Hey Guys - Sorry I know its being ages since I updated but I've had a severe case of writers block. Really not sure about this chapter so please let me know what you's think!
Just a wee thank you to Adia- Rose you pulled me out of my writers slump !
Ronnie stood feeling the warm water beat off her face, the heat burning on her flesh, she now realised how Danielle had felt earlier- it was as if the heat of the water could strip away all the pain that was felt, strip away everything that had happened. Ronnie stood her hands above her head clinging onto the white tiles, as she inhaled deep heavy breathes, closing her eyes images of her daughter came flooding back to her muddled in her mind from the first time she held her, so tiny, delicate, untouched - perfect Ronnie thought as everything came crashing down around her.
Her daughter now portrayed a lostness, she had being hurt deeply both physically and mentally, images flashed in Ronnie's mind of how she found her last night scrunched against the wall outside R&R, to how she was this morning exposed and fragile.
The images of the blood on her white dress flashed in Ronnie's mind - she let out a small cry, struggling to catch her breathe, she couldn't cope with this, all she wanted was to be Danielle's mother, to protect her, never let her out of her sight but could she really be a mother.
She had missed out of nineteen years from her daughters life, Ronnie didn't know how she could or if she could really do this- she didn't think it would be so hard.
Although it pained Ronnie, to think of it she couldn't help but wonder if she should ring Andy. He was her father after all he was the one who had being there throughout everything- there was nothing forced there, their relationship and love seemed unconditional. Tears filled Ronnie's eyes as she thought about her daughter her fathers words rang in constant replay in her head -
"This is life paying you back for your neglect, your vicious selfish neglect, neglect of her and neglect of me"
Tears began to fall silently, being washed away by the boiling water. This was not how Ronnie imagined her life to turn out, this was all Archie's fault, everything in her life had spiralled down a path of self destruct, every relationship she had ever had ended badly, her mother had walked out on her, her father had ruined her in every possible way, even her sister had gone behind her back and took away the one man she truly loved.
Ronnie let a small smile creep upon her face at the thought of her daughter- Her daughter, her Danielle was the one person who hadn't walked out on her or deliberately hurt her, she had come looking for her, she wanted to be with her even after everything. Danielle was her one chance to change her life around, to be everything she had dreamed of for all them years.
Ronnie shuffled all thoughts of Andy and her father out of her head, she felt herself filled with a new determination to be with her daughter, just the two of them like it was always meant to be. Ronnie quickly washed her hair, feeling a sudden desperation to be with her daughter, she made her way out of the shower wrapping a towel around her saturated body and made her way to the living room, only to be greeted with two confused expressions from the two blondes who sat awkwardly on the sofa.
A smile spread on Danielle's face at the sight of Ronnie, she was dripping wet from head to toe, the bags under her eyes still visible but to Danielle this was her mother, less perfected than before but none the less still her mother.
"um Ron, did you forget something?" Roxy questioned her sister as she stifled a laugh at the sight of her sister. Ronnie could feel her cheeks flush with embarrassment as she looked down at the small puddle of water which was now forming at her feet.
"oh I , um…" Ronnie struggled to explain her desperation, her need to see her daughter. "just checking you's are.. Um .. Ok?" Ronnie stammered, feeling completely out of her comfort zone - she had never felt so out of control of her own emotions and although she felt uncomfortable at her new found vulnerability, just looking at her daughter her little girl, there was no way she could put on a front, she deserved better she deserved her mother.
The pairs giggles brought Ronnie out of her daze, she had being stood completely memorised by her daughter smile, she had longed to see it for so long - it had the ability to light up the room to soften the hardest of hearts - Ronnie's heart.
"I, um better get dressed.." Ronnie let a small laugh to hide her embarrassment and began shuffling toward her room, clinging to the wet towel that was wrapped around her, as Roxy shouted after her, "yea good idea Ron, I think you might have wet yourself, you left a nice wee puddle there!" Roxy nudged Danielle playfully, delighted to see the genuine smile that was etched on her pale face.
The smile soon faded as Danielle realised she was once again alone with her aunt. She liked Roxy, she really did but she couldn't help but feel annoyed that she was there, seeing her like this. She had, had many low points since she had moved to walford, from sleeping rough, to the abortion even from the rejection of her mother- Danielle shuddered at the thought of that day, she had it all planned, it was going to be perfect - but in reality things turned out so different.
"he told you,grandad told you…"
The words and events of that day still lingered solemnly in her mind on constant replay - it was her lowest point, she had thought being thrown onto the street. Her own mothers nails digging into her arm -
" you pathetic little freak…. Who'd want a daughter like you"
those words cut through her heart every time she heard them, making her feel physically ill. She had thought little would top that moment but here she was feeling vulnerable, fragile and exposed, needing the one person she had convinced herself that she didn't. After everything Ronnie had put her through, she had found that all she wanted needed was her mother, she was the one person who could make things better, make the pain go away but here was Roxy lingering in the background in the way almost. Danielle let out a small sigh as her thoughts ran through her head, trying unsuccessfully to arrange her emotions - Roxy shuffled anxious at the uncomfortable silence which now lingered in the room.
" you ok, kiddo?" reaching for her nieces hand, to offer some form of assurance and ease the tension between them. But Danielle retreated pulling her whole body away, edging toward the end of the sofa, away from her aunt.
Ronnie entered the room, noticing her daughter flinch from her sisters gesture but decided to ignore it, " everything ok ?" she asked casually gazing between the awkward pair. Danielle stood from the sofa as if she'd being burnt and made her way abruptly to her mother, wrapping her arms around her waist, nuzzling delicately into her embrace. The gesture surprised Ronnie, but a smile appeared as she clung to her daughter preparing herself to never let her go.
Ronnie's smile faded as she felt her sisters eyes stare questionably at her. She knew what her sisters look was about, she could read her like a book - Roxy thought she was sweeping everything under the carpet and although Ronnie knew she was probably right, that building a relationship on a foundation of hurt and pain was never going to end good but all Ronnie wanted was a relationship- she was willing to accept anything just to be with her daughter.
Ronnie pulled Danielle in closer, placing a soft kiss on the top of her golden locks - taking in the strawberry scent that was barely there.
Roxy sighed, as she watched the exchange between the two realising her sisters ignorance to the situation. "I better go, leave you two to it eh.."
