Matt woke to someone stroking his hair lightly. Panic set in and his body broke out into a cold sweat. He curled into a ball on his side, ignoring the pain the material of his jeans caused when it brushed against the cuts on his thigh. Trembling, he awaited a blow he was sure was coming.

"Matt? Are you ok? You're shaking."

It's only Mello. Matt took a deep breath even though it made his ribs hurt. Slowly, he stretched out. "I'm fine. I just thought…" His stomach rolled. He felt nauseous thinking about what had happened.

"Those bastards." Mello muttered under his breath. "I would have killed every last one of them myself. Damn Near." He pounded the mattress with his fist. "Fuck him. Why is he always one step ahead?"

The red-head reached out and tentatively held Mello's hand in his own. He had no words to comfort his lover. If Near hadn't shown up when he did Matt could have been in worse shape or dead.

"How did Near know I was missing?" He asked suddenly.

"I told him." Mello admitted with a grimace. "I got worried. I heard you got taken but no one I questioned knew where you were taken. I gave up trying by myself and contacted Near."

Matt simply nodded. He tensed as Mello lay next to him, his breath warm on Matt's neck.

Stop. Matt thought to himself. It's only Mello. Calm down. He forced himself to relax and tried not to think about their breath on his skin. His stomach rolled.

The door opened suddenly and Matt, out of the corner of his eye, saw Mello scowl as Near entered followed by Jay.

"Can't you knock?" Mello grumbled.

Jay shrugged, wincing at the pain it caused in his shoulder. "I can but it takes too much effort." He joked.

"Good morning Matt…Mello." He added somewhat grudgingly. "We came to see how Matt was doing today."

"I'm fine, thanks." Matt said as he sat up, groaning softly at the pain in his ribs. He suddenly felt claustrophobic as Jay and Near moved closer the bed and practically leapt from it in his haste to get away. "I… I need to go… to the bathroom."

He rushed to the toilet and heaved until there was nothing left. After rinsing the taste from his mouth he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He had avoided it but now as he looked he felt nauseous again. His cheek was bruised, his nose was cut on one side, and there was a hand-shaped bruise around his throat from when they had choked him.

I look like shit. Images from those terrifying days ran through his mind causing him to shut his eyes. Matt could remember their voices, making him cover his ears.

Stop, Matt. It's over. They're dead, they can't hurt me. He repeated the last line over and over but he could still remember the humiliation, the pain.

"Shut up." He said aloud. The nausea sending him back on his knees in front of the toilet, dry-heaving. Matt drew a shaky breath and willed himself to calm down.

There came a knock at the door followed by Mello's voice. "Matt?" He called through the door. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Matt replied. "Just give me a minute."

"Matt…" Mello sighed. "Just come out soon. OK?"

"Yeah. Sure." Matt looked at his reflection again. After taking the razor from it hiding place, he pulled his pants down enough to expose his thigh and the recent cuts. Taking a breath, Matt dragged the razor across the thigh, just under the other cuts.

Focus on this. He told himself. Forget it happened. Just forget fucking everything.

It wasn't as if he hadn't felt the cravings for the drugs before, but Mello was there to help him through that. Now, though, he needed it. He needed to forget.

After fixing his pants he slipped the razor back into it's hiding spot and made sure it was well concealed.

Matt walked back into the bedroom to find Mello and Near trying to stare each other down. Matt cleared his throat loudly to get their attention.

"Finally." Mello shot Near a final glare before giving Matt an airy smile. "I though you'd never come out."

"Yeah, well, here I am." Matt mumbled. He climbed back onto the bed, pushing Jay out of the way with his feet. He tried not to feel so claustrophobic surrounded by his friends but he couldn't help it.

"Are you hungry?" Near asked. "I'll have someone bring something up."

"I'm fine." Matt said.

Mello simply sneered at the white-haired boy.

Near ignored him and looked at Jay. "What about you James?"

"Yes, James. What about you?" Mello mocked Near.

Jay flicked Mello off and turned to Near. "Sure. Order up whatever."

Mello rolled his eyes and opened his mouth, most likely to give an insult but Matt poked him in the side and he closed his mouth.

"What's with you?" Matt asked his lover softly as Near was preoccupied with the phone and Jay was flicking through TV channels.

"Nothing. I tried to get along but I can't. The freak annoys the shit out of me." Mello shrugged casually.

"I'm not asking you to be friends. Just be civil."

"Fine but if he says something first I will beat the shit out of him."

Matt shook his head. "Try to control yourself, please."

"Alright but no promises." Mello reached out to brush the hair from Matt's forehead causing him to tremble violently. Mello frowned. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know. It's not you. I'll get over this, don't worry." The red-head said.

"Alright. As long as you know you can talk to me."

They were interrupted by Jay's cell phone ringer. They watched as he talked to the person on the other end and hung up.

"Danny says 'where the fuck have you been'." Jay told Mello. "He also said that's the last time he let's a kid handle grownup affairs."

"Who the fuck is he calling a kid?" Mello shouted. "I'm more than capable for the job. If that jackass didn't check the fake bag we would've been in the clear."

"Calm down, Mello." Near said. "Think of it this way. The risk of anyone else hurting Matt is slim now that you're not directly involved in the business."

"Are you saying it's my fault what happened to Matt?" Mello yelled.

"I didn't say anything like that. You did." Near smirked.

Mello flew at the white-haired genius, aiming a blow at his head. Near dodged easily and kicked Mello's legs out from under him which only served to infuriate the blonde further.

Matt sighed. He didn't see the point in trying to separate them anymore.

Before Mello could attack again, Jay was between them, holding Mello back with his good arm. "I think it's time we left you two alone." He pushed a very compliant Near out the door in front of him. "Bye, kid. Hope you feel better."

"I," Mello fumed. "Will kill that little bastard."

Matt wasn't thinking about Near. He thought about his recent ordeal and the substance which would help him forget, if only for a moment.