"You're right. It's not just about Mello. When I was young my father died, car accident, and my mother had us move in with her brother. He wasn't kind and didn't like me or my mother at all. He always used to clean this gun he had right in front of us. He only tolerated us because we were family. He would often come home drunk or high and if my mother was out…he'd…" Matt sobbed.
"Ok, kid. I won't make you say anything you don't want to." Jay patted his back soothingly.
Matt continued telling his story calmly. "One day we, my mother and I, were home and he came in, drunk, waving his gun in the air. He took one look at me and aimed his gun." Matt made his hand into a shape of a gun and pretended to fire it. "He was so drunk he almost missed. The bullet grazed my side. My mother screamed and then he shot her. Actually made his target." Matt fired his imaginary gun again. "Anyway, he kind of just stumbled around. I guess he thought we were dead 'cause he dropped his gun and just passed out on the couch." Matt pulled away from Jay, wiping his nose on the sleeve of the shirt Jay had given him. "So I took the gun and waited hours for him to open his eyes. When he did," Matt fired his pretend gun again. "I was five. Sat there for days. I was so afraid I couldn't move. It was a neighbor who got the police over after he noticed no one coming in or out."
"Kid, I know it's rough but you can't let that effect you now."
"And you're talking from experience? You're in the fucking mafia. Of course you've killed people but that's what this business calls for." Matt said, scornfully. "How old were you when you first killed someone? I bet you've seen people die before, only difference this time was it was you that pulled the trigger."
"Listen, I'm trying to help you." Jay stood. He was clearly getting as frustrated as Mello. "If you don't want my help, say so but don't try and mix my problems with yours."
Damn. Please don't leave. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. "Fine." Matt avoided Jay's gaze. "So are you going to sit down or what?" He cleared his throat.
Jay pulled out another cigarette and lit it. "Are you going to continue or what?" He sat on the foot of the bed, long legs stretched out before him.
"So after they found me and patched me up, they shipped me off to some mental hospital. I already learned how to read to they made me take a damn IQ test. I got sent to Wammy's when I turned ten. Started cutting. Started hanging around Mello a few months later and then he left a few years after that." Matt yawned. "After he left, I sorted lost it. I ran away from Wammy's, lived off the streets for awhile then finally scraped up enough cash to get my own apartment. After awhile the cutting just wasn't enough so I get into the drugs." Matt rested his elbow on his knee so he could prop his head up with his hand. "And now I'm here. Now you know all about me."
Jay stared at his polished leather boots. "Kid," He looked at Matt. "You must really like Mello to be so afraid he'd leave again."
"I'm not afraid of anything." Said Matt, quickly.
Jay simply shrugged. "Whether you're afraid or not, you have to sort things out with Mello or we're never going to get anywhere." He sighed heavily and looked up at the ceiling. "Kids these days. Nothing but problems. Thank God I never became a father." He opened the door to be roughly pushed aside by a very irritated Mello. "You're welcome." Jay walked out the door.
Mello shot him a glare before closing the door. There was an awkward silence so Matt decided to be the first to break it.
"I'll quit." He looked anywhere but at Mello.
"Are you sure. It'll be tough." Mello said, softly. He ran his hand through his hair nervously.
Matt nodded. "I also want to apologize for hitting you. I know you were only trying help."
"It's fine. Matt, I'm just glad you're alive." Mello embraced his friend, who tensed at the unexpected show of affection. "Sorry." Mello released him.
"Whatever." Matt bowed his head, feeling strangely exposed with abrupt end of contact. Do it again, he thought.
Mello lay his hand on top of Matt's and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You don't have to be afraid anymore, Matt. I won't leave you alone. I promise."
Matt looked up with some surprise but gave Mello a small smile even though he knew the worst of the withdrawal was to come. But maybe, if he stays, I can make it.
Thanks to all that reviewed. I hope this chapter was a good read because it was a hard one to write. So I'll update soon and may even take requests as I like to have more than one set storyline. Again, thank you.
