A/N --- Thank you to everyone for our great reviews for the last chapter. All chapters are written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose.
Adia Rose has had her laptop wiped (evil viruses) and so will be taking a while with updates, reviews and replying to messages. Sorry for any delays etc.
Again, this is a joint fic written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose...we really hope you enjoy the chapter...there is oh so much coming!
Enjoy!
Sunlight streamed through the gap in the curtains waking Ronnie up from the deepest of sleeps, she woke up happy which was strange but also refreshing. She wasn't sure if it was because of the day she's spent with Ben yesterday or whether it was because her sleep had been completely uninterrupted by dreams. Dreaming of Danielle wasn't a bad thing, on the contrary it was the closest she ever got to being with her daughter but that didn't stop the fact that when she awoke Danielle wasn't there. Every morning she lost her baby girl all over again and she had to experience that pain every single day, so a night without dreams verged on being comforting.
Waking with a clear head also meant that she was in a better frame of mind to work on Jack. She watched him sleep for a minute before making her move, after her little outburst the day before and the fact that she'd gone to sleep last night barely saying a word to him it was safe to say he was more than a little surprised to wake up to Ronnie wearing some particularly provocative underwear which set his heart racing.
"Best part of arguing... Making up" Ronnie grinned, gently kissing Jack it was far too early in the morning for him to be thinking of this little wake up call having any other ulterior motive and he responded to her kisses passionately before whispering "we should argue more often!"
For Ronnie this was like acting a part, playing the dutiful and passionate girlfriend, sex had become nothing more than the means to an end. Whether this would ever change Ronnie wasn't sure... She didn't think she particularly cared either way, everything else in life lacked meaning so why would it matter. Whispering all the right words to Jack, smiling at all the right times, moaning at the exact points, arching her back and carefully tensing the right muscles to assure him that she enjoyed it all too, she felt like a robot performing a preprogrammed list of tasks.
Afterwards as they lay in post-coital bliss, or at least Ronnie pretended it was bliss, Jack made promises about the future, empty promises of love and protection. It almost made Ronnie feel slightly less guilty... They were both playing a part, it was just that Jack wasn't conscious of his acting... Oh no for Jack Branning the line between reality and playing a part had become so blurred after all these years, he truely didn't realise that he was doing it. He couldn't be sincere if he tried.
The day passed painfully slowly, Jack headed off to work leaving Ronnie alone for the day, she wasn't due at the club till the evening so she had an entire afternoon to waste, she had no idea what to do with herself. The morning after Jack had left she had busied herself with her daily Danielle rituals. The jewellery box was brought out and the locket and newspaper cutting both examined and revered. She held Digby to her chest and kissed his head, inhaling to try and remember the way her baby smelled. The scent was fading from the bear, Ronnie tried to hold on to it but every day it faded more and was replaced by the scent of her own perfume and fabric softener, Danielle was fading away again and the more Ronnie tried to hold on to her, the further away she slipped. Ronnie moved over to the wardrobe, Jack's clothes hung on the far left, she ignored them, even physically pushing them to the side to push them out of her view. Then it was perfect, just as it was meant to be. Part of the fantasy, the world of ghosts and imagination where Ronnie so desperately wanted to be.
As morning drifted into afternoon, Ronnie ambled around the flat. She had done her rituals, she had arranged the box of baby items carefully under the bed, she had cleaned, vacuumed and now was at a complete loss for what to do. Television was completely pointless, no programme held her interest long enough or if it did then she would always find a way of relating the storyline back to Danielle. It was a continuous loop of self-destruction when she was alone, in a way Ronnie would rather have Jack around, at least when she was acting she had a purpose, at least sex would have a reward.
Deciding to head over to the Vic and see Auntie Peggy, have a cup of tea and hear all about Aunt Sal's latest dramas. Other peoples problems were far more amusing than her own. Grabbing her handbag she headed off in the direction of the Vic, forgetting that on the way she would have to pass Stacey's stall.
Seeing her standing there, trying to act as though she was normal, trying to sell clothes like it was just an average day, the two women locked eyes. They saw through each others acts but neither uttered a word, instead both pairs of eyes subconsciously strayed to the side of the stall that should have been occupied by Danielle, that image flickered...Danielle stood blowing the steam from a boiling hot cup of tea, Danielle smiling at a customer, Danielle helping someone... Anyone... A good heart is drawn to whoever needs it most.
Ronnie saw the tears in Stacey's eyes. She couldn't tear herself from Stacey's face in that moment. She was so lost, so sad, she looked so much likeā¦her, the little girl who wouldn't leave her mind or her heart. Ronnie didn't want to look at it anymore. She didn't want to see the truth of pain, her own was too much to deal with, she couldn't bear anybody else's. Danielle should be there, stood with her arm around Stacey, not that Stacey would need it if Danielle was still there. But Danielle should be there, comforting Stacey, she would make her laugh, she would look over and smile at Ronnie. All of those times she had seen that smile and ignored it, even despised it and now she would give her life just to see it one more time.
Staring for one second longer, Ronnie saw Stacey still looking at her with brimming tears. Ronnie walked away, turning her back on the pain, the tears and the memories. She entered the Vic and refused to look back as she moved up the stairs into the kitchen. Finding it empty she went to look into the lounge but found herself straying to Roxy's bedroom. She closed the door carefully behind her and leant over the cot. It wasn't fair. All she had ever wanted and it was taken away, twice, three times. Stolen away no matter how much she begged. Trailing her hand across the mobile she thought of the past, the fantasy mingled with the fantasy for the future. Baby Danielle, laid in the cot, staring up at her mummy with those deep hazel eyes. She was such a beautiful baby, such a beautiful baby girl. Ronnie kept her eyes open, trying desperately to keep the image there, too afraid to blink because she knew that would take it away all over again. Little Danielle, lying there peacefully, kicking her little legs, looking up with such pure love into her mummy's eyes. The painful thing was that Ronnie knew exactly how Danielle's eyes looked when they were filled with love. She knew the way that her eyes seemed to sparkle, the way that you could almost drown in them. She knew it because that was how Danielle had looked at her for so long, and for so long Ronnie had ignored it and pushed her away.
It was almost an hour before Ronnie could drag herself from the room. The fantasy had long since faded away, passed into the silence of loneliness. Peggy was sat at the kitchen table when Ronnie emerged. They chatted, Ronnie smiled and laughed in the right places. She nodded and agreed and played the game as she knew she must. A few times during their little coffee afternoon Peggy had brought a genuine smile from Ronnie, even a real laugh once. Ronnie's eyes however kept straying to the calendar hung on the wall, Danielle's birthday written in her daughter's curled script. Danielle had wanted them to know, she'd wanted them to find out. It was strangely difficult to look at the calendar. It was something that Danielle had touched, something her hands had lingered on. There was so little that Ronnie had of her daughter that even something that had felt the touch of her hand inspired a pain and jealousy from Ronnie.
Another hour of tea and not quite sympathy but amusing distraction, passed before Ronnie said her goodbyes and made her way down to the club for a night's work.
It was just a normal night at the club, the same old crowd dancing to the same old music. Ronnie tried to remember all the times she'd seen Danielle there, dancing with Stacey, getting drunk, just being a normal teenage girl. She was so completely lost in her thoughts, staring ahead blankly she didn't register a single thing that was happening around her.
"Excuse me Ronnie?... Miss Mitchell?" Paul interrupted, he'd been trying to get her attention for the past minute before he finally got a response. "Sorry" Ronnie muttered half-heartedly. Really it should be him that was sorry, sorry for interrupting her moment but instead she turned on the false smile "is everything ok?" she asked noting her barman's confused face. "Do we have anymore of these?" Paul asked holding up a bottle. "There should be some more out the back. Are you alright to go and get them?" Ronnie asked. "Sure thing Miss Mitchell" Paul nodded heading off, so grateful that he'd finally been offered a full time bar position at the club he was aiming to impress Ronnie.
Ronnie couldn't help but notice when Stacey staggered in, most of the club turned to watch the already half-cut young woman stagger down the stairs. Ronnie was a little surprised the bouncers had let her in looking like that. She noticed Stacey heading towards the bar and desperately looked for a way out of serving her, she was relieved to see Paul re-emerge with a crate of bottles. "I'll put these in the fridge" Ronnie said, grasping the bottles out of his hands and telling him to carry on serving people. She didn't notice the creeping smile on Paul's face when he caught sight of Stacey. She didn't see it grow as he realised what a state the girl was in.
"Stacey. Looking different babe, I like it... Maybe tidy up those roots a bit and I could definitely be tempted" Paul winked leaning over the bar much to Stacey's utter disgust. "Get lost creep" Stacey spat angrily. Paul dramatically began looking over Stacey's shoulder, pretending he was partaking in some kind of epic search. "What are you doing?" Stacey hissed pushing Paul away. "Sorry, was just looking for your shadow. Where is she tonight? Or have you finally ditched her? She was a little clingy to be honest Stace..." Paul laughed cruelly before being quickly silenced by a furious Stacey.
Stacey dove over the bar grabbing Paul but the scruff of his neck she was scratching at him whilst he tried to struggle free. "Get off! Get off me you mad cow!" Paul shouted trying to push Stacey away. "Don't you dare! Don't you dare talk about her!" Stacey screamed, lunging for Paul. "Don't you EVER talk about her." Once again the drama had quickly attracted the attention for most of the clubbers and more importantly Ronnie who made her way over pulling Paul back away from Stacey. "Stacey! What the HELL is going on?" Ronnie shouted "maybe you should go home" she suggested gently. She was far gentler with Stacey than she would be with anyone else who had caused that amount of chaos but Stacey wasn't just a normal punter... She was her daughters best friend and she was clearly struggling.
"How can you let him work here?" Stacey spat, directing her rage at Ronnie now. She knew Ronnie was cold-hearted but this was a whole new low. "Stacey what is going on?" Ronnie asked confused, looking first to Stacey and then over at Paul who was looking increasingly uncomfortable. "After what he did, after how he treated her. How can you let him work here?" She screamed, looking increasingly like she might lash out again at any second. "Stacey, what are you talking about?" Ronnie asked, trying to make sense of a situation which could at any second spiral out of control. "Him!" Stacey shouted, "He used her. How could you even let him in? Why?" Stacey's fists were clenched and shaking and Ronnie didn't know whether to try and comfort her or step away to keep herself from being the next victim of the girl's wrath. "Look, I have no idea what you're talking about. Why don't you go home and get some rest Stacey. Whatever Paul's done to upset you, I'm sure you can work it out in the morning."
Stacey suddenly realised what had happened and stood back for a second letting out a choked laugh. "You don't know! You don't have a clue do you?!" Stacey laughed bitterly. "Have a clue about what?" Ronnie asked looking worried.
"Well Ronnie Mitchell! Meet the man who would've been the father of your grandchild!... Paul meet Danielle's mum!" Stacey announced before trying to stagger away from the explosion she'd just created.
