I wasn't born in Oregon and I most definitely wasn't raised here.

Quite the opposite in many instances actually. I was born just outside of Boston – a place where seasons actually mean something – and I lived there until I was eleven. As far as technicalities go, I'm an only child. Where technicalities fail however, I have a step-brother from my mother's previous marriage. A step-brother I've seen a total of once who (if my memory serves me) has some kind of ridiculous hippy name like Phoenix or Lennon… or quite possibly both. For all he knows or cares, I'm sure he probably thinks I'm still thirteen with braces and a bad haircut.

I remember loving Massachusetts; having the sun in the summer, the snow in the winter (I've always been a sucker for the iconic white Christmas) among other things. I could have lived out the rest of my normal life with normal friends, enjoying normal seasons. I'm sure I even wouldn't have minded the occasional rainy day…

I've learned though, through the course of my life that happiness is tangible and therefore extremely vulnerable.

When I was ten and a half, my dad – a person I always regarded as invincible -- was killed in a head-on collision on a stretch of country back road – sleep depravation the cause they had said.

I didn't go to the funeral; my mother's choice at the time, I think she wasn't sure I could handle it. Instead, I stayed at home with my uncle Luke who flew in from Oregon for the occasion the day they buried my dad.

Some days, I still resent her for not letting me say my goodbyes.

But she promised that we wouldn't be a broken family when she got home that day. She promised me every day when I got home after school and when she tucked me in at night; she promised we'd stick together through it all.

I believed her.

We held together as a "family" for another half a year. After that, it was like the promises never left her lips and before I could say anything about it… she told me she was leaving. In a mind-numbing change of events, I was given two very different choices: live with my great-grandmother Eileen in North Carolina or move in with my uncle Luke – my father's brother -- in Oregon.

Uncle Luke won out. A constant aroma of moth balls and the presence of a minimum ten cats sunk Great Grandma Eileen's chances. Not to mention my uncle seemed to be my last connection to my dad.

A week later, I moved to Oregon with two suitcases and empty promises.

I've lived here – in the constant rain and unintelligible seasons – for five years now. I still miss the snow.

As I'm sure you can imagine, five years dredges on almost painfully slow when you live every day with the idea of being unwanted by your own mother. My uncle Luke – who doesn't like the idea of being called an uncle, he says it makes him feel old – helped with that I guess by taking me in and doing as much as he possibly could for me. But the one person who made me feel wanted, made me feel especially loved didn't step into my life until much later.

---

One Month Earlier

I watched him as he walked, lunch tray gripped in paled fingers, on the opposite side of the small cafeteria. I was staring; I knew it, everyone who bothered to look my way knew it… but I didn't care. If he caught me, I would most likely look away and hope he wouldn't approach me about it later, but he wouldn't… he never did. He was probably used to my staring at this point.

He was perfect; there was no doubt about that. The way he walked, the way he talked, the way his lips moved as he spoke flawless words. Elegant, graceful and perfect; someone the Gods could be jealous of. He was immaculate and flawless and I – like a large portion of the female existence in the school probably was -- was in love with him. Yet, there was a difference between them and I…

"Kasey…?"

I turned quickly as the sound of my name dragged me painfully back to the reality of a boisterous lunch break. Even if he hadn't noticed my staring, apparently my friend – Jessica Prestwick -- had.

"Kasey, what do you think about a half wall of Caribbean blue for my room?" Tossing her dark hair slightly, Jessica's eyes danced across the side of my pallid face. I didn't bother to look at her; I was still caught up in him.

"Uh – yeah, sure." Came the half reply. Had I been paying attention, I was sure I would have felt bad for the horrible attempts at conversation that were leaving my lips.

On the contrary I felt no remorse for the lost conversation or the disinterested tone in my voice; this was a conversation I could easily follow mindlessly without taking my eyes away from the more important subject.

His long legs carried his frame past several full cafeteria tables, catching several eyes as he passed them, however he seemed passive about the occurrence, as if he hadn't seen them.

Then, suddenly, as if something had caught his attention his eyes drifted up and caught mine; a sudden fire erupting almost violently in the pit of my stomach as his eyes – a blue that contrasted my murky brown greatly – met mine and a smile pushed up the corner of his lips. It wasn't long before I could feel a smile on my own lips.

He was mine, all mine… and he didn't seem to mind because I was his.

Sidling up to the table, the boy placed his lunch tray in the empty space before me, the smile ever present on his features as he reached across the table ever so slowly to take my hand as he lowered himself into the seat.

His touch was electric; a touch that still made my heart skip a floundering beat.

I was too busy staring that Jessica's greeting bared penetrated my thoughts.

Jeremy, my Jeremy; my saving grace...

"Jeremy." I didn't bother to look, but I could hear the smile in her voice. A simply sickeningly sweet tone that would have made me absolutely sick had I been paying complete attention; she had always liked him.

"Jessica." He nodded, relinquishing the eye contact with me as he ran a hand through his already messy chocolate brown hair and smiled in her direction politely.

"So how's the planning for Seattle trip going?" Jessica asked in a somewhat curious manner, her eyes – and question it seemed – directed solely toward Jeremy.

"Well," Jeremy shrugged as he threw a glance in my direction with a raised brow, "I've had my bags packed for a week…"

In a moment, I knew what the glance meant.

If for one second in the history of my friendship with Jessica I had cared to let her into the inner workings of my three and a half year relationship with Jeremy, I would have let her know that the glance was a challenge of sorts. Since the mention of the idea of the trip to Seattle Jeremy had expected me to back out. Thus far, I was still keen – though slightly nervous and immeasurably happy with my determination – on the small getaway.

"Luke is still fine with it." I challenged back, a small smirk pulling my lips into a tight smile. "He's even lending us a car."

"In that case Jess, planning is going amazing. We're leaving tonight…" Taking up his plastic, cafeteria issue fork, Jeremy stabbed at the plate of cold pasta on his tray with a gleeful smile chiseled visibly into every facial feature.

I could only guess what kind of pride he was taking in his victory… he was always too smug for his own good.

---

Tossing the last bag into the trunk, I brought it down with a slight slam as Jeremy had a final chat with Luke who had insisted on standing on the edge of the lawn to bid us a safe trip.

Receiving a questioning glance from Luke, I shrugged slightly in wordless reply; it had been an accident…. Jeremy took the sound differently though and he quickly said his goodbyes – complete with parting handshakes and macho pats on the back – while I paced toward the driver's side door.

The rest of the school day had passed rather quickly. To my surprise, all I had to do when I arrived home after school was pack my bags, Jeremy had arranged everything else with such competence and efficiency that it almost made me check to see if he was the right person…

Pulling open the door, I settled into the driver's seat with a sigh, glancing at the clock on the dashboard as I stuck the keys into the ignition and twisted it for the accessories.

7:00 PM.

If Luke's directions were right, we'd be in Seattle at ten, a three hour drive; I made a mental note to make Jeremy split the drive and take the last hour and a half.

I heard the passenger door open and Jeremy climbed in with a smile on his perfect lips and I quickly forgot about the three hour drive. "Ready to go?" He questioned, reaching over his shoulder to grab the seatbelt.

"Yes, sir," I couldn't help but smile; it still boggled my mind as to how happy he could be made by a trip. I twisted the key sharply, starting the car's engine for emphasis. Yes, I was ready… I wasn't sure why I had been so apprehensive about the trip before…

Waving briefly to my uncle – who was still standing idly by the edge of the road – I pulled away from the house.

The sun set early and by 8 o'clock it had rained twice and I was driving in the dark. However, I had been driving on the back roads for the most part, so it wasn't really that big of a deal, I could handle the driving…

"Kasey?" Jeremy broke off from a hum somewhere just outside of a small town in Washington State – I couldn't be sure which one, my uncle had spouted off so many town names in his directions spiel that I hadn't had time to memorize them all.

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking…" from the corner of my eyes I could see him wipe his hands on his pants before he began fiddling with his fingers nervously, but I couldn't be sure; we were still on the back roads, there were no lights here. "What would you say if I asked you to marry me?"

"What, excuse me?" My hand twitched on the wheel and I felt my heart skip a beat entirely. I couldn't have possibly heard right…

"N- not now of course, after high school… during the summer before we go to college or something." Jeremy stuttered out the next couple of words as if my reaction had caught him completely off-guard.

Taking a deep breath through my nose and letting it out through my mouth slowly, I concentrated more on the road than I had ever done since we had left my uncle on the lawn at my house.

"Jeremy, what would your parents think? I don't think they like me now, they're going to hate me if, well if –."

"They won't be the ones marrying you will they?" Jeremy's voice was velvet, and I couldn't help but take a breath in order to begin to sort my thoughts as he continued. "I love you and if I love you it doesn't matter what they think of you. As long as it's you and me, I could deal with being methodically extracted from their lives and will…"

"Jeremy…" I cringed at the thought of Jeremy not being a part of his family anymore… being disowned. That was me, not him…

"Kasey…" He soothed, his hand reaching out to touch the top of my leg lightly. "I'll be on my own for a week or two and then my mom'll give in. She couldn't live without me and she knows it."

The smile was in his voice again. "And if that doesn't work, we'll just make our own family…"

"We're seventeen and this is the rest of our lives you're talking about…"

"And I can't think of a better way to grow old, can you?"

I processed the question for less than a half minute. "No."

"Well it's settled then." Jeremy slapped his own leg with finality, a sharp sound resonating through the small car in the silence that had grown there.

I still wasn't convinced.

Chewing my lip, slightly I felt the need to speak up still. "Jeremy, would you really want to marry me? I mean… what if things don't work out between us, what if –."


What if we ended up like my parents?

"You think too much, you know that? And what do you mean, 'if things don't work out'?" My heart skipped almost painfully in my chest. "I'll always want you Kasey, forever."

"But…" I faltered, stumbled over my next argumentative point…

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to do…" Jeremy murmured, a small, comforting smile pressed upon his lips. Still, it was a different smile… a false smile of sorts.

The look inspired guilt and I gripped the wheel tightly.

"No, Jeremy… that's not what I meant," the darkened, deserted road – slick with the fresh rain -- gleamed as the headlights of my car passed over it and I dared to take my eyes off of it to convey the feelings I was having trouble speaking of.

"I just don't think it's a phenomenal idea… we're young… I just…" I floundered, searching for the right words to say, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him…

"We can talk about this when we get settled in Seattle if you wa --…" Jeremy started, the end of his sentence strangled off by the urgent blare of a horn.

Ripping my eyes away from Jeremy, my sight was met by a pair of blinding headlights that practically shut my eyes as I squinted against them. Hands frozen on the wheel, a million thoughts flashed through my mind as I blinked against the invading lights. A voice from the passenger seat yelled something that I couldn't quite hear and in a moment I felt hands on mine, turning the wheel under my hands as I stared forward hypnotically.

The help came too late.

The initial impact felt as if I had been kicked in the stomach powerfully. One second I was going one way and then next I felt helpless as I was ripped in the opposite direction and I was no longer in control of the vehicle.

The crunching scream of metal as it put up a fight and lost with twisting, shards of finality invaded my ears and I felt little stabs of pain in my arms that grew and stung.

This couldn't be happening, this had to be some kind of horrible nightmare; a dream… a memory… closing my eyes tightly, I turned my face away from the shattering windshield.

Quite unexpectedly, everything was still and suddenly – compared to the last few minutes (which seemed like an eternity in their own right) – the almost silence was deafening. The pitter-patter of a light rain echoed in my ears too loudly as a very uncomfortable and strangely thick calm settled over everything.

"Jer—" his name left my lips in a strangled gurgle, breaking the silence and giving the situation a new reality.

I struggled to breathe as I twisted in the twisted heap of what was once a Nissan. I could feel a warmth trickling down the side of my face as a sharp pain stabbed my side pointedly. I knew I shouldn't move, but an urgent need to reach Jeremy overwhelmed every thought that told me to stay still.

Twisting in the seat, my shaking, dirtied hands searched for the seat belt release with determination. I needed to reach, to touch him.

"Kase—." There was a croak from the passenger seat, a creaking shift and an incomplete cough. "Don't move; you have to stop moving." Another cough escaped his lips and abruptly, I could smell the metallic twinge of blood. "Are you alright?"

I pondered for a moment, assessing myself as best I could in the darkness. "My head hurts…" I whispered, swallowing back the now ever-present pain.

The tips of his fingers – slightly frigid – met my cheek and I could tell his hands were trembling. "Just stay still…keep talking to me. Someone'll find us... I love you, we'll be fine."

"Ok…"

The silence hung thick in the air before I broke it; the silence frightened me now, not hearing his voice frightened me.

"Jeremy? Jeremy, I think it's a good idea… w- what you said before…" closing my eyes tightly, I battled past a surge of blunt pain before I continued, "about getting married…"

"Yeah?" The smile was in his voice for a split second.

"Yeah." Shifting my leg, I could hear the glass crunching under my sneakers and I felt a sharp pain high in my thigh, a pain that pushed a slight squeak from my lips.

"Please don't move…" Jeremy begged, and I could do nothing but oblige.

"I'll marry you after high school on one condition…" I rasped, curling my hand into a fist before opening my hand again, flexing my fingers.

"Anything you want…" There was a slight hitch as he went to take a breath.

"Ask me properly." I smiled through the pain, and I was sure the look on my face resembled a grimace of sorts. The sentiment was enough however; I knew Jeremy couldn't see it in the darkness either way.

There was a broken chuckle from the passenger side of what used to be a car and I heard Jeremy take another deep breath and I waited for him to rise to the simple challenge. He always rose to meet a challenge…

I waited. I waited until the breath I didn't know I was holding began to burn my chest. I waited after I took another breath and began to hold that one … but Jeremy's side of the car remained silent and still.

"Jeremy?"

Silence.

"Jer -- ?" The panic in my voice was raw, unhidden as I shifted in my seat frantically. He should have answered by now…

Suddenly, as I squirmed futilely against the bent metal and the seatbelt, I felt very very alone though I knew Jeremy should have been beside me…

A/N: Because I have an awesome best friend who tells me these things when my mind runs with ideas, I realize that the 'one month earlier' thing can be confusing. It's pretaining to Kasey's point of view in the first chapter. The events after the 'one month earlier' heading are the events one month earlier than Kasey's reflection in the first chapter. So uh, the usual I guess after that... review and show some loooove. Thank you 3.