AN: I have no exact date for the movie, if anyone does, please tell me and I'll fix the dates, however I'm gunna guess for now. Assuming it occurred just at the end of Spring Semester (April ish) then this begins the evening the Enterprise leaves on her first Mission with Jim the official Capitan (not just acting Capitan).
2258- April
Caris sighed as she sank comfortably into the padded chair. The mess had been transformed into a giant party for the crew, Jim had apparently been planning it all day. Something about deserving a treat for surviving hell and high water… Mostly it was just Jim being Jim. But still… she loved it.
As an empath it… it felt wonderful. She was practically high on the nearly overwhelming joy and excitement. A five-year mission sounded rather… daunting, but after Nero the crew had unified, became a family, and she could feel it, she reveled in it. For once she belonged, as she was, nothing hidden.
But everything was not alright, everything was not perfect. So many things had gone wrong, Amanda was gone, Vulcan was gone, her Meme's family was gone, her Father was wheelchair bound for over six months… Instantly she closed off her empathy, the intoxicating joy of her crew, and felt guilty. How could she revel in joy and excitement when so many horrible things had happened?
She looked around and realized Spock was not in the crowd. She frowned when she noticed Nyota was. Spock should not be left alone… She stood abruptly and headed toward his quarters, she had a sneaking suspicion he was hurting as much, if not more, than her.
She knocked on his door when she reached it. He did not answer. She sighed, he didn't want to deal with people… She opened back up her empathy and sent him serenity and understanding. Though they weren't touching, having done it once and having an already strong bond with him, she could send him emotions as long as they were close.
The door hissed open. "Chris." He greeted her informally. He did not move to let her in so she pushed gently past him, into his rooms.
They were immaculate and very warm (duh, he was used to the climate on Vulcan) and dark. Only the light of candles and smoldering incense lit the room with a gentle glow.
"I was meditating." He explained.
She looked up at him, noticing the lines of strain in his neck and jaw, the tightness of his back. "Were you really?" She asked softly, usually he was much less… tense after meditating.
"I was attempting to." He admitted. He didn't say he was having trouble, or that he was both pleased and annoyed by her intrusion. She already knew, just from the look in his dark eyes.
"Can I help you?" she asked softly. "You're really tense."
He coiled into a tailors seat on the floor and she kneeled in front of him. "No. It is impossible to help me with this, Chris."
She rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me that. I'll just have to prove you wrong, again." She half teased. She felt more than saw his lips twitch in a small measure of amusement. "Let me try?" She asked softly. Really all she wanted to do was curl up in her bed and cry, but that could wait. Her friend needed her.
"If it will please you." He answered dismissively, letting his eyes close as he attempted to meditate.
Caris stood and walked behind him, noticing him tense. She didn't speak as she knelt again and placed her hands on his black shirt. He tensed further but she didn't move, breaking all their silent rules. She tightened her hands on his back, pressing skilled fingers into the tight muscles.
Spock wanted to tell her to stop, he opened his mouth to do so when her fingers tightened on his back, digging both painfully and pleasurably into his sore, tight muscles. He hissed in pain and pleasure. Aside from the fact it was improper to Vulcans, there was no logical reason to why he should stop her… He let her skilled hands work along his shoulders and down his shirt clad back.
Slowly the pain eased and his muscles began to relax. Her touch, aside from relaxing his muscles, seemed to slowly draw off the emotions he could not contain, as if she was taking them from him. After a short while he heard her sniffle and realized she was crying. He did not stop her, it was her means of letting go of emotion she could not handle, of his emotions and her own.
Her fingers slid from his clothed back to his bare neck and he flinched but stilled when her fingers began to massage the muscles there too. Slowly he let his head drop as she tenderly relaxed his muscles, stealing away the emotions he could not handle. They were not gone, far from it, but she took the over-flow, what he could not handle, what would have slowly driven him mad.
Her skin against his buzzed, his mind thrummed as it made the most basic connection to hers. 'My Spock' she kept repeating, over and over again in her head. 'My friend.' He could feel her pain, her self-loathing, her guilt for enjoying herself earlier, her joy at having a new home, at not having to hide. 'I failed you." She thought suddenly, and he saw a mental image of his mother, through her eyes.
She'd noticed things he had not. How the sun made her hair slightly red, how her eyes smiled all the time, how they glittered with love and pride when they looked at him. Though he had never said as much, she knew he loved her. Chris had seen it. And he felt Chris' love for his Mother, she had bonded to his mother as a surrogate mother. The loss of his Mother was as painful to Chris, nearly, as it was to him.
He realized her hands had stilled on his neck and slid down to his back, her forehead on his shoulder. Breaking the connection between their minds.
"I'm sorry," She whispered. "I should not have…"
"I do not mind." He admitted. Logically there was no reason to have minded. It was… it had helped him. She would think no less of him for seeing his emotional lack of control, she understood more than anyone how hard it was to handle Vulcan emotions when part human. And it seemed to help her too.
"I met the older you." She said softly and Spock tensed slightly. "He saw me and I felt his emotions. I thought he was you, until I turned. He couldn't lie to me, just like you can't. I knew."
For some reason that angered him. He didn't want her to be close to his other self… he felt… he felt as he had at the New Years party, watching Kirk attempt to seduce Nyota… Jealousy.
"What did he say?" Spock asked softly.
He could feel her small smile. "He said many things were damaged by Nero and himself, but some things were being fixed. Like you and Kirk. He…" she hesitated and Spock knew she was debating telling him something. "He was very fond of me."
Spock stopped himself from flinching, but he would have had his control been any less strong. "You think I am not?" He asked.
There was a soft laugh. "No, Spock. I know you care for me. If you didn't I'd be on the floor, passed out from a Vulcan Nerve Pinch just for interrupting you, let alone touching you."
He felt relief so strong it would have buckled his knees were he standing. He forced the emotion away. "Quite right." He said as coolly as usual but she laughed, knowing he was not entirely serious.
"But he…" She hesitated again. "Spock, I need to ask you a question, but I don't want you to get mad."
"I am never mad." He said.
"Tell that to the bruises on poor Jim." She countered but she continued as if she hadn't. "He called me something, I… I know it's Vulcan but I don't know the word, which is odd for me."
He felt his brows rise slightly. Chris knew Vulcan fluently, how could she not know a single word? "What was the word?"
"He… he called me t'hy'la."
Spock tensed with a rage to intense he quivered. "He called you that?" He asked as if he was perfectly calm. She nodded. "In what context?" He asked. It could mean two things: 'life friend', a term he could see himself eventually using for Chris as she was his closest friend, or 'life mate'. In both instances it was a very… intimate endearment, meaning that their friendship would only continue to grow… or that his suspicions of his relationship with Nyota were enough to have forced them apart in the alternate reality.
"He handed me a piece of paper and said 'If you ever need me, T'hy'la." She said softly. Spock calmed slightly, fighting off a frown. That context could indicate either meaning.
"Was he inappropriate?" Spock asked.
Chris laughed. "No. He touched my arm but it felt like a friendly thing, sort of an unconscious act. Like with me and Jim or Bones." Spock, for some reason he did not quite understand, did not like the idea of Chris touching Jim or Bones in anyway, period.
Forcing his mind back to the issue at hand he deduced that it was most likely that his older self had called her "T'hy'la" in a friendly way, not in the loving way. "It has a duel meaning, 'life friend' is the less common but most likely in this case. But it is most often used to mean 'life mate'."
"So it's an endearment." She clarified. He nodded. "How often is it used?"
"I have only heard it used once, my Father called my Mother that when I was a small child. They did not know I was observing. It is a deeply private term, almost exclusively used in private and between intimate partners."
She snickered. "For some reason I just can't see us being like that." She said softly. Though he too had the same problem, hearing her say those words cut him deeply. "But as close friends…" He could hear her smile. "I really hope so. I don't want to think of my life without you."
Her arms slid around his middle and she hugged him. He was only momentarily uneasy. Though he did not respond in kind he relaxed into her hug. "Good night Spock." She murmured before releasing him and standing. He saw her wiping tears from her cheeks. "I needed that."
He inclined his head to her. "I, too, found it… relaxing." She smiled softly. "Good night, Chris." He said as she left. "Computer, lock the door." He ordered as it hissed closed.
The following morning Caris felt… better. Less heavy with her hurt and more able to enjoy her happiness. As such she looked better, put more effort into herself. She stood in front of her mirror and looked at herself critically.
Apparently crying was good for her, her face practically glowed, her eyes bright (and happily not puffy), her hair had dried to a glossy, shining white gold. She scrunched the slightly damp locks, encouraging her natural wave and painted her eyes with a pale, shimmering gold (neutral colors worked best for her because of her odd eye color combination). Adding a slightly darker gold liner, black mascara and pale pink lip gloss she took a critical look at herself.
The red dress that was her uniform could have been better, blue like Spock's for example, but all in all she looked pretty good, defiantly matching how she felt on the inside. With a slight bounce in her step she headed to the turbolift and the bridge.
She stepped into the small space and hit the button for the bridge when two men stepped in, one clad in burnt gold, the other in the blue she envied so much. "Good morning Commander, Capitan." She said with a brilliant smile.
"It's Jim, Chrissy." Jim said with a mock annoyed tone. "How many times do I have to tell you?"
"Obviously at least once more." She taunted, teasing. She shared a look with Spock, seeing the glitter in his eyes.
Jim gave a long suffered sigh. "Can I at least get my kiss now? You promised."
Caris laughed. "We're about to go on duty, and we have a spectator, Jim." She pointed out.
Jim rolled his eyes and hit the stop button. "Spock doesn't mind. After the show he and Nyota gave us a few days ago." He motioned her forward with a single, playful finger.
"Capitan, why are you harassing Chris?" Spock asked, rising an eyebrow.
Chris sighed. "Spock, I promised him a kiss if he brought home my Dad, you and himself, saved Earth, and we all survived. Since he accomplished all those things, I owe him a kiss."
Spock's eyes hardened slightly and Caris wondered why. "Don't worry Spock," Jim teased, "I'm sure if you weren't taken she'd give you one too, since you helped."
The single brow rose, if possible, higher. "Indeed." He said.
Caris sighed. "Okay, fine. Enough of this." She grabbed Jim's shirt front and tugged him forward, pressing a doozy of a kiss to his soft, if chapped lips. She was acutely aware of both the men in the small space with her. Spock was uncomfortable and angry, Jim was enjoying himself and amused. Honestly it was nice, but nothing to write home about as far as Caris was concerned.
She pulled away from Jim and neatened her hair. Jim, grinning like a loon, pressed the stop button again, continuing their trip to the bridge. As the door to the bridge opened Jim licked his lips and grinned. "Minty," he commented before striding to his chair. Laughing Caris followed, aware Spock was upset but unable to do a thing to help at the time.
2258- May
Spock had been having difficulties sleeping and meditating since the Nero incident, with the exception of the first night back on the Enterprise, the night Chris came to see him. It had only been two weeks and while his work was not yet suffering he knew it would, eventually.
Other things, however, had begun suffering. His relationship with Nyota was becoming more and more… strained by the day. Every time he looked at her he saw the… the abject horror in her eyes from just after he had attacked Jim. In part that was because he saw the shadow of that emotion in her eyes every time she looked at him. She remembered the understandably terrifying experience of watching him lose control.
His door chimed. "Enter" he commanded and the door unlocked itself to allow the intruder entrance to his domain.
Gentle hands brushed his tense back and he knew who it was. "You're tense, Spock." Nyota said softly, her fingers tightening as Chris' had. The sensation had been pleasurable, relaxing, when Chris had done it. He felt none of that as Nyota attempted to massage the tenseness from his muscles.
His hands moved to catch her wrists and guide her to sit in front of him, at the table he sat at. He did not know how to begin… Nyota deserved someone who could be what she wanted… She wanted him when he had been acting like a full Vulcan, before she had seen how human he could be.
He need not have worried. "You're distancing yourself from me, Spock." She accused softly. "More than before. And… I am doing the same." At least she could admit it.
"Yes." He confirmed. He saw the hurt and the relief in her eyes. "You wish for this to end." It was not a question, it did not need to be.
"Yes." She answered anyway. "I am sorry Spock." She stood to leave.
"May I ask a query?" He asked, looking up at her dark brown eyes.
"Of coarse." She said softly, not sitting back down but not leaving.
"It was my loss of control, on the bridge, that brought this on, correct?" He had to know if she was leaving because she was afraid…
"To be honest… yes, but not completely." She hesitated before sitting once again. "In seeing your … rage, and realizing I was afraid of you…" those words hurt but he refused to show it. "If I loved you as much as I thought I did I would not have been afraid of you. Like Chris I would have trusted you enough to try and stop you."
Ah, yes, Chris had been the only one not afraid, shocked, horrified, or ashamed by his display. She'd understood, she'd been there, stopping him before he got too out of control, before he killed the man who now… he was beginning to see as a friend.
"But it was also… we were together for so long, but you never once made contact with my mind. We never mind-melded, we were never… intimate." Spock had to agree, they had been mostly innocent and awkward. "And… you may hate me for admitting this…" Nyota said, but he doubted he could hate her, he did genuinely care for her, "But I realized… Jim isn't as much as an irresponsible, idiotic, hot-headed, farm boy as I thought."
The confession should have upset him, but it didn't. In fact he felt… as if something were right, as it should be, with that statement. He nodded. "Then you should know that I would not take offense if you were to peruse a relationship with him."
She gaped at him. "Are… are you sure, Spock?"
He nodded. He would not have said so had he not meant it. "Yes, I am quite sure. I wish you happiness, if he makes you happy then I do not mind."
"Thank you, Spock." She said softly as she stood. "I am sorry it didn't work." And then she left.
For one terrible, long moment Spock felt utterly alone, without companionship, without support. "Incoming message from Caris Pike." The computer said in a soft, feminine monotone.
"answer." He said, the terrible feeling draining away.
"Spock, are you alright?" Caris' soft voice asked a little sharply, given that it was nearly 2300.
"I am…" he hesitated, not wanting to lie to his friend. It was illogical and would only serve to upset her if she found out.
He need not have bothered. She knew him too well. "Don't answer that, I can feel that you're not. I'll be there in five minutes. Start the replicator, we need a pint of Ben and Jerry's, whatever flavor strikes your fancy."
"What?" Spock asked, mildly incredulous.
"Tell the replicator you want a pint 'Ben and Jerry's'. I'll be there in five." She repeated before closing the personal com.
He stood and walked to the replicator. As he recalled Ben and Jerry's was an ice cream. He was not in the mood for the slightly too sweet confection. But he recalled that her favorite flavor was… 'Berry Lemonly'. He found the flavor on the data screen and punched in her request.
