Written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose.


Ronnie threw her things into her handbag a little too enthusiastically, she was desperate to get out and be on her own at least for the duration of the drive to the airport. The way back with Roxy might not be quite so enjoyable Ronnie thought with a smile but it would give them time to talk. Staring at the ring on her finger she couldn't believe how unbelievably heavy it felt, like a constant reminder or warning that this wasn't right she longed to take it off. "Can't take your eyes off it can you?" Jack grinned smugly, wrapping his arms around her from behind. Ronnie flinched at the touch but tried to disguise the movement as surprise. "It's beautiful" Ronnie replied, well it was beautiful she wasn't lying about that it would just look better on someone else.

Sighing Jack moved away grabbing hold of the car keys to try and stop Ronnie from being able to leave. "Let me give Charlie a ring, he can go and pick Roxy up and you can stay here with me" Jack begged as if part of him could sense Ronnie's desire to escape. "She's my sister Jack I'm not going to shove her in a taxi." Ronnie answered back grabbing back the keys. "Well I'll come as well, keep you company on the drive up there" Jack suggested. "Yeah because that wouldn't be awkward" Ronnie laughed quickly kissing Jack and grabbing the keys before darting out the flat so that he couldn't stop her.

Only outside in the cool morning air could she finally breathe and think straight. Entering the car and sitting down, pulling the seatbelt across her she could see Jack looking at her, poking his head round the curtain Ronnie couldn't help but laugh at how much he reminded her of Dot in that moment Jack couldn't work out what was so amusing though he was annoyed to think it was something to do with him.

The drive to the airport wasn't a long one but it was long enough. Ronnie relished the chance to be on her own. As much as she hated the thought and prospect of being alone, she had been cooped up with Jack for too many days now, either at the flat or at the club. They'd have sex, he'd talk, she'd wish he would just shut up for a second, he'd resent the fact that she wasn't swooning in his arms at every chance she got and they'd both pretend that they were happy and in love. The whole thing was suffocating and finally being out was like struggling out from beneath the water, finally being able to breathe after drowning.

The drive was silent, the only noise being the gentle purring of the car engine, the staccato clicks of the indicator sporadically ticking away in it's small bursts and the whooshes of other cars speeding past her as she made her way towards Stanstead. Ronnie couldn't listen to music, she couldn't risk hearing a lyric which she could interpret to relate to Danielle their love or the loss because then she'd get upset she'd cry and if she started crying she was afraid that she wouldn't stop, not ever. No it was best to avoid the triggers sometimes, it was the only way that Ronnie could survive. Instead she rehearsed in her head what she would say to Roxy, how she would broach the subject of the engagement. Playing out every scenario she saw happy congratulatory Roxy, the furiously angry option and the final and most likely option of the Roxy who put on a front of happiness whilst having a massive strop on the inside.

A smile crept onto Ronnie's face at the thought of Roxy jutting out her bottom lip, having a mini huff whilst trying to pretend everything was ok. She'd missed her little sister more than she expected to and when she saw Roxy rushing towards her with Amy, some random bloke struggling with her luggage behind her, she could do nothing but grab hold of her refusing to let her go.

"Erm... Do you mind if I could and find my girlfriend now?" The bloke asked nervously, hovering around as though he'd been waiting for permission to leave. "Oh sure darling, thanks for your help" Roxy grinned watching as he sheepishly returned to his angry looking girlfriend who was struggling along with their bags. "How do you manage it Rox?" Ronnie laughed indicating towards the now arguing couple. "People see a damsel in distress and they just want to help, are we off?" Roxy asked, oblivious to the trouble she'd caused as Ronnie rolled her eyes and grabbed Roxy's suitcases.

Once they'd reached the car and put the bags away Ronnie took the opportunity to grab a quick cuddle with her little niece, it was incredible but she was pretty sure she looked bigger than two weeks ago. Roxy stood back and smiled, watching Ronnie stroke Amy's face, tickling under he chin Roxy couldn't help but notice the shiny new object that adorned Ronnie's finger.

"Oh no way is that?! Oh wow it is! Ronnie!" Roxy squealed trying to look as pleased as she could for her sister. Ronnie blushed, strapping Amy into her car seat not really wanting to confront the issue she simply nodded before getting into the car herself. "Ok seriously can we have some excitement and explanations please?! How, where, when?" Roxy smiled rushing a little too fast Ronnie could see she was covering up any hurt she was feeling. "Roxy we don't have to talk about this. I just need to know that this is ok with you?" Ronnie explained gently, in truth not sure that she wanted to talk about it herself. She feared that if she did, Roxy would see through it all, she's know it was all so false and that would ruin everything. "Of course it's ok" Roxy nodded enthusiastically, only the slight hitch in her voice giving her away.

The next few minutes were filled with nothing but an awkward silence other than Ronnie's mutterings about the traffic and trying to navigate her way out. Roxy couldn't stop staring at the ring, it was almost teasing her, a huge neon sign indicating how everything was going to be perfect for Ronnie, leaving her and Amy on the sidelines. Ronnie couldn't help but notice Roxy's discomfort at the situation. "It just sort of happened" Ronnie dismissed nervously, was all this complication really worth it?

"It's great, really it is Ron." Roxy smiled encouragingly, trying to force away all her selfish concerns and just be happy for Ronnie. "I know this whole situation is weird, marrying Jack, having kids that will be Amy's half siblings and cousins at the same time but I think everything will be ok, they'll understand" Ronnie rushed to explain though there was a massive part of her that just wished Roxy and Amy weren't part of the equation. "Kids?" Roxy choked, it was as if she'd been hit in the gut she felt like she'd been winded. Ronnie and Jack's perfect kids that would always rank higher than Amy, or course they would, it hurt Roxy because in the long run it was going to really hurt Amy.

"Well you know, it's the next step. I'm not getting any younger" Ronnie laughed awkwardly, there was no way she was going to mention Jack's particular aversion to having children with her at the moment, she was so convinced that was all going to change. "It's a little soon... After Danielle I mean" Roxy stated bluntly, instantly regretting her words as she saw Ronnie stiffen up. "Sorry" Roxy muttered almost inaudibly not wanting to draw attention to her blunder.

"I can do this. I can be a good mum, I just need to be given the chance" Ronnie admitted with an almost shy smile. Roxy almost didn't want to say anything, Ronnie just looked so hopeful, so meek and so completely unlike Ronnie. But still, this wasn't right. Having a baby now, just months after Danielle's death would only lead to more pain. It could never replace Danielle no matter how much Ronnie would want it to, it would never be the person she wanted it to be and that wasn't fair. "Babe you're going to be the best mum, just don't rush yourself. You're allowed to grieve for her you know." Roxy sighed stroking a piece of hair away from Ronnie's face, trying to avoid saying Danielle's name now. "I don't need to grieve." Ronnie stated blankly, not making any movement even as Roxy expected to be shrugged off from Ronnie's tone, still she stroked her sister's hair gently, tucking it behind her ear, Ronnie barely noticed. She told herself she didn't need grief but really she just didn't know how to grieve. How could she say goodbye to someone she had so little of? No, she'd rather hold on to those precious things she did have forever rather than wave goodbye to the links that tied her daughter to her heart.

Roxy didn't say a word, it was pointless saying anything different to Ronnie, she knew her sister was far too headstrong and stubborn to change her mind once it was made up. It didn't stop her worrying however. "Because I mean a baby, they're amazing. But they need so much of you and not just physically it's an emotional thing as well and I don't think you're in that place yet," Roxy rushed trying to gauge Ronnie's reaction before she'd even finished her sentence.

"Or maybe you just don't think I'm in that place because you don't want me to be. What is this Rox? You and Amy want Jack all to yourself? You can't let me be happy after everything?" Ronnie snapped angrily, shooting Roxy a look with each and every question she fired. Roxy didn't reply, simply stared ahead before flicking the radio on. "Just leave it Roxy!" Furiously turning the radio off, even she was surprised by her own outburst.

Roxy still didn't say a word, she was silently considering every option, trying to come up with a way of talking to Ronnie but finding a loophole that allowed her to get shot down with each and every suggestion. Instead she just let Ronnie focus on the road, they could both recognise their surroundings and knew they didn't have long to go.

"I can be happy for you Ron." Roxy muttered, determined to break the silence, "I am happy for you. But just promise me you'll think about it a bit first yeah? 'Cause it's forever. It's not something you can just get rid of…" Roxy shut her mouth with a snap realising what she had just said. She stayed staring at Ronnie waiting for the outburst, feeling herself tensing and steeling for the wrath she was sure to face. But it didn't come and somehow that was worse.

Roxy simply watched on silently, unable to tear herself away from Ronnie where she sat trying desperately to focus on the road through blurry eyes, her hands limply shaking on the steering wheel. As the first tear slipped from Ronnie's eyes Roxy looked away unable to watch on any longer but knowing that there was nothing she could say to make it any better. One sister stared at the road, the other gazed out of the window and the silence and sadness clung to them both, hanging like heavy drapes between them, unable to be lifted.

The engine smoothed to a stop as Ronnie parked in front of the Vic. She vaguely heard Roxy trying to break the quiet as she moved from the car, not waiting for Roxy to do the same before she opened the boot to retrieve her bags. She placed them one by one by Roxy's feet as she arrived at her side cradling a wriggly Amy.

"Aren't you coming in?" Roxy asked, her voice falling. It was stupid but she'd been looking forward to spending time with her sister, the whole holiday, whenever she'd seen something funny or exciting she'd wanted to tell Ronnie. She'd thought that Ronnie giving her a holiday had meant that they were back on track, that they could get back to how they used to be. But now it felt like they were further apart than ever. "I wanted to tell you about the holiday and you've hardly had any time with Amy or anything," She didn't know how to deal with Ronnie's uncharacteristic silence and submission, it was like she wasn't even there, not really.

"We haven't told anyone about the engagement yet so can you keep it to yourself until we have chance?" Ronnie muttered, looking at Roxy for the first time and brushing her fringe out of her eyes.

"Yeah." Roxy replied, searching Ronnie's face for any sign that her sister was still there somewhere. "Sure Ron. But I miss you yeah? Just, call me? We can spend some time together soon? Please?"

"Of course we can." Ronnie tried to smile, "You'd better get her inside," she said gesturing to Amy, "It's starting to rain and well, she looks about ready for a bottle." She reached out her hand to Amy, stroking her fingers over her small fist. She was jolted when Amy's hand closed around her finger, tugging on it grumpily and trying to sit herself up in Roxy's arms. Ronnie pulled her hand away. "Get Phil to take the bags in for you, I've got to get to the club and Jack."

"Alright." Roxy conceded with a despondent shrug. Before Ronnie could move away or say anything more, Roxy threw her free arm around her sister's shoulders, clinging to her, holding her tightly, trying to say with her hug what she didn't know how to get across with words. "Congratulations Ron." She spoke into her big sister's shoulder. "Really."