WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS RATED T/M FOR SEXUAL CONTENT AND STRONG LANGUAGE. If you don't wish to read it, go to the bottom of the page and I'll explain what happened in this chapter. I have not changed the overall rating since it is only this chapter, but please be aware!
(It's still K up to the first double hyphen - you know, my page breaks. Like the one just below this. I'm still gonna tell you what happens in it at the end though, just in case.)
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The next day, as he had promised, Cadvan took me to Dernhil's chambers at the mid bell. He seemed to be in a great hurry, and left me at the end of the corridor. "I have some duties to attend to, but I will return in two hours as you have a lesson with Indik. Goodbye."
I thanked him and went to knock on Dernhil's door. "Come in!" I heard him say, and pushed open the door to see him coming to meet me. The room was covered in books on every surface. "You look beautiful today, Kayla," he said. "Do you look this beautiful every day?" he added, his eyes twinkling as he took a pile of books off of a chair and pulled it out for me.
"It's a talent," I teased, posing jokily.
Dernhil smiled and sat next to me. "Quite a talent it is," he replied, and his low voice made my stomach flip. I swallowed and smiled into his eyes. Dernhil met my eyes for a moment before leaning forwards to take the cover off a large dish. "It is but simple fare," he said - "but tasty." I surveyed the spread of fresh bread, cheese and an assortment of fruit and smiled at him reassuringly, meeting his slightly worried gaze.
"It looks lovely," I reassured him, laying a hand on his arm, and picked up a piece of bread.
We spoke as we ate, then moved to his other room where he had a comfortable sofa. Sitting there together, we laughed a lot, but after a while we lapsed into silence. I looked around the room awkwardly, trying to think of something to say, when I felt Dernhil turn my face towards him, and he kissed me on the lips. As he drew away I kissed him back, tangling my fingers in his hair as we kissed strongly. Dernhil pushed me backwards gently so I was lying back against the sofa, with him suspended above me.
The door opened, and footsteps walked in. Dernhil leapt off me and I sat up quickly to see Cadvan standing in the door, his face going pink. "My apologies," he said hastily. "I came to tell you that it is time for your lesson, Kayla. I'll…wait outside." He shot out of the door and Dernhil smiled at me sheepishly.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Kayla," he said. "At the third bell?"
I nodded and he kissed me on the lips again. My knees went weak as I walked away, and I tried desperately not to wobble. I let the grin I had been trying to hide take over my face as I got to Cadvan, under the excuse that I was greeting him.
"Kayla, I must advise caution," Cadvan said softly. "Dernhil is an old friend but he has the passionate heart of a poet. When he believes he loves somebody he will not be dissuaded." I had a sudden flash of understanding: Dernhil had loved Ceredin. That had been part of the reason for Cadvan and Dernhil's rivalry, though I imagined that Dernhil had never made a move. "Though he is mostly sensible, I have to say that I believe he loves your…" He faltered here for the first time and coughed, embarrassed - "your body more than he loves your heart."
I considered this for a moment, and shrugged. "Thanks for your concern, but I can look after myself," I replied, trying not to sound too icy.
"Of course," Cadvan replied. "But I thought I would warn you all the same."
Wow…this was a situation I never thought I'd be in. Dernhil in the books was portrayed as noble and kind; did he have some past we had never been informed of? Though by today's standards, he was still remarkably restrained.
That afternoon, I spent hours with Indik learning sword craft, at which it seemed I was rather good. I was still dreadful compared to Indik, but I did end the session feeling much more competent than I had when I started. Then Indik dropped the bombshell.
"We'll start on the horseriding tomorrow."
"Horseriding?" I echoed weakly. Being born in the city, my only experience with horses was donkeys at the beach stepping on my toes. I had forgotten that they were the main method of transport here (how I managed this I have no idea).
"Yes, my girl. Do you not know how to?"
"No…I don't really like horses all that much."
Indik scowled. "We'll start on the horseriding tomorrow," he repeated. "Perhaps you will need more of it than the sword craft. You're not bad for a beginner."
I took this as the highest praise (which, coming from him, it was) and smiled. "Thanks."
I took my leave of him shortly, and limped towards dinner. I think I was less hurt than Maerad had been, but I still had many minor cuts and bruises.
"How was your lesson?" Cadvan asked me as I sat down next to him in the hall with a large bowl of vegetable broth.
"Painful," I said. "But good. Indik said I wasn't bad for a beginner."
Cadvan lifted one eyebrow in surprise. "High praise indeed," he noted.
"That's what I thought," I agreed, tucking into the broth.
--
My lessons with Indik progressed steadily, my sword craft improving drastically and my riding…well, the less said the better. Suffice it to say, Indik's ruthless teaching managed to bully me into some vague form of competence. I was never going to be any good, but if I set my horse behind Cadvan's I would be able to stay on…just.
My time with Dernhil, however, was much more enjoyable. About a week after we had arrived, I went to see him a few hours later than usual because I had slept in, and the moment he opened the door I started kissing him passionately. He kicked the door closed behind us as he cupped my face in his hands, caressing my cheeks slowly. I tangled my fingers in his hair and he pushed me back against the door.
I let my hands drift down his chest and Dernhil picked me up bridal-style without breaking our lip contact and carried me over to his sofa. He laid me down on it and kissed his way around to my neck, making me gasp. Dernhil's hands roamed over my body, causing my stomach to leap. I could feel him against me and ran my hands down his chest and his stomach, veering off onto his thighs, teasing him.
He groaned softly, kissing me harder. I pulled his shirt over his head; he moved my dress out of the way and pulled it up further. He struggled with the fastenings at the back, but managed to pull it over my head so that I was laid underneath him with only my modern underwear to hide in. Dernhil pulled away for an instant and looked over my body so hungrily I shuddered. "You're beautiful," he growled into my ear, before scraping his teeth over the flesh then kissing it gently.
I reached for the front of his trousers, haste making me clumsy as I tried to undo the buckle, then pulled his trousers down over his hips and suddenly he left off the delicious things he was doing to my ear and stilled, breathing heavily. "Kayla, we can't," he said roughly. "We're not married, we're not even together. I barely know you. Kayla, I'm sorry, but I don't even know you well enough to love you. I fear that it is only lust I feel." He watched me sadly to see how I would take this news.
Ignoring the insecure voice in my mind that was wondering how he had loved Maerad and yet could feel only lust for me, I said, "So what? We're both consenting adults. We know what we're doing. It's our own choice."
For a moment, he looked tempted, and for a long moment I thought he would give in, for he started kissing me again, trailing his lips down my chest - then he stopped himself and stood up. "I can't do that to you, Kayla. I can't…destroy your life like that. No one would want you if…"
I just sat and stared at him for a moment. I had guessed that they would be more uptight about this sort of thing, but I hadn't realised how much. I shrugged lightly and stood up. "Whatever," I muttered quietly, and pulled my dress on quickly, feeling crushed. He had loved Maerad, so why not me?
As I made for the door, Dernhil took my hand so gently that his touch was like a summer breeze. "I'm sorry for leading you on," he said softly. I paused with one hand on the doorknob, the other limp in his, looking down at the floor. I felt so empty, that he could feel nothing for me. A great, hot anger bubbled up inside of me to fill the void and I wrenched my hand away. I swore savagely at him and slammed out of the room.
Running down the corridor, tears began falling from my eyes. I could hardly think; I barely understood the crushing loneliness that was washing over me in painful waves. Sobs wrenched at my throat, choking me.
I ran blindly, somehow finding my way back to my room. I threw myself onto the bed. After muffling my sobs with the pillow, I started screaming "Why? Why?". Why had he loved Maerad and not me? Why wasn't I as good as her? Why couldn't he love me? Why had he led me to believe something could happen and then just drop me?
Silvia found me a few hours later, still relentlessly murmuring "Why?" into the pillow, and pulled me into a hug. I fought her off and hid my face in my knees.
"Kayla, what troubles you?" she asked softly.
"He doesn't love me," I whispered. "He doesn't love me."
"Who, my sweet?"
"Dernhil."
"But I thought you were already in love?"
"'S not the point," I murmured.
Silvia regarded me warily before standing up abruptly. "You are late for your lesson with Indik," she told me shortly. "I suggest you hurry." I watched her leave the room and realised she had very little respect for me. I don't think she even liked me.
This knowledge settled in my bones like heavy weights and slowed my reactions as I parried Indik's blows, and I got hurt more than usual. I thought Indik might let me go early, but he insisted I utilise my emotions - or at the very least ignore them. Maybe I could have, but all the fight had fled from my body, and I felt empty. My throat ached unbearably.
After about an hour, Indik pushed his sword into the ground and stood glaring at me. "It is clear you are having problems using your emotions. Now, think about who it is that has caused you hurt. Nothing else, just that person's face." Dernhil. His soft lips. His gorgeous eyes. "Focus your mind. Think about the things you've done for them." Very little, but I thought he loved me. "Now think about what they did to hurt you, how they betrayed you." His gruff voice made it easier to turn my hurt to anger. "You didn't do anything to deserve it, nothing. It's all their fault you got hit so many times. Now let's try it again." He picked up his sword again, and this time I fought with more gusto, and he didn't hit me once.
--
Dernhil opened the door and saw Kayla smiling at him. What was she doing here? He had thought she would never want to talk to him again. "K-Kayla," he stuttered in his surprise. "Er…What are you doing here?"
"Can't I talk to you?" she replied, shrugging her slender shoulders elegantly. "You said we couldn't…" Here she faltered for the first time. "But we can still be friends."
"Of course," he said, stepping back, and Kayla walked past him. This afforded him the full view of her short dress. "Kayla, you do remember what I said?"
"That you don't love me because you don't know me." Kayla took a step closer to him. "Well maybe we should spend some time together," she whispered, her lips an inch away from his.
"That's a very good idea," he answered hoarsely, but as he dipped his head to kiss her she turned, walking away and trailing her hand along the bookcase. He followed her dumbly into his other room. After watching her sit on the sofa, he sat next to her. "So do you want to talk about something?" he asked, stroking her fingers.
"Who wants to talk?" she murmured, brushing a kiss against his lips.
"Alright, no talking," he agreed breathlessly. How could he be expected to resist when she was so irresistible? He began kissing her with just his lips, slowly but strongly. To his surprise, after just a moment Kayla pulled away.
"Get off me you bastard," she hissed, and pushed him away. "You fell in love with Maerad, why couldn't you just fall in love with me like you were supposed to?"
"Wait, who's Maerad? I don't know any Maerads."
"Umm. It doesn't matter. She's just…I just…She really liked you. I really like you. Why am I so much worse than her? You were just leading me on, you'll get it with whoever you can." Kayla stalked out of the room. She paused at the doorway and said, "Do not ever speak to me again."
Dernhil nodded. He looked shocked as he watched Kayla leave the room.
Kayla had thought that now Maerad had gone, the Nameless One would not send hulls to question Dernhil. She forgot that the Nameless did not know that Maerad was the One, he just questioned Dernhil because she was of Pellinor.
And Kayla had said that she was of Pellinor too.
The Nameless One was hunting.
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Okay, in this chapter…
In case you didn't read the first bit, here's what happened. Cadvan took Kayla to Dernhil's room. They had lunch, flirted a bunch and kissed, and Cadvan walked in mid-kiss. Dernhil invites Kayla back the next day. Cadvan warns Kayla that Dernhil can be…what's the word? Forceful? Basically, he might be using her. She's not bad at fighting but is scared of horses.
The second bit…She gets better at sword craft and manages to achieve some vague form of competence at horseriding. She goes to see Dernhil and they -ahem- "kiss" a lot. They nearly…ya know. Dernhil stops them and says he doesn't love her, Kayla gets all upset cuz she feels less important than Maerad. Silvia finds her crying and saying his name in her room and when Kayla tells her what's wrong she's disapproving because she knows about Nathan. She does pretty badly in her sword craft but Indik tells her to convert her emotions into anger and she gets better.
The third bit…She goes back, pretends she wants to get back with Dernhil but actually she gets back at him and says she never wants to see him again. I like the last bit - I think it's rather dramatic - so I'm gonna copy-paste it for you just in case:
Kayla had thought that now Maerad had gone, the Nameless One would not send hulls to question Dernhil. She forgot that the Nameless did not know that Maerad was the One, he just questioned her because she was of Pellinor.
And Kayla had said that she was of Pellinor too.
The Nameless One was hunting.
And that's it. Thanks for reading. I'd love a review but if not w/e. Bye-bye my lovelies, until next time x
