Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the related characters. They belong to the creative genius of Masashi Kishimoto

Author Note: This story will be about Shikamaru and Naruto, eventually. And this story has YAOI in it don't like, don't read please. Now on to the warnings: This story has some angst. As you read on chapter one that is basically the biggest angst in the story.

Chapter 2

One Funeral, One lonely man and a baby?

The sun starts peeking in through the blinds on the window. I have been awake for awhile, trying to wrap my head around the fact that my bed is empty. When I first woke up, I panicked because for about seven years I haven't sleep alone. For you see after high school, while Sasuke and I was in college; we didn't live in the dorms we lived in a small one bed room apartment. God, how I hate that apartment! Now I would give anything to be back there because then I wouldn't have to deal with him being gone.

Did I just say?

GONE…

Why?

Why did he leave me?

The tears are starting again. I thought I had cried all them all out. This thing called grief is horrible. All I want to do is sleep but…

"I have to get up" saying it aloud did not make the action happen.

Maybe if I just lay here…

No! I have to get up because I have to take care of the boys. My babies…oh God, I have to get myself together for them. They need me now. Hideaki and Yasahiro need me so that they can grieve. I have to be strong. When all I want to do is die…

"Enough of that" I berate myself.

Shaking my head, I get up and let my feet hang over the side of the bed. This bed is so tall and large…so that it could fit Sasuke. Comfortable, that's what he called it; a very comfortable bed. Now it seems to sleep like it was made of wood.

I hopped off the bed and opened the curtain.

"Wow, I guess the sun does rise when you're gone…" shaking my head of these weird thoughts.

Strange how random your thoughts get when you miss someone. It feels like you have to relearn everything. Loving someone as much as we did…no, do…no, did…it makes this seem impossible like your mind refuses to function and your body takes over on auto pilot.

While I was thinking these random thoughts; I got dressed. I mean just a minute ago I was looking at the sun and now I am in the bathroom brushing my teeth. Strange…

Maybe not strange…maybe it's a blessing. Maybe just maybe your mind knows that you can't cope with what the world is throwing you and it helps you out. Or maybe I am just going crazy with grief…

Oh, well enough of this…

I must go face the day. Alone. Scared. Sad.

Without my Sasuke, without my love, without my husband.

Okay, here I go.

Leaving my bedroom, I go down stairs to the kitchen. When I get half way down, I start hearing my dad, my father and my boys; standing at the entrance to the kitchen, I look at the subdued activity. My dad is trying to get Yasahiro to eat and Hideaki is slowly eating his breakfast as tears run down his eyes.

My father sees me and motions me in…

"Good morning, Naruto" said Kakashi as he sips his coffee.

"Good morning father, good morning dad and good morning boys" I said as I fix myself a cup of coffee.

My dad looks at me with concern. I smile sort of half assed but at least it was a smile.

After getting my coffee, I go sit beside Yasahiro and I take over trying to get him to eat.

"Mom…good morning" said Hideaki as he took a drink of his juice.

"Hey, baby how did you sleep last night?" I asked as I picked up Yasahiro and gave him a hug.

"Fine…mom I miss dad and I want him back" Hideaki said as he held his head down.

From that angle we all knew he was trying to hide his tears. But I decided at that point I wouldn't let them be ashamed of those tears. In fact, I wanted him to get it out as much as possible. So I went over to him and tilted his head up toward mine.

"Hideaki, I never want you to be ashamed to cry…in fact baby if you want to scream…then scream…if you want to hit something…then come tell me and I will find something for you to hit…just please son don't keep it in" I said as I bent over to pick him up.

Hideaki just nodded and then the dam broke. He cried and cried…so I let him. I didn't ask him to be anything else but a little boy who had just lost his father.

After about thirty minutes, the crying calmed down to just mire sniffles. So I grabbed a hand towel and wiped his face. His small pale face was blotched with red as he offered a slight smile to me. Looking at my son try to get his composure, I saw so much of my husband there it tears my heart in two.

Looking at everyone else in the room, I realized that this was going to be an extremely rough and taxing day on all of us.

For today, I get to go and plan my husband funeral. My twenty-six year old husband's funeral not my ninety year old husband's funeral…It just seems wrong.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. Why can't this be easier? Why? Why? Why?

I am driving myself crazy with why.

I looked over at Kakashi and Iruka realizing that though I feel alone I am not.

"Okay, let's get the kitchen clean because I have to go some place with father and I don't want to come home to a mess" I said while taking the cereal bowl to the sink.

Hideaki looked at me for a moment and nodded. He got off the chair and put the milk in the refrigerator. Yasahiro not to be out done by his brother took the spoons to the sink. After a few more minutes of clean up the kitchen was again spotless.

Iruka then took the boys to the living room; leaving Kakashi and I in the kitchen. Kakashi looked at me and just held out his arms. I accepted those safe arms. We stood there for awhile just holding each other.

Finally, I let go…

"Father…" I asked looking up at him.

Kakashi nodded and waited for me to ask.

"You don't mind going with me do you?" I whispered.

I don't know why I asked but I just felt the need for that reassurance that I wouldn't be alone in this.

Kakashi looked at me with confusion and then with clarity.

"Son, really you don't have to ask…of course I will" Kakashi said with a faint smile.

"Thank you…papa" I again whispered to him.

The look of surprise on his face was almost comical. I hadn't called him 'papa' since I was 12 years old. That was when I decided that I was too big to call him that name and I changed it to 'father'.

I guess that even when we grow up; we still need to have that safety that only parents can give. That reassurance that they will make the hurt go away; it's not like I expect that but still I felt better having that ability to dream.

"Wow, son you haven't called me that in a long time" Kakashi said after the shock went away.

I shrugged my shoulders.

Right then I hears dad call us to the living room saying that someone was at the door. Kakashi and I glanced at each other and made our way to the front door to see who was there.

Opening the door, there stood Sasuke's lawyer Sakura Haruno.

"Hey Naruto, I heard about Sasuke" said the pink hair lawyer.

"Hi, Sakura what are you doing here?" I asked while motioning her in the house.

Leading her into the living room, I motion her to sit down. Looking at the family gathered, she sat down and began to pull papers from her briefcase.

"Well, Sasuke had papers drawn up in case anything would happen…he never wanted to have you worry" said Sakura.

I nodded. Not really surprised that Sasuke had something like this done.

"He had a request for his burial and some letters that are for you and the boys. Also, he had some life insurance…" Sakura said as she passed the letters to me.

Taking the letters with shaky hands; I began to open the one addressed to me.

And I began to read:

My dear Naruto,

If you are reading this then something happened to me. I hope this letter finds you old and grey but if it hasn't then I am so sorry my love.

I am writing this letter to you the day before our wedding. Do you know how happy you are making me? You have made me the happiest man on the planet. We are getting married and soon we will have a little one running around.

I am in awe of you. You who have accepted me for whom I am and love me in spite of it; for I know that I am not an easy man to be with but that never seemed to bother you. You who came into my life like sunshine after the rain and brought me love. Do you realize that? You brought me love.

I have never experience such a thing before you; you are my first and last love. I want you to know that for whatever reason that I am not with you anymore; it was not because I didn't want to be.

And I know you well Naruto, I know that you feel so at loss right now and you are wondering if you have the strength to move on. Now I don't expect it to be over night but my love you have to move on. For a man like you who has such a wonderful heart; how could I deny someone else the chance to experience all that is you.

Your warmth can make the coldest man feel warm, your smile can lit up the darkest night and your capability to love can revive the saddest loneliest heart out there. I know this for a fact because you did it for me.

So my love don't grieve too much for me; because I am lucky I got to spend the rest of my life with you and for me that is enough.

My love the next couple days I would imagine will be hard for you. But I have tried to make this as easy as possible for you. Sakura has everything that I request to be done with my body. And some of the things may seem strange. But if at all possible, please do them.

And always remember my love; that my body may be dead but my soul lives with you and there is nothing in this world that could keep my soul and my love away from you.

Love always

Sasuke

Your husband to be.

As I read the letter, tears fall silently down my face. I feel that Sasuke is wrong for I am in awe of him. That man change my life and he had the foresight to write this letter? He amazes me.

Even as I finish the letter, a smile can't help but blossom on my tear stained face. For all I can think of… is that he always knew what to say.

I look up and hold the letter to my chest. Iruka comes over to me and kneels down; then he proceeds to hug me. I sit there in silence as my dad hugs me, letting the words of my husband wash over me. We sit there like that for I don't know how long but I guess it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I have this beautiful letter.

Sakura watches my dad and me in silence; then she gets out the paper with the request. I see her do this and shake my head, for I first want to read the letters to my sons that their father sent to them out loud. Because my sons will want to know what their dad wrote to them.

Patting my dad on the back, I wait for him to go back to his seat. When he does I open the letter that is addressed to Hideaki first. Motioning my son to sit on my lap, Hideaki crawls up and makes himself comfortable. Then I begin to read:

My dearest son Hideaki,

I hope that you are reading this when you are a full grown man but if your dad is reading this to you then I am so sorry.

Hideaki, I know that this will be very hard for you to understand but I hope that 'mom' can explain to you why I am not going to be there.

I love you so much and I wish that I could be there for you. But know this that I am so proud of you and that I love you always.

Love always,

Your dad

I finished the letter and hugged my son tightly. As I sat there I could feel my son start petting my arm; as if he was trying to make me feel better. I smiled down at him as he peaked at me through his bangs.

Staying still as long as five year olds could; my son decided it was time to get up. As Hideaki went back to sit with Iruka, I motioned to Yasahiro to come and sit on my lap.

Yasahiro ran up and sat on my lap. He then proceeded to 'help' me open the envelope, okay I said help but really it was decimate the envelope. Finally opening it I got the letter out and started reading it to Yasahiro.

My dearest Yasahiro,

I have a hope that you are reading this letter as a grown man but if you aren't then I am so sorry. I want you to know that I love you and I am very proud of you.

I know that this is hard for you to understand if you are young but I am sure mom will explain to you why I am not there for you anymore.

I also know that this will be hard for you but I need you to help mom and try to be a good boy. Again son I love you and will always be with you.

Love you always,

Your dad

I finish the letter and Yasahiro looks at me. With tears in his eyes, he gives me the biggest warmest hug his little arms can. I smile at him and hug him back.

Yasahiro gets off of my lap and pats my leg.

"Mommy, I be very good for you except when I am bad" smiled Yasahiro as he goes back to Kakashi's lap.

We all laughed at his very big boy statement. And to be honest that got me a little worried, was he going to be good or was he just warning my of the bad that he would do? Honestly I am going to have to think about that one.

Sakura smiled at my youngest antics and then she gave me the rest of the papers. Looking over the papers, I saw the one concerning his want for a burial. Reading that one all the way through, I looked up at Sakura in shock.

"He wants to be cremated and then he wants his ashes to be taken to be buried near his parents in Japan?" I asked Sakura because surely I have lost the ability to read.

"Yes, that is what he wanted…and he also wants you to meet his brother" Sakura said as she gave me another piece of paper.

I looked at her dumbfounded. Brother? Why that…

"He has a brother?" I really feel dumb for asking.

"Yes, his brother is the reason that he left Japan and well he figured that when he died maybe his brother would like to know" stated Sakura.

"Oh…" what an intelligent remark I just made. My head is spinning with this new information. Maybe meeting this brother would be able to shed light on Sasuke and how he was when he was little. That wouldn't be a bad thing unless the reason Sasuke left is that he is a prick.

"What's the man's name?" I asked.

"Itachi Uchiha…" said Sakura.

"Oh…" again with the intelligent remarks but I guess I could cut myself some slack my husband did just die.

"And here Naruto is all the information that you need on that…you know…address… and the place where Sasuke's parents are buried" said Sakura as she gave me the information.

I nodded to her and then she gave me the paper with the insurance information. I read it and then I looked up slowly…

"Is this correct, Sakura?" I asked.

"Yes, the insurance money will be used to pay off the house and then the rest will be used to pay all the bills but it doesn't leave you much after that is all done…" Sakura voice trailed off.

"Oh, so basically I have a house and no bills…and how much exactly will be left?" I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my legs.

"Well, if you live very frugal…then you should have enough money to live on for about three years" stated Sakura.

"Oh, alright…is there anything else?" I asked as I crossed my fingers that she was done.

"Yes…Sasuke just wanted a wake…not a full funeral…at least for here in the states…when you get to Japan then he wanted to have a tradition Japanese funeral" said Sakura as she started to get up.

"OH…is that all…" okay that maybe sounded a little sarcastic to all in the room.

"Yes, Naruto that is all…oh before I forget…he already made the arrangement with the funeral home" Sakura started to gather her briefcase.

"Oh…" wow I should really get that checked. Because when you lose your, you lose your ability to speak. I wonder if they have a cure for it.

"Well, Naruto if there are no other questions…then I really hate to have to run but I have another client" Sakura said with the briefcase in hand.

"No…I have no other questions…I guess Sasuke planned for everything" I got up and lead her to the door. When I opened the door Sakura paused and gave me a hug.

"Naruto I am sorry for your loss and if you ever need anything…call me" Sakura said as she turned to leave.

I thanked her and watched her leave. Then I shut the door. Walking back into the living room, I went back to my chair and plopped down. Sitting there staring in space I tried to comprehend all that had just happened.

"Sasuke really planned of everything…" Iruka said as he shifted a sleeping Hideaki into a better position.

"Yeah he seemed to…but Naruto that isn't a bad thing" Kakashi said as he played peek a-boo with Yasahiro.

I finally stopped staring in space and nodded in agreement.

"Let's go get some lunch…" said Iruka as the silence got a little too heavy.

"You guys go ahead…I feel a little nauseous and I really am too tired to eat right now" I said as I stood up to make my way back up stairs.

"Okay Naruto we will feed the boys and then put them down for a nap…" Kakashi said as he swung Yasahiro in his arms and made his way to the kitchen.

"Yeah…that sounds good papa…come get me when it is supper time" I called down from the door to my bedroom. Plopping on my bed, my thoughts were cluttered and so I calmed myself down; with that done my eyes grew heavy and I feel to sleep.

A knock wakes me from a dreamless sleep. My dad peeks his head in the room and tells me it is dinner time. I get up slowly and make my way down the stairs following him. The smells coming from the kitchen normally would have smelt good but for some reason I am still a little nauseous. Going over to the table I sit down and look at the food before me. It looks really good but I am afraid I am a little more than nauseous…no, I'm not just nauseous I think I am going to…I get up quickly and head to the bathroom. Once there I proceed to evict the contents from my stomach.

Sitting on the bathroom floor wondering why I have to get sick at this time; slowly I get up and brush my teeth. Staring at my haggard image in the mirror, I wonder if I ate something that upset my stomach.

Kakashi opens the bathroom door and takes one look at me; then he comes in and closes the door.

"Naruto…are you feeling alright?" asked Kakashi as he gets a wash cloth for me.

"Yeah, I guess it is all this stress of losing my Sasuke and with what happened this afternoon…" I let the sentence trail off because there really is nothing else left to say.

"Really, son, I could understand that if it wasn't for the fact that you never get sick…that is never get sick unless you are pregnant" Kakashi said as he stood behind me catching my eyes in the mirror.

I whip around and glare up at him.

"That is not even funny…father" I said with my best I am the spouse of an Uchiha glare.

"No, I guess not son but at least have it checked out…please" Kakashi said as he reached over me and opened the medicine cabinet behind the mirror. His hand searched until he found what he was looking for and that was a rectangle shaped box; handing the box to me, he raised his eyebrow and waited for me to take the box.

I grabbed the box knowing full well what it was; it was a pregnancy test an old one left over from when I bought a couple when I thought I was pregnant with Yasahiro.

"Fine…I will take the test and you will see that…it is only stress" I said as I pushed him out of the bathroom.

Closing the door, I looked at the test; deciding that I would prove him wrong and since I had to pee anyway. I used the test. Setting the now used test on the bathroom sink; I waited for the time to elapse.

Unfortunately the test seemed determined to prove my father right. For it more time for me to pee on the stupid stick then it took for it to start to say positive.

OH, SHIT…IT'S POSITIVE…NO…MAYBE…WRONG…

Who am I kidding? It's never been wrong for me before…wait maybe it's out of date.

A fast check of the box made that hope go far away.

I am a now pregnant widower…why did you have to leave Sasuke? You would have loved to have been here for this; you would have loved to know that maybe this one would be a girl like we always wanted. This little one…for there is no denying it…will never get to know who its daddy was. This hurts…

I feel the distinct urge to scream. I hurt so bad for you Sasuke, how can I be pregnant now? It's got to be some funny cosmic joke…

What's that saying…

OH, yeah…God never gives you things you can't handle…

Well, damn!!!!!

Now I think I am going to give in to my urge….

"UUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" I screamed and guess what I don't feel better.

"Damn, damn, damn, damn…" I mutter as I throw the test away.

I throw the bathroom door open and stomp into the kitchen. I look at everyone there…

"Kids…bedroom…NOW" I ended harsher than I meant to.

I give to my boys…they know how to run for their lives. It took them all of two seconds to vacate the kitchen. I continue my stomping to the nearest chair and proceed to plopped down and cry.

"Why…" I screamed.

"Iruka I think our son needs a hug now…" said Kakashi with what I detected in his voice as smugness.

And poor dad bless his heart…looked confused.

"What is going on Kakashi?" asked dad.

"Our son seems to have another bun in the oven and well I think that he is a little stressed about it…yeah know with the whole husband dead and the funeral thing" Kakashi answered.

I picked up a hand towel and threw at him. Surprisingly I didn't feel better…well at least not too much.

"Kakashi don't be so…YOU KNOW!" dad said as he hit father in the back of the head.

"Would you two…ugh…never mind" I screamed.

"Naruto baby is it true?" asked dad.

"Yes…I am pregnant…I AM A PREGNANT WIDOWER…COULD MY LIFE GET ANYMORE COMPLICATED" I am still not done screaming, actually at this point it is more yelling. But at this point whatever makes me feel better.

"Oh, son while you were sleeping the funeral home called and said that tomorrow they would be ready for the wake…I told them that it would be fine…also the cremation would be later that day…but people aren't allowed to be there for that part" Kakashi said trying to stem the yelling down to a dull roar.

Well, it worked…somewhat.

I mean how I can fuss about things like pregnancy when my husband's funeral was tomorrow.

Funeral…

Tomorrow…

I guess being pregnant is not the most pressing thing. I just wish that I didn't have to go through it by myself.

I sighed deeply…

"Okay, father…so what time is it supposed to be…" I let the statement trail off because I really didn't have any idea what else to say.

"5:00 – 8:00" came the answer.

"Okay…can you guys handle things…I really need to go to bed…there is a lot to do tomorrow" I asked as I got up and started to leave the kitchen.

"No problem Naruto…we love you son…and really maybe this is a blessing being pregnant" Iruka said in full mother hen mode.

"Yeah maybe a blessing…Good night" I said as I left the room.

Going up stairs, I stopped and told the boys goodnight. After getting finished with that I made my way to my room for the blissfulness of sleep. And what a surprise it came with ease.

======================= the day of the funeral ==========================================

I woke up and again I realized that I was alone. I really hate this feeling. Who wants this feeling of empty and lonely?

Hell, I sure don't.

While lying in the bed taking stock of what I had to do today; I decided that I had no wish to do any of it.

So here is how my mental check list went:

1. Make doctor's appointment. (cause apparently I am pregnant)

2. Get dressed and try to eat something. (I am a little nauseous)

3. Go to husband's funeral. (That really sucks)

After my going over my 'oh so happy and exciting mental check list'; I got up and started my day.

Did I mention that I am a very moody pregnant guy?

With so much happening, my brain has decided that it is on strike (honestly I can't blame it). I feel that I am running in circles. But I guess that feeling is expected.

So after calming myself down, I get to the check list. The first part was easy; the doctor is the same one that I went to for all my other pregnancies. I call her Dr. Shizune for I can never remember her last name. I have an appointment for next week.

Next on the check list, I get dressed and join the family for breakfast. Surprisingly that went well…yeah know well as in I didn't throw up and the kids actually ate breakfast without a problem.

After all of that time just crawled; for all day long well wishers were sending flowers and cards of condolence. I fielded phone calls from friends and Sasuke's co-workers. That really sucked.

And finally it was time; so we all got in the car and went to the funeral home. At the funeral home the boys got say good bye; wow, that was really hard. Hideaki cried hysterically and Yasahiro kept telling the body that it was time to come home.

I am really glad that they let the family have time alone without anyone else there. We all had a really good cry and then 5:00 came. There ended up being a lot of people here. Some I knew, some I didn't but you know it felt really nice that all these people came to pay their respects.

Even though if I hear one more time that 'he was so young' from the visitors I might scream. I really don't know how to gage how it went because this wasn't in my game plan. Yeah, game plan…

I thought we would get old together and die together. Wow, was I wrong.

As we stand there beside Sasuke's body; I notice that my hand has gone to protect my stomach. I look down and sort of smile. I guess…

I don't even know…

I am so confused…

Well, life really does go on doesn't it…

Not like it's giving me a choice…I don't even get time to wallow in self pity.

Finally we get to leave; the ride home is solemn. I hear the boys lightly snoring in the back with Iruka. Even though I feel that I have lost my life…really I hadn't.

Strange.

We make it home and everyone goes to bed.

Thank God for sleep…

TBC

A/N: Sorry it took so long. This chapter is a little rushed but I wanted to get to where Shikamaru and Naruto meet. I apologize for the grammar and any other mistakes for this story is unbeted. And I want to thank the people who reviewed the first chapter: eTernaLzAnzI98, RaayJ and purroploisprincess. Also I want to thank you for taking the time to read this story.