Chapter 17: A Public Confession and A Private Vow
"I'm sorry okay, what more do you want from me?" She was trying to keep her emotions in check and failing miserably. Nick and Warrick were shaking their heads, whether from bewilderment or disapproval she wasn't sure.
"I want to know why!" Grissom yelled back.
"I don't know! Okay, I can't tell you because I don't know."
"That's not good enough."
"Alright, you want to know why I didn't tell you? Because I didn't want to hurt you. I knew it would break your heart and I couldn't do that to you so I kept quiet and maybe that was the wrong decision but I can't do anything about it now." She knew that she had no right to shout but he was grating on her patience.
"Why Sara? Of all the people you could have had an affair with?" Cath could only shake her head but that wasn't enough for Gil. "Why Catherine? Huh, why did it have to be her of all people? Nick, Warrick, Greg, no you picked Sara. Why would you do that?" Maybe it was the venom in his voice; maybe it was the stress of the past few months. Maybe it was just guilt but something within her finally snapped.
"Because I love her!" She yelled, loud enough that she was sure China heard her. "I loved her, I still love her and I would do anything to get her back. I hate myself for doing this to her."
"Sara" Nick's voice got their attention and she followed his gaze over her shoulder to the door, where she caught a glimpse of the brunette disappearing down the hall. Without a second thought Catherine took off after her, leaving the guys to wallow in their mutual baffled expressions.
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"Sara! Sara wait." Catherine called, running across the parking lot outside CSI HQ to catch up with her departing co-worker. "Please, just stop for a second." She caught hold of Sara's sleeve and spun her around, breathing heavily as she caught her breath back.
"What is it Catherine? What could you possible say to me?" Sara's voice was not harsh or upset; it was just neutral, which hurt Cath even more. It was the way Sara used to speak to her before they were together.
"I'm sorry." Sara rolled her eyes and made to leave but Cath stopped her. "I know that doesn't mean much but it's all I've got. I love you Sara, I love you so much and I can't imagine living without you. I need you." Even to her own ears she sounded desperate. Catherine Willows did not do desperate but right now she didn't care.
"I needed you too Cath. I needed to be able to trust you. It's too late now." With that the brunette prised her sleeve free from Catherine's grip and walked off sadly. Cath dropped to her knees in the middle of the parking lot, tears streaming from her ocean blue eyes. She felt two strong arms wrap around her and tried to fight them off but eventually gave up, exhaustion and distress breaking her down.
"She's gone Warrick." She sobbed into his chest. "She's gone."
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