Mello looked at him sharply. "Don't say that."
"It's true."
"When you remember them do you think about your uncle? Is that why?" Mello looked at him with sympathy.
"Why the fuck does this shit happen to me?" Matt felt tears prick the corners of his eyes but he didn't care.
"You're not the only one who's been through this. I know that doesn't make it any better but at least you're not alone in this and I'm here for you."
Matt covered his eyes with his hand and wept silently. "You don't fucking get it. I can feel their hands on me all the time. Their laughing at me, hitting me, touching me and I get disgusted with myself because I let it happen."
"How?" Mello yelled. "How exactly did you let it happen? Did you lie on the floor and say 'hey, rape me'? No you didn't. I know because I know you." He pounded the floor with both fists. "Stop trying to leave me, Matt. I know I'm not the best person to be with but I'm trying. I'm here for you!"
"You can't help me." Matt sobbed.
"I can't. So who can? Near?" Mello rose angrily. "Fine. Leave me, again."
"No, Mello, it's not like that." Matt reached for him, tears running down his face, pain blazing on his ribcage. "Please." He pleaded. "Don't think of it that way."
"I'm sorry. I overreacted." He knelt next to the side of the tub, resting his elbows in the edge, voice shaky. "Does it hurt?"
"No. It tickles." Matt said deadpan.
"You want me to help you out?" He held out his hand and Matt took it.
They walked out the bathroom; Matt dressed in a clean pair of jeans but didn't bother with a shirt. They stared in amazement at the scene before them. Jay had his shirt open and his head rested on Near's lap. Near tenderly lay his hand on Jay's chest examining the gunshot wound.
"Close your mouth." Mello laughed softly in Matt's ear. "Besides he's only a couple years older than us."
"He's twenty-one?" Matt asked, stunned.
"Yeah. You never sneaked a peak at his I.D.?"
"No, I didn't really care about all that stuff."
Mello helped Matt onto the bed. Neither Jay nor Near took any notice of them. "I see you're having fun." Mello sat behind Near.
He's probably more comfortable now that their rivalry has ended.
Jay blinked and blushed self-consciously while Near simply smiled. "You're friend James is quite the character."
"James?" Matt snickered.
"Shut up." He muttered. "It's a perfectly normal name."
"I like it." Near said. Matt noticed he didn't bother to remove his hand from Jay's chest. His comment only served to deepen Jay's blush. "Matt, would you like to stay here until you're healed? Mello, you're welcome stay of course and Jay, you can have a room of your own."
Mello turned to Matt. "I think it's better if you stay until you're well. I don't mind staying either."
Near smiled again. "Good. James, shall I get you your own room? There's one available next to mine."
"Sure, whatever you want." Jay mumbled trying not to smile.
Near brushed Jay's shaggy brown hair from his forehead, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Whatever I want?"
Matt smiled to himself. At least he's smiling a lot more. I'm glad he's happy.
Near and Jay left, making some excuse as they walked out.
"Well it's about time he found someone. It's kind of weird it's Near though." Mello lay back on the bed to rest his head on his hands.
"I'm just glad Near found someone."
Mello turned to look at his lover. "Are you going to try and kill yourself?"
"I want to," He admitted. "But I won't leave you." He ghosted his fingertips across Mello's cheek. "I love you, Mells."
"I love you too, Matty." Mello smiled.
They watched TV together for a couple more hours before Mello fell asleep next to Matt. Quietly, the gamer snuck out of bed and crept to the bathroom feeling absolutely disgusted with what he was about to do. It was like a repeat from last time he was here, only the reasons behind it were much different. Taking a razorblade and painfully sliding down his jeans, he dragged the razorblade across his thigh making two long, bloody cuts. Sighing heavily, he rested his head against the wall.
Fuck. I can still hear them laughing. He took the razorblade and dragged it across his thigh once more only more forcefully, making the cut deeper. He put his jeans back to rights and crawled slowly back into bed. The material irritated the fresh wounds but Matt welcomed it. Anything to help ease the emotional pain. Anything to let him forget about them touching him, violating him. He focused on the pain. As long as it let him forget, at least for a little while.
AN- Thank you everybody who has reviewed. It helps me update faster…really. Big thanks to my top three reviewers jinnabun, AnimeFreak4261, and Josephine Falnor. Thanks goes to everyone else who's reviewed as well. Reviews = love ^_^
