Kaoru paced the room, his heart in a flutter. The room was really not big enough to pace properly. He was used to the immense bedroom he shared with his brother, but if he left to pace in the hall then the phone would be there in the room and he might not hear it…
Well I could bring the phone.
And have the conversation in the hallway? No!
Stop pacing. Sit down.
This is all that stupid, idiotic, blond, baka of an-
No, Tono only meant to help, he was just trying to…
"What's taking him so long to dial the phone!?" Kaoru grumbled under his breath. He checked the time again. Four minutes. Or maybe four and a half. The phone didn't say. Maybe he was going to call any second. Maybe…
I should just not pick up. Hai, who says I have to talk to him?
Tono. And if you don't he's going to harass you and not rest and then Haruhi will be really upset with you. She's already mad because she thinks you hurt Hikaru.
Yeah, I'm the one to blame here. This is all his fault. He was the one who-
Oh shit. The phone.
He picked it up and stared at it, counting the rings. Should he answer? Should he not? What was worse, having his brother and one of his best friends hate him or hearing his brother say he didn't love him anymore? Maybe the latter would finally convince him to stop… feeling so pathetic. He just wanted the truth. He was so tired of hiding, so tired of sitting in the shadows and waiting for Hikaru. No, he wasn't going to sit in the shadows anymore. He cleared his throat, took a deep breath, and calmed himself.
"Hai?" he answered, very nonchalantly. Very calmly. Very good.
"Kaoru? Is… is that you?"
"Who else would it be? This is my phone is it not? And who are you? You've been calling me constantly this past week."
"It's Hikaru, Kaoru. Don't tell me you don't recognize my voice on the phone," his voice tried to come out snappish, but it just sounded anguished to Kaoru. Somehow, he relished the sound.
"Oh, I see, sorry. I haven't spoken to you on the phone in a while I suppose. What is it?"
"I miss you." The voice was timid and quiet. That was not Hikaru's voice there. Hikaru's voice was strong and sure. Hikaru's voice was cocky and sweet. This was not Hikaru's voice at all… it was his.
"You see me at school every day."
"Kaoru…" his brother whispered his name pleadingly, and it was like a caress. He could almost believe, almost… if he shut his eyes. There was so much emotion in that voice, just the way he spoke he could almost pretend that maybe, just maybe- "I love you. And I'm sorry."
His knees buckled, and he nearly dropped the phone as he fell onto the bed. Oh, come on! Fate, were you not cruel enough to tempt me like this with the mere suggestion of the phone-call? Don't do this to me! I can't take it!
Stop, stop, stop. He doesn't mean it that way. Not anymore. Stop. Breathe. Breathe. Inhale, exhale… You have to breathe damnit!
Hikaru waited with apprehension on the other end. He'd heard something like a thud but he wasn't quite sure what it was. Maybe Kaoru had dropped the phone in disgust. Maybe Kaoru had passed out with fury at hearing him say something like that, suggesting that he should forgive him for what he'd done. Maybe… the possibilities swirled.
"Kaoru? Look, you were right, and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry Kaoru, and I know that you hate me and you're really pissed and you have every right to be because I was being such an ass, but please. I really… I miss you, and I love you. I miss holding you and I miss talking to you, I miss your laugh and your voice, I miss the hesitation in your smile and the fire in your eyes and I just… I'm sorry, Kaoru. Please, come home."
There was a long pause on the other end of the line, and what sounded to Hikaru like gasps of rage. His ear was pressed to the phone so tightly he was sure there would be red marks when he pulled it away.
…if he ever pulled it away.
"I… I can't. Tamaki's still not well enough." His voice was shaking, he was so angry. Hikaru took a shuddering breath.
"Well, could I come over?"
"I don't think that's a good idea, Hikaru. It wouldn't be fair to ask them for more room."
I remember when you used to open your arms and welcome me. But I gave up the privilege to sleep with you when I started acting like a jerk. He thought, gathering his resolve. Or trying to. "I… I understand. I'll see you… I'll see you tomorrow then, I guess. Or, whenever. Tomorrow's Saturday… yeah." He took a deep breath, and tried one last time. "Kaoru… I know you're seriously angry with me and I know I hurt you and I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, and I know that Haruhi's supposed to be with Tamaki, I know that now. I know they're meant to be with each other, and I know you were right. And I… I know we belong together too, Kaoru. Even if you don't believe it anymore." And then he closed the phone and let himself go, clutching Kaoru's blankets and the scent of him to his chest like an addict to his drug, inhaling and wishing, pretending, dreaming…
Kaoru stared at the phone in complete and total shock as the line went dead. No, I was the fool. I was so bent on painting you as the wrong one that I refused to listen to you and we could have spent this whole time together! I have to get over there. Or he has to come here. I have to, I have to do something. I have to fix this. Right now. I have to… um…
A quiet knocking interrupted his Tamaki-like ramblings at that moment, and he jumped, startled, and brushed the tears out of his eyes before opening the door. A young man of about twenty stood outside in a chauffer's outfit, blinking with what seemed to be a certain amount of embarrassment at witnessing Kaoru's obviously fragile emotional state. He cleared his throat uncomfortably.
"Ah, I was told you might need me for something?" he asked hesitantly. Kaoru blinked confusedly at him, then his eyes widened slightly. A corner of his mouth turned up.
"Yes, perfect. Let me get changed out of these wrinkled clothes. In the mean time, would you mind telling a maid to bring a bunch of candles in, if it wouldn't be too much trouble? Have them lit and scattered around the room. And have her fix the room up a little bit, if you wouldn't mind. I'll be out in ten minutes."
"Not a problem, sir." The chauffer bowed and walked away, and Kaoru nearly tripped himself slamming the door closed and near running over to the closet. He knew exactly what he should wear.
He pulled out one of Hikaru's favorite shirts on him, something he'd specifically had done for his brother and him. It looked like a simple silk white dress shirt at first, but if one looked at the design on the left breast pocket they might notice it looked like writing coiled around and around to make a curling red rose. Quite obviously, it was a confession. It was a dangerous shirt to wear around lest someone look too closely, but on their daring days they put it on under their vests or school uniforms. The very knowledge that Hikaru's love was written out on their chests always had them doing their best, and it was a guaranteed faint-day at the club. A loose pair of black slacks and a semi-casual jacket-suit thing that they'd invented was pulled over it. A pageboy-like black hat finished the outfit. He knew he looked overly formal to just be picking up his brother from their house, but he figured that candles was already pushing it. And honestly, at this point, who cared? He certainly didn't. He spun around the room once checking to make sure the maid wouldn't have any unpleasant surprises, and ran out to the limo. He had a feeling Tamaki and Kyoya had this all planned out; he just had to play his part.
A/N: NOW we're getting somewhere! *sighs* Yay. XD I still don't like how angsty this whole thing is, but tell me what you think. Sorry it's moving so slowly, I just want to get all of this down before we move on. I love the twins. :-) Anyways, review! Please? :-( Or Hikaru and Kaoru will cry again. Ok, not really, but please? XD
