Wicks."
"Thank you," I respond, smiling down at the baby, who can't be more than a few days old. Holding her safely in my arms, I can't help but stare down at those bright blue eyes, almost the same color as Jay's. I hate that my head goes here, Would he have hazel eyes like me? Or would that baby be lucky enough to inherit those sapphire eyes? I don't want to think about this, we aren't even together and I have so many other things to worry about right now. I've never been this girl, but I just can't help it.
"Here we are," I declare as I walk into the room, the brand new baby in my arms, a smile painted on my face to cover up all the pain. "Emily and Marcus, I want you guys to meet Ainsley Camille,"
"She's beautiful," Emily says, a single tear streaming down her face as she stares down into those blue eyes. "Thank you so much,"
"No need," I say with a smile. "I'm going to give you guys a moment to get to know her, a baby nurse will be in a little while to go over the basics with you guys. I will see you in a few weeks for a home check, but she is all yours. Enjoy your little girl,"
Today was a good day. Today I gave a baby a home, today I prevented someone from maybe having to live the childhood that I was forced into that. That's good. Today was a success.
I know that, but as I sit in my car in the parking lot of St. Ignatius for yet another one of Justin's football games with a drizzle of rain hitting the windshield, all I can do is cry.
Hope you guys enjoyed! Please leave me a review if you did!
Xoxo,
Addison
