My mother always told me that I was going to become a star when I died, just like her. When she died, I kept looking up at the stars, trying to figure out which star she was. I could never figure it out, but whenever I looked up at the stars, I saw so many people. I thought they all just be looking down on their someone special. I looked up, thinking if everyone could see a sky like this, no one would turn on their lights at night. And during meteor showers, everyone in the world would go outside and look up at the sky, wishing on shooting starts and watch them in awe. But in a second, they're gone, leaving only their trails of light that are gone soon too.
But that will never happen. People don't respect or notice the beauty of nature anymore. They work for money, even into the deep hours of the night. Nothing more will please them, not even the stars; the works of the gods. I find that horrible, because the stars are so beautiful. If you become a star when you die, so you can look down at the people you love, how hurt would you feel if they people who you loved never looked back at you. Not even once?
I know I would hate it... more than anything. Because being invisible...
is my biggest fear.
***
I sat alone in my room, the lights on, just looking at my hands.
You can never skate again.
I hate that doctor... Why did he have to take away one of the few things I have left when so many things have been taken away already? He was so blunt.
You can never skate again.
I hate him. I never want to see his face again.
"Violetta." Xanxus knocked on my door, "Can I come in?"
"If you dare." I said.
As he opened the door, his eyes widened.
There were papers and clothes everywhere, scattered across the floor. My desk was knocked over and my closet was tipped to the right so it leaned against the north wall. The curtain rod above my window hung crooked, the curtains were both slightly torn. A few of my CD's were thrown askew and cases were opened. None were damaged though. I couldn't possibly wreck my CD's, not after what's happened....
"What did you do to your room?" Xanxus almost yelled, "It looks like a tornado came through here!"
"A hurricane. Not a tornado." I said, still looking at my hands. My back felt cold against the east wall that my bed was up against.
Xanxus sat down beside me as my hands turned into fists. "You aren't taking this to well then, are you?"
I shook my head then slammed my fists down on the bed, making a thudding sound.
Squalo, Bel, Lussuria, Levi and Marmon were all out right now. It was only my first day back at the base, and I needed to get used to being back at home. Xanxus sent them all out since he knew I would be yelling; a Squalo kind of yelling. I was upset and angry at the world because of this. This stupid body... Why did I end up in this body?
I had a hole in my heart. It's called a congenital heart defect, and it's larger than normal. The kind I have is called a Ventricular Septal defect, which pretty much allows the good blood in my heart to go back and be reprocessed. There's a long definition I read up on about it being a hole in the septum, which is like a wall from one side of the heart to the other. I got all that, but why me?
They have to do surgery to close the hole, or it'll be fatal. Apparently, I've had it since I was a baby, but no one noticed until now. When I fell on the street, I was having a stroke. Lucky that guy found me too, or I could've died.
"Don't worry, Violetta. After this surgery, you'll be able to skate again." Xanxus said, touching my cheek softly, "And I'm waiting to see you dance for me. So far, you've only danced in front of Bel and alone. I want to see my little sister dance."
I shook my head, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I lay my head atop my knees and held back tears, "Xanxus...?"
"Yes...?" His voice was sympathetic.
"I'm scared..." I whispered, unable to get my words into a normal voice. My tears coming down my cheeks, I whispered again, "I'm so, so scared...."
Xanxus wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer. I roughly wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. I wound my legs around his waist as he held me close, petting my head. I found that often happened when I needed him. It's like he just knew I needed someone to hug, and he'd be right there, arms open. No wonder he's my big brother.
"You don't have to be scared, Violetta. The doctor says he's done this surgery a thousand times already." Xanxus said quietly.
"You're not the one they're going to cut open! Xanxus, what if I die?! What if my Arrhythmias kicks in and they accidentally cut something else?" I said, panicking horribly. I was trembling through the tears.
"They're prepared for that, Violetta. Trust me; I got the best doctors they could offer to do this surgery. You don't have to worry. You'll just fall asleep and wake up in a few hours."
"What if I see a white light?" I sobbed, "What if I die?"
"Then you'll turn into a star... you know that." Xanxus said, "But you won't die. I won't let you die."
"I haven't even had sex yet."
"Hey! Calm down. Don't just go around saying you're going to die because of a surgery..... And who said you're going to have sex any time soon?" Xanxus said, looking down at me sternly.
I had to laugh at little, "Stop pretending to be a Dad."
"I can't help it. You're so childish sometimes, I have to." Xanxus said, "Besides, you're still just a little girl, you can't go around deciding things for yourself."
"I'm not little." I pouted, "I'm fifteen. And I'm going to be sixteen in a month."
"Does everyone have sex at sixteen?" Xanxus asked.
"No...." I said, looking away, out my window with crooked curtains, "I wouldn't be surprised if you're still a virgin..."
"Hey! I'm 25!"
"So...? Are you a virgin?"
"No... I'm not a virgin...."
"Did you lose it to Squalo?" I smirked. I knew he hated it when people thought him and Squalo were lovers.
"No! Shut up Violetta!" Xanxus said angrily. I smirked, satisfied with his answer and I pulled away from him.
"Now.... I need to clean this up..." I said, getting off the bed as I started picking up clothes and putting them back on clothes hangers.
"Do you want help?" Xanxus asked nicely enough.
"No... I don't want your hands touching my stuff." I hissed, tilting my closet back so it was standing up straight.
"Why? Am I that dirty to you?" Xanxus asked, glaring at me.
"No... But my underwear and bra's are not for men to be touching."
With that, Xanxus walked out of the room, closing the door and walked away. I smirked, And he says he's not a virgin...
***
I was panting hard; I was scared. It was only a few minutes before they knocked me out. Xanxus, Lussuria, Bel, Levi Squalo and Marmon were all at the hospital with me. Lussuria was going on about some random thing I didn't want to listen to.
Levi reached out and touched my shoulder, "You still scared Violetta?"
I looked up at him; at first, I was a little scared of Leviathan, but really, he's like a teddy bear with piercings and swords. We went out for ice cream one time, and I remember people thought he was a pedophile, which I found a little funny. He happens to be really good at ignoring people when he wants to. He's also a little needy at times; like a little kid who got his toy taken away.
I nodded, "A little. But it'll be alright after."
"Oh Vio! You're so cute! Don't worry! I'll make you a dress for this!" Lussuria said, grinning, holding his pinkie to his lips.
"Um... No thanks... I don't like dresses." I grumbled and Bel snickered.
"How about a figure skating outfit then?" Lussuria said, "You don't have one, do you?"
I shook my head, "I don't have one. I don't need one."
"Do you want one?" Lussuria asked happily.
"No." I stated bluntly.
"Alright! I'll make it all pretty and pink!" Lussuria turned away from us and started mumbling to himself about what fabrics he would use.
Squalo laughed loudly, "Violetta in pink? Wuahahahahahaha!!! What a joke!"
"I hate pink..." I hissed.
"I'll make it yellow then!" Lussuria said, hearing my comment over Squalo's laugh.
"That's even worse!" I said but this time he didn't listen.
"It's no use. Once he has an idea, he's going to stick to it." Marmon said, as he sat on Bel's lap.
"Damn it...Have I ever told you that you know way too much about things?" I said, looking down at Marmon.
"All the time." He said, glancing at me.
"Well, I don't like it." I said as a doctor entered the room.
It was Dr. Egidi. He had told me all about my condition and what was going to happen during the surgery. I liked him much more than Dr. Latino. Dr. Latino was evil.
"Well Violetta. We're ready for you." The doctor said, smiling. I slowly stood up but almost fell back down from Lussuria's forceful hug.
"Oh! I'm so excited to start! Don't worry! When you wake up, you'll have a beautiful figure skating outfit." Lussuria said, letting go of me.
"Do you even know how to make a figure skating outfit?" I asked wearily.
Levi hugged me from behind, "Of course he doesn't, but that won't stop him from trying."
"That's true." I said, hugging him backwards. When he let go, I turned around and smiled up at him.
"Oh! I'm so nervous now!" Xanxus said, putting his hand on my shoulder. He kissed my forehead and smiled, "You'll be alright."
I smiled back up at him, "Yea I know."
"It's good you have a lot of people supporting you." Dr. Egidi said, smiling, "It helps with the nerves."
I nodded at him, looking back at the group of boys, most of them ganging up on Lussuria. Except one. Bel was looking at me. I smiled at him. He smiled back.
"Let's go Violetta." Dr. Egidi said, placing his hand on my shoulder.
Bel stuck his tongue out at me. I giggled a little and followed Dr. Egidi out of the room. I stuck my hand in the pocket of the hospital pants they gave me. I felt a small slip of paper and my beat began to beat a bit slower.
On that paper was a small poem Bel wrote for me. It was something short and sweet, but it seemed so powerful on paper. It read:
At midnight, if you have eyes to see
The stars
shine, brightly, brightly.
And if you look past the stars,
into my eyes
You'll see me light up, like a thousand
fireflies
I won't let this moment pass, because, for
you
There's nothing I wont or can't do
Don't be
nervous, I'll give you a few lucky charms
As long as you stay
close, wrapped in my arms
As the drugs started working on me, beginning to fall asleep I thought of his stupid little snicker and he's wide grin. I loved his laugh. I loved his grin. I wish he was here with me; I'm so scared I might not see that smile or hear that laugh again. Please... let the surgery work..... don't let me..... die....
***
I heard machines; a beeping at
the same time as my heartbeat, a whoosh of something that was pumping
air into my lungs, and a tapping of a shoe.
I opened my eyes. Another plastic thing was covering my mouth, helping me breath. I was about to pull it off when I remembered what Dr. Egidi said. He said that the plastic thing is connected to a tube, and the tube is down my throat, helping me breathe. I hated the tube, saying I didn't want it. But Dr. Egidi said it was to help make sure I didn't die; I really didn't want to die, so I agreed. He also told me if I rip it out, there's going to be a lot of blood and it could hurt me, a lot. I might not be able to swallow for a while if I do.... yuck....
A shadow came over my face. I looked up to Dr. Latino. I glared up at him. I hated him.
"Do you want that tube out of your throat?" Dr. Latino asked in a serious voice.
I nodded angrily. No shit...
He removed the plastic thing and held onto the tube. "Cough."
Dr. Egidi told me about this. The tube had to go down my throat to get to my lungs, and when I take it out I have to cough really hard.
And I did. I started coughing hard- choking really as Dr. Latino pulled the tube out.
"Don't puke now." Dr. Latino said, as the end of the tube left my mouth. I looked at the tube, disgusted that the whole thing had once been inside me.
"Now, look at your hands..." Dr. Latino said coolly.
I looked down at my hands. My eyes widened, "Yellow?!"
I started looking around at my body; every inch of me was slightly yellow, "Why am I yellow?"
"Betadine is what that is. It's used for a patient's skin before a surgery. Don't worry; it'll come off after a shower." Dr. Latino said, taking out his stethoscope and putting the buds in his ears. "May I?"
I nodded, lying back down on the bed. He stuck his hand under my shirt as the cold metal touched my skin and made me flinch a little. After all the stethoscopes that have been put on my chest, I'm still not used to the cold chill it sends you.
He took his hand away and hung the stethoscope around his neck, "You seem to be working just right."
"Can I skate again then?" Tried to asked gently, but it came out as a pleading.
He glanced down at me, "You'll have to be careful with the physical activity, but yes, you can."
"You evil doctor!" I yelled, releasing the pressure I had, "Why did you tell me I would never skate again! I hate you!"
His eyes were unkind, "That's not my problem."
"Why are you a doctor if you can't even feel anything for the patients? What kind of doctor are you?" I yelled.
He turned and started walking away, "An evil one."
I turned and lay down on my bed, facing the wall, "Damn doctor."
"Princess?"
I flipped back around and sat up, throwing my arms around Bel as soon as he was close enough. He crawled onto the bed and hugged me back, wrapping his arms around me and leaning his back against the wall. I nuzzled my nose against his neck and held him tighter.
"Nice to see your okay Princess." Bel grinned.
"Nice to see you in general, Bel." I said, leaning against him, "That evil doctor was being mean..."
"Ushishishi. Do you want me to rip him apart?" Bel asked, still grinning.
"Nah. I don't want you to go to jail or anything." I said, as his arms became tighter around me, "I'd miss you to much."
"Ushishishi. That's 'cause I'm a prince."
"Yea... of course it is..."
***
Double axel at the second verse, triple loop on the chorus, fly, Princess, fly. Across the ice, dashing, moving, quickly, swiftly. Keep going, keep captivating- the audience, the judges, the critics, imagination and the dance. You are not using a routine, you are your own movement; make your art in your image. Turn into a moving sculpture, dance around the ice with smooth movements and stunning physique. Make them not want to take their eyes off you. You are in the spot light... No... You are the spot light.
At least until the
music stops.
Wild clapping came from the crowd. As I
opened my eyes, people threw flowers onto the ice, complimenting me,
shouting my name. A standing ovation was before me as I raised my
hand and waved happily. I could hear Lussuria's familiar squeal and
Squalo's 'Voi!' calling out to me. I turned around to see
Xanxus, Lussuria, and Squalo, Levi and Bel there, all clapping and
smiling.
I skated over to them and Xanxus picked me up and swung me in a circle.
"That was amazing, Violetta! You were stunning!" Xanxus said, proudly, "You totally captured the audience!"
Lussuria squealed, "Oh and the outfit totally suits you! I make it perfectly!"
"Vooiii! It's not about the stupid outfit! It's about her performance, you idiot!" Squalo argued.
"Good work." Levi said, patting my head and smiling.
I smiled back as Xanxus and Squalo started lecturing Lussuria –quite loudly, may I add.
I turned to look at Bel, who had a goofy smile on his face. I hugged him as a few people from the rink picked up the multiple flowers that had been thrown my way.
"Beautiful." Bel said, smiling at me.
"Yea, I loved that routine." I said, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. God, I love his eyes.
With a dreamy look in his eyes he whispered, "Not to routine... I meant you, Princess."
