Beka hated hospitals. They reminded her of bad times, of losing the people she loved. She could still see the stark white walls of the cheap backwater hospital she had taken her father to towards the end, spending far too much for far too little care. The air had smelled of medicine and something rancid. He'd been a shadow of himself then, lying under a crisp white sheet, connected to a half a dozen monitors by a maze of wires. She alone sat by his side, her brother off somewhere causing trouble. She could no longer remember his excuses. It happened so long ago, but somehow it was the first image she saw whenever she conjured up memories of her father. She had vowed to never step foot in a hospital again unless she was dying.
And yet, here she was, sitting stiffly on a stool next to Trance's sickbed on something that seemed far too much like a death watch for her liking. Andromeda had explained everything to her moments after she'd awakened from a sleep that hadn't lasted last nearly long enough. Eyes still heavy and brain filled with fog, she'd listened to Andromeda's clinical description of Trance's condition. It hadn't left much room for hope. She had cursed the AI, demanding to know why no one had come to get her in her quarters on Andromeda where she'd gone to sleep undisturbed in case Harper decided to make repairs on the Maru. She knew deep down that she was not being fair to the AI, that there was nothing she could have done to help, but Andromeda was a convenient target for the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside. Andromeda hadn't taken it personally, offering instead to let Doyle know she was on her way.
Beka leaned forward and ran her fingers through Trance's hair, now loosened by Rommie or Doyle from its typical updo to spread across the pillow. She stopped, elbows on the bed, allowing her fingers to remain entwined in her friends red curls. Holding the girl's hand was out of the question, her fever was too high. She could feel the heat radiating off Trance's skin, warming the air around her. Her cheeks were flushed a bright red, as if she'd spent too much time in the sun, and sweat glistened on her forehead. Beka willed her to open her eyes, to move, anything to show there was still life inside of her, but her friend remained motionless.
In the lines of the girl's face Beka could see Trance as she was the day they'd met, a young girl with purple skin and short blonde hair, too gentle and innocent for the harsh environment that surrounded her. Beka could see the hope in that young girl's dark eyes, hope that Beka was her path to a better future. She saw Trance as she was before Seefra, a young warrior who remained cautiously hopeful despite the darkness surrounding her, always there to offer kind and encouraging words. She saw Trance as she had been a just few short months ago. They'd danced together on the Maru in the midst of an almost apocalypse. Trance had been hesitant at first, but humored her friend, seeming to know that it was what Beka needed at that moment. Trance always knew what others needed. She had smiled so beautifully after the embarrassment faded away, spinning around and around the galley at Beka's lead, her curls flying behind her.
"Oh Trance, it's far too early for you to leave this party. Things are just starting to get fun," Beka said, recalling their conversation that day, hoping that somewhere deep inside Trance could hear her. Trance had said that day that she didn't think she could die, not like humans did. As it turns out, she could. "I'm not ready for you to go yet."
Beka felt a warm hand on her back and out of the corner of her eye saw Doyle, dressed in a pair of soft black leather pants and a fitted beige blouse, somewhat more conservative than her normal clothing, crouch down beside her.
"She's still alive, Beka. There is hope." she said, her voice filled with compassion.
"For how long?" she asked. She didn't know why it was always so hard for her to see the silver lining. Another personal failing for Beka Valentine. Another reason she needed Trance.
"Hopefully for a long time yet. Her temperature is down two degrees. She is fighting." Doyle stood up and grabbed a soft grey cloth from a nearby cart. She moved around the bed so she was standing across from Beka. With an expression of utmost caring she reached out and began to wipe the sweat from Trance's forehead. Catching Beka's eyes she held the cloth out to her. Beka took it. She would never tell Harper directly, but she was in awe of his skills. Doyle was so human in so many ways. Beka could even see the worry lines on her forehead as she studied Trance's vitals.
"Thanks, Doyle," Beka said, taking over the task. Doyle bowed her head slightly and without saying anything more crossed the room to stand beside its fourth occupant, a sleeping Harper. She put the cloth down on the cart, allowing her gaze to follow the other women. Beka watched the android place her hands on the bed beside Harper, watching as he slept. "When will he be awake?"
"Approximately seven hours. Rommie gave him enough sedative to knock him out for twelve. She knew he would not rest again easily once he woke up. I agree with her. He is going to keep himself busy, for better or for worse," Doyle replied.
"That sounds like Harper. When the dust settles, if we all survive, what happened to Earth is going to hit him hard." She left off that things would be far worse if Trance did not pull through. Beka had seen Harper crash a few times in the years he'd been with her. She feared that too much more would cause him to withdraw so far inside himself that no one would ever reach the true Harper again.
"He will need all of us, his friends," Doyle said, crossing back over to Trance's bed. Beka allowed her gaze to fall once again on Trance's face.
"Trance used to be his best friend, before Seefra and the Abyss," she said, more to herself than Doyle. She put the cloth back down on the bedside cart.
"Yes, I know. Harper told me." Doyle too was now looking at Trance, her expression unreadable, but kind. Beka knew that Doyle was still trying to figure out where she belonged in the lives and hearts of Andromeda's crew.
"Doyle, I heard once that people in comas could still think and even hear what was being said around them. What do you think?" Doyle smiled sympathetically, her gaze meeting Beka's.
"I think the only person who has ever known what is going on inside Trance's mind is Trance, but it doesn't hurt to try." Doyle's eyes lost focus and she stood perfectly still. Beka tensed up, waiting to hear Doyle's message.
"That was Rommie. You are needed in Command. Tarazed is sending a few hundred crewmembers and she needs your help preparing for them. She would rather not wake Dylan as he just fell asleep."
"Right. I'm on my way." Beka stood. Unfortunately, as bad as things were, Trance and Harper were the least of her worries with the Magog World Ship so close. She reached out and took Trance's hand into hers, the heat searing her palm. She gave it a quick squeeze before letting it drop. The heat lingered on her skin.
"Trance, if you can hear me, please find your way back to us. We need you. I need you," she said before turning away thinking that, in a way, it was a minor mercy her friend would not be awake tio face the Magog in her now more vulnerable state.
"Trance, why do you sit alone in the dark?" Trance heard the familiar male voice break through the silence, but could not see from where it came. The darkness that surrounded her was absolute. There was no light, and no shadows. She scanned it with her eyes all the same, but did not move from her position, sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest, arms hugging them like a small child hugged a stuffed toy.
"How is it you are here? I am no longer Kith," she replied, her voice hardly above a whisper.
"You did not answer my question."
"Darkness is all I see. It has defeated me." This darkness was a lonely place, but a comfortable one. Before he had interrupted, there had been no sound save for her breathing. There was no physical pain. Her head no longer felt as if it were splitting apart molecule by molecule. Wrapped up in its cloak she was able to forget what had happened. If she could just stay here, she would never feel pain like that again. She would never have to face life as an organic. She would never have to watch her friends come to harm because she could not protect them the way she used to. "Now, will you answer my question?"
"You and I, born into this universe from the same energy at the same moment, share a bond that even the Nebula cannot remove. They do not understand. Most of them were created, not born. Their failing is our benefit."
"If you don't mind," she said, raising her chin up to show a confidence she did not feel, "I would rather be alone right now." A light appeared before her, dim at first, but growing brighter until she could see standing some distance away a man who, aside from his masculine features, was a mirror image of herself. Floating in front of him, casting shadows on his face, was a small sun. His sun. His posture and expression were serene, but in his eyes reflected a great sadness.
"I do mind. I will not leave you alone, Trance Gemini. There is always light so long as there is hope." She met his gaze.
"Do you truly believe that, today of all days, Sol Gemini?" He took a step closer to her. He wore a pair of loose fitted brown trousers and knee length square-necked tunic, cream colored and embroidered with Earth cranes.
"I do."
"Then perhaps I have lost hope. The Abyss has taken your beautiful wife from you. It has taken billions of the people you nourished and gave life to for hundreds of thousands of years. Though it is dead it has irreparably corrupted our ruling council. There is no hope." Her voice, still low, was as hard as her words. Sadness overtook his features. He moved closer until he was only a step away and knelt down in front of her. His sun floated between them. He reached out and placed a loving hand on her cheek. His touch was warm and comforting, but she did not lean into it.
"You my twin, the brightest of all the stars, the Fire Princess, the one born to rule over the all the celestial bodies of the universe, how can you ever lose hope?" The emotional pain she had been able to forget in the darkness came rushing back at his words. Tears welled up in her eyes. She swallowed a sob that threatened to break free.
"I am none of those things anymore, and I never will be again. The Nebula was given too much power because the Vedrans and the Paradine believed them incorruptible. Our one perfect possible future is lost." He pulled his hand away from her face and grabbed her hands. He stood, pulling her with him. She did not resist.
"Come with me, sister." The darkness melted away, replaced by a light so bright she had to blink several times to see. They were on a hillside overlooking a flowering meadow. In the distance a gleaming city stood, looking as if it were grown from the land itself. White stone glimmered from beneath curtains of leafy ivy. A road paved with jewel colored stones stretched out in front of her. She knew that in that city a people as colorful as the flowers in meadow before her dwelled, the physical embodiments of all the planets, moons, suns, and black holes. This was the homeworld of the Lambent Kith where those who wanted to spend time with one another in physical form, eating, drinking, and creating, were free to do so apart from organics.
Trance didn't have to turn around to know that behind her stood an ancient and imposing building, stark white and shining brightly under the light of two suns. No greenery was allowed to overtake this building. It was a hard place built entirely of stone, all soaring columns and graceful archways. The Chambers, it was called. Here was where the Lambent Kith Nebula, Council of Moons, and System of Planets met to govern the cosmos and mete out judgements.
"Why have you brought me back here?" she asked. Her voice was full of anger, though she felt small and afraid more than anything else. Her twin remained calm.
"You choose not to face what has happened. You must remember and accept it, or you will disappear."
"I can not live through this again." She kept her gaze on her twin. She refused to turn around and see The Chambers, just as she had refused to dwell on it during her time alone on the Maru as she felt her new, weaker body sicken moment by moment until she could feel fire radiating from her skin and ice in her blood. Until her physical pain matched the anguish in her heart.
"If you do not face it, you will not live." Still she watched him, un-moving. If the Nebula knew he was in contact with her right now, he would be punished harshly. She was taboo. No one was allowed to contact her, not even her twin. Being male, his punishment would be death. No leniency would be given. "Perhaps it would be better if I disappeared. I hurt everyone close to me. I destroy them."
A flash of anger crossed Sol's face. She had seen him angry many times in their long lives, but his anger had never been directed at her, no matter how much she had pushed and prodded him in their chaos loving childhood years. She took a step back, pulling her hand out of his. The anger of a sun was always fearsome to behold.
"What of your friends, Trance? Your protector? Me? Will we hurt less with your passing?" The tears she had been holding back began to fall.
"I do not know, but I know I will no longer hurt anymore, and I will no longer have to see them hurt because of my actions or inaction," she whispered, the truth spilling out.
"I never would have imagined you capable of such selfishness. Your flaw, Trance Gemini, is that you give up too easily. Whenever you cannot see the answer, whenever things get too tough, or when it hurts too much, you run away." His words mirrored those Dylan had repeated to her on multiple occasions before Seefra.
"Do you know the danger you are in at this very moment just by speaking to me? If the Nebula discovers you are here, you will die." Her tone was sharp with anger to mask how much his words stung. His countenance softened again, the anger replaced once more by sorrow.
"If I cared about the danger, I would not be here. The Universe will not be better off without you," he said gently. "I would not be better off without you."
"My life will be but a moment compared to yours. I am no more than a mayfly, here today and gone tomorrow." He stepped forward and pulled her into an embrace. She rested her head on his shoulder, her tears soaking into his tunic. His arms held her tightly and she clung to him, desperate not to let him go. How she had missed him on this journey, even when she did not remember his name or face.
"That much is true, but I would not take a moment less with you," he said and kissed the top of her head. "The Abyss took my beautiful Gaia. The only solace I can find in it is that so many of her children had already taken to the stars. I do not want to lose you as well so soon. Being here could bring me harm, but your loss would hurt me more. I know it is the same for your friends and protector."
With a great deal of effort, she pulled herself away from him so she could look into his eyes.
"I am so sorry, brother." He reached out and took her hands in his again.
"You cannot lose hope, sister." She took a deep breath. She was terrified and shaking, but she knew he was right. He usually was.
"I don't know what to do. I am afraid." Sol dropped her hands, reached out, and gently turned her around until she was facing the chambers. He stood behind her now, hands gently pressing down on her shoulders. His touch calmed and comforted her. As a part of the Nebula she had been permitted very little contact with him, or anyone else dear to her, in an attempt to cure her of her inability to conform and be of one mind with them; one of the harshest punishments out of the many she'd received at their hands.
"You must enter The Chambers now and face what you fear the most." He gave her shoulders a squeeze. "Do not give up. Do not hide from the truth. And, know this, you are not alone in opposing the Nebula."
"Will you come with me?" she asked.
"This is something you must do alone, I cannot come with you. I hope to see you again soon, my sister." He squeezed her shoulders one more time and then the weight of his hands was gone and she knew he was no longer with her. She closed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath.
"Here goes nothing," she whispered, something Harper used to say when he was about to do something incredibly risky or unpleasant.
"Good morning, sleepyhead." Harper opened his eyes to see Doyle's face a few inches away from his, a soft smile on the gorgeous full lips he had given her. He smiled back, sleepily.
"I could get used to waking up like this every morning," he said with a wink. Doyle rolled her eyes,
"You'll just have to learn to live with the disappointment of waking up alone," she said and stood up. As the fog of sleep lifted, the room around him came into focus. Med Deck, not his quarters, the Maru, or his machine shop. He remembered that Rommie had sedated him, and a good thing too, he had to admit as he realized he felt more rested than he had in days. Rommie, as usual, knew best. Why did he always argue with her? Oh, right, he liked to argue.
He sat up slowly, ignoring the protest of his very stiff back.
"One day, Doyle." He gave her a flirtatious smile. He was glad for Doyle's steady presence, lending a sense of normalcy to the situation. With legs hanging over the side of the bed, he stretched his back, lifting his arms high in the air. He brought them down and clasped them behind his head as he twisted to one side, held for a beat, and twisted to the other. A large yawn escaped his lips. He kept his eyes on Doyle, choosing not to face present circumstances, even if just for a moment.
"One day you will find a nice girl to settle down with and leave me alone."
"You think you can get rid of me that easily?" he asked. She shrugged, still smiling a flirtatious smile. "How long was I out for?"
"Twelve hours and nine-minutes. You needed the sleep." His gaze finally fell on the figure across the room and his smile fell. Doyle followed his gaze.
"Her fever has dropped a couple of degrees, but otherwise no change," she reported. Harper could see the concern in Doyle's face. The android and the girl had become quick friends. It could have been because the part of Doyle that was Rommie at the time remembered Trance, but, more likely, it was because it was easy to befriend Trance, always so disarming and unfailingly friendly. He pushed off the bed crossed the room to Trance's bedside. He felt Doyle step in beside him.
"What kind of cruel cosmic joke is it that after three-years mourned and gone she comes back into my life only to be taken away again a year later?" he asked, voice louder and more venomous than he intended. "I didn't want to get close enough to any of them to be hurt again, especially not Trance, but I did. The universe is just laughing it up at the expense of Seamus Harper." Doyle wrapped an arm around his shoulder.
"Harper, she was your best friend. I am not organic, and I haven't had many friends, but I would venture to guess that those feelings don't just go away, even if the situation changes. Would you rather you had never met her?" He didn't even have to consider Doyle's question.
"Of course not," he said. Doyle gave him a friendly squeeze and briefly rested her head on his shoulder, a solid and comforting presence, just as she had been on Seefra.
"That's what I thought, and I have not given up hope that she will make it," she replied. "Listen, I know you want to stay here, but we are due to face the Magog Worldship in approximately five hours. So you need to go shower and eat. She won't be alone until we have no choice."
"So soon?"
"We've waited as long as we can. The Commonwealth is sending as many ships as they can spare and we have 537 new crew coming onboard to help us. You have some engineers that you need to get acquainted with quickly. Try not to scare them away."
"I don't scare people away," he objected. Doyle sighed beside him and he heard her unspoken accusations. "Okay. Maybe I get a little, and I stress the word little, overzealous. They should be scared. 537 people aren't going to mean much against the Magog Worldship when nova bombs and an actual supernova couldn't destroy them. The most likely scenario is that we're all Magog food by the end of the day."
In his peripheral vision he could see Doyle staring at him, an unreadable expression on her face. He turned to meet her gaze. Her expression hardened, a look of determination.
"That may be so," she said, "But it doesn't mean we don't fight You need to figure out what you are fighting for. I fight for you, and for my home." He thought about it for a moment, his eyes falling on Trance again. His was heart still heavy from the loss of his home and seeing Trance in front of him reminded him that he had lost everyone he loved for three years the last time they had taken on the Worldship. He often tried to make other believe that he only looked out for numero uno, but that wasn't exactly true.
"I will fight for my friends. For Earth. And especially for Trance. She at least deserves the chance to get better. We could really use her help out there, though," he said. Doyle gave him a sympathetic smile.
"She has her own battle to fight. Now get going and don't forget to take a shower. You haven't bathed in over 24-hours and you are ripe."
"All right. All right. Fine. I'm going," he said in a teasing tone. His mind was already running through a list of what needed to be done, where he could station his new engineers, ideas on how to use Andromeda in new and different ways to lay waste to the Magog Worldship this time around. He was terrified, certainly, but the heaviness of his other worries was lifting. Busyness and impending doom were a temporary fix for emotional distress, and he wasn't really sure the trade-off was worth it, but he welcomed the reprieve anyway.
"Good, I will see you in command soon."
"For Earth."
"For Friends.
"For Trance."
He leaned forward and kissed Trance's forehead, surprising himself. Her skin was like fire against his lips. He only lingered for a moment, but in that moment he felt all of the feelings he'd buried for years begin to surface, the pull of the undertow against his heart. How could he ever have thought he could stop caring?
"Just keep fighting Trance, and promise I will too." And with those words, he was gone.
