Okay, friends, welcome back. It's only fair to tell you this is *the one*. The chapter in which everything will finally come together. There will be an epilogue afterwards, but this is it kids. Enjoy.

- Nine –

It was late. Logan was on the couch, the lights dark, with Ella next to him, inching closer as they watched the 3rd season of a show she had recommended. It was a fine show, and he allowed her to lean into him, reaching his arm further along the back of the couch so she would fit into the crook of his arm. He didn't feel his pulse race or his breath quicken, but he felt the warmth of human touch, and after Kendall's rejection, he craved the feeling of another body so unlike his.

He knew what he was doing was dangerous. He didn't want Elliot. Not to date her, and not in his bed. Sometimes he wasn't even sure he could hold a conversation with her.

But it was so easy. She fit into his life in New York. She got along with his mother, she helped get him out when all he wanted to do was curl up and punch numbers. She was good for him in a way. But in other ways she was so completely unlike him. She would never understand him that way Kendall had. But if Kendall was no longer an option, maybe that was what he would settle for.

She turned to face him and smiled, "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," he said, but returned her smile. It was a good thing she couldn't read minds. She took him at face value, but continued to look at him, the wheels turning, before she turned onto her knees and pulled his face forward.

They hadn't kissed. For months she'd been by his side, but he had kept that boundary. His feelings were so muddled, he didn't want to complicate them further. And he could tell she wanted to. She had tried to before, but he had always caught it in time. This time he wasn't sure he wanted to.

Her technique was good. He'd give her that. He reflexively held her lower back, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss. She met his energy and began to crawl into his lap, which woke him out of his stupor. Gently he stopped her, pushing her away.

"I can't El," he said, trying to catch his breath. It had been so long. "I'm, well, I'm not into you that way. And it's not anything you've done, you're just not my type."

"I thought as much," she said. "You're not my first closet case."

He stuttered to respond but couldn't find the words. He tried to deny it, but he was so tired of denying the truth.

"Well, if you suspected that, why did you kiss me?" he asked. It was the closest to confirmation as he would give her.

She shrugged, "I figured it was worth a shot. I don't mind. I've had bigger hang ups than that in boyfriends."

"Boyfriends?" he stalled. There was something he was missing.

"Well, it still works for me if it works for you. It makes sense, right? Your mom loves me, my dad thinks you're a huge step up. You don't seem to want to come out to your family, and I would be the perfect cover. Besides, if we're engaged, I could convince my dad to lend me money to get your apartment back in L.A."

"Engaged? But I don't love you?"

She shrugged. "You don't have to. We can find attraction elsewhere, I don't mind if you don't, but this…we just work so well together."

He couldn't respond, and she could see his was stunned. She kissed him on the cheek and rose to leave. "Just tell me you'll think about it. An imperfect marriage is still better than being alone, don't you think?"

She left him sitting alone in the dark. In a way, she was right. It was the opposite of what he had with Kendall. They had been so stupidly and passionately in love but closed off from everyone. The people they loved, at least on his side, would never support them in the way his mother and Aunt Elinor adored Ella. He had spent years feeling the absence of that support and now he had it. If it came down to that or Kendall, he believed that now he would be brave, he would fight it, but Kendall had told him there was nothing between them. He'd said as much at the gala. And he was so tired of being alone. Alone in this empty room and alone in crowded rooms too. At least it was something.

He was exhausted by the conversation. He wanted to sleep, but his mind was reeling. He took a sleeping pill, washed it down with whiskey, and was asleep before he hit the pillow. Maybe it would give him perspective.


It had been years since he and Kendall had kissed, but in his dream it was like yesterday. Kendall's massive torso was draped over his body, head resting against his chest. The TV was on, but he was too focused on the top of his lover's head, fingers tracing the highlights and lowlights in his hair, memorizing the pattern. Eventually Kendall lifted himself up, balancing himself with a hand on Logan's cheek.

He smiled, the sun bouncing of his skin in beams of light, and he said, "I love you."

For some reason, in the dream Logan couldn't hear his voice, but he could see the shape of his lips, watched them lift at the corners as he said those perfect words, then again as he leaned in to press their lips together. He couldn't feel them against his lips, but he could feel the butterflies in his chest. He kissed him again and again and again. And then he woke up.


After his dream, he knew he couldn't agree to Elliot's arrangement. Like the coward he was, he hadn't told her yet. It had been days since he'd answered her text messages, but under the circumstances, he was sure she would understand the meaning.

It was easy to avoid her, because the Groves had taken a spontaneous trip to Manhattan to shop for Lucy's wedding dress. Charlie and his father had stayed home with the boys, but Mrs. Groves and Maria had come with Lucy, and so had her groom, though they made him promise to stay away from dress shopping.

He visited them at the hotel in Carlos' suite, catching up on what he had missed since he had last seen them. Maria had spoken to her aunt and had plenty of questions about Logan and Ella, but he managed to hold her off. He tried to keep the focus on the upcoming nuptials and returned every day to help with a bit of wedding business or to distract Carlos while the women shopped.

On the third day, he walked in to find Kendall in the suite. He had expected to see him eventually. Now that they were related by marriage, he would be seeing him often. He had finally found a sort of equilibrium to the relationship, something he could stand. He sat in the only available seat on the loveseat next to Kendall. He and Carlos seemed to have been in conversation when he arrived.

Almost immediately, Carlos looked between the two of them seated on the loveseat, and checked his phone, "You know, I'm gonna head downstairs and wait for the pizza to get here."

"They'll deliver it to the room, you know?" Kendall asked, his voice tense. He had expected Carlos to do something like this.

Carlos shrugged, "I'm short on steps today. It's fine. I'll be back in a minute."

"Traitor," Kendall whispered under his breath as Carlos grabbed his hotel key. Carlos smirked as he closed the door behind him.

Logan couldn't help but chuckle. "So, he knows everything then?"

"He does."

"So does your sister."

Kendall seemed surprised at this, and Logan shrugged, "We talk."

It felt so natural and so unnatural at the same time. It was like relearning how to ride a bike, but with a snag in the chain.

Kendall relaxed a little, "Carlos wanted to give us some privacy, so I could ask you about your apartment in L.A."

"What about it? Is there a problem?" he knew the faucet in the kitchen leaked occasionally and he also knew the bribe that would get maintenance to do something about it.

"Well that's the thing, I don't know," Kendall said, before obviously steeling himself. "Word on the street is that you're engaged."

Suddenly he understood why Kendall was so guarded. He had been expecting the worst. Logan realized something as he watched the emotion tighten Kendall's face. There was still something there.

While he processed this, Kendall began to ramble, trying to fill the silence with something other than history, "If that's true, I'd be happy to cut short the lease. I could find somewhere else. I spend most of my time here anyway. And congratulations, of course.

"There's nothing to congratulate," Logan said, his heart rising as he watched Kendall's face change. "Elliot is only a friend. Nothing more. I'm as single as the last time we met."

"But everyone is saying…" Kendall tried to process his answer. He had prepared himself for how this conversation would go, and this was entirely different.

Logan nodded, "And everyone is wrong. I have no intention of marrying Ella. Whatever my mother or my aunt says. I don't love her, and I can't be made to."

Kendall said nothing. The gears were turning, and Logan sensed that his entire worldview had been disrupted. Selfishly, he stared, watching his jaw flex as he came to terms with Logan's answer. I am ruined, he thought. I will never feel like this again. You've ruined me.

At that moment, as if summoned, his aunt called him. If it had been from her home phone, he would have sent it to voicemail, but it was the nurse. He had to be sure she was alright. He excused himself to the bathroom, but Kendall was still deep in thought.

"Marisol, is my aunt alright?" he asked, but he wasn't greeted by the nurse. Instead he was greeted by his aunt.

"Logan Hortense Mitchell, I can't believe you!"

He opened his mouth to respond, but she did not let him. Instead she continued railing against him.

"I can't believe you would break that sweet little girl's heart! I was so happy that I would know you were taken care of before I died, but you can't even give me that. You should go back to that girl on your hands and knees."

"I won't do that Elinor."

He said it firmly, not in the accommodating voice he usually used with his aunt. He was enraged too. Enraged that he had wasted years pleasing everybody else in his life except the one person who loved him regardless. Enraged that he had never been able to accept himself until he realized that what everyone imagined for him was not what he wanted, nor had it ever been. His rage blurred whatever her response had been, and he interrupted.

"Elinor, I'm going to tell you something, and when I say it, I want you to know that I mean it. I will not be taking it back, and if you don't like it that's fine. I am gay. I am attracted to men, not women. And more than that, I am attracted to one man. I am in love with that man. And it's the same man that I fell in love with all those years ago. You persuaded me otherwise, but you were wrong. And I was wrong. But I've spent years blaming myself and trying to hide from it and I'm done. He may never love me again, and that breaks my heart. But I refuse to pretend it's not broken. And I refuse to hide that I loved him, from you, and from anyone else."

"You told me I didn't want to be alone the rest of my life. And I don't. But I would rather be me, authentically, and alone, that spend my life pretending to be something I'm not. And if you don't accept that, it's you that will be alone. If you love me, you will take me for who I am, and not who you want me to be. And if you don't, I've said my piece."

By the end he was crying. He could tell she was too.

"Logan, I…" was all she managed before she was cut off by the nurse. Marisol apologized, but said that he had upset his aunt and she needed to rest. He was glad, he wasn't sure he was ready to sever her off completely just yet. At least this way he could convince himself she would love him anyway.

He splashed cold water on his face and examined his face in the mirror. His eyes were still red, but bright. He looked so much better than he had in ages. A weight had lifted from his shoulders and it showed.

He left the bathroom, expecting to see Kendall, but instead Carlos had arrived with the pizza, and Kendall was nowhere to be found. Carlos noticed his appearance, and his eyes searching the room.

"He just left," Carlos said. He had started in on the pizza, but his demeanor said that he had caught at least the end of the rather loud phone conversation. "But I think he heard everything."

"And what did you hear?" Logan asked, but he laughed. He knew he still looked like a mess.

Carlos shrugged, in that open in accepting way, "Enough. You want to talk about it?"

"Actually, I have plans," he said, recalling what James had called an urgent meeting. "But thank you. And honestly, I feel better than I have in a long time."

After Logan had left, Carlos shook his head and laughed at the two of them. Idiots.


James had arrived at the coffee shop first. He had already ordered for both, admitting that he hoped Logan's order was the same. As he settled in to his latte, he could see that James was nervous.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you again so soon, but what is so urgent?" he asked, and James continued to fidget with a napkin.

Finally, he decided to be out with it. "So the fact is that art photography doesn't always pay the bills, so sometimes I sell to gossip sites. I was browsing one of them and saw a picture of you from that gala last week."

"Yeah, I walked the carpet. For some reason," he answered, still unfazed.

James shook his head, "It's not you I was worried about. It's who you were with. Are you dating Elliot Williams?"

"That's open to interpretation, but why do you ask?"

This was not a turn in the conversation he had expected, so he encouraged James to elaborate.

"Remember a while back, when I basically lost everything and had to start over. That was thanks to Elliot. We met at a club, she found out I was old money, and she convinced me to wipe out my trust fund travelling, partying, buying her gifts. I thought I was in love with her, but I was an idiot."

Logan apologized but James waved him off, "I'm past it, really. I learned a lesson, and I'm better for it. But then I saw you together and I had to warn you."

"That's disappointing," he answered, but he wasn't particularly surprised. His mom had been carrying most of the bills for their shopping trips and he'd bought dinner every time they ate together. "But no, thankfully I think that's over."

He shook his head again, "I don't think so. The blond in the photos with your mom? Who's that?"

James pulled out his phone to show Logan the picture. Immediately he recognized Clay and rolled his eyes, "That's her boyfriend."

"Clay?"

Logan felt an eerie sense of premonition, "How do you know him?"

"Oh boy, brace yourself," James said. "Clay is Elliot's husband."

"Her what?!

Whatever he thought he was prepared for, this was not it. James explained that Elliot and Clay had been married when they met, but they never let on. He didn't know Clay at first, but they met occasionally. The couple worked the field, trying to find people who were wealthy but lonely. People like Logan and his mother.

"They would have had the perfect set up with you," James explained. "Drain the entire Mitchell fortune with nobody the wiser, the whole time going at it behind your back. Living in the same house and everything. But you're telling me there's nothing going on?"

"Not on my end, but I need to tell my mother."

Immediately, he texted to see where his mother was. She answered that she was visiting with her niece and the Groves, happy to give her opinion for wedding linens. He knew he would have to go to her and tell her what he'd found out. But with her out of the house, he figured he'd make one stop.

Before he left, he thanked James for his honesty. He returned it with his own.

"Do you know who Kendall Knight is?" he asked.

James chuckled, "Yeah, he's like an Ed Sheeran type right? Musician? Blond?"

"Better than Ed Sheeran, but that's him," Logan confirmed. "He's my ex-boyfriend."

It was the most succinct way he could think to put the news. James seemed to take it in stride, "Ex?"

Logan shrugged, no longer completely committed to the idea that they were exes, "A few years ago. But now that everything's changing. Who knows?"

"Well good luck," James said. "With your mom, and with Kendall Knight."


Sure enough, with his unexpected arrival to the apartment he found Clay and Elliot in bed together. Well, in bed was a bit of a misnomer, as they were on the kitchen floor. He flung a blanket at them and explained that he knew everything, and that if they didn't want him to press fraud charges, there would be no sign of them by the time his mother returned that evening. Elliot seemed rather surprised by his lack of emotion, but if he was honest with himself, he had never felt very much for her anyway.

He gave them space to pack, hoping they wouldn't take anything too expensive with them. It was worth the loss to be rid of them. He left for the hotel, hoping to find his mother, or even Maria, so he could tell someone what was happening. Instead he found Lucy.

"You just missed everyone," she shrugged. "But you're welcome to come in. I decided to take a break. The other girls and your mom went to look at linens and place settings, and Carlos went to the studio with Kendall. That reminds me!"

She went over the table and picked up a CD case, "Can you believe Kendall actually burned a CD? Very old school. I guess this is the demo they're recording. He wanted me to give it to you?"

"Me?" Logan asked, and his heart began to race.

She shrugged, "I'm just the messenger. I don't know where he expected you to find a CD player, but I guess you can try the DVD player in the TV?"

He fumbled with the case, before shoving the CD into the slot, praying it would play. His breath caught in his throat as he heard Kendall's voice. Lucy tried not to pry, but she stayed in his peripheral.

You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope.
Tell me I'm not too late, that those feels haven't gone.
My heart is yours, more than it ever was before.
More than it was when you broke it.
I've loved only you. I'll love only you.
I can't bear to hope you still want me, but I'll keep wanting you.
I am uncertain of my fate, but I know it lies with you.
A word or a look and I'm yours.

"Lucy get your coat," he ordered, but he was halfway out the door. Lucy couldn't comprehend what was happening, but she followed his order without question. She had never heard him so serious.

He tried to call a cab, but he couldn't get their attention. Sensing his urgency, Lucy whistled, bringing a cab to the curb. They slid in and Lucy gave the address to the studio.

Traffic was agonizing. For the 30 blocks it would take them, Lucy asked question after question. By the time they arrived she had already secured her place as his maid of honor. Even if she was a relation by marriage, he was warmed by her support.

He opened the door before the cab had stopped, and left Lucy to pay the fare. She had given him directions to find the studio in the building, and he called the elevator, irritated that if it arrived any slower, he would run up 16 flights of stairs. Just as he was about to decide, the elevator arrived, and he leapt on, slamming on the button for the 15th floor before the doors closed. He had no idea what he was going to say, but he was ready.

He found the studio and opened the door into the production room to find it empty. Both men were in the studio, strumming on instruments and perfecting parts. He walked in and watched them through the dark glass. It was like there was no one else in the world. He watched Kendall, memorized his face before the moment that would change everything. Kendall scribbled a notation on the stand in front of him, and then glanced up.

Their eyes met, and immediately each man broke into a grin.

"Carlos, can you make a coffee run?" Kendall asked, and Carlos, facing away from the window, gave him a hard time.

"You haven't even finished the one you have."

Logan pressed on the button that allowed sound into the booth, "Carlos, make the coffee run."

Carlos turned and saw him through the glass, and smiled, "Coffee it is."

"The beans are better in New Jersey," Logan suggested, as they passed in the doorway. He closed the door behind him, and turned, facing Kendall for the first time, front on, chin up.

Kendall stood, anxiously awaiting his answer as if his appearance was not answer enough. Logan stood near the door, conscious of the tension evaporating between them.

"Do you think you could love me again?" Kendall asked, breathless and hopeful, his voice sounding like an echo to Logan, even in the soundproof studio. He closed the space between them.

"Do you think I ever stopped?" he asked and pulled Kendall down to him. He resisted at first, still braced for rejection, before giving in entirely, pulling Logan against him and deepening the kiss. The only sound in the studio was the thudding of their heartbeats against one another.

Logan pulled away to catch his breath, "I'm sorry for all of it. I never should have let you go."

"You're forgiven," Kendall answered, like the period after a sentence. And everything had gone, all the hurt, and the loneliness, and the pain that had filled the last few years. "As long as you forgive me. I knew you were sorry, I knew you were hurt, and I said some horrible things to hurt you even more. I'm so sorry."

"Forgiven," Logan answered, and kissed him again. "As long as you never leave me again. It won't happen. I won't let it. I'm determined to love you for the rest of my life."

Kendall smiled without answering him, though the answer was evident as he kissed him again, lifting him off the floor and carrying him to the sofa in the corner of the room where he continued to reacquaint himself with every inch of Logan's body.

Hours later, Carlos had taken the hint and had not returned. If he had, he would have found them entangled on the couch, running their fingertips against each other's skin, remembering each other's touch as they filled in all the gaps from the time that they'd been apart.

"Why did you run away earlier? At the hotel?" Logan asked, though he had an idea.

Kendall kissed his collarbone for confidence before explaining, "You have to understand, I had convinced myself you didn't love me. You had moved on, and I had steeled myself. And then I saw you again and it was so much harder than I remembered. And just as I finally began to wonder how you really felt, if maybe I'd been wrong, I heard you on the phone with your aunt. And you said you were still in love with me. And I couldn't handle that. It was so far from what I'd been expecting."

"It's true. I haven't told my mother, but I will. Whatever happens, from this moment on, you are the only family I need," he confirmed, and Kendall couldn't help but kiss him again. It was what had torn them apart before, and never would again.

"I know that this is just a beginning and we have so much catch up on, but I want to make something clear. I meant what I said in that letter. You're it for me. My fate lies with you, if you'll have me. I don't have a ring or anything," they both laughed as he mimed searching his pockets, because he was entirely naked, "but I'm going to ask you to marry me. And you're going to say yes."

"I am," Logan confirmed. And he couldn't be persuaded otherwise.