A/N – Thanks for the reviews and follows on this story! Please enjoy this next chapter and review! I would really love to hear what you think. This chapter is all Severus, but don't worry, Harry will have his own chapter next! Enjoy!
Chapter 6
Opening his eyes and bolting straight up, Severus lets out a garbled scream. What happened? Where am I?
Looking around his room, he spots Minerva asleep in a chair by the bed. She looks horrible and he feels both sorry and grateful for her. Moving himself to the side of his bed, he slowly puts his feet on the stone floor and stands up. He wobbles a bit and he feels like he was hit by a hippogriff, but he manages to stand and take a few shuffling steps towards the loo before Minerva stirs.
"Severus! You're awake! What are you doing?!" she says as she jumps from the chair to his side, wrapping an arm around his waist and steadying him.
"Loo"
"You can't manage on your own, Severus. You've just experienced a major magical drain. Do you remember anything from that day?"
"No" Dammit woman, let me get to the loo before I explode!
The scowl on his face must have conveyed what he was thinking, for the Headmistress just helped him move faster and kept the rest of her questions for later.
Once in the loo, Severus turned to his friend and just stared, "I can manage quite by myself, Minerva."
"Of course, Severus." Turning and closing the door behind her.
Severus looks at himself in the mirror. He looks like death. His complexion is clammy and pale. He has dark bags under both eyes and his hair is oily and sticking to the sides of his face. He notices that his chest itches tremendously, but it does not ache anymore. Curiously he removes his shirt and just stares.
What the fuck! Touching it ever so softly with shaky fingers, Severus just gapes at the image. Then, the bear stands up on its hind legs and roars before falling back to all fours and Severus stands there frozen.
Harry's Animagus. What the bloody hell? Wait, did I dream about Harry's Animagus?
What did I dream about?
Looking down and focusing on the faucet, I think I did dream about Harry's Mother Bear and about Harry and something else…. what is it? Think Severus, it's sitting at the edge of your brain. Lilies, trees, a white suit…trees…lilies…MERLIN! He gasped, Harry and I are bonded! Grabbing the sides of the sink to keep himself upright, that's what I dreamt about! Touching the Mother Bear he feels comfort and peace, he feels like Harry has wrapped his arms around him and he closes his eyes to savor these feelings. He needs to be with Harry now more than ever. The need to touch him is overwhelming and his stomach begins to flip. The need to throw up is monument, but not compared to the need to be with his soulmate. Merlin, please let me find him soon. Rubbing at his new tattoo, he wonders if Harry has a new tattoo as well, a picture of his panther. He silently hopes Harry does and that it brings him as much comfort as this tattoo is giving him.
After finishing in the loo, he calls for Minerva to help him to bed. When he opens the door, Poppy is standing next to the Headmistress. "Morning Poppy let's get this checkup over with, I have to leave, I need to find Harry."
"Severus! Thank goodness you're finally awake! Come, let's get you back in bed and let me have a look at you, you are not going anywhere today, my friend. You injured your magical core and I need to check to see it's healing correctly. What did you do Severus? How did you come to be in your own magical fire-storm as it were?" As she tries to help the man back into his bed.
"Don't manhandle me, woman. I can get into my own bed well enough alone." Propping himself up against the headboard and covering his legs with the duvet, he glared at the Poppy. "Minerva," touching the Bear, "I must insist you tell your staff member that I must leave today…this afternoon. I simply must find Harry, I need to find him…to touch him." He whimpered. "I need him, so badly… so very badly." He said in a whisper that was not auditable but heard none the less.
"Severus, you are not healthy enough to go anywhere today even if Poppy said you could go. I'm not even a healer and I can tell you that you need to rest at least one more day to replenish your core. Your magic was very wild and out of control, it took Poppy several minutes to get it under control. You need the rest and tomorrow I want you to go talk to Albus before you go anywhere. He has something he needs to tell you, and trust me, you need to hear it." The stern Headmistress said. Her face allowed for no argument and he didn't offer one.
"Severus let me have a look." Waving her wand and casting a few spells, "Hmm, looks very good, surprising since you expelled quite a bit of wild magic. Tell me, Severus, do you remember what happened?" Stepping back to stand next to the Headmistress, they waited patiently for the man to answer.
What did happen?
Steeling his facial features, as only he can do, Severus recounts what he remembers when he walked into his rooms, purposing leaving out his dreamscapes and ending with him waking up. "I'm sorry about the books, Minerva. I think I remember, somewhat, them flying across the room and being torn apart in midair." Damn, but if I'm remembering correctly, I won't need them anymore. I need to speak to Albus though…that meddling old fart…and get the truth. No more secrets, I need to know the truth…we need to know the truth.
"Think nothing of those books, Severus. Your health is far more important. You gave us all quite the scare. I must say, I have never witnessed a wild magic storm like that before." Giving her friend a concerned look and pursing her lips in a straight line, "I will expect you to visit our mutual friend and deem the answers you need. I dare say do not be lenient with him, Severus, he has things he must tell you if he wants to remain hanging in the Headmasters office. I have threatened to hang him in the kitchens and locking his frame." There is no humor in her words and Severus knows she is more than mad at the old Headmaster and he also knows she will make good on her threat if he doesn't cooperate.
"Thank you, Minerva. I was just thinking that a visit to your office is in order after all."
"Well not anytime today, my friend. Your body need to rest, and your core needs to rejuvenate. Tomorrow morning at the earliest. You understand me? Not before. Say you understand what I'm saying, Severus." She gave him her 'don't fuck with me look' and waited for him to answer.
"Yes, tomorrow." He grumbled. He really wanted to go now but he knows better than to defy Poppy.
The two females left him to rest and Poppy promised to come visit just after lunch. Feeling like he'd just run a marathon, he settles down into the comfort of his bed and let his eyes fall shut knowing he was going to need all his energy to talk to the Old Man. Just as his eyes closed he thought he saw movement off to the right and turned his head in that direction. His eyes popping open at the sight before him and no words coming forth, he just laid there and stared.
The little boy from his dream is sitting on the floor near the wall coloring intensely. His messy black hair getting in his way and constantly pushing it out of his face. His eyes never leaving his paper, whatever he's coloring must be very important. Severus wants to say something to see the child's face again, but words won't come. Instead he just stares at the boy and contemplates why he's seeing this child in his waking state and wondering if he is finally going crazy. Why has this child been the focus of so many dreams over the years? True, he's grown since the first time Severus dreamt of him. Like an actual child, progressing in age as the time goes by. What is it about this child? Why is he invading so many of his dreams? Why am I seeing this while I'm awake?!
The child looks up from his coloring and they lock eyes. "Mornin', I'm making you a picture of my family! Gampa wuvs my pictures, he always hangs dem up for everyone to see. Can I tell you a secret?" Severus just nods not wanting to break the spell of this child, wanting to see where this is going and gaining any information he can. Hopefully he will learn he is not going crazy, but he doubts that.
"Gampa is not my real Gampa. But he loves me just the same. We have loads of fun togeder and he's been teaching me tings, I mean things." The child smiles brightly and Severus catches his breath. No.
"What's your name, child." He whispers as to not frighten the boy but with his vocal question the child vanishes. Closing his eyes and calming himself, Severus wants to scream. Opening his eyes, the child is standing next to the bed, staring at him with his dark eyes. "My name is Conner but Gampa calls me his little angel." The child giggles and reaches out his hand to touch Severus' hand, "Gampa used to wiv here, in the castle. We comes here a lot to walk around outside and fish. Sometimes we watch the peoples here and Gampa tells me stories of what happens here. Mister, what's your name?"
Choking on a shocked sob, "Severus, child…Conner, do you know why you are here? We don't usually see each other like this." Keeping his eyes on the little boy while he talks, not wanting to miss anything that he does.
Giggling again and covering his mouth, "Yes, Gampa Pwons said it was okay to come now, now dat you've seen what you needed. Do you want me to draw you a picture?"
"I would love that, Conner. Can you tell me who your parents are?" but with this last question, the child disappears with a smile so bright Severus couldn't help but smile back.
Thinking about this new development with the child, he is beginning to understand, at least he hopes he's beginning to understand, the significance. This child has been haunting his dreams for about five years now, one year after the final battle and Harry's disappearance. He never put it together, the child and Harry's disappearance, but it must all be related. Is this child his? Then who did he see in Diagon Alley and why does he resemble this child so much? As these and other thoughts go through his head, he succumbs to sleep and doesn't stir until later that night, long after the sun goes down.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Walking through the hallway from the dungeons, Severus is thinking about the upcoming conversation with his former Headmaster. Telling himself he needs to keep his temper with the old coot, so he can learn everything the old man knows regarding this whole mess. Rounding the corner and approaching the stairs to the upper level, he sees the tail end of messy black hair leaving the stairs at the top. Running to catch up with the boy, Severus bounds up the stairs two at a time and turns the corner to see…nothing. The child is gone. Scowling to himself, he continues on to the Headmasters office. This is not a good start to his day and it's not going to get any better from here. Damn that Albus.
Standing outside the door to the Headmasters office, Severus steadies himself. This is it. That meddling old coot will finally tell him what's going on and more importantly, why hasn't he mentioned anything before. Just thinking about everything he's been through and felt for the past years since his heart-wrenching break from Harry makes his ire boil. Sending his love away like that was excruciatingly difficult and emotionally scarring. He hasn't been the same, in his heart, since that day and now he has a feeling that Harry was feeling the same exact way. Whereas he occluded most of his heartbreak and focused on the war, except during his dreams where he met the child, he knew that Harry didn't fare well also. He withdrew from his friends somewhat and disappeared from school quite a lot, only to pop up looking like death. Oh, he knew that Harry would never abandon his friends completely, but they were no longer in the 'know' of what was going on with the wizarding worlds savior. It saddened him deeply to watch the light dim in Harry's eyes after their break-up, but the end result from all this shit is that the Dark Lord is gone…for good. Wondering if the same result would have happened had they stayed together is something Severus tries not to think about.
Pushing open the office door and striding in, Severus took in his surroundings. No one is presently in the office, or any of the portraits for that matter, except for Albus Dumbledore. He is watching his friend come in looking worn and that of someone on a mission. Sitting back in his large chair and stroking his long beard, Albus prepares himself for the inevitable. "Severus, my boy, do come in and have a seat. I must say, you're looking better than I expected considering what you've been through. How are you feeling?"
Sitting in the Headmistress' chair and turning it toward the portrait, Severus nods "I'm much better, Albus. No thanks to you. You know I'm not here for a social visit. I see all the other Headmasters have left us our privacy so let's not beat around the bush. I want to know what you know about what's happened to me and what you know or, Merlin forbid, what you did to Harry and I all those years ago." Pinching the bridge of his nose to keep his temper in check, he's finding it very hard not to burn the portrait of the leader of the light for making him send his heart away. And if he understands things now, maybe he lost more than Harry on that stupid, horrid day in his office.
"Severus, I never meant to cause you or young Harry any pain or suffering. I did what I did because I truly thought it was the correct thing to do until Harry disappeared. I'm so sorry about how I handled the knowledge of you and Harry together. I found out about the two of you quite by accident. From the Grounds Map in my rooms and, of course, from Hogwarts herself. She was so excited about the bond the two of you entered into and she never let me forget it. Kept telling me that we had to protect the two of you, that your bond was special, rare, unique even. I should have looked into this bond myself, but you were involved with a student, Severus, and that could have landed you in Azkaban even though Mister Potter was of age.
You were a teacher and a known Death Eater, your spying efforts were something I only expected to reveal after Voldemort was gone. I was at a loss, if you can believe it, and my need to protect Harry from Voldemort and you from Azkaban led me to make a horrible mistake. I know that now, but at the time I just did what I thought was the right thing for both of you. Can you ever forgive me, Severus?"
"Do you have any idea what you've done?" Came the whispered response, Severus' face covered with his large hands, he just wanted to close in on himself and wallow in his sorrow.
"Yes, now I do. I didn't realize the bond was the key, I should have but I only saw the bad that would come from it. Severus, please look at me." Albus implored. Sitting straighter in his chair and looking mournfully at the sadden man.
Standing from the chair and thrashing his arms around, "I trusted you! I loved you like a father and you lied to me! You betrayed me! How can you ask for forgiveness now!? How can you sit there and say these things to me like what you did to me…to us didn't impact our lives greatly! I don't understand, Albus, I don't understand your way of thinking and I don't know if I can ever forgive you for it." Shaking his head back and forth and walking around the large desk, "How could you, Albus? Don't play the ignorant card with me, you know how important any type of bond is and yet you purposely separated us when you had no idea what that would do to us. We didn't even know we had bonded that day! Please make me understand what you did, and why you felt it necessary to never tell me about this bond!" Black eyes piercing blue, Severus stood there and waited for the painted man to elaborate on his bad deeds.
Sighing and nodding in understanding, Albus walked back and forth in his parlor and thought about what he needed to say. "I knew that Harry was going to have to sacrifice himself to defeat Voldemort. I knew this from Mister Potter's second year when he defeated Tom Riddle's diary. I knew that Tom Riddle had created Horcruxes and I had been secretly locating them and destroying them over the years. However, when I realized Harry was indeed a Horcrux and that Voldemort hadn't meant to make that one, that he had no idea that it even existed, I was in a frenzy about how to destroy it and keep our Harry alive. I could find nothing about a living Horcrux and so by his fifth year, I had resigned myself to the fact that he was going to die."
Severus stood frozen to the floor and he felt the tingles of despair trickle down his spine. His stomach started to flip, and he wanted to throw up. Harry a Horcrux? He had to sacrifice himself? He didn't know that! Oh Merlin. His Harry going through that alone began to crush Severus' chest and he felt a burning sensation start there. Touching the Mother Bear, he immediately felt calmer. Funny, when he first saw his new adornment he was a little worried, but now he's glad for it. It feels like a comforting hug from Harry and even though the man is not here with Severus now, he knows this is a promise that he will be soon.
"Severus!"
…
"Severus! Answer me!" Albus' face full of concern and if it were possible for a painted figure to step out of their portrait, he would have run out of it. "Please, Severus!"
"You sent Harry to his death!? Did you even tell him this?! Did you tell him that he would have to die!" Feeling lost and distraught, Severus could only breath through his dizziness. Touching the Mother Bear to settle his nerves, he sat back down in the chair and looked to Dumbledore with sorrow and hurt. "You never said anything to me. Why? And how did Harry survive?"
"I left Harry a memory in my pensieve to be watched in the event anything should happen to me. He knew about the Horcrux inside him at least a week before the final battle. Strong boy he is, Severus. All I know is that he walked to his death courageously, died, had a conversation with myself in the afterlife before returning to finish the job. The killing curse that Voldemort sent only killing the Horcrux inside him. All other details will have to come from him, I'm sorry I can't give you any more information."
Albus looked to his friend and felt sorrow for him. His eyes held no sparkle and his posture showed defeat. Many times over the years since the final battle he has thought of what he did to the two men he thought of as family. As a son and grandson. There is nothing he could tell Severus that will make what he did agreeable to the dour man. The only thing he has left now is the truth, and information to help guide him in his search for his other half…his other.
"Severus, I was a fool. A fool who didn't believe my own talk about love and the power it can wield. I didn't trust it, Severus. I didn't trust you or Harry enough to confide in you about all that was happening and all that was to come. I realize that your forgiveness will not come easy or at all, but please allow an old fool to grovel and offer information on the bond and Harry. No, I don't know where he is, my boy, but I do know he is still alive."
Severus perked up at the notion that the old man knew where to find his Harry, only to be disappointed. He can never forgive him for what he's done, but he will allow the old codger to help him find his soulmate. He isn't a Slytherin for nothing. "What do you know about this bond?"
With a stern face, Albus took his seat again and knew what his colleague was doing, and he was okay with it. He probably would do the same thing if he were in his shoes. "The bond is a Magical Soul Bond. Magic created it herself. Having a pure Magical Bond is very rare and it took me too long to realize just how rare. I learned after I passed that Magic chose the two of you for your pure intentions, your pure love for one another and because both of you were already very powerful in your own right. So powerful, in fact, that she didn't have to bound you two together to survive the war, she did it to preserve magic itself. The two of you are the modern 'Adam and Eve' of magic, as the muggles would say."
Severus just sat there, silent. Trying to wrap his mind around what Albus is saying. "What?"
"Magic has a life of its own, a will of its own and recently magic has sensed that the future of magic is desolate and in danger of being nonexistent. With so much pureblood supremacy and inter-marriages in the past and the lack of new blood, new magic, being introduced in the present and future, Magic decided to intervene and correct this problem. To ensure its survival. So, she chose the most powerful wizard of the time, who I might add is not a pureblood, and his mate, which happened to be another very powerful wizard on his own, and she watched them. She gifted them with her interest and when she realized she had chosen wisely, she loved them. She took them and brought them into her bosom and showered them with her love and that is what created the bond between you two. She was with you both in that clearing that day and heard your vows to each other. Whether you meant them to be heard or not, because she loved you both and trusted your future, she bonded your souls together, for all eternity. Even in death the two of you will be together helping Magic further its future and your offspring will be the rejuvenation of magic. This is a rare occurrence indeed, Severus, and I didn't heed the warnings. I didn't trust, and for that I'm so incredibly sorry. I hope that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me."
For once in his life, Severus is speechless. Magic chose them? Magic embraced them? This bond, if it is so powerful. then why did it allow Severus to break up with Harry and not be with him for so many years? "Why...Why did the bond allow us to separate?"
"Yes, she did allow the separation, and from what I can gather Magic cannot control the choices we make. The bond was put in place to secure Magic, not destroy it, Severus. It would defeat the purpose of the bond if it were to maim or kill either you for not nurturing the bond right away, so it allowed you both time apart." Looking at his once colleague, Albus felt such sorrow for what he did to him and to Harry, and the thought of saying this next part has his mouth drying up and tears gathering in his pastel eyes. "Severus…"
Severus looked up into the defeated face of the Headmaster.
"Severus…Harry surviving this war had nothing to do with the bond. That was all him and his power and how well he used it. The bond itself was busy protecting its future." Here he paused and swallowed, and Severus stood.
"The bond was busy protecting Harry's babies. Your babies. Harry was pregnant with twins at the time of the final battle." He paused and waited for the explosion, but it never came.
Standing in front of the painting, Severus glared and clinched his teeth, "What?! Did you know? Did you know before you died that Harry was…"? This is unbelievable! What the fuck was the Headmaster thinking keeping this information to himself!" The thought of Harry walking to his death knowing he was with child sickens him. Why didn't Harry tell him? How could he go into battle knowing about the babies? What was he thinking! It's quite obvious that he wasn't thinking!
"Unfortunately, most of this information came to me after I had passed on. Luckily for me, or for you, that I charmed more of my essence into this painting then I was required to, and I was able to pass on this new information to myself."
"Then why didn't you tell me sooner! Why did you just sit there in that damn ugly chair of yours and not tell me! I trusted you! How many times have I been in this office with you!? How many times have you sat there and listened to me cry over missing Harry and bitching at you who made me send him away! I hate you! I hate you for doing this to me!" Walking around the office, trying to keep his magic in check, which wasn't easy since some trickled out and shattered a few picture frames on the mantle. He needed Harry. His other. His Soul. Touching the Mother Bear to get himself righted again, he took several breathes before turning back to the painting on the far wall. "What else do you know? I know there's more."
Albus looked to have aged a hundred years in the last twenty minutes, and that's saying a lot considering he is a painting. "When you touched Harry in Diagon Alley that day, it started the chain reaction with your magic and the bond. I'm sure that Harry is experiencing the same effects of wild magic that you are, if not worse. He is the magical carrier, and his magic would be wilder than yours."
"I believe that. I'm sure that we shared the same dream and witnessed the same memory while I was unconscious. It's the memory of our bonding since neither of us were aware of that event. It turns out that Magic has been guiding us through this magical storm and is now trying to set things on the right track. That little boy that I've been dreaming of for years has finally spoken to me. He was the one to show me where to go to view the memory and when I woke up, he's been visiting me…outside of my dreams. He's going to draw me a picture. We've talked about him many times over the years, but I never asked…do you know who this child is, Albus?" scrutinizing the figure in front of him and dreading the answer he knew was coming.
"Yes"
"Albus!"
…
"Albus! I swear to Salazar, that if you don't start talking right at this moment, I'm going to blast your portrait off the wall and burn it to ashes!" Actually, he just might do that anyway. Albus is grating on his already frayed nerves and this cat and mouse game he's playing will not bode well for him.
"No need to get physical, Severus. I'm prepared to tell you all I know." Feeling that his friendship with his potion master and former colleague is coming to an end, he resigned himself to this fate and swallowed down the lump forming in his throat. "The child's name is Conner and he sometimes visits me here. In the afterlife, his Grandpa…or Gampa, is me. Evidently, we spend quite a bit of time together. He's a spectacular child and so full of love. I will miss him greatly when he stops visiting."
"And who is this child to me? Why has he been coming to me first in dreams and now…" Severus is not a stupid man, he's pretty sure he knows the answer to this question, however confirmation would be nice.
"That is not my story to tell, Severus. I'm sorry. I want to tell you that, but I think you should ask the child himself. Try again, Severus." Knowing what the angry man is about to say. "Try talking on his level, get to know him a little. He just might surprise you."
"It doesn't make any sense that Harry would keep this from me." He said more to himself than to anyone. Several things falling into place at the same time. Crooking a smile at the older man, he asked." Did you know that Harry was an Animagi, Albus?"
Albus shook his head, "No, Severus, I did not. Did you teach him?" Curious, Albus stood from his chair and walked forward. "That's advanced magic for a young wizard but I shouldn't be surprised that Harry had mastered it."
"Yes, advanced magic indeed, nonetheless he learned it quickly and efficiently. I taught him, and we would roam the Forbidden Forrest together on clear nights or swim in the lake in our forms. Harry loved being in his Animagus form with me; said it made him feel whole, a part of something special, a part of a family. You know my form…" Albus nodded, "…a black panther, which symbolized strength, a good provider, and a formidable protector. Harry's form, on the other hand, is that of a black mother bear, which symbolizes love of family, creator and harborer of life and an animal that will go to any lengths to protect their young." Now I understand the meaning of his Animagus. I only wish I would have known before…before I fucked everything up. "I should have known the significance of it, not just want it meant. I failed him in that aspect and I failed him when I listened to you!" turning his vitriol on the portrait. "Never again! Never will I fail him or my family again that's a promise! I need to find my Harry, I need to find my man!" and with that, Severus turned on his heels and stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind him.
Storming down the movable stairs and exiting the Gargoyle, Severus starts to turn towards the dungeons when a tawny owl grabbed his attention. Holding out his arm for the owl, it landed and stuck out it's leg containing an official looking letter. Arching one eye brow, Severus removed the letter and turned it over. Yup, from the Ministry. Great. Deciding not to wait to read the letter, he opened it and looked to the bottom of the note to see the senders name. Arthur Weasley. Starting at the top, he read the missive twice before he realized that he wasn't alone. Looking down, Conner was standing by his side looking up at him with curiosity.
"S'vrus, I made you a picture!" Holding up a piece of parchment. "I drawed you a picture of my family. Gampa says dat it's the best way to tells peoples you luv dem." Smiling large and blushing a little.
Kneeling down so that he is eye level with the child, "I know I'll love any picture you draw for me." Looking into the child's eyes, Severus smiles and Conner visibly relaxes and smiles back. "Thank you for drawing me your family, maybe you would like to tell me about your family, so I will know who everyone is."
"Okay! Gampa Pwons helpeded me and Gramma Wiwls made us lunch. Hey! I know a place where we can sit, and I can tell you all about my Gampa's and Gamma's! Would you like dat? Would you like to come wit me?" Running ahead of the professor, the child made his way to the front doors, laughing all the while checking over his shoulder to make sure his S'vrus was following.
Conner led Severus out the front door and down the path that led around the back of the castle. Realizing where they were headed, he slowed his pace and watched the child run ahead. His spot, their spot. Can he go back there? It's been too long since he's been in that clearing, since the final battle. So many memories, good and bad. Taking too long to decide, he found Conner standing before him when he refocused on the world in front of him.
"C'mon S'vrus! Don'tcha wanna see? It's so pretty. It has flowers all around and Gamma Wiwls says they are her favowite!" grabbing the older man's hand and pulling him forward, "Pwease papa, don'tcha wanna see?! Come see!" All Severus could do is follow blindly, shocked at being addressed this way. "Come on, papa!" Who is he to deny his own child as he allowed the boy to pull him into the Forbidden Forrest.
-Lovetoreadseverusdotcom
