Hikaru shivered slightly. Even though it was summer, the night breeze was making him freeze to death out here. Silk didn't do much to keep one warm, and he'd been foolish enough to think he didn't need a jacket. He scowled at Tamaki's intervention. Kaoru had made it very clear that he didn't want his brother there. But Tamaki had insisted on a blow-by-blow, the exact words Kaoru had spoken. And when he'd finished recounting the phone-call, he'd insisted that he come over right away, said that he was sending a car. So here he was, standing with the belongings he needed for the next day in the shirt he'd specifically designed for him and his brother, hoping that Kaoru would see the confession and remember…

He watched the limo drive up and didn't even bother to wait for the driver to open the door, pulling it open and climbing in himself with a shudder. One of the Hitachiin servants put his bag in the back, and closed the door behind him. He was thankful for the privacy window; he wasn't in the mood for small talk. The driver knew exactly where he was to be taken in any case. There was no need for excessive conversation. He wasn't in the mood to be nice. He was so tired of it. He loved Kaoru, and he wanted to make that clear, he wanted to be good enough for him, but it was exhausting to be nice all the time. He'd always been the blunter of the two, and keeping his mouth shut was getting to be overly taxing. He wanted Kaoru so much it hurt, so much it was a physical ache. The very feeling of being held, or even touched just once could alleviate it, he just knew it, but that was obviously not likely to happen at any point he could see close in the future.

"I'm such an idiot," he grumbled, and sighed as the limo pulled to a stop. The chauffer opened the door silently, his head bent so that the pageboy hat he was wearing covered his whole face. The hat reminded him of someone else's, but he shrugged and let himself get lost in his thoughts as the slender young man waved away a seemingly confused maid waiting to escort him in, presumably deciding to do it himself. If Hikaru had considered it he might have found it odd, or he might have noticed that what he was wearing was strongly familiar because he'd worn all of the articles of clothing at some point, but he was thinking about what he'd do if he ran into Kaoru now of all times…

The door was opened before him, the courteous driver bowing to let him enter first. He stepped into the room, planning to drop onto the bed and let the misery have him, probably tripping on candles-

Candles?

What the hell…? He wondered, stopping short and staring at the white candles donning every single empty space in the room, some even scattered on the floor and lined around the bed. A clear path led to pure white sheets he now saw, the candle-light (the only light) flickering against the silk and turning the bedroom into something of a fantasy. He began to turn back.

"Hey-" Strong, slender arms slid around his waist, shocking him into stillness and silence.

"I'm sorry for being so childish." The gentle, apologetic whisper caressing his ear was enough to make him tremble, enough to make his knees weak. His voice, but kinder. Softer. Less masculine, more airy and light and beautiful; like a song, he'd always thought.

"I have got to be hallucinating," he mumbled, but he made no attempt to move. He wanted to savor the delusion while it lasted, wanted to keep holding this feeling of wholeness, of rightness, of peace deep inside of him and never let it go.

"What?" There was a certain amount of confusion in the angelic voice next to his ear, but Hikaru didn't pick up on it. He was too busy concentrating on memorizing the sound.

"This is just another sick fantasy in my head that's never going to come true, because the real Kaoru is rightfully pissed off at me."

"Really now?" There was amusement and guilt in the voice behind him, but he didn't quite understand the reasons for them. "Well then, what do I usually do in your fantasies?"

"Usually or recently?" he replied, his sarcastic remark overshadowed by the pain in his voice.

"Recently." A lean body, perfectly matched with his, pressed against his back. He closed his eyes, trying to memorize this love, this warmth. He had the feeling he wouldn't be feeling this again for a long time. If at all.

"Oh, that's not as interesting." The lie was apparent in his voice. It wasn't that they were less interesting. It was that they were more painful.

"Try me."

"Mostly you kissing me senseless while assuring me in between how much you love me and that I'm forgiven and all that. Like I said, nothing interesting."

"I can arrange that if you'd like," Kaoru's perfect voice said, still amused and guilty. Hikaru's train of thought stumbled for a moment, wondering what that was. His fantasies never had Kaoru's voice sound like this. And they never, ever lasted this long. Then he brushed the thoughts away. There was no other explanation, in any case. Wasn't there?

Hikaru didn't particularly care about the mechanics of it. All he knew was that for this one moment, he was happier than he'd be as soon as he snapped out of it, and he wanted to enjoy his time with Kaoru while he could. He turned in his brother's arms and took in the exquisite features of his face, the slight differences. The kindness in his eyes, the gentle smile gracing his lips, the consternation in his eyes. This was not an expression that Hikaru's mind could imitate with ease, and he relished in the complete detail of this particular fantasy. He stared into those kind eyes with a small flicker of hope. And the dream Kaoru began to make good on his promise, backing him through the candles along the path until he fell onto the cold white sheets.


"… and I was… being as… much of… an idiot… as you were… so… I apologize too." They paused for a few seconds, gasping for breath for a few moments. The look on his Hikaru's face, of absolute bliss, was enough to kill him. He reached down and trailed his knuckles over his cheek, and Hikaru leaned into his hand like a cat being petted, his eyes fluttering closed. "I was just so tired of being hurt, Hikaru. So I suppose part of me subconsciously-"

"Engaged in a bit of S&M?" A lazy smile stretched over the face below him, his eyes at half-mast being the poster-example for bedroom eyes. Kaoru suppressed both the urge to roll his eyes and to shudder at his hungry expression. He wanted to stay in control this time. This wouldn't work if he didn't.

"Perhaps not the exact choice of words I was going to use," was all he said, sliding lower to gain better access to his neck and earlobes. Hikaru sighed and gave himself over to Kaoru's ministrations. "Do you still think I'm a dream?"

"Yeah, but it's enough for now to just enjoy this and hope that someday soon it really happens. In the mean time I want to enjoy just having you here."

There was happy resignation in his voice, and Kaoru's heart fluttered to know that Hikaru had been hurting without him. He knew it was sick, but the realization that he hadn't been the only one suffering was enough to make him euphoric. Hikaru loved him enough to get delusional with him gone. The prospect was so heartening that his heart seemed whole again somehow. Hikaru would realize he was wrong when he woke up the next morning though. He couldn't wait to see his reaction.


Hikaru's eyes fluttered opened to complete and utter darkness, and lay there for a few moment, relishing the feeling of perfection he could remember from last night's events. But it was pitch black, and he could see nothing in the darkness. Just proof that last night had been a dream. There were no candles flickering in the room at all. He bit his lip, trying hard not to be disappointed, but failed and let out a disappointed and anguished groan. He'd made the mistake of allowing himself to hope last night, and now he way paying for it. He sighed, about to get out of bed and try and find a light switch, when the sheets tangled around his waist moved and pulled him closer.

"Hikaru?" they mumbled. He blinked, his whole body stiffening.

"Kaoru?" he asked tentatively, his voice and body trembling. "Is that you?"

"I thought I was a dream," the voice behind him said with a tired, lazy smile apparent in his voice. Hikaru, still frozen with disbelief, let himself be pulled closer to a warm form behind him. "I missed this; waking up with you… you talking in your sleep." There was amusement dripping from behind him. "You said my name seventeen times before I lost count and fell asleep too."

"…"

"Hikaru?"

The worried, questing sound of his brother's voice broke him out of his stupor. He spun round suddenly, tangling both of them in sheets, reaching to find his brother's face in the darkness. He traced the familiar features with his fingers, running his thumb over his lips, brushing disbelieving kisses across every part of his face; his eyelids, the tip of his nose, along his jawline, until they were both breathless. Kaoru's mouth was smiling.

"You're here. I wasn't dreaming. You're actually here." He kissed him again for good measure, a deep sensuous one that left both their heads spinning. "Holy shit. I missed you so much."

"Very loquacious. Excellent choice of words, Hikaru," Kaoru replied dryly, just as breathless. Hikaru felt a hand cup his cheek. "And good morning to you, too."

Hikaru's heart began to pound as he realized that last night hadn't been a fantasy. That he'd said all those things… his whole face heated, and he was sure Kaoru could feel it beneath his fingers. He was proven right when a light snicker escaped the mouth in front of him, blowing that heady scent he'd fallen asleep to every night into his face. He buried his face in Kaoru's hair and inhaled, sighing contentedly. A wry smile turned up the corners of his mouth as he held himself as close as possible to his other half.

"So what did you hear last night?"

"As I expected, some begging and pleading at first. Asking me to come back and all that." Kaoru's voice was a little guilty. "And then, you know."

"I don't know, actually."

"A less… emotionally suggestive type of begging. More… physically implicative." He could feel Kaoru's blush against his neck, and he blushed a little too.

"Ah."

"And then some ordering, finally."

"Yeah, that…" Hikaru said, trailing off. Kaoru giggled, a sound that Hikaru loved. It was a strangely feminine sound, coming from a boy, but he loved it anyway. He was always looking for those certain noises that Kaoru made. He reveled in them.

"A lot of sexual tension builds up when I'm not available for harassment, I see."

"Shut up," Hikaru said, blushing and smiling with embarrassment. He shoved his brother lightly, then changed his mind and pulled him closer, pressing his forehead against Kaoru's. They stayed like that for a while, breathing in each other's scent, relishing in the feeling of being whole again.

"We should get up," Kaoru said resignedly after a few minutes. Hikaru sighed in agreement, but neither made a move to do anything. "Seriously, what if a maid comes in to clean."

"I really couldn't care less."

"Hikaru…"

Kaoru groaning his name almost made him hot all over again, but he sighed again and reached out for the light switch next to the bed instead, his other hand still stroking along Kaoru's jaw line with his thumb. They both blinked in the sudden light, then looked at each other, grinning stupidly. Both their lips were swollen, faces slightly flushed. Little hints of last night's activities were shown on their bodies; nail and teeth marks, small bruising, all in places no one else would see.

"Last night-"

"Was a bad idea considering we're in Tono's house," Kaoru said dryly, pulling himself out of bed and walking over to the closet, avoiding candles. He attempted to change into a clean pair of boxers, but Hikaru hindered this quite a bit by putting his arms around his waist and nibbling his ear as he did so. "Stop that!" He giggled.

"Why should I?" Hikaru asked, his voice a little husky.

"Because we-"

Knocking on the door interrupted them.

"Oh, shit," they said together, staring at the door. There was no way they could find a place for all the candles, and they both smelled like… "What are we going to do?"

A/N: Problems? Who do you think it is? O.O... So yay, no more angst. Now we can get to the final issue of Tamaki and Haruhi being idiots too. XD Anyways, I want to know what you think! Reviews pls! Was this too sappy? And tell me how Tamaki and Haruhi should finally meet again, because I really have no idea what I'm going to do about that.