AN: Guys seriously...Thank you so much for all the love that you've shown for this story so far! Your reviews have made me smile and all of your favorite author/story alerts have made me write even faster. I heart you 3!!

I also want to thank DefinatelyStaying for helping me along and also pimping out my story!! and MorganaL for being an amazing beta (^^,)

If by chance you haven't ever visited the Twislash blog, I recommend that you get over there. It's an amazing blog full of the best slash this side of the fandom. Q&A's with DefinatelyStaying, Porn pic of the day with Dark Absynthe and rec's from WhitlocksGirl and Touchstone67 that will keep you busy as well as guest rec's from your favorite slash authors every month. Visit it at: http:// twislash(dot)blogspot(dot)com/

So shall we see how poor Edward has been coping with what Jasper threw at him? ...on with the show! btw I still don't own him or any of the other characters. They belong to Stephenie Meyer...


My phone was going off again. I didn't bother to pick it up to see who was calling; I knew that it was Alice -- either to shout at me for leaving her in the lurch or to apologize for her deceit. I didn't want to hear either one, and so let it ring out.

I was lying on the couch with my arm thrown over my face in my darkened living room. No lights, no TV, just me and my mind turning over the events of this morning. Jasper was Bi, he fantasized about me in college, he's only with Alice because it's the closest that he'll get to me – so he says; he wants another chance. A chance at what, though, to be my friend? To go back to how things were? Did he want more? Could I give him more? Could I even be his friend? What about Alice?

I was so confused and the more I thought about everything the more confusing it became. Why did he have to be there today, why did he tell me the truth after all of this time?

My mental rant was interrupted by my phone ringing again. "Alice, go away." I mumbled to myself as I sat up on the couch, trying to decide if I should just give in because I knew that she wasn't going to give up. I stared at the phone as it rang in my hand, but as the tune rang out I jumped out of my skin as a persistent banging came from my front door.

"Edward, open up, let me in!" Alice's muffled voice came from the other side. How the hell did she get up here? I didn't buzz her in and I know that she doesn't have a key. Alice is too used to getting her own way, and even though I didn't feel like talking to her, I still found myself heading in that direction to let her in.

I opened the door to see her looking at me with puppy dog eyes. She must have sensed my mood because she then tried to lay the guilt trip on thick, trying to get herself out of trouble.

"Are you going to let me in?"

"Are you planning on staying long?" She rolled her eyes and entered anyway, walking halfway into my living room before stopping and turning around to face me with crossed arms.

"Edward, you just left with no explanations. I really needed you today." I sighed and flopped back down onto the sofa, stretching my arm out over the back.

"Alice, do you think that I'm stupid? I know you were just trying to get me and Jasper talking again. I can read you like a book." She sat beside me and I could see from my peripheral vision that she was staring at my face. "What, Alice?"

"Why are you fighting me on this, Edward? I know that you're not happy without your best friend--"

"Angela is my best friend…" I finally looked at her as I interrupted her. She was staring with raised eyebrows at my outburst. She turned in her seat so that she was now facing me as she continued.

"Edward, I know that you're not happy with how things are and neither is Jazz." I frowned at her then, wondering how much she knew. "What happened today? He seemed really upset when I got back but wouldn't tell me anything; he just said that I should have told him that you'd be there."

"Yeah, you should have. Alice, I don't like being backed into a corner and I don't like things being sprung on me. You know that; what were you thinking?"

"I don't see the big deal. I mea- "She stopped mid-sentence and I glanced at her to see what was up. "Did you two have a fight?" she asked incredulously, as she took in the bruise beginning to form on my cheekbone. I tugged my head away as she tried to stroke it. "Oh my God, Edward…did you?"

"It wasn't a fight…but yeah. Now do you understand that we will never be friends again? Will you just drop it?" I stared at her until she nodded, looking as though she was deep in thought.

"Ok, I'm sorry… I'll stop." We both collapsed back against the couch, slouching, as I mumbled my thanks and then just sat there in silence. "So…does this mean that you won't be helping me at the store anymore?" I had to laugh, she was so predictable.

--

Alice ended up hanging around for the whole evening. We were currently watching her favorite movie, "P.S I Love You", and she was sitting next to me in tears over how sweet Gerry was. Holly and her girlfriends were in Ireland watching William perform – I have to say that watching Jeffrey Dean Morgan was the only reason why I agreed to see this movie; there was just something about him – when my blackberry buzzed in my pocket. I reached in and pulled it out discreetly, not wanting to disturb Alice, and read the text that I had received.

I'm so sorry, for everything. Please can we talk? Jasper.

I sat there, stunned, for I don't know how long; I didn't know whether I should even acknowledge the message, especially with Alice sitting right next to me. She was engrossed in the movie and didn't notice what had just taken place and so I took a chance and re-read it. I did really want to know what was going through his head, it might help ease my confusion; but I still felt uneasy about it all.

Twenty minutes later I finally decided that I owed this to myself; I didn't just want to know what he was thinking, I needed it. All of these years had passed and I still hurt over losing him. I needed to know why, and why he felt that now was the time to make amends and so I messaged back.

Can't talk now, Alice is here. I'll call you.

Less than a minute later I felt my phone vibrate in my hands. I hadn't bothered putting it back in my pocket just in case.

I'll wait up for your call, thank you. J

I relaxed into my couch and tried to get back into the film only to realize that it was ending. I guess that I had underestimated Alice's vision because she was staring at me with scrutinizing eyes.

"So…who was that?" Her eyes were alive with enthusiasm. I shook my head, silently telling her not to worry about it and to let it go. "Edward, you never introduce me to anyone! When am I going to get a chance to meet one of your boyfriends?"

"Alice, you'll meet one when the time is right. I've never been with anyone that I wanted to stay around long enough to meet you" She laughed and shook her head.

"That's so stupid, you've met all of my boyfriends, I don't know why you're so secretive. You know that we'll all be nice to them… Unless you're going back out with that Tyler, I wouldn't be happy with you seeing him again."

I chuckled and threw my arm over Alice's shoulder, bringing her closer to me in a sideways hug. Tyler was my first real relationship after I moved out of the dorm. We weren't all that serious, but he started to fall for me, and at that moment in time my heart just wasn't in it – I was using him to help me get over Jasper. When he told me that he thought he was falling in love with me I told him that I wasn't ready and broke it off. He, of course, was crushed and whereas I felt bad about it, I felt even worse when I found out that Alice and Jasper had gotten together and were now in a serious relationship. I never told Alice the reason why Tyler and I broke up, but after seeing me so upset, she just assumed that it was he who broke my heart and not the other way around.

"You don't need to worry about it Alli, I'm not seeing Tyler." She leaned in and threw her arm around my waist while giving me a little squeeze.

"Good! You know that I just want you to be happy, so whoever Mr Mystery Man is, I hope that he's looking after you. You deserve it." I didn't have the heart to tell her that there was no mystery man, that it was just her boyfriend wanting to talk about a very important secret that he was hiding from her. She stood up abruptly and stretched. "Well, I guess I better get going. Seeing as though you won't be helping out in the shop tomorrow, I've got a lot of work to do."

I stood up and walked her to the door before giving her a hug and kiss goodbye. As I closed the door behind her, I re-thought my decision to speak to Jasper tonight. I felt so disloyal already just for knowing his secret and not telling Alice, but there was something in me that needed this. I needed to speak to him, just to hear his voice. Just knowing that I had this opportunity was eating away at me. I picked up my house phone and dialed his number, running my hand through my hair as I waited for him to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Jasper? It's…"

"Edward!" He interrupted me. "I didn't think that you were actually going to…thanks for calling," he finished softly.

"Uh, no problem." There was a brief silence as each of us waited for the other to speak first. "So, Alice is gone now… if you wanted to talk…"

"I do, I really want to explain everything, and I feel like I owe it to you. I know that I owe it to you." I was silent; I didn't know what to say to that. I felt so awkward actually having a conversation with him; we haven't spoken properly in so long that it kind of felt weird to do so. But my curiosity prevailed.

"Well, uh, I don't know if you're busy or anything but I'm free now…if you want to come over…I mean, if you want…it's no problem."

"I can? That would be…that would be great!" After he wrote down my address, he let me know that he would be here in fifteen minutes or so. I quickly straightened up the place as best as I could and then waited for him to turn up.

As the time passed, I started to feel nervous but was quickly brought out of my thoughts as I heard my buzzer go off. I picked up the phone, making sure that it was definitely Jasper before letting him in, and waited by my front door for him to travel up the three floors on the elevator.

He knocked softly on my door and I took a deep calming breath before I let him in. As I opened the door, I saw him standing there with his head down and hands stuffed into his pockets. He looked up through his lashes and smiled softly at me. "Hey." His voice was as soft as his smile and he couldn't have looked sexier if he tried. I swallowed down the lump in my throat as I spoke.

"Hey, wanna come in?" I stepped aside and let him walk in front of me. He stopped after a few steps. I guessed that, as he's never been here before, he wouldn't know where to go. I walked into the living room and sat on the couch as he followed me.

We sat in silence for a little while until I began to get frustrated; he was the one that wanted to talk and he had yet to say anything. "So…you wanna tell me about this double life that you've been living?"

He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess I deserve that one…Look, Edward, I know that it probably doesn't make a difference to you, but I really do regret lying to you and pushing you away like I did. It hurt me to let you go, but I really thought that what I was doing was for the best."

I stared at him as I tried to digest his words. "You said earlier that you wanted another chance…" He nodded. "What do you want a chance at, Jasper? What, you wanna just go back to how things were, you wanna be best buds, what do you want?"

He shrugged. "I dunno…I just want somebody to know the real me…all of me, not just the parts that I choose."

"Why me, Jasper?" I was getting agitated, none of this made sense. Earlier he had said that we shared the same fantasies in college. I needed to know if he still felt the same way. He leaned forward and placed his head in his hands. "Look, if you don't wanna talk that's fine, but I'm telling you now that this is your one chance to get everything off your chest." He sighed and sat up, staring me straight in the eyes.

"I wanted you from the moment that we became friends; I've never stopped wanting you, Edward. It was like a magnetic pull, just to be near you. I've worked so hard to try and ignore how I feel but I can't hide it anymore. I can't live my life in this lie…It hurts too much; I can't take the fact that you hate me, even though I know that I deserve it… I want you to want me back. It's all I've ever wanted and I ruined everything." He whispered the last sentence.

My mouth was agape as his words ran over me. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to think. I was in complete shock and so just stared at him as my brain tried to put all of the pieces back together again. As the silence grew he began to look even more nervous, playing with his hands and biting the inside of his cheeks.

"Edward, look, I know that this must seem pretty crazy to you but I'm finally telling you the truth. It's always been you."

My heart felt as though it was beating a mile a minute, my breath was coming in short spurts as I realized that this was real. I wasn't dreaming. The love of my life was really sitting in front of me after all of these years and saying everything that I've always wanted to hear come out of his mouth. The only problem was that he wasn't up for grabs. He belonged to my sister.

"Why are you doing this?" I grabbed my hair and groaned. "Jasper, I…We…Look, we can't have this conversation."

His eyes narrowed as he slid closer to me. "Why not? We can finally talk about this, truthfully. No more secrets…please…talk to me."

I looked up to the ceiling as I tried to think through the pros and cons of having this conversation, but my mind just wasn't working as it should. I finally looked at him, and then realized that I wanted to tell him. I took another deep breath as I laid it on the line for him.

"Jasper, I couldn't tell you how I felt in college because I was just coming to terms with it myself, and now…you're with Alice so it--"

"But it's you that I want, not Alice…" My heart jumped again, and then sank as the guilt washed over me. I don't think that I could ever get used to hearing him tell me that, and even though part of me rejoiced at hearing it, I knew it was wrong. But -- my mouth still moved before my brain could register it.

"I want you, too" I whispered. I couldn't stop myself, I knew that I should have kept my mouth shut and told him to get lost, but I couldn't. Jasper's always had my heart whether I wanted him to or not and being in this situation stopped me from thinking logically.

He stared at me in shock, his facial expression slowly changing into a beaming smile as he moved even closer to me. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch as he brought his hand up to my cheek and then ever so slowly he brought his lips closer, so slowly that I held my breath in anticipation until they finally met mine.

His lips were so soft, slowly brushing from side to side as if asking for permission. But it wasn't needed, I couldn't move. My body, my heart, and my mind were all fighting against each other and my final burst of will power seemed to crumble under his touch. His lips began to move carefully over mine. I could tell that he was as nervous as I was, but he still insisted on showing me that this is what he wanted. What he knew that I wanted. I felt myself unravel, sparks flying all over my body as the heat spread from my heart.

I gasped in shock and he sucked my bottom lip in between his, drawing himself even closer and moaning. He sounded so hot. I'd dreamt for so long of how his moan would sound, and hearing it now did things to my body that I couldn't comprehend. I felt the blood rush to my cock and gripped his clothes, pulling him on top of me until he straddled my thighs. I was running on pure lust and felt as though I was teetering on the brink of insanity; surely I must be imagining this?

He ran his fingers through my hair while grinding down on my hardness and I thrust up to meet him.

"God, Edward…you have no idea how long I've wanted this…" I moaned in response and moved to find his lips again, but he moved back and held my face in his hands…"You're so beautiful…"

And just like that, I was brought back to earth as a distant memory played in my mind within the time frame of a second.

"Edward, I really think he's the one. I think I love him… He says I'm the most beautiful person he's ever seen, and he really says it like he means it…He's in love with my eyes; sometimes I'll just catch him staring at me in what looks like awe. I've never felt like this before…Please be happy for me…"

Alice had spoken each of those sentences to me at one moment in time; she needed me to act as her brother, her ally and I was stabbing her in the back. I suddenly felt sick. I roughly pushed Jasper off to the side and stood up.

"What the fuck, Edward?" He stared at me in disbelief before standing up to meet me.

"Jasper, I can't do this. I'm sorry, you have to go." I rushed to the front door and held it open for him. He followed slowly, without taking his eyes off me, and stopped as he turned to face me.

"Edward, I'm sorry…I shouldn't have done that…"

"Look just…you have to go" I repeated, gesturing towards the lobby

"Can I call you?" He looked hopeful as he waited for my answer.

"Look, I don't know, just give me a little space..." He pursed his lips, gave me a lingering look and then left without another word. I shut the door, running my hands through my hair and over my face, before he had made it two steps.

--

I tossed and turned in bed; in my mind I kept going over everything that had happened today. I felt like such an asshole and what made it worse was that I really wanted to change how I felt. I didn't want to still be in love with him, but there was no denying what I felt today. All of the hate that I'd felt over the years, had just turned and done a one eighty and I couldn't change it back. What type of person does this to their sister?

My mind churned as I began to think about the kiss. Instantaneously my body began to react again; and though I tried, I couldn't stop thinking about how soft his lips were and how it felt to finally feel them on mine. The fantasies just didn't compare. My erection felt almost painful; maybe this was my punishment for loving someone that I couldn't rightfully have.

The recipe for lasagna, this evening's Fox news, an old woman's sagging breasts ... I tried thinking of any and everything that would get rid of this problem, but even after bringing out the big guns it was apparent that nothing was working. No matter what I thought about, Jasper was always in the corner of my mind; taunting me with his spectacular smile. Sighing, I sat up, leaning my head against the headboard as I came to the conclusion that I'd lost the battle.

Closing my eyes, my hand ghosted from my neck down my chest, grazing my nipple as it passed. As my fingers reached the trail of hair leading to my cock, I ran my nails against my sensitive skin, feeling the effect it was having on my already hard-as-steel member. In my mind, Jasper was exploring my body, reveling at the chance to touch me in all the ways that I imagined touching him. I pulled myself out from my shorts and ran my hand from base to tip, hissing as I spread the pre-cum over the head. God… I wish that this was his tongue. I felt myself become even harder as that visual came to my mind.

I began steadily pumping myself, closing my eyes as I let the pleasurable feeling envelope me, moving my hips to the rhythm of my hand and moaning uncontrollably. I felt myself teeter on the edge; I was so close. I craved him so badly, I needed him here, I wanted to feel him, taste him…God…the things I would do to him…My mind replayed the moan that he'd let out during our kiss and that was it. I exploded over my chest and neck, grunting and panting.

I sat there for a while, letting my breath slow back down to normal before I got up and cleaned myself off. The guilt was already taking over as my mind registered what I had just done. I hadn't jacked off to thoughts of Jasper since college; I'd made sure of it. All of my hard work, keeping him at a distance and out of my sexual fantasies had been ruined with one kiss…and now…I was in deep shit.


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