A/N: So sorry I haven't updated in so long, lots of things have happened in RL and my beta, Nikkaayy95, moved across country and didn't have internet and...yeah. Thanks so much for reading! Reviews are very much appreciated.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.
I know that starting over is not what life's all about.
But my thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud...
-The world at large by modest mouse
BPOV
After Renee left for her interviews I spent the rest of my day in my room depressed. My truck was gone. I was isolated in the damn house. I have too many problems for a normal 17 year old girl to deal with. What I need most is for this surgery to work and to really be happy. My pillowcase was soaked when I sat up. I was holding my head in my hands swallowing my sobs away and trying to think happy thoughts.
Then I felt someone's eyes on me, which was weird because that never happens. I knew Renee wasn't home and I was the only one in my room. I wiped my eyes and I glanced around. No one there. I turned to lay back down, but looked out the window first. I saw green eyes and my heart pumped harder in my chest then usual. His face looked concerned and his brow was furrowed. Was he concerned for me? Why would he care about me? I stared back a little longer than I intended. When I realized this I blushed and looked away immediately. I gazed through my hair to see if he had left, but he was still staring at me. Well, this is getting strange.
I tried to busy myself by looking around my room, but still felt his gaze on me after several minutes. I looked towards my window, but he was gone. I felt relieved, but I also felt alone. I really wanted to know why his face looked that way. Pity? Remembrance? He couldn't know what I was going through right now. Could he?
My stomach grumbled loudly and brought me back to reality. I haven't eaten since breakfast, and Renee should be getting home soon. I decided to cook myself an early dinner and wait for Renee's arrival. I stood in the kitchen trying to decide what to prepare. We didn't have much food in the house, just the basics. I was somewhat happy to cook tonight. I was always fond of cooking. I preheated the oven and started preparing dinner knowing Renee would be satisfied.
Just as I pulled the lasagna out of the oven an hour later, Renee walked in the door. Her nose was bright red, and I could tell she didn't like the weather here either. I noticed that she started sniffing the air, the smell leading her to the kitchen where I was standing. She walked over and stood behind me, a happy sigh escaping her when she saw it was lasagna.
Her blue eyes twinkled as she sat down at the dining table. "I'm starving!" she exclaimed. I stifled a laugh, and sat the lasagna in the middle of the table along with two plates and forks.
"H-how did the um i-inteeeerviewws go?" I asked while scooping out a piece of lasagna for myself.
She smiled widely, "I most likely got the job at the bank." She replied, "I know it's not my kind of job, but the manager was so sweet, and it'll put food on the table!"
I nodded. "T-that's greeeat mooom!"
"Oh, and one of my co-workers invited us to a Pampered Chef party tomorrow." She added.
My eyes grew wide and I didn't know what to say. Renee definitely noticed this and she nudged me.
"Honey, you don't have to talk in front of everyone, it's just kitchen utensils and a bunch of grown women gossiping. There's nothing to worry about."
"O-okay I I'll gooo."
She jumped up and down in her seat like she was a kid again. I haven't been out in public with her in almost a year. I was sort of excited. At least I get to drive around the town and actually see where I'm living. We finished the rest of our dinner in silence but the smile on Renee's face never faded. I couldn't help but smile with her.
EPOV
I was speeding down the street trying to clear my head. I couldn't help but worry for Bella. It was pissing me the fuck off really. If I had no control over her sadness, I need to stop fucking worrying so much. Then I started thinking of her big brown eyes. They were so captivating. My mind took over and I began driving back to the house. Before I realized it I was sitting in my room again looking out my window. The light in her room was off, Bella nowhere in sight. My face and heart dropped, but what was I expecting? If anything she thinks I'm a nutcase for staring at her today.
I haven't been worried for a patient-or anyone really-in the longest time. I knew first-hand they would all be better in time. But Bella, I could tell she's been suffering for far too long. She's worried about Carlisle I suppose. I've been worried about doctors before, it only took three doctors to cure me though. I wonder how many it's been for Bella.
I had so many questions for her just waiting to be asked. It was like I wanted to know everything about her. And possibly fuck her. But still. Luckily, I would be able to see her Monday morning and hopefully get a few of these questions answered. But what if she doesn't like questions being asked? What if she won't even talk to me? I should've thought this shit through before expecting answers from a girl that doesn't even know me.
I was sitting on the black leather couch, head in hands, bickering with myself, when a flick of light from my window caught my eye. I rushed to the window like a fucking stalker, and caught Bella walking in, a smile plastered on her face. Sweet relief flooded through me as she skipped to her closet and fiddled with the clothes hanging. Out of nowhere, her smile fell and her brow furrowed. What could be wrong now? I was on the edge of my seat my nose almost touching the window. Cut it out Edward! I flew back to my couch, hoping she didn't see me acting like a douche just now, and took a deep breath. I really need to get a fucking life.
I was looking down at me knees, when I decided to give her room one last look. My head shot up, and she was standing right in the middle of her room. She looked terrified, like she'd just seen a ghost or some shit.
But then she smiled at me. My eyes widened, my breath stolen from my lungs from how beautiful her smile really was. Perfect white teeth, perfect pink pouty mouth, perfect...everything really.
Gee, I wonder if my vagina is showing yet.
I gave her a quick grin and waved, probably looking like a complete dork. Her eyes bulged, but her smiled became wider. She nodded, held up a finger as if to say, "wait one second", and spun on her heel heading towards a door on her left.
Even though she had left the room, my smile never faded. I had just made a small conversation with Bella. Without saying one word to her. Everything has to start somewhere right?
BPOV
I cleaned the dishes quickly, and headed back to my room. I still had on the goofy smile from dinner. I was about to go on my laptop to check my email, when I realized I needed to find something to wear tomorrow for the Pampered Chef party. I almost skipped to my closet but I stopped myself. I opened the doors and my face fell. I have nothing to wear. There has to be something in here! I was rummaging though the few clothing items that were on hangers, and was about to give up when I spotted my dark blue, V-Neck sweater. Surely I would be warm with this and the over sized jacket Charlie had given me before I left. I grabbed my only pair of jeans and set out my outfit for tomorrow.
I walked out of my closet and felt a gaze on me again. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the window next door was illuminated. I turned slowly towards the window and noticed a figure sitting down on a couch, looking down at his knees. My heart started pumping faster once I saw the bronze mess of hair.
Edward's head shot up and his green eyes looked right at me; into me. I couldn't move, I wanted to do the cowardly thing and run away, but his eyes and face looked so happy. I decided to do something, anything, to make this less awkward. My face twitched a little before I threw him a toothy grin. His eyes widened and he gave me a gorgeous crooked grin back and added a wave. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from giggling like a little girl. I wanted to be bold and talk to him, without stuttering, but didn't know how to. After a few seconds of thinking I finally got it. A bigger smile consumed my face and I held up a finger, silently telling him "one second". He grinned back at me, the corners of his eyes creasing, and nodded slightly. I ran out of my door and went to the office across the hall in search of a black sharpie and a notebook.
