When something like death comes to someone you knew it's like a wave of shock. But when it's someone who you've known for a while, it's like a tsunami. Sometimes, it kills you. Sometimes, it throws you into shock. Sometimes, you'll cry for what seems like forever. Sometimes, you just try and forget all about it. Sometimes, you want to kill someone. Sometimes, you don't do anything.

When my ballet teacher died, I cried for a long time. It felt like forever. When my mother died, I was hurt and then wanted to get back at the person who murdered her. I knew she was murdered. She had been getting threatening phone calls and letters, telling her she would die. I got so scared from the letters that I accidentally burned her bill from a delivery service and they had to resend it.

But this happened out of nowhere.

***

"Marmon!" I screamed as I saw his tiny hand fall from a small knife. His head fell to the side as blood seeped from his wound.

"Poor girl..." Ginger said as he smirked at Marmon. "You must feel so helpless. Maybe you'll end up with the same fate as him."

My mouth was dry and I was pretty sure my right arm was broken. My eyes were wide and my brow was sweaty. I stared at Marmon as the last bit of life left him.

"Don't you just want to give up?" Ginger said, smiling at me.

I clenched my fists-er... fist... I couldn't move my right arm. "You don't get it, you evil bastard."

"Oh, such language." Ginger smirked.

I picked up a sword that had fallen on the ground and held it up.

"Are you going to end your pathetic life like Viper?" Ginger asked.

"No... I'm going to end yours." I said, throwing the knife into the right corner of the room. A small crackle came from the corner and a second Ginger appeared. The knife was logged in his left arm. He wasn't bleeding; he wasn't screaming.

He smiled, "You seem to have sensed my presence over here."

"You're a machine... and I can tell when a weird black dot in the corner disappears." I said, looking back at Marmon. I winced; I didn't want to believe he was dead yet. But I have to wreck this machine first. I looked at Colonello who was bleeding heavily. I felt the anger boil up inside me; I wasn't going to let this idiot get out alive.

"You asshole!" I yelled lunging at him. He moved quickly and I almost slammed into a wall. He took the sword from his arm and laid it on the ground. A snake wrapped around my neck, choking me, suffocating me.

"Don't shit with me." I said, kicking him in the face. Another wire must've broken because sparks came flying out. He fell to the ground and I climbed on top of him. I used my arm as a swing; hitting him with my fist on the way there and my elbow on the backswing. He kept trying to use his illusions on me, but I kept hitting him, knowing they weren't real. I kneed his neck and it shattered to pieces. The machine had to be dead, or I'd die: I knew that much. But after it didn't move for a while, I stood up.

I looked at Colonello and then Marmon. Tears came spilling out of my eyes as I bent down beside him. His pacifier had stopped glowing. I lifted his head of the ground as I touched his cheek. His skin was growing cold. My tears landed on him and I didn't know what to do.

"Violetta!" Bel screamed as he finally broke the door down. "Violetta! Are you..."

His sentence drifted off as he looked around the blood stained room. He looked at the decapitated Ginger. His hand came to rest on my shoulder. I let out a sob.

"I killed him for you, Marmon. I won for you. Don't... You can't be.... Marmon.... You're not dead yet! You're just asleep! Marmon can't die. You have to be alive!" I cried losing control as my head fell to the floor, landing right before his body. I started sobbing as Bel pulled me into his lap. His gentle touch made me cry harder. "Viper!"

Bel didn't say anything. He just stroked my hair with his now bloody hand. My head was feeling light and I couldn't stop crying. I felt something wet land on my cheek and Bel held me tighter. We sat there, sobbing over the loss and knowing we could've stopped it.... if only we moved a second faster. We could've stopped it. We could've.

***

I woke up to an uncomfortably familiar ceiling. I was either in a hospital, or in Lussuria's room. For the first time in my life, I wished I was in Lussuria's room. I tried moving my right arm. It hurt -a lot- but I could move it. Bel was sitting, asleep, in a chair beside the bed. Xanxus was on a couch, laying down with his head on Squalo's lap. Squalo was also asleep; his head laying back against the couch's cushion. I sat up slowly, looking around the room. Levi and Lussuria were sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall that had windows a little higher up.

Outside, it was fall. The leaves were turning orange and yellow and a few fell to the ground. Birds were singing happily and flying around in the wind. I remembered last fall, when Bel said he would take me to Japan sometime to meet the rest of the Vongola's bitches. He had and it was amazing. Well, Japan was. I thought the people were a bit weird though. The rain guardian was way too happy and the Storm guardian was violent and acted as if he had a crush on Tsunayoshi. I doubt they'll be happy with the deaths of Viper and Colonello though. Not Reborn at all. I knew him and Colonello were close.

I looked around the room, going from one face to the other. I wondered what I would do if I lost anyone of them. Xanxus, Squalo, Lussuria, Levi.... Bel.... I found myself crying again, my body shaking as I held my hands to my face, concealing my sadness, no matter how much it hurt.

"Violetta..." A soft voice said. Levi's hand touched my cheek and I cried harder.

"He's not dead right? He'll be okay? He's going to live, right?" I cried, seeing Marmon's face in my mind.

"Violetta..." Levi whispered, wrapping his arms around me. He sat down on the bed and held me close. I sobbed, remember when rarely... saw Marmon's little smile. I clung to him, like a person who was about to be dropped off a cliff.

"He's gone..." I whispered, "I think I'm turning out to be a raven..."

***

I stood beside Xanxus in a black dress, my hair dun up in a bun with some type of pin dangling out of it. My hands were held right in front of me as I looked at the ground. Xanxus has his arm over my shoulder. I could see Reborn and Lal in the row beside us. Lal was crying and Reborn hand his hand on her back.

As the speaker told us to take our seats, I sat down slowly and Xanxus took his arm from my shoulder. I wasn't listening to the speaker as they started on a memoir of the two mafia children. The Vongola boss was there too; Tsunayoshi Sawada. The Rain, Storm, Lightning and Sun guardians were also there, holding solemn faces that I had never seen on them.

An hour passed as the speaker asked if anyone else had anything to say. No one spoke. I suddenly remembered something and my mouth started moving on its own.

"You know..." I said aloud. I heard people shuffling in their seats to get a better look at me. "Viper and I talked about what we would do if the other died one day. It was a weird conversation and I've never thought about re-thinking it until now. He told me he would play some random heavy metal song at my funeral because he knows I hate that kind of stuff. I told him I would get Lussuria to sing at his funeral because... well, that's kind of self explanatory. But now that I think about it, I'm not going to do that because that would hurt everyone's ears and no one really wants that. No offence Lussuria.

"Somehow, at the end of the conversation, we were walking into the kitchen, because we got hungry while talking about food. I remember I had fallen on my face that day because I tripped over Squalo's sword. Viper seemed as if he didn't even notice the scar on my forehead. It was the same with Colonello. I haven't known him for as long, but he wouldn't have noticed a scar. Neither of them judged from looks. They looked inside. But as I think about it now... what kind of scars have they died with? Not physical, mentally. The fact they could've saved someone if they moved a second faster might be eating them up.

"Although, I don't think that's right, because they were both horribly prideful. Wherever they are, I'm sure they're bickering about who was cooler. I'll miss both of them. A lot. But you know what? They're in a better place, somewhere were they can be number 1 and cast as many illusions as possible. I just hope... they're happy."

I was looking at my feet now, my hands clasped tightly in my lap. Xanxus put his arm around my shoulder again, rubbing my arm.

Ryohei stood up and started speaking, much louder than I was, "Colonello was my tutor, and my friend. He was the one who showed me I could do anything if I tried hard enough. He was always very prideful, like the little lady said, and I respected that.... Viper, on the other hand, was kind of quiet and logical. I knew he was quit proud of that fact. I know that we will be missing a big part of the Varia and the Arcoballeno."

A few other people started sharing; memories, memoirs, and sharing the aspects of their characters. After about 10 people, no one had anything else to share and everyone sat shuffling in their seats. Xanxus still had his arm around my shoulder, and his touch gave me comfort, even just a little.

The speaker came back up, "Thank you. You may now proceed to the foyer for beverages and food."

Lal was the first one out of there, followed by Reborn. Everyone started to stand up and exit the room. I stayed seated, looking at my shoes. Xanxus stood up, taking his arm from around me.

"You want some time?" He asked gently.

I nodded slowly, feeling tears creep into my eyes. He kissed the top of my head and began walking out of the room. Soon, everyone was gone, except me and Bel, who was standing in front of me.

"Violetta..." He whispered.

"What is it, Bel?" I asked, not looking at him.

He cupped my chin and lifted my face to look at him. I could see his eyes through his bangs; they were horribly sad. He began to close them and he kissed me softly. I kissed back, closing my eyes and trying to forget everything that had just happened. It worked for a moment, until we broke. Then everything came back to me as I opened my eyes. Bel moved his hand and kissed my forehead.

"Come out when you're ready, alright?" Bel said, softly, "You want me to wait for you?"

I was about to shake my head when I found myself nodding. Bel turned and walked towards the door. He leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest. I stood up and walked towards Marmon's casket. Tears were running down my face, I noticed, and they were dripping down onto the casket.

"You know Viper, I'm gonna miss the rare occasions when you smiled." I whispered to the closed black box that held a los friend, "I'm gonna miss them a lot. I hope you know wherever you are, I killed him for you. He's gone. Never gonna come back. Unless it's another machine, but the machine that we faced was far beyond repair. We could have won, Marmon. God, why did you do this?!"

I fell to my knees, pulling my hands to my face. No one knew what it was like, knowing that you could have saved someone, but didn't.

"I can't live with myself, anymore!" I cried as Bel wrapped his arms around me, "Why didn't you kill me before, Bel? I'm so useless and this never would've happened! You heard Squalo before; I'm worthless!"

"Violetta... Don't say that. It's not true." Bel said, his grip on me tightening.

"Yes it is! You don't know what it's like knowing you could've saved someone! I was right there! I could've stopped him!" I sobbed, talking to Bel's chest.

"Come on Princess. You're not worthless. And the way things worked out, with all the illusions that Ginger cast, he would have mental trauma." Bel said, stroking my hair.

"I think I will too..." I whispered, "I'm never going to forget what happened, Bel, and it's going to eat me up from the inside."

I heard Bel swallow, "God, Violetta! Don't say shit like that! You're not going to have mental trauma because everyone in the Varia will help you through this. You're not worthless, because you killed Ginger and you've saved me from being a total psychopath. You don't deserve to die, because everyone here needs you right now. Do go around putting yourself down or you're going to bring everyone else down with you. And that's the last thing we need right now. God, Violetta, Don't say shit like that!"

I felt Bel's tears fall on top of my head. I wrapped my arms around him, leaning my head on his shoulder. He moved his head and I could feel his hot, uneven breathing on my neck.

"You need to stay with us Violetta." Bel whispered, "Or a hell of a lot of things will go wrong. And everyone will blame Viper. He died, you kill yourself, Xanxus and I kill ourselves, Squalo cuts his hair and Lussuria goes straight. Do you know how many nuclear bombs will explode because of that?"

I had to laugh at that, "Yea, and to think Viper would be the cause of World War three."

"Ushishishi. Can you imagine?" Bel laughed.

We both sat there, laughing at the odd images of short-haired Squalo and straight Lussuria. I smiled through my tears and looked up to Bel. I swept part of his bangs out of his face so I could see his left eye. He smiled at me and I kissed his cheek softly.

Bel nodded towards the door, "Let's go."

He stood up and offered his hand, which I took and he helped me up. I held his hand as we walked out, our fingers intertwining. As we walked into the foyer, I envied the fact that Bel had bangs to cover his red, swollen eyes and I didn't.

People were holding glasses of wine and alcoholic drinks. The room was loud and filled with the sound of voices. I kept hearing 'I'll miss them' coming from different people. Bel's hand squeezed mine, as we walked towards the bar. I wondered why there was a bar in the funeral hall, but I really didn't care.

"Bel...?" I asked, looking up to him.

"Yeah?" He sat down at an empty stool at the bar and motioned to the seat beside him.

I sat down beside him, smirking, "Don't get drunk please. I don't want you asking me to marry you."

"Ushishishi. You got it, Princess."

***

"A replacement?" I asked, astonished we had to get one so soon.

I'd only been about a month or two since Colonello and Viper died, and Xanxus already needs a replacement?

"Yea. We need an illusionist." Xanxus said, sitting in his chair, looking bored.

"Why so soon?" I asked, stretching my legs. They were getting stiff again; I needed to dance- which I hadn't done since Viper died.

"It's been 2 months, Violetta. If we don't get a replacement soon, we won't be ready for an attack." Xanxus said, watching me as I leaned to one side, stretching my leg out.

"So? It feels so wrong to fill the spot so quickly." I pouted at my older brother.

"It can't be helped Violetta." Xanxus said, then he squinted, as if he was looking at a bright light, "You need to cut your hair soon. It's getting to long."

I turned from him, stretching my other leg, "Stop changing the subject. Who the heck is going to attack us?"

"Who do you think?"

"Millefiore... Yeah, whatever. Those guys need a life other than killing other people's mafia groups."

Xanxus sighed, "That's not the point, Violetta. This is business and we can't let too many feelings get in the way of that,"

"But Marmon wasn't just an associate; he was a friend. You can't just replace a friend, even if they die." I lifted my leg straight up, my foot pointing towards the ceiling.

"I know that. But whoever we choose doesn't have to be a friend. They can just be an associate." Xanxus rubbed his forehead, "Are you going to dance soon? You look pretty stiff."

"Yeah, I think I will when I finish stretching. I hate long time periods when you do nothing."

"You could've danced, you know."

"Shut up." I hissed, "You know why I didn't, thank you very much."

"Ah, I remember the good old days when you were gentle and didn't talk to anyone but me." Xanxus said, sighing again.

"I also didn't dance then, and I know you like watching me dance." I said, walking into my room and grabbing my Pointe shoes.

"Yes, I do. But if you were to dance and only talk to me, I would be perfectly happy." Xanxus said.

"So you'd want me to be miserable." I said, walking back out into the living room. I glared at him slightly.

"I never said that."

"Well, if I stayed quiet, I'd still have fallen for Bel, and he would've gotten me to talk sometime or another, so either way, I would've ended up like this." I said, sitting on the floor and slipping one of my Pointe shoes on.

"I guess you're right. Whatever..." Xanxus ran a hand through his hair as Bel walked into the kitchen. Xanxus glared at him as he came over and kissed my cheek.

"Morning Princess." Bel mumbled.

"Good Morning Bel." I said, kissing his cheek. He smiled at me and went back into the kitchen.

I started to tie up the ribbon, winding it around my ankle. "Anyways, can't we wait a while until we find a replacement?"

"We're going to find one by the end of the month, Violetta." Xanxus said, "Are you going to dance for me then?"

"No..." I hissed, "You're a meanie."

"Don't worry, Princess." Bel grinned at me, "If you don't like him, I'll rip him apart for you."

I rolled my eyes, smiling. "Sure thing, Bel."

He grinned and poured himself a cup of coffee.

I'm pretty sure that everyone had forgotten about Xanxus' birthday. It was in two days and no one had said a word about it. I was starting to get worried that everyone would think it was just another day.

But as I danced to the fifth track on my CD, I let my worries fall away, hiding in the corner of my brain as I focused on the steps. I stayed to my routine this time. As oddly as it seemed, everyone in the Varia had gotten used to listening to my classical music; even Levi, who liked metal and punk rock. They'd gotten used to watching me dance; I'd danced through the whole CD a few times, without even taking a break. Squalo said it was because I was an idiot and didn't know when to stop, but Xanxus told him to shut the fuck up.

I thought about my movements, flowing gracefully like a rushing river. It took a lot of rain to get this river to keep flowing, but somehow, the water continued to move, as if nothing mattered than getting to the ocean. No one ever clapped at the end of my performances, other than Bel once in a while, but I knew they liked it from the look on their faces. It looked as if a little kid had just seen something amazing in a toy store window; that's what their eyes said. And most of the time, their lips were twitched upwards and they gave me a soft smile. I always loved that.

So when I opened my eyes now, Squalo and Lussuria had sat down and watched me. Their eyes were lit up happily and they were smiling.

"Beautiful, Princess." Bel said, grinning.

"Thanks." I smiled back.

"Ah, Teen love is so cute!" Lussuria squealed, "I can see you two getting old together."