Sirius raised himself to a standing position quietly, hissing as his bones creaked tiredly. Although the wolf had not decided to jump him in a Remus like manner (a fact that made Sirius feel both grateful and disappointed) the animal had certainly been more...Feral. More aggressive, more frustrated.
Sexual frustration. Sirius smiled inwardly, glancing over at the boy lying across the room. Well, given current events, I am more than an expert in that field. Looking at the boy once more, Sirius realised that he needed more than the ten minutes he had spared last night to think about what had happened, and try to make sense of why the bloody Nora his best friend had kissed him, and why he had liked it so much. Sighing in contemplation, Sirius crept slowly across the room, heading for the door as quietly as possible so not to wake Remus up.
Shutting the door silently behind him, Sirius span to leave the shack, jumping a foot in the air when he found himself nose to nose with a Potter. Biting his lip to avoid shouting out, Sirius glared at his friend in annoyance, pushing him lightly. "What the bloody hell do you think you're playing at, sneaking up on me like that? You could have woken up Moony."
"What do you think you're playing at, leaving him there? Get your ugly butt back in there and talk to him now." James hissed hotly, holding his friend's shoulders tightly.
"I don't want to speak to Moony." Sirius whined, looking at James pleadingly as he struggled against the stilling hands.
"Since when do you have a bloody choice? If you want to do other unspeakable things to the poor boy, then the least you can do is go and speak to him right now. You will go and speak to moony and you will pretend that you are happy about it, god dammit." James replied, maneuvering the pureblood towards the door he had just shut.
"He's just - Gods, James. How can I tell him everything? Everything that kiss meant to me? How much I want to do it again and again until my lips eventually fall off? He's the best bloody kisser I've ever met, and I don't want to lose him."
"I need to think about what happened, and what I need to say to him, and the like." Sirius replied, finally gaining his footing to stand his ground. "This isn't the sort of thing I can afford to do without thinking, okay? You can't make me go and see him."
"I think you'll find I can. And besides, you've had all night to contemplate what happened, you don't need anymore time." James replied again, keeping his voice low so as to not wake up the occupant of the room behind Sirius. "The longer you leave him, the longer he's going to have to think about what happened, and he'll read way too much into it. That's his job as the thoughtful one."
"I can't contemplate whilst in doggy form. All I can understand as a mutt is food, play and sex" Sirius replied hotly, glaring at his friend in frustration.
"Nice to see the mutt's thought patterns fully reflect yours." James replied, pushing Sirius into the room rapidly. "Now, you will wait here for the poor boy to wake up, and then talk to him as if you were an adult. You will tell him what you told me last night - yes, including all the soppy crap, don't give me that look - and then have glorious glorious puppy love. I expect to hear a brief, summarised, G-rated version of events at a later date, and please, for the love of God, Sirius, make sure you do not mention any of the creepy guy-love bits to me. I love you, but eww."
"I hate you sometimes." Sirius muttered, sighing dramatically and turning into the room. "Don't mention anything I said to you to Remus later; if someone's going to tell him, it might as well be me."
"I wont! Have fun, sugarcheeks." James replied, shutting the door behind the canine rapidly, whistling a happy tune as he strolled back to the castle.
Sirius turned into the room quietly, huffing silently as he glanced at the boy in the bed. Sheets strewn casually across his lithe form, Sirius tilted his head as the boy moved, making the sheets fall lower on his back. A couple more inches and I'll have a first class view of his ass. Sirius strode across the room with determination, standing over the sleeping boy intensely, praying that either the sheet would fall of its own free will or the werewolf would jump him again.
"So, Mr Black." The lips below him whispered quietly, making the pureblood jump slightly in shock. "What, may I ask, is the verdict?"
Sirius stood for a moment, not sure whether to be more shocked about the fact his friend, who was usually all but dead to the world, was conscious, or the ambiguity in the usually straightforward boy's question. "Hmm?"
"Do I, as you so eloquently put it, 'taste like an ashtray'?" Remus smiled lightly, eyelids remaining closed in quiet contemplation as he rolled onto his back, tugging the sheets upwards to fully cover his scarred torso.
"Not one bit, Moony." Sirius replied, sitting on the bed awkwardly. "Listen..."
"Sirius, wait. I'm so sorry about yesterday. The wolf was out, I was tired, all I could see was a member of my 'pack' in front of me, teasing me, taunting me, and I just wanted to -needed to - dominate." The bed-bound boy sighed, squeezing his eyes shut, not allowing a single dram of light in. "You're one of my pack, Sirius, and all the wolf can see is a strong threat to the leadership. I'm so sorry I jumped you like that, it wasn't fair of me." Remus stated, one eye opening so that amber could meet silver. "Please don't let this change us, Sirius. You mean too much to me as a friend for me to let the wolf's aggression destroy our friendship."
Sirius had felt angry before. He had felt frustrated, and confused, and exhasperated, and upset. But never, in his many years on this earth, had he ever felt completely and entirely defeated. Looking at the now open, pleading eyes below him, he knew that despite whatever Remus had said, there was no way in hell that what had happened the night before wouldn't change the pair.
Now, Sirius wanted Remus. Had to have Remus. Needed Remus.
I can't have him if he doesn't want me. He thought bitterly, realising he was still staring at the lycan below him. "Nothing has to change. Its fine. I'm hardly one to lecture about acting on impulse." Sirius stated, staring upwards at the ceiling.
"Why did you come last night?" Remus asked, sitting up to look at his friend. "You shouldn't have been there. I told you not to be there. Gods, Sirius, if the wolf was able to make me kiss you two hours away from moonrise, can you imagine how bad it could have been if he'd decided to dominate you in the hours straight after the turn? I could have bloody killed you, whether you were in canine form or otherwise."
"You weren't worried about the wolf dominating James and Peter." Sirius stated, eyes still trained upon the ceiling.
"Well - you see -" Remus started, cutting off for a moment. "You're a canine, you're second in command within the 'pack'. You're the one he'd need to dominate. Hell, if I was to go feral, you'd probably end up being the wolf's mate. But I am not feral, I'm not. I just have occasional..." He paused, closing his eyes tiredly. "...Weak moments."
"Weak moments." Sirius scoffed, glaring at the boy in the bed. "Fine, yes, fine. I'm fine with that. Fine." He stated. Remus looked up at his friend, smiling tiredly and patting Sirius on the leg lightly.
"I'll be okay today, Pads. Why don't you go up to the dorms and get some rest, it was a long night last night."
"Don't worry about me, Moony. You're the one whose bones were smashed last night." Sirius replied, climbing off the bed slowly. "I can take you up to the hospital wing now, then go and sort myself out, if you think that you can make it up there at the moment?" He offered, presenting a hand of assistance.
"That would be great, Sirius." Remus replied, reaching for Sirius' outstretched arm to pull himself up. Climbing up rapidly, the usually graceful teen, weakened by hours of fighting and aggression, stumbled slightly. A hand came up to steady him, resting on his weary shoulder to keep him upright. "Oh, for heaven's sake, I'm so sorry Pads..."
"Stop apologising." Sirius breathed, hand still covering the other's. Unable to draw away, the pair stared at one another quietly, faces inches from one another as their eyes bore holes through the short distance between them. "Just... Gods, just..."
"Hi guys!" The pair sprang apart, hands tearing apart as Peter entered the room, placing some used blankets atop the dresser.
"Peter." Sirius hissed, glaring daggers at the short boy, who cowered slightly as he recognised the anger seeping off the pureblood. Before he had a chance, however, to open his mouth and say all the profanities and curses that he wanted, Remus placed a large, cold hand on his forearm, removing his ability to think straight.
"Hello Peter." Remus smiled, eyes never leaving Sirius' as the black boy turned to face him once more. "Are you heading over to the castle now?"
"Yes, I am. Are you guys heading up now too?" Peter replied, heading for the door.
"Yes, we were just about to leave." Remus answered, Sirius still paralysed by the man's calming touch. Peter left the room quickly, leaving the two canines alone once more. Remus withdrew his hand quickly, a whine escaping Sirius' mouth at the lack of contact. "You mean more than anything to me, Sirius. I'm not going to lose you, you hear?" Remus whispered, knowing the canine ears would pick it up. "Come on, lets get up to the castle."
James left the castle swiftly as dusk fell, pulling his cloak above his head carefully as he emerged from between the large oaken doors. Letting his legs guide him, he bore course for the lake, knowing exactly where he would find the person he was looking for.
Sure as the sun sets, there he was, sat under the willow tree that stood tall against the lake, letting the long leaves protect him from the rain. James stood for a moment as the teen in front of him sat facing away, staring up and above the lake.
"This is the fullest I ever see it." The teen said quietly, rousing James out of his staring. "Its quite beautiful, really. Usually, with either disease or age, physical beauty fades, but that just stays up there, never changing, never mutating."
"Its the moon, Moony. One of the few constants in the world." James said calmly, taking a seat next to his friend carefully. "Or outside the world, I suppose. So, care to tell me why on earth you're sat under your 'moony is sad' tree looking as if a hippogriff's eaten your owl?"
"Come off it James, we both know you and Sirius have probably spoken about this already. There's no need to pretend you don't already know about what happened the night before last." Remus stated bluntly, letting a few leaves drift through his fingers.
"I want to hear it from you. I want to hear both sides of the story, I want an accurate representation as opposed to the insane ramblings of Sirius Black." James smiled, looking at his second best friend with amusement and frustration.
"I jumped him, would be the short hand version of the story. It was just the wolf trying to assert his domin-"
"Oh for fucks sake Rem, you might be able to trick Sirius with that 'pack dominance' thing, but don't even try that with me." James scoffed, thumping his friend lightly on the shoulder.
"Ok, fine, maybe it wasn't entirely down to the canine pack thing. But the wolf just wanted Sirius. At that moment in time, hell, I wanted Sirius. I don't know the whys and hows of it, but in that precise moment all I could comprehend was the desire to swipe that smirk off his face with my lips, and I acted on impulse. Gods, if I'd have been at least half in control, I could have perhaps stopped the stupid bloody wolf, but I let my guard down for a second too long." Remus replied, hand resting on his temple tiredly.
"So? I don't see why the fact you kissed Sirius has to be a problem. The chances that he minded are so tiny that you have nothing to lose. Hell, why don't you go for it again! I'm sure Sirius wouldn-" James started enthusiastically, stopping suddenly as his voice cut out mid-flow. Glaring at his friend angrily as the lycan pocketed his wand, James crossed his arms, body language demanding an explanation.
"Had to be done James, sorry. You were rambling." The lycan muttered, head falling into his hands momentarily. "Sirius is an idiot. He's the smartest idiot I know, but he's still a complete idiot. And, as such, he has no common sense or concept of 'long term'. Yes, he might think that sleeping with one of his best friends is a really good idea, but that's in the short term. You know Sirius as well as I do; I'm not about to let him make me another notch on his bedpost. Not to mention, whilst it might be fine for him to be gay, I couldn't do it. Please don't look at me like that James, I couldn't." Remus stated, looking at his friend for a moment.
"After all, how few people accept werewolves? They already think that I'm going to sneak into their homes and bite their children, if I was gay as well they'd probably bloody assume that I'm going to snatch their first born baby boys from their cots and rape them whilst I'm there.
"Its different for Sirius. Hell, if he wants to be gay I am more than fine with it. If that's what makes him happy, then I am so glad he is with men. But I am a werewolf, and once I turn 18 I have to keep a record of my domestic partners, my sexual partners, anyone I go on a date with really, and inform the ministry, so that they can ensure that I don't infect them. If they found out that I was sleeping with a pureblood - and a Black no less - he'd end up in an insane asylum and I'd end up six feet under. The worst they can do if I stick to the fairer sex is tell my partner that I am a werewolf, which is a mandatory conversation anyway, I suppose.
"I can't be gay, and I can't sleep with Sirius. Its too rash, okay? And, as selfish as it sounds, I would like to follow the social norms in at least one aspect of my life. After all, being a wizard is uncommon, being a werewolf is abnormal, but being a gay werewolf? Come off it! I'd most likely belong to a very small social group, involving me and two 55 year old werewolves who probably do get their kicks snatching first born baby boys.
"Sirius can go to some gay bar and manage to pull the most attractive guy in the room, like I know he's more than capable of. Hell, I'll even drive him there hHe'll be much happier without me interfering with his life. I am not about to let my lycanthropy ruin the friendships that I worked so hard for James. I can't." Remus looked at James calmly, reaching for his wand and reversing the spell quietly. "You really should learn some non-verbal spells, James. If that happens to you during the war, flailing your arms around is not going to help you win the battle."
"Sirius said the kiss with you was the best he's ever had in his entire life." James revealed breathlessly, staring at his friend with an intensity rarely seen.
"Well then, he's obviously been kissing the wrong people, because I don't think my kisses are anything special." Remus replied calmly, infuriating James further. Determined to go down a different route, the be-speckled boy tried again, taking a different angle on the situation.
"Do you find him attractive?" He asked bluntly, smirking slightly at his friend as a blush spread over the other's cheeks.
"He's not unattractive." Remus answered, rolling his eyes lightly. "Even you can't deny that, though."
"Do you find him funny?" James pressed, raising his hands up to ruffle his own hair in contemplation.
"He's not boring." Remus replied deftly, own hands reaching out to stop James' movements. "Lily doesn't like it when you ruffle your hair." He stated calmly, placing James' hands back down on the floor.
"Does he make you happy?" James asked, unwilling to let Remus distract him, no matter how tempting it was at the mention of Lily.
"He doesn't make me unhappy." Remus replied, lips pursing tightly as he examined the horizon carefully. "I'm sure one of those trees moved then James. Did you see it? Maybe there's ents in the forest, you never know, Tolkien might have gained his inspiration from the forbidden forest." Unhappy with the speed the conversation was progressing, James kicked it up a notch, asking the question dancing on the tip of his tongue without delay.
"Do you find yourself wanting to date him?"
A pregnant pause passed between the pair, as James stared at his friend with a triumphant grin on his face, waiting for his friend's response. "I don't find myself not wanting to date him." Remus whispered quietly, eyes shutting in thought as his chin dropped to his chest. "But, no matter what you or anyone else says, it is not going to happen, James Potter. You and Lily will be married with mini-Potters hopping round the place before I ever date Sirius." The pair smiled at one another briefly, before Remus pulled himself and James to a standing position. "Its getting late, come on." He whispered as they headed for the castle. Unable to resist, James had to deal one last shot.
"Do you want to take him into a closet and fu-"
"Don't make me silence you again, Potter." Remus smiled, pushing his friend aside to a laugh, as choruses of 'you do!' 'do you?' 'I swear to god, if I ever have to witness that...' filled the air.
I officially suck! I'm so sorry this is late, I'm in the middle of exams and *insert crappy excuses here*...
And, I managed to do it as well on the one week where I am INUNDATED with reviews! you all rock, all 26 (yes, count'em) of you! I'm so sorry I didn't respond to any of you amazing people - I only have an hour free today, and figured you'd rather receive this than my insane ramblings in PMs. I do love you though, honest!
Song of the week - Motorcycle Emptiness, Manic Street Preachers
