James walked slowly up the dormitory stairs, not entirely sure he wanted to know what was going on within the dormitory, only occupied by the Maraudering couple. "They better not be doing anything on my bed" he mumbled to himself, climbing the steps faster in the hopes of protecting his beloved bed. By the time he reached the top of the staircase, he'd practically broken into a sprint, banging his hand on the wall rapidly.
"REMUS! SIRIUS! You both decent? You better not be up to any funny business, or I'll take both your wands and give them to the-" James started, surprised when he fell forward through the opening door. From his position on the floor, he looked up to see a very amused Remus standing over him. "Hello, Moony." He grinned nervously, thankful that the werewolf was fully clothed, though very very flustered. "I hope I didn't interrupt anything..." He smiled innocently, leaning up to his elbows to see that Sirius was - thankfully - lying on Remus' own bed.
"I told you we shouldn't have stopped." Sirius moaned, leaning his head back against the headrest. "He only came up here because he's an idiot that can't deal with the idea of two men kissing, so just had to interrupt us."
"Hey! I've been nowt but supportive to the two of you, you hear?" James scrambled to his feet, affronted, knocking Remus' outstretched hand out of the way. "I just don't want to have to walk in on two of my friends getting up to funny stuff. How would you feel if you walked in on me and Peter?"
"I'd throw up in pity for you, after all you would be kissing Peter." The three occupants shuddered momentarily, each imagining worse and worse sexual scenarios with their over-excitable friend. James shook it off first, returning to point immediately.
"Fine, bad example. What if you walked in on me kissing Moony?" James challenged, grabbing the boy stood beside him and clasping him in a tight hug, heads inches from one another as James held Remus in place.
Sirius looked at the pair suspiciously, watching Remus blush as he tried to escape the embrace and James stare at him challengingly. "I would most likely kill you in the slowest, most excruciatingly painful manner I know." Sirius replied, raising himself to a standing position and stalking across the room towards the pair. "And, although I'm not proud of it, I'm a Black, so I know some pretty excruciating methods for murder." He snarled, pulling Remus out of James' embrace forcefully and into his own.
"Fine. What about if I was up here with Lily?" James asked, hands crossed tightly across his chest.
"If you convinced Lily up to the dorms for a reason other than to yell at you, I would buy to condoms myself so long as you keep your dirty hooves off my Remus." Sirius responded, rolling Remus out of his embrace so the pair stood side by side, Sirius' arm wrapped tightly round his shoulders still.
"Your Remus?" Remus frowned, looking at Sirius through the corner of his eye.
"I'm your Sirius too, works both ways, love." Sirius said aside, grinning at his companion. "But yes, James, I have no problem with whatever urchins you bring up to the dorms, and expect such a courtesy to be returned."
"Okay. Fine. But I don't want you getting up to any kissing on my bed. And nothing above kissing and some petting in the dormitories. And no puppy love anywhere, got it?" James stated, hands lowering to his hips.
"Yes Mum." Remus and Sirius replied sarcastically, grinning afterwards at their own intuition.
"And no more of this puppy-psychicness either. I don't want to have to talk to you two 'as a couple'. I want to talk to Sirius and Remus." James retorted, waggling his finger at the pair.
"Fine." They both stated at the same time with a grin.
"You two are going to drive me mental, aren't you?"
"Probably." Remus stated, slipping out of Sirius' embrace to lead James to the door. "But that means when you finally lose it and kill us both, you can plead Not Guilty Reason Insanity."
"Convenient." James sighed, rolling his eyes as he stood in the doorframe once more. "Look, are you okay with me telling Pete about all this? He should probably known, before his retinas are burnt out by walking in on the sight of you two."
"You okay with that?" Sirius whispered, running a hand along Remus' spine as he followed them towards the door.
"That's fine by me, just tell him not to make it public knowledge yet." Remus replied, smiling at James. "If he gets creeped out by it in any way, write it off as a prank, yes?"
"If he's creeped out by it, I'll kick his ass myself." James grinned, waving at the two of them as he shut the door, yelling "No funky stuff!" though the disappearing crack between the two rooms.
"Silencio." Remus stated at the closed door shimmered in recognition of the spell. Behind him, Sirius had already gone towards the bed, sliding onto the sheets with a smile.
"Colloportus." Sirius waved his wand casually at the door also, the pair grinning as they were, once again, alone. "Time for some funky stuff." Sirius grinned as Remus stalked towards the bed with intent.
"And then WOOSH! James flew straight upwards, using his broom to thump the bludger away from Flitch, before doing a variation of the wronski feint -" James smiled, hearing Peter vividly describe his actions to a group of enthralled first years, hanging on his every word as he regaled them with tales of the week's quidditch match. "Well, speak of the very wizard!" Peter grinned, waving at James with a laugh as James bowed to the awed first years.
"I'm afraid public declarations of my brilliance will have to be temporarily halted, 'Tail." James grinned, shooing away the younger students with a flick of his wrist, sitting down next to his friend with a smile.
"Its about Moony and Padfoot." James explained, clasping a hand to Peter's shoulder and smiling. "Nothing to be worried about, but there is something about the two of them that you need to know, and they've asked me to tell you."
"Okay..." Peter stated warily, lips pursing in confusion.
"You know that Moony and Padfoot are... closer... than most friends, yes?" James started, unsure how to reveal such a big secret.
"Sure! Moony and Padfoot are really close friends, just like me and you are close, Prongs." James gagged momentarily, holding his breath as horrible, horrible mental images flooded his brain.
"Please, never ever compare Moony and Pads to you and I ever again, Pete." James shuddered, removing his hand from his friend's shoulders. "Right. Lets just put this out there. Sirius likes Remus in the same way I like Lily."
"Infatuated to the stage where he can't form rational thoughts?" Peter responded, a small frown creasing his brow.
"Yes! Not that I like Lily in that manner, but yes. He's a bit loopy about loony Lupin, one may say." James replied,
"And does Moony feel towards Pads the same way Lily feels towards you?" Peter asked warily, frown deepening. "I don't want Moony and Pads fighting like cat and mouse with each other."
"It wouldn't be cat and mouse. It would be more like wolf and dog." James grinned. "And the good news is that there shall be no puppy-wars! My little puppies have decided to court one another in the hopes of producing mini Semuses one day."
"Okay..." Peter stated uneasily. "I'm not entirely sure you're not pulling my leg here, Prongs."
"Now why would I, Marauder extraordinaire, want to deceIve one of my own?" James grinned, lips curling manically. Peter frowned further, glaring at James distrustfully. "I'm telling the truth, Pete. M'Moony and Sirius are coupling off together. You okay with this, I know its a bit of a shock?"
"Well at least now Sirius wont come after me." Peter stated thoughtlessly, clasping his hands over his mouth almost as soon as the words escaped his lips. James let out a bark like laugh, clapping Peter on the back once more.
"In all honesty, Pete, I don't think you're quite Sirius' type." James laughed, shaking his head in mirth.
"So Moony's like Sirius then?" Peter asked, tilting his head slightly in confusion. "Moony's..."
"As twisted as a fruit loop." James completed, nodding the affirmative. "Not that it matters to us, right, Pete? He's still just plain old Moony, but now we just can't tell him he's asexual for not sleeping with all the women he courts."
"Does this mean... Sirius and Remus... In our dorm?"
"No no. No." James stated firmly, hands resting upon his legs as his eyes squeezed shut, even more horrible horrible scenarios playing out in his mind. "There shall be no official puppylove until they're both 30, and even that is negotiable."
"But I thought you wanted mini Remiuses." Peter asked, ever more confused by the contradictions being presented to him.
"Semuses, Semuses. Remiuses is a lot less pleasing to the ear, and I want my godchildren to have strong names that are attractive to the listener! And they'll be delivered by the stork, the same way I was." James assured with a nod of his head.
"James-"
"MY PARENTS NEVER HAD SEX." James shouted, quietening the entire common room with his outburst. "Back to your business, the lot of you!" He yelled at the crowd, who all resumed their tasks, albeit with a few giggles along the way.
"Okay. So Sirius and Remus are now "Sirius and Remus"." Peter checked, squinting his eyes momentarily. "I can sort of see them as a couple..."
"I have a feeling they're going to be a rather nauseous couple for the first few weeks, until Rem figures out how to calm down a certain frisky mutt."
"Great." Peter muttered, before perking up momentarily. "This means there'll be even more girls free for the rest of us, as Remus can't romance them into thinking they deserve the best and Sirius can't sleep with them!" James laughed, clapping Peter on the back.
"I suppose there will be." James grinned, jumping to his feet. "Wanna go annoy the happy couple?"
"When would I pass up on that?" Peter grinned, and the two turned to the dormitories, wands drawn.
James sprinted out the dormitories minutes later, a trail of curses and tiny horned butterflies in his wake as he ran into a closet, exiting moments later and trapping the beasts, punching the air in victory before saying a silent prayer for Peter, an unfortunate casualty in the battle. Breathing heavily, he turned to see Lily walking into the common room, two or three friends in tow. Her eyes hit James' and she slowed, looking away quickly as he jogged up to her, smiling charmingly.
"Hey, Lily." He stated breathlessly, stopping a few foot away as her friends slowed, turning to look at the scene with matching grins. Lily waved them away rapidly, before tucking her hair behind her ear and turning to face James once more, eyes never lifting.
"Potter." She nodded, eyes burning holes in the floor. "Fancy seeing you here."
"Yeah, fancy that." James grinned, unable to tear his eyes away. "I need to talk to you. I know you've most likely told your friends about what happened earlier -"
"I haven't!" She squeaked, eyes lifting in outrage at the idea of James thinking her a gossip. "How dare-" James lifted his arms in surrender, before stepping forward and clasping her upper arms tightly.
"That's great." He grinned. "Better safe than sorry, and Remus doesn't want it getting around so I thought I'd check with you."
"Still, the thought -"
"If I'd really thought you had told your friends, I would have cursed you right now, regardless of how pretty you are." James replied, reaching up to tuck some more of Lily's hair behind her ear casually. "After all, Remus and Sirius are my mates, and its not like you're my girlfriend or anything." He mumbled, hand dropping from her face sadly.
"No, I guess I'm not." Lily replied softly, looking at her watch quickly. "I've got to go."
"Snape?"
"How'd you know?" Lily asked, eyebrows raised in suspicion.
"You go down to the library every Thursday night, alone, at 6.40. The only reason you'd go that routinely is if you were meeting someone, and the only person you'd meet that wasn't in Griffindor is Snape." James omitted the fact he'd seen them together on the map, instead casting his eyes to the ground for a moment, letting Lily stare in wonder at the man in front of her. "Look, I know you're probably, in the long run, going to choose him over me. But can I please have just one chance? One day in Hogsemeade. Please. This weekend. You'd be making a boy's dreams come true?" James asked optimistically. Lily stared for a moment, unable to prevent her lips turning upwards as he smiled hopefully towards her.
"This saturday. We meet at 10. You've got until 3 to impress me, then I'm leaving." Lily stated, a 100 watt grin breaking out across James' face as he jumped forwards, wrapping her tightly in his embrace as she stood frozen in shock for a moment. Hearing a blast behind him, James cursed, looking towards the dormitory stairs to see a multicoloured, half newt Peter stumbling down the last few steps, and a furious Sirius Black emerging, a look that screamed vengeance splashed upon his face.
"Got to go!" James whispered, planting a risky kiss on Lily's cheek before he disappeared, sprinting out of the common room without looking back. With a roar, Sirius followed, an exasperated - and rather orange - Remus trying to make the pair "slow down and stop acting like flaming lunatics!" as he jogged half heartedly in their wake. After 10 minutes of working out the counter-spells to help Peter, Lily departed, glancing out of the window as she left to see brightly coloured spells jumping between two wands as a crowd gathered, a small, ashy haired, orange figure standing on the outside with hands in the air and what Lily imagined was an annoyed look on his features. With a soft chuckle, Lily left, feeling slightly less excited about her meeting with Severus.
Feel good chapter alert! Sorry, I'm probably a bit late with that warning, there's so much cheese here that you're probably feeling a little ill. But hell, everyone's favourite puppies need the occasional happy moment, right? Have no fear, ye who love the angst, something (or should I say someone) will be along to break the peace soon, and he's bringing his bitchin' cane with him!
Also, sorry if there are any factual inaccuracies in this; I wrote the thing on a plane, so I had no internet and couldn't double check.
REVIEW! Come on, you know you want to!!! Reviews are catalysts; they increase my productivity and speed up the production of the next chapter, without taking anything away from you :)
Song of the week; Teardrop - Massive Attack
