Kaoru took a deep breath, his sides burning painfully as he sat at the edge of the fountain. If he was in the mood to see he'd admit it was beautiful. Light gray marble ringed glistening clear blue water, the bottom of the pool covered in a mosaic of sparkling reflective blue tiles shining like aquamarines and sapphires. A glistening European-style dragon reared over the fountain, spraying water in a glistening arc over his mop of orange-red hair. The girls would have screamed at the very sight of him, the misting water making him glisten like a young god. The tears spilling from his cheeks would have only added to their delight.
Sickening, he thought bitterly. Uncharacteristically. Me and Hikaru always-
His thoughts stopped with a nearly audible snap, and he tried to breathe deep. Tried, and failed miserably.
Broken sobs ripped from his throat again with a low guttural moan. "What's… wrong… with me?" His voice cracked with every word. He was far more prone to such sobbing than his twin. And when he did it was always Hikaru who wiped the tears away, long slender fingers always resting for too long-
"Ah!" he cried sharply, cutting his thoughts off. Can't you go two seconds without thinking about him? About how wonderful it was when it was just the two of you… about how he used to hold you close and look into your eyes like you were the only person in the room, about how the host club was the perfect way to be able to be together like we were at home without bringing in strange looks, about how it was just an excuse…
God, you're pathetic.
He sighed brokenly and wrenched himself up, pacing with a ferocity that was so aberrantly violent that he looked like Hikaru in a fit. He felt like Hikaru in a fit, which only made him more distraught. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair… life wasn't supposed to be so hard. It wasn't supposed to be like this. If he wanted to have a hard life he'd been born a commoner-
No, that was such spoiled thinking. That was Hikaru talking. And that was the truth of it. Hikaru was so much a part of him that he acted like him when he was angry, and Hikaru acted like him when he was nice. Like yin and yang, there was a little of the other in each. They belonged together like two pieces of a puzzle. And they would have been that way forever, if Tono had never bothered them…
Hai, we would be all alone together. And that might have suited us fine, but what about everything we would have missed? What about everyone we've come to love, everyone that we've come to belong to as well? Tono introduced us to the world, surviving through everything we threw at him, how cruel we were. It's not right to do this to him, we owe him all we have now. All our friends and our relationships, our popularity… Everything that we know now. We owe it all to him. And Haruhi belongs with him, like the sun and the moon. They balance each other, his idiocy made up for in her competence. They're meant for each other.
It's natural to want the moon… doesn't mean you can have it. Yes… that's a good way to describe it. But Hikaru doesn't understand things when I try to explain them in prose. He's far too literal-minded to appreciate poetry. Natural…
Is this natural? I don't suppose most people think it is… people don't approve of such things. The very idea sickens most of the world. It's against the church or whatever… but if it never happened there wouldn't be a word for it. There would be no opposition to it because it wouldn't exist… and if God can control everything then he made us like this, right? It's not like we made a conscious decision to be "wrong". We loved each other as more than brothers as children. Children don't understand the biases of their cultures. So are we really wrong? Does it even matter? It's not we ever paid any attention to the rules, and when we did it was so that we'd know how to break them.
Of course it's pointless to think about because he doesn't love me that way anymore anyway…
Ah, the way he hurts us both suggests he doesn't even love me at all.
The very idea sent him into hysterics again, and he crumpled into a sobbing heap in the soft green grass, willing the earth to open up and swallow him whole.
Haruhi stared at Hikaru curiously, watching his body language. She remembered the first time he'd been without his twin; he'd gone into hysterics and began thrashing in the net, and ran off to find him at once. He didn't even give her a second thought. Then, Kaoru was pretty much fine as far as they knew, and he was simply overreacting. This time Kaoru had very obviously run off distraught, with tears streaming down his pale cheeks. So why was Hikaru just sitting here with a thoughtful yet brooding expressing on his face? He looked guilty and worried and angry, with more emotions flitting across his face than he really ever cared to show. But he was just sitting there. Like a statue. Hikaru never just did anything. Never. The two of them were always the more theatric ones (with the exception of Tamaki), and they never just did nothing.
Truthfully, she wanted to go after him and see if he was okay. Kaoru and her understood each other a little better than she and Hikaru did. He was far easier to talk to… more level-headed. Of course, that made him all the more dangerous when he caught Hikaru's devious mood and decided to plot. Hikaru did it much more often, and his plots were for more evil, but the truth was Kaoru's ability to keep a clear head made him much better at it. Of course, it was rare that he did anything without his brother, so the distinction didn't really make much of a difference anyway. He was also nicer than his brother, which also didn't really help anyone to see it besides her. Not that anyone else really bothered to look anyway… with the exception of Tamaki of course. But then again he was a rule unto himself.
And here was the reason she hadn't gone off after Kaoru.
So, the million dollar question; was it her fault?
And not just that the baka had been up all night, but the fact that he wasn't able to see his mother? He could have had her again, could have made everything right again…
Is it selfish of me to be happy? Or to go after him?
But everyone else went after him. It couln't have just been me. Everyone else is more important. Everyone else has known him longer and everyone else has been his friend for longer and everyone else…
Isn't female. And doesn't care for him… in the same way.
It was getting very hard for her to keep still and not let the tension and frantic tone of her thoughts spill over onto her face. She wanted very much to leave, but she couldn't. It was like there was a physical connection to him stretching across the short distance to the bed, a large thick rubberband, and every step away from him pulled painfully at her heart.
Ah, what's wrong with me? she groaned mentally. With a sigh she let her head fall back on the back of the chair. I used to think my life was like a bad sitcom. Now it seems more like a soap-opera…
And I hate soap operas.
A/N: O.O I haven't written in a long time…
In my defense my computer broke and then when it finally got fixed I had no internet because we're fixing up the house…
I know I promised more of Huni and Mori, in this one, but I got too caught up in the drama. Anyhow, I promise they'll be in the next one! They'll have a nice long, dramatic, revealing, understanding scene with Kaoru and then with each other afterwards. So don't be angry… XD
Anyhow, we're coming closer to the close, so R&R and leave any last minute suggestions. Obviously when he wakes up this is going to only have a chapter or two left. There's about a week or two left until he's allowed back at school, so…
Suggestions, comments, & flames all welcome!
