Written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose.


Ronnie walked away from the Vic, eager to get herself some peace, some solitude, somewhere to be alone before she broke completely. The words replayed in her head, a baby was forever, not just something to get rid of. So many meanings could come from those words, so many mistakes and she tried as hard as she could to block each one out. Sitting down on the swings, hearing Minty and Gary arguing in the Arches about some trivial disagreement and then laughing to each other as they talked about their 'birds', Ronnie tried to pull herself together. She didn't feel awake, it was an odd feeling, like the entire world was drifting past her and she could do nothing but stand and watch it pass. It was like a dream, a nightmare.

It took over an hour for Ronnie to be able to control herself, to reign in her emotions and calm herself into some semblance of normality. This was why she put the front of happiness on, to try and prevent people feeling the need to talk about the sadness because the moment she started thinking about Danielle, about letting her down and giving her away she was being dragged down into quicksand with no way out, the more she tried to escape the further she fell.

She needed a distraction, something to occupy her thoughts and feelings, but she didn't feel like going home. Not yet anyway, the longer she could avoid Jack the better, every second she was with him she felt trapped, strangled and claustrophobic. He was on her every second, talking, talking, incessantly talking and kissing and hugging and expecting and it was just too much. Later she'd face Jack and the inevitable questions about Roxy and Amy, then again Roxy had probably already text Jack all the details and sent him a cute picture of Amy to coo over. Ashamed of herself for feeling jealous she saw it as a sign that she really did need something else to concentrate on. But it wasn't as if she had a friend she could call on for a chat, the only person that had ever shown the slightest inclination of wanting to befriend her was Danielle and what had she done there? Thrown it back in her face and made her feel worthless, made her feel completely unwanted and berated and chastised her for merely being kind enough to want to be there.

She could have benefitted from a friend like Danielle Ronnie thought sadly, someone she could talk to, Danielle was so easy to talk to that's why she'd spilt so many details about her past and about the pregnancy, things she'd never tell anyone else. Stacey could have really done with Danielle around now Ronnie sighed to herself, but maybe she could be there instead? Maybe by stepping in and helping Stacey she'd be able to find some peace knowing just how much Danielle would have wanted it.

Determined she made her way to the Slaters', hovering slightly by the front door before knocking hoping that Jean wasn't the one to answer after the conversation they'd had before. Relieved when it was Charlie who opened the door Ronnie smiled, Charlie was slightly taken back and not quite sure what Ronnie wanted. "Is Stacey around Charlie?" Ronnie asked. "She's upstairs, can't you tell?" Charlie sighed indicating to the loud music and various crashes that were coming from upstairs. "Do you mind if I pop up and have a word with her?" Ronnie asked, giving him a sympathetic look. "Ronnie if you can get Stacey to turn the music off and talk to you then you're more than welcome but I don't like your chances" Charlie laughed turning his attention to the kitchen where he was making tea, leaving Ronnie to find her own way up the stairs.

Reaching the landing it was clear from the noise which room was Stacey's. She tapped on the door lightly and again heavily when she got no response. "Stacey?" She called out through the door, trying to be heard over the ominous bumps and bangs and the throbbing beat of dance music blaring. She cautiously pushed open the door and stood waiting to be acknowledged. Stacey didn't even notice her. Ronnie watched as the younger girl tottered around frantically in heels too high that turned her ankle over far too often in her pacing to be safe. Ronnie felt completely mesmerised watching Stacey's movements, they were frantic and stumbling as she moved across the room throwing clothes aside and scrambling through piles of debris to find something, Ronnie wasn't sure even Stacey knew what.

"Stacey?" Ronnie asked a little louder as she moved fully into the room, shutting the door behind her. The girl's head snapped up from where she was crouched on the floor, pushing aside boxes and bags, throwing books and dvds across the room with varying crashes. As their gazes met Ronnie was shocked by the wild look in Stacey's eyes. "Where is it? It was here, I know it was here." Stacey ranted as she stood up throwing the pile of clothes and bags that she had been rooting through to the side, making Ronnie step back to avoid their path. "I need it. It was here."

Ronnie didn't know what to say, she just stood staring as Stacey's eyes filled with tears, her hands running and grabbing through her tangled hair making it stick out at odd angles. "Where's what Stacey? What are you looking for?" She asked gently, carefully watching as Stacey looked up at her with eyes wide, a look of curiosity and anger. "You've got it haven't you? You can't have it Ronnie you can't have it! You took her away from me, you can't have that too!" Stacey snapped with an accusatory glare. Ronnie was shaken at the tone and at the suggestion, "What have I got Stacey?" Ronnie asked her voice husky with emotion.

Stacey didn't reply, she just kept digging through the random piles, turning over the same clothes over and over again. Picking things up and analysing them before discarding them with the rest. Her eyes were wild with determination as she hunted. "Danielle's hoodie... I need it, I need it" Stacey insisted turning to Ronnie once again "Will you just give it back to me?!" Stacey shouted furiously kicking a magazine, sending it flying across the room. Hands scraped through her hair again, frustration causing her to cling on tight. Ronnie stared blankly before getting down on her hands and knees to join in the search. She couldn't force out a word, an explanation or denial, instead she hunted and hunted until she saw what she was looking for. Folded neatly it should have stood out glaringly in comparison to the mess of everything else, pulling it towards her Ronnie caught the scent, the scent of her child that still lingered on the item of clothing. With a heavy heart she reluctantly handed it over to Stacey who snatched it away.

Finally calm, Stacey was seated, only the faint sound of torrid breathing filled the silence. Ronnie took a seat on the edge of the bed, her eyes locked on the hoodie which Stacey gently stroked as if it was the most precious thing she'd ever held. Trying to regain her composure Ronnie attempted speech finding nothing but dry silence emerge, her hands were shaking so much she had to clench her fists to at least attempt to steady herself, taking a deep breath before finally speaking. "Your knees look painful Stacey, the bandages have come off" Ronnie sighed, trying to concentrate on the weeping cuts rather than the clothing which Stacey was cradling but that was almost impossible, her mind kept wandering and thinking of when she would have seen Danielle wearing that hoodie. Trying to remember what she looked like in it, her mind desperately tried to piece together a picture.

"Didn't like them, they were making me too hot. I'm fine without them, I don't need them anyway because I'm fine" Stacey rushed, nodding as if trying to convincing herself. She scratched at her knee, it was obviously bothering her, she pushed down hard hoping that pressure would relieve the stinging sensation which she was mildly aware of. Ronnie reached out and stopped Stacey's hand from where it was scraping away deeper at the cuts, moving her hand away and placing it back to hang loosely at her side.

"I think you need to get them cleaned up, we can get the doctor to do it properly if you like? We can have a talk to him while we're there" Ronnie smiled encouragingly. Stacey didn't reply, her head dropped as she concentrated on picking loose threads and bits of fluff from Danielle's hoodie, stroking away any imperfections until it was pure and white once again, nothing contaminating the perfection. "I don't need the doctor, I need her" Stacey whispered gently. Ronnie tried to hold in a sob at the words which stabbed at her heart, finally lifting herself up from the bed she made her way over to Stacey and took her in her arms, holding her close she could feel Stacey's racing heart.

"I can't go. They'll say things about me, they'll say I need help but I don't. This is normal, I just want my best friend back! We're supposed to go clubbing we should be clubbing right now" Stacey stuttered blinking back tears as Ronnie relaxed her hold on Stacey, still not pulling away the physical closeness was the only thing keeping Stacey steady right now. Ronnie nodded silently knowing she had no words of comfort to ease Stacey's pain, the pair sat quietly until Stacey pulled herself up and started to march across the room pulling through the piles of clothes once again.

"What are you doing Stacey?" Ronnie asked gently. "I'm getting ready to go out! You can come with me if you like? I've got something you can wear somewhere in here. Yeah, you can wear this, it's a nice colour on you, suits your complexion. See I could be one of those fashion people, I've got an eye for this sort of thing, Danielle always said I did." Stacey rushed trying to find an outfit for herself in all the chaos.

"Stacey, it's only midday. Why don't we go out another time?" Ronnie coaxed gently. Stacey stopped in her tracks and just stared at Ronnie as if she had said something blasphemous. "No, no, I want to go out. I can go out. I'm just living, I'm young and I want to just act my age, I want to be out. We could meet some blokes, head up west or up to Camden. It'll be a laugh." Ronnie just sat, searching her mind for the right thing to say but failing as the situation felt so foreign, every aspect of it. Stacey glared at her, noticing her silence. "Oh for god's sake I just want to have some fun. What's so wrong with that? I'll tell you what, nothing. Just because no-one else 'round here wants to live doesn't mean I have to stop."

Stacey was pacing again, her spindly heels getting caught in the detritus of her room, turning her ankle sideways until she fell heavily, her arm scraping against the corner of what had been Danielle's bedside table. Ronnie rushed to her, helping her sit up. A shudder ran through Ronnie, holding someone's limp and injured form making the images of her last moments with her daughter flash painfully into her mind. She almost jolted away, not wanting to be dragged down but she forced herself to keep hold of Stacey. "Get off. I'm fine." Stacey snapped, shaking herself from Ronnie's grip. "I just want to get out." She said, turning wide, tearful eyes up to Ronnie. "We can go out," she said meekly, her voice shaking "we're friends right?"

Ronnie nodded, "Yes Stacey, we're friends." She said. It didn't even occur to her how very wrong this statement would have felt mere months ago, instead she meant it and more importantly wanted to mean it. "So how about, as friends you come to my flat for the day?" She didn't really know how that would help, she wasn't making any headway here, but at least she seemed to be earning Stacey's trust. Stacey's posture and expression didn't change, Ronnie began to wonder if Stacey had even heard her. "We can watch films, and you can help me with my wardrobe if you wanted? Like you said, you have an eye for it. I don't at all." It was the first thing that had come into her mind and Ronnie instantly felt like an idiot, it was such a stupid suggestion.

"Yeah, yeah like I used to help Dan with her clothes right?" Stacey sounded so young, so hopeful and yet so hopeless that Ronnie had to fight back her emotions threatening to overwhelm, the mention of Danielle, one more thing she never knew, "Yeah." Was the only word she could force out in a whisper.

"So why don't you put some more comfortable shoes on quickly and then we can go?" Ronnie asked, sitting back and reaching out a hand to help Stacey to her feet. Stacey took her hand slowly and allowed Ronnie to lead her to sit on the bed where her hands fumbled with the delicate straps of her shoes. "On our way over to the flat do you want to come to the doctor's with me?"

"Why?" Stacey yelped, the shoe she had managed to detach from her foot dropping to the floor with a thud. The sound seemed to fascinate Stacey, her eyes dropped to where the shoe was before looking back to Ronnie who she eyed with suspicion and confusion.

"Just to check your knees and now your arm. You've got a pretty bad bruise there already and it's swelling up. We should check it isn't broken." She tried to keep her voice casual, pretend that it was nothing important, that there was no ulterior motive but she could see that Stacey was getting agitated merely at the suggestion.

"No. I told you I'm fine. Why won't anyone listen to me? I'm fine. I don't need help." Stacey was suddenly on her feet again. Ronnie looked to the floor, any progress she might have made seemed lost as Stacey walked to the other side of the room and began picking at her hands frenetically. Pulling back Ronnie tried to stop any progress she'd made from slipping away but it was becoming increasingly difficult to even maintain eye contact with Stacey as her glance shot from corner to corner of the room, searching for something but never quite knowing what it was.

"Please, Stacey, let me help." Ronnie asked again, moving towards Stacey and watching her back away with every step. Her hand reached out but she couldn't quite reach her, thoughts of Danielle were always with her, standing on the edge again could she watch as yet another person fell before her?

"No. I don't need your help. I don't need anybody." She said shaking her head, arms moving restlessly, trying to hold onto something, anything to steady herself. Support to hold herself up and prevent from falling.

"Why? Why don't you need anyone Stacey?" Ronnie asked gently, even though it was the kind of thing she'd said herself a million times, hearing someone else resign themselves to solitude made her heart race. Stacey did need someone, she needed someone to look after her and protect her just as Danielle had.

"'Cause I'm fine. I don't need you. I'm fine on my own. So just go. Leave me alone." Stacey moved forward, her body on the offensive, one hand clasped to her temple, the pressure there building, pounding.

"Stacey!" Ronnie didn't know how to make things better. She could barely look after herself let alone deal with and be able to do the right thing by someone so fragile. She tried to extend herself to Stacey finally finding the strength to reach out but got pushed back.

"No, I said get out. Go back to Jack. You never cared before so just go." Stacey pushed Ronnie bodily from the room. Her hands forcing against Ronnie's back. She needed to be alone, she could feel that tiny part of her that still felt normal and steady screaming out for Ronnie but it was so tiny everything else was overpowering it.

"Ok, ok. But Stacey if you need to, or if you just want to then come over. Any time alright?" One finally attempt at forcing Stacey to look into her eyes but it didn't work, Stacey simply looked through her before turning away. The bedroom door slammed in Ronnie's face, she recoiled and then resignedly made her way down the stairs. Tensing as she heard the pulsating music start again she promised herself she'd try again, she had to.