A/N: Thank you for all your reviews. I really appreciate them. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that so many people figured out what Fai's deal was in the last chapter. I mean, I didn't make it that difficult to figure out… But I hope the ending of the mini-series still surprises you.
We're taking a small break from the mini series, I'm afraid, because I need to wait for a certain prompt before I can continue. Although if I get enough requests to continue it sooner, I could be persuaded to scramble my predetermined order accordingly…Yeah, so…I guess it's story time now, kids.
Scrutinize
Popcorn! Where the hell was the popcorn! He couldn't properly enjoy his soap without popcorn but every second he spent looking for it was one more second that he was missing of his precious program. A terrible thought occurred to him; what if the old lady had forgotten to buy it? The thought made him feel like falling over dead. He had specifically told her as she was leaving for the store not to forget the damn popcorn and there she had gone and done it anyway. He contemplated throwing himself on the floor and having a tantrum but then realized that every second he spent thinking about tantrums he could be having was also one more second that he was missing of his favorite show. Honest to god, if he wasn't able to mooch off of her like this he would never put up with her.
"Ma! Where's the popcorn?!"
"In the top drawer by the oven, Fei, honey!" his mother replied in a singsong voice.
Fei Wang Reed dashed over to the drawer, tore it open, snatched the popcorn greedily and raced back to his room in the basement. Such was his hurry that he hardly even bothered to give his usual snort of annoyance at the sign on his door that his mother had insisted on taping there (it read "Fei's Evil Lair of Doom". When he had irritably asked her what the hell was up with the sign, she had giggled and said "I know how you like to pretend to be the evil villain so I thought it was cute. Don't you dare take it down or I'll send you for a nice long timeout, mister, and then you'll make a new sign to replace it!" He honestly didn't know why he didn't just blow the old bat off. After all, he was, what? Fifty, sixty years old? But the fear that she might kick him out of her basement made him obey her).
The TV was already on, thank goodness, but then it usually was these days since his favorite show had been on twenty four hours a day, seven days a week for the past almost four years now. He loved it; it was better than those Twilight Zone marathons they showed during the week of the fourth of July. Fei Wang ripped open the cellophane that the bag of popcorn was wrapped in, tossed it haphazardly into the microwave and poked a button or two carelessly.
As he was waiting for his popcorn to be ready, he did a few stretches in front of the TV screen. While he definitely had no problem with his favorite show being on all the time for so long, it still had its downsides. For one, he was starting to put on weight from all the popcorn and sitting around. But he had decided a long time ago that he was willing to sacrifice his dashing good looks if it meant he could enjoy something as thoroughly as he was enjoying this show. Fei watched with relish as the "characters" went about their daily business nothing terribly exciting was happening at the moment but night was approaching and that was when things usually tended to heat up. Speaking of "heating up", the microwave chimed to let him know that his popcorn was done.
Fei Wang hurried to get his popcorn and plopped down in his chair for some quality soap opera action. He had the feeling that something special was going to happen with his favorite couple tonight and the thought made him squirm impatiently in anticipation. Something about the way Kurogane kept blushing randomly, refusing to look anyone in the eye and the way Fai hummed a sappy love song as he prepared dinner tipped him off. Fei Wang munched his popcorn impatiently; those two were obviously in love. They should have gotten together a long time ago. But this was a special night; this was the anniversary of their meeting each other. Fai obviously remembered because he had gone to the trouble to persuade the kids and the white creature to go have a night on the town and was putting extra effort into a special meal for two. Fei Wang couldn't be certain if Kurogane remembered that it was their anniversary, but if he knew the ninja at all (which he did, since he had been watching him almost constantly for nearly four years now), important details like this would not be overlooked by him.
When Fai lit a few candles on the dining room table and turned off the rest of the lights, Fei Wang began shoveling popcorn into his mouth almost frantically. Kurogane (whom he was watching on a split-screen) was pacing his room nervously. His clothes were a little dressier than usual, something which might have seemed unremarkable to anyone who didn't know better. The fact that Kurogane was willing to dress up at all, in spite of his usual seeming devil-may-care attitude, definitely said something significant. The anticipation of what lie ahead was almost too much for Fei Wang to bear. He needed to do something to speed things up a bit.
Fei Wang reached under his throne and pulled out the wireless keyboard that he stored there just for such occasions. He switched it on and a small black box appeared in the middle of the screen which bore the message "Would you like to fuck things up a bit?" This was the part that he loved most about this show: his ability to manipulate things that happened on it. It was like a "choose your own adventure" novel only it was a soap opera instead. But what could he do to speed things along here? He thought for a moment. Well, having them together in the same room would help. Perhaps he could make Kurogane imagine that he heard Fai calling for him.
Fei Wang had just executed the command when a very unwelcome voice interrupted his session of pure and terrifying evil.
"So this is what you've been doing down here all this time? Playing computer games? Aren't you a little too old to be doing that kind of thing anymore?"
Fei Wang snarled and peeked around the edge of his throne. There in his room stood his older sister Xiang Bong in all her stupid, ugly, butt-scented glory. She had a lot of nerve, not only to be in his room, but also to be interrupting him at such an exciting moment in his important business.
"What do you want, wench?!" he snapped. "Can't you see I'm busy?! And what the hell are you doing in my room?!"
"I just wanted to know where you'd been for the past four years," she shrugged. "I was starting to think maybe you'd finally kicked the bucket. You've been looking dreadful for such a long time, you know."
"Shut up!" Fei Wang groused. "You're just jealous because I was born with Daddy's chin and you had to have surgery to get yours to look like that."
Xiang Bong snorted doubtfully as she perched herself on the arm of Fei Wang's throne and swiped a handful of his popcorn. "So what are we watching?"
"It's called Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles," he replied shortly, holding the popcorn as far away from her as possible. "And you can get your own damn popcorn."
She ignored the second part of his reply. "What's happening?"
"Those two have been hitting on each other since the beginning of the journey and tonight's the anniversary of their meeting so the blond one is making a romantic candle-lit dinner for them," he explained as Kurogane pulled Fai's chair out from the table so that the wizard could sit down. "It's about freaking time, too… They've been putting this off for way too long."
Xiang Bong stared at her brother incredulously. "So all this time you've been telling Mom you got a job as a super-villain you've actually just been down here watching soap operas?"
"I am a super-villain!" he insisted. "What the hell else could I be, with a chin like this?!"
His sister laughed derisively. "A super-villain with a name like 'Fei Wang'? Yeah, that sounds threatening. Sounds more like a pimp… or a sex toy… or some kind of ho. Hey, speaking of hoes, what happened to that girlfriend of yours? What was her name? Xing Hou? I haven't seen her around in a while."
"I killed her," Fei Wang growled impatiently. "Now be quiet."
"Oh, so that dead body I found in the trash was real, then? I figured it was part of some weird new 'game' you nasty couples like to play or something."
"Don't make me curse you, bitch!" he warned. "You're interrupting the best part!"
The siblings fell silent to watch.
"How do you like the soup, Kurosama?" Fai asked sweetly.
"Hmph," Kurogane replied stubbornly, bowing his head to hide his blush. "I guess it's not completely disgusting."
"Hold on…" Xiang Bong interrupted again. "That blond one… is a guy?"
"Yes! Now shut up!" Fei Wang hissed.
"Your eyes look really beautiful in this candlelight, Kurochuu," Fai purred seductively.
Kurogane just bent lower over his bowl of soup, blushing furiously as he tried to ignore his pounding heart and just finish his food. Fai reached across the table and softly touched the ninja's cheek.
"Don't be shy, Kurochan," he urged. "The children are gone and that means that Mommy and Daddy finally have a little time to themselves. Let's not waste it, ok?"
Kurogane lifted his gaze hesitantly and finally looked Fai in the eyes. Fai smiled warmly, taking Kurogane's hand as he stood up from the table. Kurogane followed suit. Fei Wang and Xiang Bong drew tentative breaths and gripped each other's arms in excitement. The couple on screen stepped away from the table so that they could draw each other closer uncertainly. Fai put his arms around Kurogane's shoulders and closed his eyes as he laid his head against the swordsman's chest. Kurogane tangled his fingers into Fai's hair, his other hand resting on Fai's slender waist. Finally, Fai lifted his head to look Kurogane in the eyes again.
"Kurotan, I… is it alright… if I fall in love with you?"
"…I guess."
"Good, because I already have."
Fei Wang and Xiang Bong both sighed dreamily in unison. The two of them were so absorbed in watching Kurogane and Fai's ensuing passionate kiss that they didn't even hear their mother calling them to give her her sponge bath.
A/N: You know, it's funny; I tried out four very different ideas for this prompt, all of which took what seemed like an excruciatingly long time to write but I got the idea for this one this morning and finished it in less than a day. Funny how these things work, isn't it? But I figured it was about time we had another dose of crack. The last few installments have been kind of on the serious side.
