Written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose
Ronnie stood staring at Paul. She didn't question Stacey, she didn't need to, the look on Paul's face told her that Stacey was telling the truth. There was a sickness and anger beginning to burn inside Ronnie. Paul shifted, a mixture of discomfort and then the realisation of just what Stacey had just said, trying to get his head around the situation he finally started to speak. "Wait... Her mother? You're not... You're not Danielle's mother!" he stuttered, no it couldn't be true, they'd barely spoken a word and when they had it had been Ronnie telling Danielle off for doing something wrong at the club. Pulling Stacey back, making sure she couldn't just announce something like that and leave he looked directly into her bloodshot eyes. "Secretive girl our Danielle" Stacey spat bitterly, pulling away from Paul she finally made her exit leaving a horrified Paul stood alone with just Ronnie looking on.
"Looks like we have some talking to do" Ronnie insisted, her hand recoiling the moment it found its way to Paul's shoulder, she couldn't touch him, couldn't bare to have him anywhere near her but at the same time he could provide her with the answers she longed for. "Please Ronnie, I'm here to work... I didn't know she was your daughter ok." Paul begged, the last thing he needed right now was an earful off some overprotective mother. Ronnie's heart felt like it was about to explode, stood in front of the person that had caused her baby so much pain she could have ripped him limb from limb right there and then but instead she would play it calm, wring every last detail from him before she disposed of him like the trash he was.
"I just need to see you in the office quickly." Ronnie stated, gritting her teeth. It was clear from her tone that this wasn't a request, it was a demand. "Now." She began walking towards the office, trying to keep her anger reigned in. When she looked around to make sure that Paul was following her she refused to look at his face, instead watching his shoulders as she held the door open, waiting until he was inside the office and closing the door a little too firmly behind her. She watched Paul standing uncomfortably in the middle of the room, his eyes flicking over to the door every few seconds. She made her way to her desk, sitting behind it and gesturing for him to take the seat across the desk. She kept her eyes on him as he sat, her face was set, hiding any emotion. The silence was tangible, it choked the atmosphere of the room and Paul squirmed slightly under Ronnie's accusatory stare before reminding himself that it wasn't just him there that night, there had been two of them and Danielle had been more than willing. "What happened with me and Danielle, it wasn't just me. She was the one who asked to come back to mine, no-one forced her to do anything, I did nothing wrong." His voice was smaller than usual and he certainly hadn't expected this when he had taken the drunk girl home for the night. Stacey was right, Danielle clearly was secretive.
Ronnie stared at the desk as Paul spoke. His claims of innocence were only serving to fan the flames of her fury at him for using her little girl and tossing her aside when he was done, not caring about the consequences that he'd left Danielle with. Well he wasn't going to get off that easily. Yet still, Ronnie held back her anger. She needed answers first. That baby was the one thing that she and Danielle had bonded over, those few days she'd had with Danielle when she had been pregnant, the day she helped her end the pregnancy. That was the closest she had got to being a mother to her baby. She knew so little about Danielle. Even after talking to Andy, still there were so many questions unanswered, questions she had avoided for fear of what the answers would hold and mean for her. But she wanted answers now. The pathetic excuse of a man in front of her probably knew more about Danielle than she did.
"When?" It was the only word that she could force out of herself and even the one syllable sounded choked and strained. But she wanted to know. She wanted to know when it happened, how it happened, did he treat her well, did he know about the baby? Why did he hurt her little girl like that? She hadn't managed to make eye contact with Paul yet but she knew she would have to look him in the eye and confront him if she was going to get the answers she needed. Needed, not just wanted, needed. She forced her eyes upwards not sure if she was pleased or not at the discomfort etched across his face. He also seemed somewhat incredulous, his face with an eyebrow raised, Ronnie hadn't found someone she had wanted to hurt so much, not since her father.
"Come on," Paul scoffed, feigning a sudden confidence that Ronnie wasn't sure he truly felt and if he did she would quickly wipe it away. "You can't really be asking me this? She's a grown woman, she's free to do what she wants." Ronnie cocked her head to the side. Paul almost looked smug for a second. Ronnie's fists clenches forcefully underneath the desk, nails biting into tender flesh. She kept her voice trained, even softer than she thought she could manage but with a bitter edge, a callous tone. It was a game of cat and mouse, she would get her answers even if she had to claw him to death to get them. "Oh, I never suggested otherwise. I'm just asking you when it happened. That's allowed don't you think?"
Paul seemed to be caught off guard by her change in tone, her whole body language issuing threats whilst her voice was almost playful. It was intimidating, the intensity and pain close to madness in Ronnie's eyes hadn't gone unnoticed. "It was just before Christmas," he said, slumping himself back in his chair, "after the party we worked here." Ronnie paled. She had sent Danielle home that night because she had been drunk. She closed her eyes remembering the words that Danielle had said to her. She 'just wanted to be with someone who loved her, but instead she was alone', and Ronnie sent her away. So she had sought comfort in any warm body she could find. "Did you love her?" Ronnie shot out, not opening her eyes. She channeled her anger towards Paul.
"What?" Paul's reply was sudden and surprised, once again taken off kilter by Ronnie's change in tact. "I asked you if you loved her. Did you? Were you two dating?" She spoke slowly and loudly, making sure he heard every word, she was not going to repeat herself again. "No, I didn't date her. Why don't you talk to he…" Ronnie cut him off abruptly, not willing to hear any excuses. "So you didn't love her?" She raised her eyebrows waiting for his response, he gave a simple 'no'. "So you just took her back to yours? You didn't think that the state she was in it might be better to take her home?" Ronnie fiddled with her pen, twirling in around in her fingers to stop herself from reaching across the desk as Stacey had done across the bar and throttling the scum she found there. She let her voice take on a patronising tone and waited for his response although she wasn't sure if there was any answer he could give that would make it better.
"No, she asked to come back to mine. I was leaving and she asked. I didn't do anything wrong." Ronnie's hand slammed suddenly into the desk, her palm beating onto it in a crash.
"She was drunk!" Ronnie shouted at him. Paul recoiled slightly in his chair at her outburst. Ronnie's chest was heaving rapidly as her breathing was at a furious pace. She pointed out towards Paul viciously, "She was drunk and you, you took advantage!"
"She knew what she was doing and we're both adults." Paul exclaimed, attempting to defend his actions. He was becoming increasingly uncomfortable and agitated. All he had done was have a one night stand. "Look Ronnie, you should be asking her not me." He put up his hands to try and admit some sort of surrender and end the interrogation but Ronnie's eyes just narrowed at him. She chose to ignore his words, he was too smug, too careless, he didn't even know what had happened to Danielle, he hadn't even bothered to ask after her. Ronnie ploughed on, refusing to take her mind or her words off the task at hand.
"So you took her home, knowing she was too drunk to work, too drunk to make any decision and you used her." Ronnie was almost impressed by her own control. Her voice sounded almost casual, if you could overlook the obvious venomous undertone that was barely hidden beneath the nonchalance. "Oh and didn't bother with protection. Thought as she was drunk you could do what you wanted? Didn't care about her, just wanted it to feel good for you." The bite came out in her final words. She felt her muscles trembling. Tears were so close, her baby had been hurt by everyone, nobody had been there to love and protect Danielle. She was used and thrown aside by everyone.
"No. I thought she was on the pill." Paul said hurriedly. His cool composure had slipped and it was obvious he was getting more and more flustered. Defending himself to a clearly angry and highly overprotective mother had not been on any of his plans. It felt like he was on trial. "She never said she wasn't. It wasn't just my responsibility."
"Why would you assume she would be on the pill?" Ronnie was indignant, her voice reaching a painful pitch. Again, she knew that she had almost no knowledge of her own daughter. Would people have expected Danielle to be on the pill? Did she make a habit of going home with men at the club? Was she like Stacey? Ronnie refused to give credence to the thoughts that were plaguing her. She wanted to believe Danielle was still her baby, but she knew that as proud as she was of the daughter she had lost, she had never been her little girl and the daughter she had said goodbye to was a woman, not a child. It was easier to let the anger override. "You KNEW what you were doing. So was it worth it Paul? Did it feel good?"
"What is this?!" Paul yelped as Ronnie's last words shocked him. "We didn't use anything, I thought she was on the pill. God, how was I supposed to know she was a virgin?" He was shouting now, sick of Ronnie's accusations. Ronnie sat back in her chair, almost recoiling from the detail he had given her. She might have been pushing him for answers but getting them wasn't easy. Now Ronnie had the knowledge that Danielle's first time had been nothing more than a one night stand, she'd never been loved, just used.
"She told you she was pregnant didn't she?" Ronnie's thoughts jumped to what she really needed to know. She needed to know that Paul made her want the abortion, that Danielle herself had wanted it, that it was not her words that made her lose not just her child but her grandchild. "What did she say? What did you say to her?"
Paul leapt to defend himself, his voice coming out uncomfortably high until he cleared his throat. "No, I didn't know anything about it. Not until after."
"No, she must have." Ronnie insisted. She remembered, just before she had found Danielle at the flat, just before she knew about the pregnancy, Danielle had asked about Paul. It was so obvious now. Everything was painfully obvious with hindsight, every single thing that Ronnie had missed. "She came to me. She asked for your number. You'd given her a fake number like the pathetic coward you are. So I know she spoke to you."
Paul began to get frustrated and his voice raised to a shout as he felt more and more pressure put upon him. "I told you, I didn't know anything about it until after it was all over."
"Don't lie to me!" Ronnie yelled her fist impacting with the desk once again and with such force that her chair rolled back by inches.
"I've had enough of this." Paul exclaimed, standing from his chair he moved over to the door. Ronnie quickly leaping from her own seat and dashing to his side. "She's your daughter, if you want answers ask her. It was a stupid mistake and that's it." His finger was pointed angrily at Ronnie, she could feel blame and accusation being shifted back onto her and it wasn't going to happen. As Paul's hand opened the office door her own palm slammed onto it forcing the door to crash closed again.
"You're not going anywhere." She sneered, before demanding in a shout, "Now tell me!"
"I didn't know." Paul cried, his hands coming up into a half shrug as he realised that he had no choice but to answer Ronnie's probing. She was pressed against the door, making sure that he couldn't leave until she was finished with him. "If I had, I would have gone with her. I wouldn't have let her go alone. I would have taken her to get the abortion." He sighed, letting himself lean against Jack's desk.
"Well she wasn't alone. I went with her." Ronnie's voice had a harshness to it. She wanted Paul to know that Danielle was everything to her, even if she was no longer here and Ronnie would fight for her even if it would never be a fight that she could win.
"That's good then. Her mum. That's how it should be." Paul spoke casually again and with a definitive tone, trying to put an end to the exchange. Trying to get back to work and just get out but the tension in the room was ratcheting with every breath.
"No, she needed to know she would have been supported." Ronnie's voice shuddered and tears threatened. She should have supported her baby. "Why didn't you step up? Why didn't you offer to help?"
"I told you," Paul yelled. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration as Ronnie watched on, sickened by his lack of compassion, his apathy. "Christ I told you I didn't know! But it wasn't up to me. She chose what to do. It was just a one night stand." Ronnie paled at the words. Danielle was to him 'just a one night stand'. How had it come to be that the most precious thing in her life, this beautiful, kind, caring, forgiving young woman had been dismissed and used and berated by everyone she knew. What had gone so wrong for Danielle to get this treatment from everybody, all the people who should have cared?
"You didn't exactly seem surprised though about the baby, so you knew." Ronnie said shrewdly. Her eyes narrowed at the pathetic creep who was leaning back onto Jack's desk. She wanted so much to see him suffer the way that Danielle had suffered but all she could think of was finding out as much about it all, about Danielle as she could. "She must have told you at some point. What did she say?"
"Stacey told me." He said with an almost laugh, beginning to find Ronnie's entire interrogation slightly ridiculous. Being protective of a child was one thing but no wonder Danielle was such a sheltered, naïve little girl, he thought.
"Stacey told you." Ronnie nodded with a mirthless laugh. "Of course she did." Her voice raised to a squeak and her hands flew aimlessly at the loss of control she felt. "So you went and spoke to Danielle? Did you tell her you were sorry? That she shouldn't have had to go through it all? That she was worth a hundred of you? Tell me how she was, tell me if she dealt with it, tell me she was ok." It wasn't begging. Ronnie kept telling herself that she wasn't begging, she wasn't reduced to begging Paul. The tears prickling her eyes said otherwise.
"I don't know." Paul snapped. He was quickly tiring of the little game Ronnie seemed to be playing and he saw the sudden weakness in her. "She didn't say anything. Why can't you just ask her?" There was no response from Ronnie, only silence as she stared at him, not knowing how to respond, just wanting her answers but not trusting her voice enough to hold back the pain. As it lingered on, Paul answered with a sigh, "She just got angry that I thanked her and threw a drink at me."
"You thanked her?" Ronnie gasped out, she felt her stomach twist at the thought. She hated him. She hated him for being thankful that she had lost her grandchild. She hated the fact that nobody knew how it should have been.
"Look, I'm too young to be a dad." Paul shrugged, "Dani's too young to be a mum. Neither of us wanted it, or she wouldn't have got rid of it. So yeah I thanked her." He almost laughed in Ronnie's face. She saw a confidence built in him by her waning strength and he was bordering on cocky.
"You scum!" She snapped, her hand flying out to impact with his cheek in a sickening slap that echoed in the room despite the constant beat of music that thrummed through the walls. She stepped back again watching as Paul's cheek rapidly reddened. She gritted her teeth and spoke through them, making her power and intention clear. "I want you to tell me from the start, you need to tell me what you said to her before the abortion. I know she spoke to you. Even if she didn't tell you about the baby."
"No. Ask her yourself." Paul spat out at her, still rubbing his stinging cheek. Questions were one thing but he'd had enough and the slap was a step too far for him. He refused to put up with it. Now he felt anger boiling. He wanted to push Ronnie back.
"I can't." Ronnie whispered. Turning away, pretending to rearrange the papers on her desk. She tried to feign apathy and nonchalance to hide the pain.
"Well if she won't tell you why the hell should I?" Paul laughed. He was winning this twisted little game. And he was ready to leave and get out whilst he was ahead. "She obviously doesn't want you to know or you'd ask her." He continued as he stood himself upright and began to walk towards the door. Ronnie span around suddenly and with wide eyes, snapped out her words,
"I can't ask her."
"Why?" Paul retorted in a patronising tone. He had nothing to lose. It was clear from this exchange that Ronnie wouldn't be keeping him on in the club so what did it matter?
"BECAUSE SHE'S DEAD!" Ronnie screamed, her words ripping through the room. And all went quiet. The sound of Ronnie's pounding heart was beating in her ears and her heavy breaths were the only sound filling the room to accompany the heavy and thick club beat that vibrated around them.
"What? When? No she's not." Paul said aimlessly. He stood frozen by the door, his hand still on the handle as he had been so close to leaving. Through a clenched jaw Ronnie only just managed to force out the words, "She's dead. She died two months ago."
"I'm sorry." He said, his voice now empty of mocking, but empty of emotion as well. It was a hollow gesture and Ronnie could feel it. She let out a scream, her knees buckling she flicked her head towards Paul,
"Shut up! Just SHUT UP!" A pained and haunted scream. It was too much. "You aren't sorry. My baby is dead and it means nothing to you. Get out. GET OUT!"
Ronnie watched as Paul left the room, he was walking away from the pain, from Danielle and he could. There was a freedom for everybody, everybody else could choose to walk away. Ronnie's heart was locked and entwined, so deeply bound and entangled with the heart of her child that no freedom would come. Not ever. Love was beautiful and it was horrific. Ronnie sat curled in upon herself, her legs beneath her, tears falling in angry and desolate streams down trembling cheeks. Arms poised, the very position that she had last held her baby in. And it hurt so much.
