Ratings: M
Warnings: N/A
Genre: Alt. Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Holiday.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story: living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.
Chapter 3:
Levi waited at home anxiously for the clock to strike six and have Erwin bring their kids home. He couldn't wait to talk to them about what they did with their father, how much attention he gave them, and what kinds of things he did with them. He spent the first part of his alone time cleaning up the house. Afterwards, he took some time for himself to shower and groom himself, then sat down to enjoy a small pot of tea in the living room on his own.
Levi stared at the small blue pot on the coffee table. It was made of cast-iron, and set upon a cast-iron base with a lit tea candle under it, meant to keep tea warm for hours at a time. It had been a Christmas gift from Erwin the year they had adopted Eren. Erwin had joked that Levi could use it when the blonde had come home from work and looked after Eren in the evenings. Levi smiled, thinking back to that Christmas, and then all Christmases forwards. Erwin had spent so much time with their kids - babies mostly at the time - making sure they didn't crawl into the fireplace or hurt themselves under the tree. He spent a lot of time on his own hands and knees, tickling and teasing his children as Levi watched from where he got to relax on the couch. Occasionally, Levi would get down and join them, playing card games or board games until the kid's bedtime. Other times, he would head into the kitchen to bring them all hot chocolate or chocolate cake.
Sitting here now, Levi could envision his husband on the floor in front of him, playing goldfish with Armin and Mikasa while he ran lines with Eren on the couch for his school play. Levi assumed that would be what they would do as a family tonight if Erwin wasn't so consumed with work. He understood that Erwin had wanted the position of Commander-Of-Operations at his firm for a long time now, probably since as long as Erwin had been hired there. It was the only position under Chief-Commander-Of-Operations, which was the head of the firm entirely. Erwin had kept him up to date with how Keith Shadis - the current COO - was planning to retire at the end of this year, and how Nile Dok - a long time rival of Erwin's since university - had also been eyeing the position of COO.
Levi began to wonder about Nile. From what he knew about Nile, from the few rants Erwin had regarding the man, was that he was married, had three children with his wife, and lived with his mother-in-law. Levi began to wonder if Nile Dok had began to neglect his family in order to obtain the promotion at work. Would his daughters be missing their father because he was too busy at the office? Would he be taking his work home and grumpily yelling at his wife to take the kids for the evening?
Levi sighed. He had time to himself, which he was relieved by not having to mind the three children for the first time in two weeks, but now he was missing his family more than ever. He thought about the last conversation he had with Erwin, the tension they had and the speed at which they jumped at each other's throat with snide comments and anger. If they continued treating each other the way they had been, Levi was sure their relationship would fail and they would be spending more and more time as co-parents rather than a family. This kind of evening, waiting for his husband - no, Erwin - to bring their kids home after a weekend out might become the new normal, if Erwin had agreed to let Levi keep the kids during the weekdays.
Levi found his eyes had welled up with tears and for once, since the kids were not home, he was able to let them freely fall. He let out the sob that he had been holding back for so long, then placed his teacup on the coffee table, curled up on his side on the couch, and let himself cry into the throw pillow.
Erwin had taken the kids to the zoo, asking them if they had eaten yet. Eren had replied that 'dad fed us' in a flat voice, obviously the most upset with Erwin for the recent changes to their family dynamic. Erwin couldn't blame his eldest son, who had not only caught them fighting but was mature enough to understand divorce, especially since his best friend's family was divorced. It was completely understandable that Eren was afraid his own parents would divorce and he would end up like Jean, passed back and forth between two adults that were bitter towards each other. Erwin wanted to comfort Eren, that he wasn't going to let that happen to Levi and himself, but he knew that Eren would just be difficult to deal with, and that was a natural consequence.
He took them to the zoo, which Armin and Mikasa were excited about, and Eren once more reminded him that 'dad already too us here in the summer' in his voice full of annoyance. Erwin smiled despite his frustration and informed Eren that the zoo would change to have different teachable moments, with some animals going into hibernation and others becoming more active since the seasons changed. They spent some time exploring and Erwin found himself relaxing a little bit, feeling the stress of work melt away. He remembered what it would be like for himself to be out with his family, watching the kids while Levi ran off to grab them all some ice cream, or perhaps unpack the sandwiches he prepared them. He smiled to himself, then kissed Armin's temple as he held his youngest against himself, trying to make up for missing his birthday.
After the zoo, Erwin took them to a Kidz World for lunch. It was a new restaurant chain that got popular nationwide, with a lot of older arcade games for the kids to busy themselves with as the servers took orders and brought food to tables. While Eren and Mikasa busied themselves competing in a two-player racing game, Erwin sat with his arm around Armin's shoulders, trying to get his youngest to help him out with Levi.
"I'm so sorry I missed your party bud," Erwin began, then moved his son's hair out of his eyes. "I hope you can forgive me."
"I do, daddy." Armin replies, his high voice soft and quiet. "I missed you."
"Aw, buddy, I missed you too." Erwin replied. "Even more now since I'm not home."
"Why not?"
"Well, it's just complicated right now, hun. But I'm staying with uncle Mike. Things will get better, I promise."
"Will you be home for Christmas?" This question came from around Armin's blanket, which the boy began to chew on as a means to hide his nerves.
"Don't do that," Erwin lightly scolded him, taking the blanket out from between his teeth. "How's mommy doing?" He asked. Despite Levi never having given birth to the kids, Erwin always referred to Levi as the kids mom behind his back. Levi knew about it, but he didn't correct Erwin. On occasion the kids called Levi 'mommy' too, out of habit from talking to Erwin about Levi.
"Mum-my," Armin replied, still chewing on the blanket. He only continued to talk when Erwin had coaxed him to physically move the blanket from his mouth. "Mum-my's sad." He replied. "He- he tries not to show us. But we know he's sad. Eren- Eren says that is not our fault, but I feel- I feel bad, dad-dy."
Erwin sighed. "I know." He replied, then hugged his son, "I know. Mummy's tired, that's all. Daddy should've spent some more time with mummy and you kids, instead of work all summer. You know we don't normally have such miserable summers, right? Well, you're young, but your brother and sister know we normally spend more time together."
"Will you be home soon, daddy?" Armin asked, hugging Erwin and abandoning his blanket to wrap his arms around Erwin's shoulders instead.
Erwin watched the blanket fall to the vinyl bench seat beside himself and his lips rose in a wavering smile. Over Armin's small shoulders he could see Eren and Mikasa had moved on to a competitive game of air hockey; his daughter still holding onto a small plush toy of a 'titan' from Eren's favourite apocalypse series - her comfort item. He realized how much meaning was behind something as simple as a yellow blanket being abandoned in favour of hugging someone, in favour of hugging his father, and Erwin pat Armin's back, holding him close to his chest. "I'm so sorry, buddy." He whispered, "I'm so sorry, I don't know."
Erwin had the kids back by six o'clock. Levi had pulled himself off the couch and back together emotionally by the time Erwin had pulled into the driveway, so he was well composed for his kids' arrival. He was red-eyed and dark-circled, but he couldn't hide any of that from Erwin, so he left his hair in his face, knowing that Erwin would know why but wouldn't be able to prove it.
They were both on their best behaviour as they once more exchanged the kids. Erwin didn't linger as long as before and Levi didn't push him to talk about what other plans he had. He simply as "Same time next week?" implying that Erwin still wasn't accepted back home. Erwin nodded and agreed, accepting Levi's ultimatum, then whispered a faint 'goodbye.' He paused and turned to Levi, stopping halfway from the house in the chilly air of the mid-November evening and jogged the short distance back to the doorway.
"Can I come over next week instead?" He asked, "We can all put the tree up, like we normally do."
Levi frowned. He didn't want Erwin to get any funny ideas but he was surprised that Erwin was volunteering to do something together as a family. "You want to- you- the tree." He gave his head a shake and tried again, "I'm sorry, but are you sure you don't have work to be doing?"
Erwin blushed. His defence flared up but he sighed instead of retort anything rude. Levi seemed so young, so tired; just like when he ran into him and spilt his coffee all over him. "Levi, please." Erwin began, "I just want to do something normal for the kids. Tell you what, I'll take them out to pick up a tree - a real one this time. You can make hot chocolate and we can all decorate it. I'll buy us all a nice dinner, order in a pizza or some Chinese take out, and then I'll leave for the night. No funny business, no work, just something strictly for the kids."
Levi bit his lower lip. "Erwin," he began, "That sounds like a lot of work." He mumbled, "I don't even know how to take care of a real tree-"
"Or we can just put up the old fake one-"
"But it does sound like something good for the kids. You can take them out and spend some time with them and I can get the house ready. Maybe we should try to spend some time together, as a family, and see how things go? I'm not ready to forgive you, Erwin, I want to be clear on that. But I don't want to give up you just yet either."
"I know." Erwin replied, "I know. Thank you, Levi. Really. I'm- I'll see you next week."
Despite how much he wanted to say it, despite how much he knew he had to say it, Erwin wasn't about to get the apology out. He turned, cheeks red from embarrassment, and headed back to his car. He waved at Levi once, then got in behind the wheel and spotted his kids in the living room window. He tooted his car horn twice, waved at them as he turned his headlights on, then backed out of the driveway and into the dark, November night.
Another week came and went, with much of Sunday devoted to chores and much of the weekdays devoted to school and homework. Levi had begun to spend some time in the evenings fitting Eren for his costume as Santa Claus and listening to Mikasa practicing for her solo in her class's song. The kindergarten class she was in was going to do a musical number on Christmas mice, and until the other two mice had decided on what the costumes would consist of, Levi wasn't able to fit her for her's.
On Thursday, Eren had Jean over for a sleepover and Levi got to spend some time with the boy's mother. He wanted to ask her how she knew her marriage was over with her husband, wanting to save himself and the kids more pain if there was a clearer way to see how his future with Erwin was like, but he knew it was rude and out of his place to ask something so bold to his son's friend's mother. He wasn't close to her before their kids had met, hadn't even known her, so he knew it was overstepping a line he shouldn't cross. So it surprised him when she began to tell him about the divorce of her own free will.
From what Levi gathered, which was quite a bit since Jean's mother had no shame in informing him how much of a good-for-nothing Jean's father was, the divorce was inevitable. Her marriage to Jean's father was nothing like his with Erwin, so it would be comparing apples and oranges even if he had tried to. There was little romance before a marriage, if any after, and to some degree Levi questioned how much bitterness Jean's mom was adding in hindsight of the divorce to describe some of the moments before she had even agreed to marry her ex-husband.
After she had left, Levi had taken all the kids to the movies. Not wanting to watch the latest animation film with them, Levi had bought them tickets and got them settled into the theatre, leaving his son in charge, then headed to the theatre across the hall to see the latest holiday rom-com with Isabella. While they had considered inviting Furlan to come along with them, they both predicted that he would rather watch the latest sci-fi movie instead, so they decided against it.
Isabella drove Mikasa and Armin home, coming inside to spend some time with Levi after all the children went to sleep. The next morning, Levi took Eren, Jean, and Mikasa to school, before dropping Armin off at preschool and heading in to work at the dental office. The dentist he worked with - Flagon - had offered to come by and spend time with him in the evenings, informing Levi that he had heard about his recent separation from Erwin from some of the office ladies. Levi frowned, politely declined, informing him that he had only separated from Erwin temporarily. While Flagon had been kind to him since he started at his firm, Levi had never taken it to mean that the older man had any romantic attraction towards him, thinking that his boss just admired his work ethic. Now, he was hoping the rejection didn't cause him any discomfort at work. After such an awkward moment, he spent the morning cleaning teeth for teenagers that managed to convince their parents to make their hygiene appointments during school hours, then picked up his youngest kids and headed back home.
During dinner he informed them all that Erwin would be coming over to pick them up to do something extra special for Christmas tomorrow. Despite their excitement, which even Eren shared in, Levi managed to calm them all down and get ready for bed. The next morning, Levi woke them up and got them ready, feeding them and once more letting them watch TV as they waited for Erwin to show up. Levi gave Erwin an extra half an hour, hoping that he had been held up in traffic or that he might be late because he was trying to surprise them all somehow. By quarter to twelve and one-and-a-half cartoons later, Levi gave up trying to keep his kids positive and called Erwin. The man answered on the last ring, out of breath and completely panicked.
"Levi? I'm so-"
"Save it, Erwin. Where the hell are you?! The kids are worried! They've been waiting for almost an hour!"
"I know, I know. Shit, I'm sorry. I was on my way out the door and Zackly called me-"
"So you didn't tell him that you made arrangements with your children?!"
"I'm not exactly in any position to argue. If he called me first, then that must mean I'm in the running for the position over Nile and Dot."
"So you're just gonna let your boss call the shots, huh?" Levi sarcastically questioned him, clear unimpressed.
"Levi, it was just a few papers. He just wanted me to swing by the office and grab a few papers. I thought it wouldn't take so long, that I'd be able to pop in and pop out and be a few minutes late, tops. I didn't expect to still be here-"
"You're still at the office?!" Levi asked, completely shocked. "Erwin, what the hell?! You didn't even call us!"
"I know, I know Levi. I fucked up. I'm-"
"I don't even know if we should do this today anymore." Levi replied, completely ignoring Erwin and now attempting to blow him off. "Me and the kids are just gonna put up the old tree and-"
"NO!" Erwin shouted, then swallowed nervously. "I mean, I'm sorry, Levi. I didn't mean to- Look, just give me ten minutes. I'm leaving the office right now, I swear. I'll be there soon. Please, just… let me do this with you and the kids. Please."
Levi sighed and despite how much he wanted to be angry with Erwin, he felt himself giving in. "Alright." He mumbled, clearly not impressed. "But I want you to know the it's because I don't want to disappoint the kids, not-"
"That's cool." Erwin replied, cutting him off. "I'm on my way, tell the kids I'll be there." Despite seemingly ending the conversation, Erwin still couldn't bring himself to hang up the phone; he needed to hear Levi say goodbye first.
Levi frowned at first, annoyed to be cut off by Erwin. But when the blonde refused to hang up without hearing goodbye, Levi smiled. There was some old fashioned things about Erwin that made him uniquely Erwin, and this was one of them; his determination to hold onto whatever traditions him and Levi had made, alongside his obsession with having countdowns to the very days that they had known each other or dated - which was part of the reason Levi was so upset when Erwin began to miss birthdays. It made him feel as though his husband was becoming a stranger in comparison to the person he had known for nine long years.
"Alright," he whispered, giving in and letting Erwin be able to hang up. "I'll see you soon then."
Erwin grinned and whispered a quick, "Thanks Levi," then hung up the phone.
Eren didn't seem as ready to forgive his dad as fast as Levi was to forgive his husband. Having overheard that Erwin had gone in to work rather than come over and see them, despite having made plans with them, Eren was annoyed. He complained while Levi fed them some sandwiches for lunch and only stopped when Levi glared at him as he was pouring them all some grape juice to drink. Erwin arrived shortly after that, knocking the door and waiting sheepishly for Mikasa to answer the door. Armin followed her, dragging his yellow blanket on the floor behind himself and chew his sleeve nervously. "I thwot you for-got us, dad-dy." Armin mumbled, clearly anxious.
Erwin scooped Armin up and guided his hand away from Armin's mouth. "No, no buddy. I'd never forget you." He whispered, then kissed his squishy cheek. "Are you all bundled up, ready to go?" He asked, looking down at his kids and making sure they all had hats and jackets on.
"They're ready." Levi replied, "I didn't tell them anything though."
"Oh? Good, that's good. Thanks, Levi! I thought you might have, after I was… tied up."
"No, I… I didn't want to spoil it for them."
"Spoil what?" Armin and Mikasa asked at the same time.
"How about you go find out?" Levi asked, bending down to hug Mikasa and Eren. "Go with daddy, have a good time."
Erwin smiled at Levi and shifted Armin's weight to his hip rather than his arms. "Thanks, hun." He whispered to Levi. "I- I appreciate it."
Levi watched his little family head out the door. He closed the front door only after Erwin had driven away with the kids, heading to the small pine tree lot just out of the middle of the city.
As Erwin had predicted, the kids were thrilled to be able to go out and pick their own Christmas tree. Erwin let them run around for a bit, letting Eren explore all the large trees that wouldn't fit on top of his car for a little bit before he reminded Eren that mummy wouldn't be able to help them decorate a tree so tall. Eren laughed, agreeing with his father, then smiled at his siblings and led them to smaller, more homely-sized trees. In the end, Erwin chose one not much taller than himself, a large full pine. He had an assistant help net up the tree for them, then help him tie it down to the top of his car. Afterwards, he had the kids help him pick a bucket for the tree, and several new ornaments he hoped they would enjoy. Armin wondered over with a book on traditional ways to decorate a Christmas tree, so Erwin purchased that as well, then the four of them returned home.
Levi had cleared a space for the tree and was reading on his tablet how to best care for a fresh tree when they returned home. Erwin had Mikasa and Eren carry in all their shopping, bringing in the tree last so that they were able to pot it safely without making too much of a mess. Afterwards, they all spent the evening decorating the tree with lights and ornaments, before they all settle down around the tree on the floor to admire their work. As promised, Levi made them hot chocolate and Erwin ordered some pizza. They had a quiet evening together as a family, watching a movie as they ate and pretending that this was their new normal. Levi was bitter that the first time in months that they got to eat together as a family was in front of the television, but he wasn't going to argue with Erwin in front of the kids after they finally had a good day with both of their fathers.
At six thirty, Erwin stood up and Levi followed him to front door. He thanked him for having a good day with the kids, taking them out and treating them to something new for the holidays. Erwin grinned, finding Levi's words amusing. "They're my kids too, Levi." He reminded him, then simply wrapped his arms around Levi in a fond embrace. Levi raised his hands and hugged Erwin back politely, but didn't embrace him as he once did. Clearly he was still offended by Erwin's work to fully forgive him, despite all the good work he had done today with his family.
"Kiss him," Mikasa stated, her high pitched voice interrupting their adult time together.
"Wha-what?" Levi asked, releasing Erwin to turn and face their daughter.
"Kiss him, daddy." Mikasa repeated.
Erwin chuckled and stepped away from Levi, knowing that the smaller man felt awkward about the whole situation. "Not today, 'Kasa." He replied, "I'm sure mommy just wants to rest after such an exciting day."
Levi smiled at Erwin, grateful he understood. "Yeah baby, not tonight." He told Mikasa, then turned back to face Erwin. "I'll see you next week." He told him, watching Erwin head to his car and drive back to Mike's place.
