Matt was sitting on the couch, fast asleep, when he felt someone poke him in the chest repeatedly. He slapped the hand away and turned onto his side.

"Matt wake the fuck up." Mello poked him again.

"What the hell do you want?" Matt grumbled.

"I want to talk to you." Mello fidgeted.

"You couldn't wait for me to wake up?" Matt got up and walked to the kitchen. I'm fucking starving. Matt glanced at the clock. I haven't eaten in over a day. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He jumped up to sit on the counter. "Alright, fine. What do you want to talk about?"

Mello leaned against the low wall that separated the kitchen from the living room. "Why did you come back?"

Matt exhaled the smoke through his nose. "The good food. I missed Jay's cooking." He said sarcastically.

Mello went to stand in between Matt's legs, hands placed on the counter, preventing Matt from getting down. "I'm a horribly selfish person, even I know that. I will do anything to win and work for the mafia. If that wasn't bad enough, I've hurt you probably more times than I know. So, why did you come back?"

Matt sighed. "Do you always have to reason things out? I came back because I love you, you adorable jackass." He snuffed out the cigarette in one of the many ashtrays Jay had laying around.

"Prove it." Mello grinned mischievously.

Matt buried his hand in Mello's blonde hair, focusing on his blue eyes. "If you ever leave me again I'll drag you back here, tie you to a chair, and make you wish you hadn't. OK?" He smiled.

Mello looked thoughtful for a moment. "You know, I think I like it when you get aggressive."

"Good." He kissed him. Mello was all fire and intensity, just like he remembered. I missed this…no, I missed him. He hissed in pain when Mello accidently hit his injured arm.

"What's wrong?" Mello voice was full of concern.

"Nothing." Matt held his arm, thankful his long sleeves covered the bandage.

"Let me see it." Mello tried to lift the sleeve.

"It's nothing." He pulled back his arm.

Mello grabbed his wrist and pulled back the sleeve, revealing the bandages. "What the fuck, Matt? What are you doing to yourself? I thought you were done with that shit." Mello yelled. "So are you back on drugs to? 'Cause right now I wouldn't be surprised."

"No, I'm not on drugs. I slipped with the cutting but not drugs. I'm done with that stuff." Matt tried to explain but Mello wasn't listening.

"I have to…. I have to go out…for a second. I'm not leaving you. I just need a second. Just…fuck!" He punched the wall in frustration on his way out the door.

Matt his head in his hands, clenching his teeth to prevent himself from screaming. He paced in the kitchen, lashing out sporadically. Finally, unable to think straight, he took a glass cup and slammed it on to the counter. The glass shattered in his hand. Damn. He moved on to the living room where he threw books and couch pillows against the wall.

"Ah, fuck." Jay yelled when he walked in. "This place just got cleaned." Matt was still throwing things when Jay grabbed him by his collar and sat him on the couch. He examined Matt's hand, left to get bandages, and came back to sit on the coffee table across from Matt.

"So what happened now?" He asked as he cleaned and bandaged Matt's hand.

"I fucked up…like always." He pulled up his sleeve showing Jay the bandage.

"I can't believe this." Jay threw up his hands in exasperation. "This," Jay pointed at the arm. "Is not as serious as it seems."

"How is it not serious? Tell me, 'cause I don't think I understand your reason."

Jay flicked his forehead. "Don't get fresh dumbass."

"Fine. Explain you're reason…please." Matt rubbed his forehead.

"Everyone slips. Cutting is no exception. Have you even thought about cutting before this." Matt shook his head. "Then you're doing better than most."

"I keep fucking things up. I don't know how to be in a fucking relationship." Matt looked at Jay.

"Well don't look at me. I'm single and happy." They looked up when the front door opened and Mello walked in. "And I'm gone." He brushed past Mello. "Go easy on him." He whispered and left.

Mello sat next to Matt. "What happened to your hand?" He asked quietly.

"Glass broke." Matt muttered.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier."

Matt shrugged. "You were upset."

"That doesn't make what I said right. Let's start over." Mello took Matt's good hand. "Matt, I get scared when you do shit like this. I'm afraid one day you'll go to far and you won't be around anymore."

"I'm afraid when you just walk out of here. Being in the mafia's dangerous. I'm afraid you'll never come back. I don't want to lose you." I don't want to be alone. Without you, I'm alone.

Mello draped his arm over Matt's shoulders. "You won't. I promise."

"I hope so."

"Let's try and go a week with no more injuries. OK?" Mello kissed the top of Matt's head.

"I can do that." Matt smiled.

Mello looked around the apartment. "And let's try not to ruin the apartment either. Jay's only living here because I asked him to. It'd be a shame if he moved out."

Matt frowned. "It would. I'd really miss his cooking."

"You've yet to try his lasagna." Mello laughed.

"Did I hear someone mention food?" Jay walked back in carrying an armful of groceries. "I'm starving. Matt come put these away. Mello start cleaning."

Matt and Mello both groaned. "And what are you going to do?" Mello asked.

"I am making lasagna." Jay gave them a boyish grin.

"God only knows how he became a criminal." Mello murmured. He gave Matt a quick kiss before going to set things right. Matt sighed but got up to put away the food Jay wasn't using. Maybe things will get better now…and maybe Hell will freeze over. He looked over at Mello who was pretending to clean every time Jay looked his way. I guess I'd better enjoy it while it lasts.

OK so while I was writing this I realized that I have neglected to thank the real Jay who was the inspiration for this little side character of mine(awful of me I know). Jay is wonderful person with colorful language and magic fingers ^_^ (He's pick pocketed me more times than I can remember but always given it back…I think). So thanks goes to the real Jay.