Chapter 3: Your Something 'Embarrassing'
Edward POV
I had hardly slept since I drove Bella home last night, spending a majority of it at my desk writing. When I heard my father leave for the hospital around four, I knew I should at least attempt to get some sleep. Otherwise there was no way that I would be able to get through the day in the garage without causing myself or someone else serious injury. In addition, I needed my energy to confront my brother about his involvement with the events of the previous night.
I groaned at my mother's light tapping on my door at eight, followed by her voice telling me that Emmett and Jasper were waiting for me outside. I really didn't feel like working on that hunk of junk of my brother's today, but I had more mechanical skill in my pinky than he did in his entire anatomy. I proved that earlier this school year when I rebuilt and restored the 1978 gold Trans-am that now sat in my driveway. Not that Emmett didn't know what he was doing; I was just better.
Eventually, I rolled out of bed and casually made my way to the shower. They can both wait after what they pulled last night, I thought bitterly to myself. I tried not to think about it too much until I was face to face with them. They needed to explain what the hell they were thinking.
Twenty-five minutes later, I walked outside to meet up with two very annoyed faces and I grinned as I pulled my pack of cigarettes out of the pocket of my flannel shirt. Bella's not around today, I made the excuse to myself and indulged myself in my one vice. "Morning. How goes it, guys?"
Emmett was exchanging glances with Jasper as they leaned against the hood of his car, both looking at their watches in sync with each other before looking back to me. Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber. This is going to be a fun day. "Late night last night, Edward?" he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows at me and even coaxing a smirk out of Jasper as well.
My expression turned serious as I exhaled my drag, raising an eyebrow. "Last night. You really want to talk about last night?" I asked in a tight angry tone and then walked over to them, placing my cigarette between my lips and then swatting them both hard on the side of the head simultaneously. "You ever try anything like that again, next time it will be fists to the fellas, got it?"
Both pairs of eyes locked on me in shock, rubbing their hands over the individual sites of impact as I turned to head over to the garage. "What? What'd we do?" Emmett asked with that typical clueless stupidity that gave us men all a bad name.
I ran my hand through my still damp hair as I looked back at them from my stance at the front of the car. "Don't play coy or stupid with me, Emmett. You know damn well what I'm talking about."
Jasper came up beside me, leaning his hand on the hood to prevent me from opening it. "Edward, even if we didn't know you as well as we do, it's very obvious that you like Bella in a more than friendly way. What's the harm of a date?"
"Because it can ruin everything, Jasper! If she ever speaks to me again after last night, I will consider myself very fortunate," I snarled at him, as memories from the night before came rushing back to me. I knew I was being overly dramatic, but I was fucking tired of them trying to set us up. Sure, they knew how I felt about Bella, but they also knew my reasons for keeping things the way they were. And until last night, I thought they at least halfway respected said reasons.
Emmett leapt over to sit on the hood as I shoved Jasper's hand away, taking another long drag off my cigarette. I meant to begin working on the car, but he glared at me when I rolled my eyes. "What did you do to her? Brother or not, I will kick your ass if you did anything to harm even one little hair on her…"
"Emmett, shut up. You know me better than that," I snapped, but then sighed heavily as Jasper sat on the other side of me and I knew they weren't going to leave me alone about the details. I turned around and leaned back to sit between them and shook my head. "You two are worse than women, you know that? After the movie you two bailed on, we went out to dinner. And then I brought her back here."
The night before…
I led Bella into the house and took her hand, leading her upstairs to my room. She glanced around with a look of amazement on her face. "What?" I asked, actually feeling nervous for the first time about having a girl in my room, probably because this was unfamiliar territory. This was Bella, and she wasn't here for the same reason as other girls had been.
Bella licked her lips gently before taking the lower one between her teeth. "And you wonder why I don't let you come into my house. As if the rest of your house isn't intimidating enough. My room is a broom closet compared to this." She said with an embarrassed chuckle, and then her jaw dropped slightly as her eyes caught my wall with the shelves of CDs. "Wow. You have so much music. How do you find time for it all?"
"I don't," I replied and smiled when she gave me a perplexed look. "Different music for different moods, just like everyone else. But that's not what I wanted you to see." I took her hand and walked her over to the bed, almost amused by the nervous look on her face. "Just sit down."
I watched her sit, and then walked across the room and pulled the dust cover off my electric organ by the window. I heard a small gasp behind me, looking back to her and saw that it appeared as if she was about to cry. Then the most breathtaking smile broke across her face and her eyes met mine. "This is your embarrassing 'something I don't know'? You play the piano?" Her brow knitted together as her head shook. "I really don't see how that's embarrassing."
I laughed and then pulled the bench out to sit down, switching it on the piano. "Try being an eighteen year old guy and tell people that you can play the piano. You'll see things just a little differently," I replied, looking over my shoulder at her. She still had that smile on her face and she looked so beautiful. I wanted nothing more than to walk over there, throw all caution to the wind and kiss her until we were both breathless, to feel her body writhe under mine on my bed. I had to look away before I allowed my thoughts to travel any further. I had to remind myself… this was Bella, one of my best friends, one of the few women in this world I needed to keep my distance from in that way so I could keep her in my life in the long run. I cleared my throat as I brought my hands to the keys, changing my train of thought. "Actually, only my family knows that I play. But that's not the only thing that would be deemed embarrassing."
I heard her rise up off the bed and walk toward me, stopping behind me and resting her hands on my shoulders.
"So what's the embarrassing part? Do you suck or something?" she teased, squeezing gently but then hugged me around my shoulders and rested her chin on one. "I would love to hear you play."
I smiled nervously and rolled my eyes. "Brat," I jested and I immediately began playing "Clair de Lune". Through the course of the song, she never uttered a sound but gradually moved to sit beside me on the bench, and I could feel her eyes following my fingers closely. As it came to an end, I glanced over to see her wiping a tear that had escaped down her cheek. I turned toward her, confused as to why she was crying. "Bella, what's wrong?"
"That was beautiful." She gave a sad smile and looked over to me, seemingly assessing me with her eyes. "My mother and I used to listen to that when I was little."
I was surprised that she brought up the topic of her mother of her own free will. One thing I had learned about Bella from the very beginning was that her mother was a mystery to everyone outside of her and her father, and they both preferred to keep it that way. And by her silence that followed, I knew she wasn't going to say anymore on the topic, so I gave her a small smile and nudged her gently with my elbow. "So do you want to know the other embarrassing part of this?"
Her smile became lighter as she nodded her head and I returned my hands to the keys. Another soft melody came streaming out of the instrument, a piece that I could play with my eyes closed now after all these years. Her forehead creased in confusion as she looked over at me again, and I glanced over to her. "What is this? It's so… I don't have the words. But I don't understand. What's so embarrassing?"
I continued to play and looked back down to the keys away from her gaze before I could respond. "This is my mother's song," I replied after taking a deep breath, and continued to effortlessly play the familiar melody. "I wrote it for her when I was seven."
I heard Bella's breath hitch but I took a moment before I looked back over to her. I was almost afraid to see her reaction but when my eyes met hers, the only emotion I found there was awe. She opened her mouth to speak several times, but didn't seem able to utter a word for several minutes and for once I began to doubt my gauging of her thoughts and emotions. She was my mystery at this moment.
Then she took a deep breath and the smile returned to her face.
"You wrote this?" she asked in disbelief and I nodded, halting my fingers on the keys. "Why'd you stop?"
I sighed and then stood up without saying another word, walking over to my desk. Opening the drawer, I pulled out a thick three ring binder and set it on top. She cautiously rose from the bench to walk over to me, and I opened the binder and turned page after page of hand-written sheet music.
"The reason people think I'm so 'anti-social' and never really see me out and about anywhere is because of this. This is my guilty indulgence that others have speculated as numerous other things like a secret drug problem or something." I laughed slightly at the ridiculousness of those rumors circulated about me over the course of the last couple of years but I kept flipping pages and she continued looking on curiously. "This is what I do. This is what I'm thinking about whenever I seem to space out suddenly. I'm hearing these in my head. So tonight, while we were at the movies…"
"You were composing." Bella finished the statement for me, never taking her eyes off the book. She was silent for several minutes again, as she stepped in front of me and began thumbing through the pages. Her head shook slightly as her eyes ran over the contents of each page, and she bit her lip. "Edward, this is incredible. That you have all this in your head and that you wrote something as beautiful as that when you were seven? Shouldn't you be at some special school for prodigies or something?"
I laughed with her at her last statement and shrugged. "Well, my mother thought about it at one time, honestly. Not too long after I wrote that actually," I replied, pointing to the keyboard and then shook my head. "But it wasn't really practical with my dad getting transferred ever few years with the Army, and something like a boarding school never particularly appealed to me. Besides, I would rather just be normal. Well… however normal I can be."
She laughed distractedly and began to slow her turning of the pages, running her index finger over the dates at the bottom of the page. "You've written a lot lately."
Trust Bella to be that observant.
In fact, in the last several months, I had actually been more inspired than I had been for years before and it was usually because of her. A smile or one of her infamous falls or even just her presence at times was enough to cause the stirrings of my brain to run rampant. Tonight, it was the scent of her hair while she was leaning on my shoulder in the theater. This was my outlet, my one deeper connection to her that I could have without threatening anything between us. The only response I could muster, without my voice giving away how uneasy this was making me, was a nod.
Bella flipped the back cover closed and let out a soft sigh. "Edward, do you remember what you were 'composing' tonight?" she asked in a faint tone and I hummed an affirmation. Melodies like the one that ran through my head tonight never truly left my memory, writing them out had just become a habit. When she turned around to face me again, she looked up at me with misty eyes and she took both my hands in hers, studying my face for a moment. Then she squeezed my hands gently and gave me a playful sort of smile. "Will you play it for me?"
I smiled in return and nodded, walking with her back to the keyboard. "Sure. Just remember that it's not done yet, and I'm certainly no Mozart or Beethoven."
She nodded to placate me but her smile told me that she thought I was being utterly ridiculous. My nerves were bundled in the pit of my stomach, as if she would be able to read directly into me with every note I played. I truthfully had only thought as far as telling her about my little passion in life. I didn't think she would ask to hear it, but when she looked at me like that, I could deny her nothing. So I inhaled deeply and began playing the slow and gentle harmony of keys as I felt her eyes return to my hands. This piece felt just as pure and sacred as my mother's did. It was entirely Bella; one I would hear forever when I would think of this night. The one night that Bella was mine, something more than just a friend. Once this night was over, this song would be all I had left to hold onto because we would return to just being friends, the way it should be. Part of me wanted to tell her now of what my plans were, why things were the way that they were between us. How much I would love for there to be something more; but the other part of me was too selfish. I wanted her in my life too badly to push her away.
The more my thoughts ran, the more notes were added to the end of my mental composition from earlier, picking up speed with the anxiety and confusion running through me. Again having her so closer, yet she might just as well be thousands of miles away. I forced my hands to slow to a stop and let my them fall into my lap. "That's all I have so far," I lied, staring down at my feet; afraid my features would give away the raging war I was fighting inside of me. I caught a glimpse of her hand moving over to cover mine on my knee and I squeezed her fingertips gently before I stood up. "I should probably get you home before Charlie sends out the search party."
Bella chuckled softly and stood up in front of me. "Yea, he probably would too. But Edward," she said in a gentle voice, reaching out for my hand again. "I had a really good time tonight. Even if we were completely swindled into this 'date', you're actually pretty good at it. You should try it again sometime."
I laughed as she tugged my hand gently but I made the mistake of looking her directly in the eyes. My hand moved up to brush her cheek gently with the backs of my fingers and I felt a smirk appear on my lips. "There's something else I want to show you."
Bella looked at me quizzically but followed me over to the window. I pulled the curtain aside to look down, and placed my hand on top of the ladder that rested against the back of the house, right outside my back window.
"Oh my god!" she exclaimed and then covered her mouth to suppress a laugh. "I thought the girls at school were joking! You actually have a ladder going up to your window? You really are a man-whore, aren't you?"
"Well, you're going to be sixteen soon and with that, I'm sure your license will be following not long after," I replied as she continued to bite her lip to restrain laughter. "I want you to feel free to use it, anytime."
x-x-x
"You said what?" Emmett and Jasper exclaimed in unison and I pushed off the car and took a few steps away, running my hands through my hair.
Emmett came to stand next to me and turned me around with his hand on my shoulder. "You invited her to your bedroom?"
Jasper continued to stare at me from the car. "Dude, you play the piano?"
Bella POV
"Oh my god! You did have sex with him, didn't you!"
I groaned as I walked back into the kitchen to toss the towel in the sink with Alice hot on my heels. "You know, you're the one who woke me up at this god awful hour to get the scoop on what happened last night. Are you going to sit there and be judgmental or are you going to listen, because I'll go back to bed right now," I snapped, folding my arms over my chest while Alice made the motion of zipping her lips. "Well, we went to his room and he played the piano for me…"
"Edward plays the piano?" Alice exclaimed with wide eyes.
"You know what, forget it," I snapped, storming past her and walking upstairs to my room and climbing back into bed.
"Sorry!" Alice apologized as she followed me up the stairs and jumped on the foot of my bed. "You have my solemn oath that I will not utter a single word until you're done."
I flipped the comforter down off my face, glancing down to find her giving me the Girl Scout honor hand gesture. I sighed and sat up. "Fine, yes he plays the piano, but I swear to god, if you tell anyone, I'll kill you before he does. So anyway, he was playing for me and then we were talking after. And he actually has a pussy ladder! I thought it was a joke! But he told me that once I got my license, I could use it whenever I wanted."
I found it amusing to watch her eyes widen and her lips pressed together tightly, fighting to comment. She actually didn't utter more than a slight whimper and I had to admit, I was impressed; particularly considering this was Alice.
The night before cont'
I stared at him speechless for a moment, as I felt the nerves bundle in the pit of my stomach again. Did he actually just extend me an invitation to his bed at my leisure? I let out a nervous chuckle and shook my head. "Edward… I uh... hmmm.."
His eyes widened and then he slapped his forehead. "Shit, I didn't mean it like that, Bella. What I meant was… you know how you told me that sometimes you have nightmares and you can't get back to sleep? Or you know, when you and your dad get into an argument or whatever. Maybe hiding from Alice and her insufferable impulse shopping habit." He chuckled, leaning his forehead against mine and I laughed. "You always have a place to go. No matter what time it is or what I'm doing, I'm always here if you need me."
Touched by the sentiment beside myself, I slid my arms around his waist and hugged him gently and in that small space in time, I was in heaven. His arms encircled me and held me against him, the room completely silent except for the soft sound of the rain falling outside the window. I wanted to stay there for as long would be allowed but I knew my time was up when his hands ran up and down my back in a brisk manner. So I pulled away slowly and I shrugged jokingly. "Well, what about your other nighttime visitors? I love ya, Cullen. But I really don't want to know you, or whichever member of the female student body you choose for the night, that well."
Edward sighed dramatically and wrapped his arm around my waist as we began walking out of the room. "Oh well, that still gives me a few months to get it out of my system then." He laughed as I jabbed his side roughly with my knuckles and we made our way out to the car.
Once we pulled up to my house, I looked over to him but he was already getting out of the car. Almost too quickly he appeared on my side, opening the door for me. I got out and we walked toward the house, stopping just outside my front door. Even though this wasn't a real date, it still had that real date, end of the evening awkwardness about it. "I really did have a good time tonight, Edward. And thank you, for the music… and the invitation."
I smiled at him but his face was strangely serious and contemplative as he stared at me. For a moment, I actually didn't know if he was looking at me or through me. Just as goose bumps began to rise on my skin he began to speak in a voice I'd never heard before. It was soft but deep, and so help me, extremely sexy. I felt my knees threatening to give out beneath me. "There's one more thing I want to do."
His eyes met mine as his hand came up to cup my jaw, and I believe that is when I stopped breathing. Yet I couldn't bring myself to close my eyes in anticipation of what he was about to do because I couldn't actually believe this was happening. Did I actually fall asleep in the theater and this had all been some sort of vivid dream? It seemed I would know in a moment as his face moved closer to mine, I would know by the feel of his lips. As many times as I had dreamt of this moment, I could easily make the distinction between living, breathing Edward's lips that had brushed my forehead and cheek hundreds of times and my dream Edward's lips that had touched everywhere else.
I took a sharp intake of breath as they actually made contact with mine, and only then, did I close my eyes and hold back the tears that were welling. Of all the times to pick to be a girl, Isabella, I scolded myself. This wasn't my dream Edward. The lips were too soft, too warm… but they were on mine. And this wasn't the frenzied needy kiss I always dreamed about. It was sweet and gentle, and so perfect and I'd be damned if I was going to waste it. So I began kissing him back, still keeping it just as he began it; never wanting to tarnish this moment in my memory with rashness.
All too soon he pulled away and looked down at me. "That's what your first kiss should have been," he whispered softly with a smile, brushing a stray tendril of loosened hair behind my ear. "No dares, no biting and no threats. And hopefully something that will make you want to do it again sometime, instead of horrifying you."
I laughed softly and wrapped my arms around him, rising up on my toes since it somehow made me feel closer to him. "Thank you, Edward. I love ya, you know that?" I whispered, double meanings behind all my words. That was without a doubt the most amazing kiss I could have ever imagined, even in my wildest fantasies. And for better or worse, it made me love him even more when I really didn't think that was possible.
"Love ya too, shortie," he replied with a soft laugh.
"Had to ruin the moment, didn't you?" I replied, pulling away from him and slapping his stomach with the back of my hand but I was laughing, happy. This was me and Edward, the way it always was; the best of friends. "You and me, Monday morning, royal ass kickings. Right?"
"You got it," Edward replied with that wink that made me giggle every time and then walked back to his car. I waved to him one more time before he got in and then walked into the house. As I closed the door, I leaned back against it, letting out a heavy sigh.
My love life was doomed for the rest of eternity. My first date was the most incredible, wonderful night of my life, but it was with Edward. Nothing and no one would ever compare to this. How could they?
I glanced over at Alice and my jaw dropped. "Holy shit, Alice. Are you crying?"
Alice quickly brushed the tears off her cheeks and shook her head, but then sighed as another one fell and betrayed her. "Bella, were you listening to yourself? The way you described that kiss…" she whimpered again, placing her hand over her heart. "I was ready to go kick his ass earlier, and now I just wanna go over there and kiss him myself!"
"Alice!" I gasped with a laugh and shook my head. "Yea, Edward is a great kisser, probably the best kiss I will ever have in my life. But that means nothing. We are friends and we are staying that way."
Alice reached up, grabbing one of my pillows from the head of my bed and placed it over her face. "Oh my god, you two are so stupid!" she screamed into it and then let it fall into her lap with an almost tranquil look on her face. "There, now that I've gotten that out of my system. Wake up!" she yelled again, grabbing my upper arms and shaking me roughly.
"You are amazingly strong for such a small person, you know that?" I retorted, rubbing my arms with my hands once she let go, certain that was going to leave bruises.
Alice folded her arms over her chest defiantly. "Yes, as a matter of fact I do. And don't make me use it again! I will beat you both senseless one of these days if you don't figure all this out!"
