Hello my friends :) Thank you for the reviews!
quietmusician: thank you for the suggestion i may implement that somehow :)
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Chapter 11: Wise Words From Warrick
Catherine had spent the better part of the night hiding in her office. Luckily for her it was a quiet night so she had to occupy herself with paperwork, which on this rare occasion was fine by her. She had been with Grissom for 7 months and had concurrently been dating Sara for around 2 months.
She was tired. She barely slept and when she did it was only for a few hours at a time. Grissom had stopped asking her what was wrong; he knew that he wasn't going to get an answer. Sara, on the other hand, was getting more and more worried and was keeping a close eye on her girlfriend. She had caught Catherine taking sleeping tablets the other day and that had only made her more certain that something was wrong.
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"Cath? What are you doing?" Cath jumped and spun around to see Sara hovering in the bathroom doorway eyeing her suspiciously.
"Nothing, just had a headache." She lied, trying to surreptitiously slide the tub of pills behind her back. It didn't work. Sara stepped forward and reached around her to grab the little pot.
"Zolpidem. These are sleeping pills." She stated, examining it. Catherine looked at the floor, caught out, until Sara gently lifted her face to look into her sad blue eyes. "Katie, honey talk to me. Why are you taking these?"
"I've just been really tired lately, you know with work and everything. Maybe more tired than I let on." Sara's soft brown eyes searched hers for the truth before she wrapped her arms around Catherine.
"I'm sorry babe, I should've noticed that you weren't coping. I should've helped you."
"No, no darling, it's not your fault. I guess you're right I haven't been taking care of myself." Sara nodded and picked up the tablets again.
"Well next time tell me okay, and I'll help you. Trust me, when you start on these there's no easy way off them." She dropped them into the trash before taking Catherine's hand and tugging her into the bedroom.
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Since then Sara had been watching her very closely and asking her if she was okay regularly. At least that little episode had made Catherine realise what she was doing to herself and pay more attention to her health. After all, Sara was right: once you jump onto the Zolpidem train there's no jumping off. And Catherine knew from past experience that she of all people could become easily addicted. After that she changed her habits in order to take better care of herself.
She now had a routine. When she was spending the day with Gil, something that was becoming an infrequent occasion, she would tell Sara that she was running errands. When she was with Sara she would tell Gil that she was hanging with 'the girls'. Lindsey was spending more time with Nancy now and though that made Catherine feel so bad, it was her only way of preventing Lindsey from getting too attached to Gil and Sara, and also to stop her from saying something to one of them. Grissom never questioned her excuses or lies, even though she knew that he knew she was being unfaithful. When they were together, having dinner or in bed she was always distant, like her mind was elsewhere. Perhaps focussing on a certain young brunette who was being the most doting lover Catherine had ever dated. All ideas of this being just a fling were fast disappearing out the window as she found herself falling harder and faster for the girl. Who knew that the cold, defensive workaholic could be so affectionate and warm once you broke down those walls? And that's what hurt even more; Sara had started to trust and confide in Catherine. She had told her some of her deepest secrets, under the false pretences of a monogamous relationship. Catherine could feel her life slipping further out of her control and knew that her only options to stop it were to break her best friend's heart or to hurt a sweet vulnerable girl who she was scared to admit she may be falling in love with.
And there lay another problem. By admitting that she loved Sara, she was going to have to face the fact that she was attracted to women and that was something that she did not know if she could do. Her reputation meant a lot to her, what would happen to it when word got out that she was gay (or bi at least, although she was not so sure anymore more)? What would her friends and family think?
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The blonde CSI had her head on her folded arms on her desk and was trying to organise these jumbled thoughts when she heard a knock at the door. "Sod off!" She yelled, a little too harshly. Either way it didn't work because she heard the door open and Warrick poked his head in.
"You alright Cath?" She lifted her head wearily and offered a weak smile.
"Yeah I…no not really." She couldn't lie to another person. He perched on the edge of her desk and waited for her to continue. "I'm a terrible person."
"No you're not, you're…"
"Yes I am." She cut him off. "I'm a terrible, terrible person." He didn't say anything so she carried on. "I've being seeing this guy for a few months and I really care about him. But lately I've also started seeing this…someone else. It was just something I couldn't get out them of my head and it was only ever supposed to be a fling but I think I'm falling for them 'Rick. Problem is I love them both dearly and either way one of them is gonna get hurt."
"Ok," he breathed slowly. "Forget about their feelings for a minute. Which one makes you happy?"
She had to think about that. "Well, the first guy is…safe. I know that he'll always be there for Lindsey and me; he'll never take chances with me or let me down. But the second one, s…they're sweet and romantic and…dangerous. They have this mysterious side that I can't help but be drawn to. And they would never hurt me; they really care about Lindsey and me. I don't know 'Rick!" She whined, dropping her head back onto her arms.
"Well Catherine, safe is fine, there's nothing wrong with safe but all I can say is don't settle if your heart's not there." He patted her back lightly before departing, without saying why he came in the first place.
