A/N: If anyone still remembers this story, I am sorry again for how late this is. A combination of laziness, final exams, being ill and friends is basically my excuse. Anyhow you might want to read the earlier chapters to remind you of what happened. I had to.

The Veela Conspiracy

Chapter Eight: Potion Master Paranoia

'Are you utterly insane?!' Minerva McGonagall's habitually composed voice screeched out through the Headmaster's office. Impressively the headmaster in question only flinched slightly whilst regarding Gilderoy Lockhart with a placidly unyielding gaze.

That blue-eyed watery gaze frightened Gilderoy Lockhart far more than McGonagall's screeching ever could, no matter how high pitched it got. Dumbledore blinked once. Gilderoy shuddered.

'Albus, if the parents ever got to hear of this...'

'There, there Minerva, I'm sure it'll all turn out well.'

'TURN OUT WELL? A teacher kidnaps a student from his bed in the middle of the night and you think thing will turn out well. I'm telling you Albus, the parents won't stand for it.' Minerva was almost faint from disbelief.

'The parents didn't seem to think much of trolls, basilisks or escaped convicts,' said Sirius ironically, sprawled inelegantly on a velvety red sofa.

'Or Voldemort,' added Remus, in Minerva's opinion quite unnecessarily, from his position snuggled against Sirius' side.

'Now Minerva, there no need to get all in a flutter about this,' said the headmaster leaning back slightly in the large chair which should have diminished him. 'We can sort things out very nicely by ourselves. No need to bother people's parents and worry them about anything.'

Minerva scowled. This was exactly what he'd said after the petrification incidents a few years ago. She'd barely had the courage to smile thinly at Mr and Mrs Granger as they accompanied their daughter on a shopping trip to Diagon Alley the following summer.

'Very well,' she bit out, 'but you will deal with this Albus, and Professor Lockhart will be dealt with appropriately.'

'I'm sure we can all come to some agreement,' said the headmaster with a beneficent smile plastered on his face. Minerva wanted to scrub it off with acidic soap as she came to the conclusion that Lockhart was not going to be handed over to the proper authorities which in her opinion were the friendly team at the Fringdolf-Niemtz Psychiatric Ward of St Mungo's.

The door swung open with an impressive crash and they all looked round to see Professor Snape standing there, hands clenched and a nerve twitching just below his eye.

'I hope,' he said jaw clenched painfully tight as he strode into the room, 'that you haven't decided what to do with this ridiculous excuse for a teacher. After having to explain to Potter exactly what he was doing nude in my private apartments in the early hours the morning, I sincerely expect to have some say in the painful punishment of this criminally idiotic waste of human flesh.' He attempted to slam the door closed at this point but it made little more than a dull thud. Professor Snape glared at Dumbledore.

With every effort to appear serious Remus asked, 'What did you tell Harry, Severus?'

'I told the boy that he had been sleepwalking, and had found his way into my apartments. And I, out of some unfortunate impulse of generosity allowed him to stay there.' Sirius snorted. 'And yes Black, Potter did not seem to believe it anymore than you do.' He whipped round to glare at Lockhart who was trying to make himself as small as possible in his chair. 'Now I have the good fortune to have a magically unstable Gryffindor convinced I am trying to molest him.' Lockhart shivered perceptibly.

'You know,' said Sirius in a tone of dawning realization as he stood up, 'why exactly was Lockhart kidnapping Harry? I mean I know he said he was trying to stop the bonding and transformation process...'

'Why he was trying to do that I shudder to imagine,' interjected Professor McGonagall with an impressive Scottish roll on the 'shudder'.

'...trying to stop the bonding and transformation process,' repeated Sirius giving Professor McGonagall a disapproving frown as he expounded on his theory. 'BUT why didn't he just touch Harry! A simple touching of hands would have created havoc. I mean we all knew that we couldn't touch Harry because it would interfere with the new magic running through his system.' He started pacing in the way that Remus had come to recognise meant I have come up with a very clever answer and am going to milk it for all it's worth. I am sooooooooo clever. Remus rolled his eyes.

'No, Professor Lockhart had another agenda! Why would a grown man sneak into a boy's dormitory at night?' He asked conveniently forgetting he'd been doing exactly that for the past few nights. 'Why would such a man kidnap one of the boys and take him to a place frequented by animals and then to the slimy Slytherin dungeons? Why would such a man wear that?' He flung his arm out in accusation to the black body stocking hanging limply off the edge of a shelf. (It should be noted that Lockhart had been forced to change into less revealing clothing for the sake of everyone's stomachs). 'For one reason only my friends,' he folded his arms in satisfaction, 'because this man is a pervert.'

'I'm surprised Black,' drawled Professor Snape, 'that you seem so happy about the possibility that Lockhart kidnapped your godson from his bed for such...' He waggled his eyebrows mockingly. '...personal reasons.'

'You slimy creep...' Sirius was advancing on Snape when Remus pulled him back.

'Actually Sirius, Professor Snape may have a point,' Remus suggested. He turned in Gilderoy Lockhart's direction, one eyebrow raised. 'Perhaps Mr Lockhart would like to given an explanation,' he said coldly.

'No, no, no,' Lockhart protested in a thin high voice, 'you can't say that I wanted to do that, I'm not like that. The boy was naked alone with Snape not me. The Potter boy is just a complete nuisance. Always sticking his nose into everyone's business, and everyone always loving him and now he's getting pretty! It's too much for a reasonable person to stan...' He trailed off as he registered the glares he was receiving. 'Well I wasn't doing that.'

'Then why, in Merlin's name, did you have to drag us all around the castle?' expostulated Severus Snape. 'We were all here when Professor Dumbledore gave us that long...'

'...long, long, long, long, long...' interjected Sirius.

'...lecture about the details of Potter's transformation.' Professor Snape cut Sirius off abruptly. 'Why didn't you just touch Potter's hand, or that repulsively untidy hair, or smashed his turned-up nose with your fist?' He finished almost lovingly.

Gilderoy said something under his breath that they all missed.

'Why don't you repeat that, Professor Lockhart?' suggested the headmaster in a friendly helpful voice. At that moment Gilderoy Lockhart would have been quite happy to hit him. HARD.

'I fell asleep for that part of the lecture,' he mumbled sulkily.

Remus spluttered into laughter. Professor Snape gaped in disbelief and Sirius, outraged, roared, 'Are you telling me we went through all that because the thrice-damned teacher couldn't stay awake during a staff meeting?'

'It would seem so, my boy. It would seem so. One should never sleep during a staff meeting. Indeed once I remember, it was 1969 I believe, there was a most interesting meeting on the mating habits of magical frogs and the uses of frogspawn. Most enlightening!' It was safe to say that before Dumbledore got half way through his speech his companions in the room had tuned out, entirely too used to his platitudes.

'Perhaps it is time to get down to the question of disciplinary action headmaster?' asked Minerva with a kind of exhausted patience.

'Yes indeed. If everyone would like to leave, Gilderoy and I will be able to discuss this in private.' Minerva sighed in resignation, all too used to being treated in this fashion, Remus dragged Sirius out and Severus Snape stood staring implacably at the kind old wizards face before he too was utterly undone by the watery blue eyes. He skulked out, taking care to slink in his very best fashion. Slightly ahead of him he could hear Black complaining.

'Is anyone else utterly sick of meetings in the Headmaster's study?'

Privately Snape agreed with him. Not that he would ever admit it.

'Silence your irritating yapping Black,' he said viciously, before skulking past them to his nice cool relaxing dungeons. He needed to read a good murder mystery novel.

Behind them Gilderoy Lockhart was trembling in a corner of his chair as Albus Dumbledore turned round to smile at him kindly.

--

The fire was lit in the Gryffindor common room where groups of rosy cheeked students played exploding snap and munched on Ever-sticky Toffee. Ron looked longingly at a particularly joyful group as Hermione dragged him towards a small figure shaking behind a large red comfy chair. The figure was hidden in the shadows so all Ron could see was that occasional glimpse of a pale face that looked much, much too pale.

'You alright Harry,' He said with forced cheeriness. There was no response. 'So me and Seamus and Dean were thinking of snatching the Slytherin's clothes after their Quidditch practice. Fancy humiliating some snaky ponces?' Harry whimpered and Hermione elbowed Ron rather sharply in his solar plexus.

'Perhaps this is not the best time to be talking about nakedness and Slytherins,' she hissed out into his ear through a forced smile at Harry.

As Ron gasped for breath he reflected that nobody seemed to appreciate his efforts. When he had recovered he mumbled, 'Only trying to help.' Hermione, who by this point was kneeling down in an attempt to comfort Harry, did not even dignify him with a glance. Instead her back straightened in a way that Ron had come to recognise meant that he would be suffering tonight. He licked his lips in anticipation, tuning out Harry's hesitant babble as visions of whips and chains danced through his head.

'...and there were unicorns everywhere Hermione, and S...Snape just stood there looking at me and he had this really, really weird look in his eyes and he was really, really close and I don't know why I would have been sleep walking naked because I always wear the snugly pyjamas Mrs Weasley got me and anyway I think I saw my pyjama's all ripped up and there was a bit of my pyjama bottoms on the fluffy kittens head and I think I should tell Professor Dumbledore about it because what if he does it again...' He broke off abruptly as Hermione smacked him sharply with a gloved hand.

'Calm down Harry,' she said in a way that Harry thought was entirely too friendly for someone that had just smacked him. 'Now go and see Professor Dumbledore if you really want to but I am sure Professor Dumbledore would not have hired Professor Snape if he thought he was going to attack the pupils.'

Ron wondered where Hermione had been for the past few years while Harry just stared dumbly at her before getting up from his hidey hole and running to Seamus shouting, 'Seamus, Seamus, Hermione hit me.' Seamus scrambled to his feet, outraged and glared glacially at Hermione. He checked he was covered up enough and held out his arms sighing in satisfaction as Harry ran in to them sobbing. '...and Snape kidnapped me last night and took all my clothes and he was just standing looking at my naked body when I woke up and there was the same sort of smell as there is when we take showers together, whatever it is.'

'What!!' The same expletive rang out from multiple areas of the Gryffindor common room.

'Would you like to explain exactly what you have been doing taking showers with Harry, Seamus?' Hermione hissed threateningly.

Seamus shrugged it off, 'We were in different stalls and it's not like our innocent little Harry knew what I was doing.' He licked his lips. 'But the view was...divine.' Coming back to himself he continued in a much more aggravated fashion. 'But I think we should all be a lot more concerned about what Snape was doing, hmm?' Harry nodded at that statement, shoulders heaving with sobs.

'Someone needs to show Snape that he shouldn't mess with Gryffindors, 'specially our pretty little Gryffindor. Who's with me?' Seamus shouted out. Cries rang out across the common room, including from Ron who quickly stopped when he saw the expression Hermione was giving him.

Deciding that there had been quite enough rabble rousing for one day Hermione intervened guiding Harry out of the room with a hand on his back as she spoke, 'Why doesn't Harry just go to the Headmaster's study and explain everything to Professor Dumbledore?'

There were grumbles of discontent as the pair left the room, Ron scrambling after them.

Looking regretfully and slightly lustfully at Harry's retreating form, Seamus turned round with a sly smile to face the angry Gryffindors.

'I think it's time we did some plotting...'

--

Harry was moping in the library. He had done as Hermione had suggested. He had visited the Headmaster. He had explained that Snape was dangerous and had unnatural desires towards him. He had suggested a pit of crocodiles. And what had the Headmaster done? Nothing. He had not even promised to tell Snape off. And as Hermione had abandoned him at the Headmaster's study, he had had to creep round every corner, making sure that Snape was definitely nowhere in sight.

At one point he could have sworn McGonagall was looking at him with a confused expression as he crawled on his belly past her. But it wasn't his fault that Snape bastard and his beloved head of house were about the same sort of height. And McGonagall really needed to put on a bit of weight. If she was as thin as Snape, something was definitely wrong. Maybe she was anorexic. His pretty black hair fell across his eyes as he contemplated the benefits of sending his head of house a pamphlet on proper nutrition before bringing himself back to the more important matter at hand.

How to deal with a perverted Potions Master?

He was just wondering what Snape's worst fear was when shadow passed across his field of vision and a form settled in the chair next to him. Assuming it was Seamus he snuggled up to the form and went back to his thoughts. Strangely Seamus' body felt a lot more...solid and...muscled than it usually did. He was also a little surprised by the arm that twisted around his waist, pulling him onto the lap next to him. Seamus usually went for his hips.

However he didn't get really concerned until a large hand cupped his face and elegant fingers started to stroke his cheek, a large thumb rubbing the back of his neck. What if Seamus caught his gay disease?

He turned to confront Seamus about this worrying possibility but before he could say anything his eyes were caught by a silvery-grey gaze. 'You're not Seamus,' he said stupidly.

'No,' murmured Malfoy in a deep voice, his large body shifting around Harry, 'I'm not Finnegan. Which is good, because if I was Finnegan I wouldn't be able to do this,' he bent down to kiss Harry's pretty nose, 'or this,' he continued as he bent down to kiss a now rosy cheek. 'Now tell me what was upsetting you my little one,' he continued as he discretely caressed a small patch of delicate skin on Harry's side, revealed by Harry's untidy shirt.

Dismissing the squirmy feeling in his stomach as being caused by the gay disease, Harry proceeded to pour his troubles into Draco's very willing ear. Something inside told him that Draco would be able to take very good care of him, a little whispering voice that was slightly louder today than it had been yesterday. He watched the expression on Draco's face turn to a scheming one as he explained how Snape had abducted him.

'Indeed, my precious,' Draco finally said after a long moment of silence, 'You must do something to stop Professor Snape. Of course I must assist you. I cannot allow the Professor to disgrace the noble house of Slytherin like this.'

Harry nodded vigorously in agreement.

'We'll have to meet again, and I'll have to arrange suitable protection for you.'

Harry couldn't agree more. He was suddenly very glad that it had been Malfoy instead of Seamus that sat next to him.

'Don't worry, Harry, I'll be here for you.'

Malfoy put his mouth close to Harry's ear.

'We will be together.'