Ratings: M
Warnings: N/A
Genre: Alt. Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Holiday.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story: living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.


Chapter 4:

As December approached, Erwin began to think of ways to make the holidays memorable for his children. He didn't want to ruin any surprises by letting his kids know he was gathering information for gifts for them whenever they talked, but he did exchange some information with Levi, teaming up with him each time they saw each other on the weekends to come up with gift ideas. Occasionally when Erwin came over, he handed Levi a bag of gifts to wrap while he took the kids out of the house. Levi then hid the wrapped presents in their bedroom, so the kids wouldn't be able to find them until they were placed under the tree on Christmas morning.

The thought came to Erwin on the first Saturday of the month, as he sat with his kids in their favourite burger house, that he should surprise Levi as well. While he had hopes to spend Christmas with his family, he wasn't sure if he would be invited or not. He decided that he would surprise Levi one night closer to Christmas and appear uninvited, perhaps bring him an early Christmas present that would remind both of them how much their relationship meant. He said nothing to his kids, not wanting them to become excited and let their mum know anything of the plan.

After taking them home to Levi, Erwin headed back to Mike's house where he had been staying for the past month and sat down at the kitchen table opposite Mike's wife Nanaba. He began to ask her for ideas, wondering if she would be able to provide him with any insight into what Levi would find a meaningful and romantic gift that wasn't a broom or a new pair of underwear.

Nanaba laughed and the pair past time waiting for Mike to get out of the shower before he could join them for dinner and help provide some suggestions. Together, they decided that clothing was not romantic and certain kinds of jewelry was clearly too much of a buy-back. Eventually Mike made the argument that a ring this far into their marriage would not be a bad idea, and it was a valid reminder. Nanaba argued that a locket with their kids names engraved inside would be a more sentimental option and that a ring was too grand. In the end, Erwin decided that he would buy Levi another ring, enjoying the idea that it reminded them of their marriage vows, a symbol of their family and their love for each other. He headed to the jewelry store where he had commissioned their wedding rings from after work one day, leaving Nile in the office on his own, in order to stop by the jewelry store before it closed. He explained that he understood his request was a rush order, and at a bad time of the year given the holiday season, but explained that his marriage depended on the fact that he made it up to his spouse and that the ring was more meaningful than any other thing he could offer him in this moment.

Anxiously, Erwin waited the next three days until the jewelry store called him back. On Thursday night that week, Erwin left work early to pick up the ring. He headed straight to their house, making sure to dust off his blazer so that he would look his best before he parked across the street from his house. He was surprised to find Isabella's car in their driveway, blocking Levi's. He wasn't sure if he should go ahead with his plan, glancing at the time and wondering if Levi had been drinking with Isabella since it was past the kids' bedtime. He was fretting in the car, trying to figure out what the best course of action would be, when another car pulled up in front of his house, this time stopping on the curb-side on the street closest to the house.

Erwin sat up in his seat, his bright blue eyes narrowing as he filled with dread. He didn't recognize this car, was confused as to what it was even doing in front of his house. When he was sure that the car had pulled over as a mistake or for the driver to simply answer his phone, the front doors opened and Levi and a tall blonde man stepped out. They were both elaborately dressed, with the blonde in a crisp navy suit and Levi in a fancy ash-grey suit with a baby-blue shirt and white cravat tied around his neck. The blonde placed a hand on Levi's lower back as he walked him to the door, then stood on the landing as Levi fumbled with his keys. Levi had clearly been drinking, since he laughed loudly at something the blonde man said and dropped his keys as he tried to unlock the door.

Erwin's hands tightened to fists and he hissed in his breath. He had clearly interrupted Levi's date, coming just in time to witness Levi kiss the man on the lips briefly before heading into the house. Isabella had come to the door after hearing them fuss and was closing the door, guiding Levi into the house to take care of him.

Erwin had seen enough. He threw the ring box into the glovebox of his car and turned the engine over. He watched the man in the navy suit walk back to his car, a bright smile on his face, then drive away. Erwin drove in the opposite directly, driving away from his house as fast as he could. His chest felt tight, his heart physically hurting. He felt nauseated and feared that he would have to puke after seeing Levi stretch up on his tiptoes to plant a kiss on another man's lips. He could see the way the men would yell at him on the train platforms when he ran into them, he felt the fear that he had when he wondered if another man that Levi ran into would find his clumsiness and last-minute rush as attractive as he himself had. He wondered if Levi was planning to tell him about this other man, or how long he had even begun seeing him. And now, as he pulled over into the lot of a bar that looked like its main clients were construction men and middle-aged ex-wives, he wondered if he himself should try to put himself out there to try and forget what he just saw and how he currently felt.

Erwin decided that while he was not going to make any rash decisions or look for any company tonight, he would go inside the establishment and have a late dinner. He didn't feel like returning to Mike's house and telling him about what he saw; he didn't have the heart to repeat it even in his own head. When he had taken two steps inside the bar, Erwin paused to look around and was surprised when he saw a familiar bald head at the corner booth. He headed over and stood beside the table, waiting for the dark-eyed man to look up from ribeye steak before he politely asked if he could join him.

"Smith?" The man replied, "I'm surprised to see you here. By all means." He motioned to the seat across from himself.

Erwin sat down across from Keith Shadis, the man whose position he had been desperately trying to earn, then flagged a waitress to come take his order. He ordered a cheesesteak burger with fries and a large mug of their house beer, then turned to face Keith.

"I am as well." He replied, "I didn't expect to meet anyone from work here."

Keith laughed a wheezy laugh and shrugged. "I never met anyone from work here. It was kind of my home away from home, if you catch my drift."

Erwin nodded but didn't completely understand what Keith meant. "I thought that you spent most of your off time at home." He replied, "You always spoke about your kids when I saw you at work."

"Ahh, I just passed on what my wife told me. To be honest, I never really saw that much of them."

This news surprised Erwin and he struggled to keep his mouth from falling open. "Are you- For real?" Erwin asked.

Keith only laughed again. "I'm not sure why men like you and Nile are even fighting for my position in the company, Erwin." He raised his half-empty glass and took a sip of his ale, then placed it down on the table and smacked his lips together. "To be honest, the best person would be Dot because his kids are grown and he's divorced. And that's the way you and Nile would be heading if either of you were to get promoted."

"Is the position that much work, sir?" Erwin asked, falling back into his business conduct as soon as he began to hear about the promotion again.

Keith nodded solemnly, then took another sip of his beer. "I was divorced, twice, from the same lady." He replied, "And the second time I didn't get no second chance. I was a handsome man, Erwin, with a head full of brown hair if you could imagine. I was never as sunken or as bruised up as I am now. But that's what the job does to you, works you all days of the weeks, no holidays, no nuthin'. You just work and work and work - look at what Zackly does. Being Commander-Of-Operations is great, and you get power like you wouldn't believe, but you have to take responsibility of that power twenty-four-seven. It's not for those that have other responsibilities in life. If you want kids, then you're going to have to make a choice."

Erwin swallowed nervously, surprised to be here having this conversation with this man. Not a religious man by nature, Erwin was surprised that he had even ended up here after what he had witnessed with Levi and the blonde man back home. He wondered where he stood now: if his marriage really was failing, would he want to throw himself into his work and get divorced like Keith had? Would him and Levi be able to have a second chance? Would he fuck it up a second time even if he had been given one? Was the universe trying to tell him something about his family and his work, because it sure as hell felt like it.

"That sounds intense." He finally replied, thinking of his youngest son. He thought of how distant he had grown from Eren already, how the elder boy had already began to show him attitude in response to him 'abandoning' their family. "That sounds… very intense."

"It's not for the faint of heart, that's for sure." Keith replied, "And to be honest Erwin, if I had someone tell me this before I took the position, I would have turned it down. The reason I got remarried to my ex-wife was because I actually quit the position for about a year, but I was called back when the position wasn't filled. That was before you and Nile were promoted, so I wouldn't expect you to have heard about it-"

"No, we never did." Erwin replied.

"Yeah. Figures. Old Zackly would no doubt want to keep it covered up so you wouldn't refuse the job on him later on. But honestly," he sipped his beer again, finishing it in one large gulp. "Don't be a fool, Erwin. The job isn't what they make it out to be. And… you can never replace your family. If I had been a smarter man, I would've been there to watch my Amy grown up and grow old with my wife. Instead, I'll be retiring to see if I can grow back any of my hair and regain any of my sanity."

He stood up and threw two twenties down on the table to cover his tab, then pat Erwin's shoulder. "Take my advice, Erwin: focus on your family. They're the ones that need you most, not Zackly."

Erwin watched Keith leave the bar, staring blankly after him in shock. When the waitress came by to collect her money, Erwin asked her to take his food back and pack it to-go, before he asked her if she could describe the man that had just been sitting across from him the entire time. She describe Keith perfectly, then asked Erwin if he was alright to drive. Erwin nodded, informing her that he just had an epiphany, and the word clearly went right over the dumb broad's head. She informed Erwin that she would be back with his food, and Erwin took a twenty out of his wallet to cover the cost of the food and drink. Because he didn't dine in and was unimpressed by her service, Erwin left her a minimal tip, not being cheap enough to not give her one entirely.

When he returned to Mike's house, his best friend was still awake. Not feeling as hungry as he was on the drive home, Erwin split the burger with his friend on the back patio, telling him about what he saw regarding Levi and the blonde and then what happened at the bar with Keith. Mike whistled, implying that Erwin had gotten himself in a huge problem, then shook his head.

"I wish I could help you out, man." Mike replied, "But I think this decision is entirely on you. And it's definitely one you need to make yourself. Maybe you need to talk to Levi about-"

"That's going to be a good conversation. 'Hey Levi, I meant to come by and surprise you and saw you kissing some fuckin' other fool.'" Erwin grumbled in reply.

"Well, maybe you need to calm down about it first?" Mike tried.

"Calm down first? Mike, I have to see him in two days anyways. I gotta go pick up the kids for another date. We're already acting like we're fuckin' divorced - or at least like we're on the way there. I can't take it anymore! I don't want to keep living off you, being homeless despite paying for a house and watching some other man moving in on my husband and kids."

Mike looked back to see if Nanaba had heard Erwin's outburst, then lowered his voice and leaned in closer. "Look, I know this is going to sound like stupid advice, but perhaps you need to do something reckless that will help you make your decision."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Erwin replied, leaning in as well and keeping his voice down, mimicking Mike to avoid Nanaba's ears.

"I'm just saying, if you feel so strongly about you and Levi falling apart, maybe you should try something new too? Maybe that's what he was doing? Maybe you need to go out on a date and see if you can hit it off with someone too? I'm not saying you need to give up on you and Levi as a couple entirely, but maybe it will help you make up your mind as to what you want to devote yourself more to: your wife or your work."

Erwin sat back in his seat and frowned. He didn't like the direction the conversation had turned but he also couldn't shoot down the logic that Mike presented him with. If he could find someone from the get-go that would accept that he was more into his job than his relationship, he would have no guilt in taking the position. His mind diverted back to Keith and the warning he had been given at the bar, and he bit his lower lip.

"Look, at the least you would know what your heart wants more." Mike pushed. "At the end of a dinner out, you might find out something about yourself."

Erwin rose, nodding. He hid a yawn behind his hand and mumbled that he was tired. "I'll think about it." He told Mike, before taking his dishes to the kitchen sink, saying goodnight to Nanaba, and heading to bed.


Unable to find the strength in himself to see Levi that week, Erwin begged Mike to call him and tell him that he was sick. He didn't want to miss seeing his kids, but Erwin knew that he would say or do something he would later regret if he were to see Levi right about now. He drove by the house a few time after dark, thinking he would stop by after work each day, but never having the guts to actually do so. He didn't want to risk their already fragile relationship because he was being petty over a date Levi had gone on. He wasn't sure how many dates Levi had gone on with the blonde, or if he had any more since, but he was sure he would bring up the blonde if he saw Levi, and he didn't want to hurt Levi or their relationship any more than he already had.

As Christmas began to approach, Erwin found himself spending more time visiting bars before heading back to Mike's house after work. He knew he was subconsciously trying to take Mike's advice on the matter, but he had been unable to see anyone in the bar that caught his eye. Prior to meeting Levi, Erwin had a crush on a young woman in his university. She was an undergrad student that was studying basic medical administration and was a quiet young woman. He'd see her in the library most days, with her curly brown hair flowing down her back and her rich brown, doe-like eyes often trained on a book. Erwin had only spoken to her once, finding out her name was Maria and that was she was younger than him. He had lost interest in her after graduating, becoming enamoured by a young man on the train instead.

Erwin thought about Maria now, sitting in the bar on Christmas Eve, wondering how his life would have been if he had pursued her instead of Levi. He would probably have his own biological children with her by now, but he would no doubt still be in the same problem he was in with Levi. Just because Levi never gave birth to their children didn't make them any less their's, and it didn't undervalue their status as a family. If anything, Erwin saw it as the way his life would have gone regardless: falling in love, getting married, and having a family. Now, as he sat in the same shabby bar he had met Shadis in two weeks ago, he thought of Maria and how his life might have gone if he was married to her instead.

To his surprise, he spotted a young lady with curly brown hair, seated at the bar with her eyes down on her plate. She was dressed in a short skirt and simple t-shirt, with a tall brown boots. Her long, tan coat was folded over the back of her chair. Thinking of Levi sharing a kiss with the blonde stranger and Mike's advice to him, Erwin stood up and took his drink over to sit by her side.

"Excuse me, miss," he began, "But I thought that you could use some company."

The woman smiled at Erwin and looked up at him with round brown eyes. "Actually, you thought correct." She replied, her voice soft and charming to hear. "Please, join me."

Erwin smiled. Already things began to feel a little better. Perhaps Mike had been right. "What brought you here tonight?" Erwin asked, trying to start a conversation but not feeling one hundred percent about investing himself in one.

"Oh, just… life, you know? Probably the same reason you did." She replied.

Erwin took a sip of his drink, trying to buy himself time for what he could say to her in return. The woman clearly thought he was there to pick up a lady partner for the night, and he was sure that she was content if he picked her up. He motioned to the bartender and asked him for a second round, then turned to the woman. "Could I buy you a drink?" He asked.

"Please." She replied, then turned her attention to the bartender. "I'll have a Moscow mule."

As the bartender began to make their drinks, Erwin learned that the woman worked in the paediatric department of the hospital. He informed her that he worked in business. Her next question of if he was a workaholic took him by surprise, and he explained that he was currently one right now. The woman laughed and busied herself in her drink, which the bartender had placed in front of them at that moment, and Erwin followed her lead and took a large sip of his own drink.

The woman stated that she didn't want to talk about work any more once she put her glass down and changed the subject to the new year instead. She told him that she wanted to go back to school to become a registered nurse and that she intended to sign up to medical school in the spring. Erwin informed her that he was looking forwards to a promotion at work and that besides that, he wasn't sure what else the year would have in store for him. He conveniently left out that it would be his tenth wedding anniversary, a milestone up until now he was certain to make with Levi, but he was sure the woman wouldn't want to hear about that as well.

The evening wore on and they began to talk about all things that didn't involve work, changing the topic every time they got too close to the taboo subject. Erwin began to feel that they were playing some kind of party game, and as the drinks kept coming and the evening wore on, he began to feel less guilty about spending time flirting with another person. After his second drink, he took off his wedding ring and tucked it into his pocket, sure that later on tonight he would have no need for it. And he was right; as the hours passed and evening changed to night, Erwin offered to leave the bar with the woman, intent to take her to a local hotel as she continued to flash him her bare thighs, and to his delight, she agreed.