Chapter 4: Black Knee Length Dress

Bella POV

Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months after that night. Edward and I seemed to be able to return to our normal routine, as if that night had never happened but the fact was, it did happen. And now I was more confused than ever, not to mention the increase in my already too vivid dreams since that kiss. It made it even harder to know that my longing for him would never be filled. I had never been more thankful for my years of practice with hiding my emotions from living with Charlie.

On the bright side, Alice and Jasper had eased up on their ambitions to bring Edward and me together. Summer was right around the corner, and I was intent on enjoying it as much as possible. Even though Edward had informed me that he was going away for a few weeks to visit friends of his in Alaska, I was sure that Alice would not allow me to be lonely for long. Or give me a chance to torment myself all summer with these thoughts that hadn't stopped battering my mind since that night.

However, Emmett's graduation was not something I had looked forward to and I just couldn't bring myself to gather the enthusiasm I would need for tonight. Not to say I wasn't excited for Emmett, but this was also the last night I would see Edward before he left. There hadn't been a single day this year that he hadn't been a part of in some way. Even if it was just a phone call or a text.

And in Charlie's words from this morning, I 'looked like someone had just run over my dog with an eighteen wheeler'.

I heard a horn honk outside and I sighed, giving myself a once over in the mirror. My attire probably wasn't up to Alice's standards, but it certainly fit my mood. All black, like one in mourning. A black knee-length dress with a slightly billowy skirt, with my favorite black flats. Yes I'll admit, I am a drama princess but the queen crown goes to Alice, hands down.

It wasn't only the absence of Edward over the coming weeks that had my spirits down. I was going to miss Emmett's habit of sneaking up behind me to poke my sides in the hallway, just to make me yelp in the middle of a crowded hall. Or his obnoxious tapping on the edge of my sketchpad at lunch with his mantra of "Am I annoying you yet? Am I annoying you yet?" Most people like that would have annoyed the living shit out of me, but with Emmett, it was like the big brother I never had and it was so difficult to be or stay mad at him.

A knock rapped on my door. "Bells? Alice is here, you're going to be late," Charlie's voice echoed through my door.

"Thanks, Dad. I'll be right down," I answered as I grabbed my little black purse, checked my hair and make-up one more time in the mirror and headed down the stairs. "Bye, Dad! I'll see you-oof…"

Charlie came running around the corner from the kitchen to find me muttering under my breath as I held onto the banister with one hand and my ankle in the other. "You alright?" he asked, barely able to restrain a chuckle.

I sighed, shaking my head with a soft laugh of my own. "Yea, you know me. Can't even walk out my front door without the potential for major catastrophe. I just caught my foot."

Charlie held my arm as I hobbled down the last two steps and gave me an awkward sort of smile. He and I never were the most expressive of people, particularly with each other; but I could always tell when he was battling with his emotions since I didn't acquire my blushing problem from my mother. "You uh… you look beautiful, Bella. Have fun tonight, but remember. No drinking or boys. You call me if you need a ride home."

"Yea, I know, Dad," I groaned in typical teenage fashion. I had heard this speech so many times I swore I could have saved him the trouble and recited it myself every time I stepped out of the house. Being on the police force didn't exactly give him the most open mind on normal teenage behaviors. "I'm going over Alice's after the ceremony. I promise, I'll be good." He nodded in understanding and then we stood there in awkward silence for another moment until I heard the horn honk outside again. "I should go. Don't want to be late. I'll see you tomorrow, Dad."

I scurried past him and out the front door, grateful for anything that granted me an escape from that uncomfortable silence, only to meet Alice's anxious and frustrated gaze from behind the wheel of her extremely ostentatious car, as if she needed any more help drawing attention to herself. When I got to the car, her pursed lips made it evident that she was restraining commentary on my apparel. "Trip over thin air again, Bella? I swear, we are looking into that padded room for you," she chuckled, having seen me limping slightly toward the car.

I laughed uncomfortably in return as I adjusted my skirt. "You're the one who bought me the four inch heels for tonight, which you will notice I am not wearing. I'm dangerous enough in bare feet, on flat surfaces. There's no way I could handle the stairs in the auditorium."

The haughty huff from the driver's seat caused me to emit the first heartfelt giggle I'd felt all day. Then I looked over at her and the giggle turned into an all out laugh. She was making what I called her 'bird face', her lips scrunched together so tightly that her mouth almost came to a point. "Well, I also didn't expect you to dress like you were going to a funeral rather than a graduation either."

I looked down at my dress, picking at it self-consciously with my fingertips and shrugging. "I just don't have an extensive wardrobe, particularly in the 'dressy' category. I hate dresses and skirts, Alice. You know that."

"Well that¸ my fashion challenged friend, is something that is going to change this summer," Alice grinned triumphantly, bouncing lightly in her seat. "You are going to learn the fine art of shopping, and the benefits of showing a little skin once in a while. Although I must admit, despite the color, we might all need to play bouncers around you tonight. I don't think I've seen that much leg on you in…"

"Alice!" I interrupted her as I felt the blood pool in my face as she laughed and pulled into the high school parking lot. She parked a few spaces down from Edward's car and the moment I spotted him, I thanked heavens that I was still sitting in the car. Something so simple as a white button down, black slacks and a black tie, and this guy looked like he was ready for the runway. And knowing Edward, he probably had just rolled out of bed.

Jerk.

"Gaaaaaddamn, Bells!" Emmett shouted as I stepped out of the car.

Edward's head turned at that moment to look at me for the first time. If I hadn't known better, I would have sworn he was gaping at me. Suddenly, my view of him was obstructed as Emmett barreled toward me and lifted me into his arms in a tight bear hug. "Emmett. Lungs. Require. Oxygen," I croaked as he spun me around.

Emmett laughed as he set me down and then looked over to Edward. "Get a load of Bella Bear, bro!"

Edward chuckled softly at Emmett's own nickname for me, never taking his eyes off me as he walked toward us. "Hey gorgeous, don't I know you from somewhere?" he joked and pulled me into his arms, laughing as I smacked his shoulder playfully but my hold tightened around him while I absorbed the feel and smell of him. Enjoy it while you can, Bella, I told myself silently, and luckily, he didn't seem in any rush to pull away from me either.

But as fate-also known as Alice Brandon- would have it, our moment was broken by her loud 'Ahem!' We both chuckled uncomfortably, pulling away from each other and he took my hand as we began our walk into the school. "You don't look half bad yourself, hot stuff," I said softly, nudging him gently with my shoulder.

The entire graduation ceremony was the sweetest heaven and the most brutal hell. Edward and I sat side by side, but never touched again. Even afterward, he seemed to keep a slight distance from me and I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt. But I kept on my poker face and continued carrying on conversations with Alice and Rosalie.

Then it was time for the after-party at First Beach in La Push. Despite my promise to my father, I was one of the first to hit the keg. I wanted to drown out everything; the bittersweet feeling of Emmett's graduation, the despair over Edward's impending departure for Alaska, and most importantly, his extreme shift in mood today. In the past nine months, I had never felt as distant from him as I had this evening. And now, he wouldn't even look at me.

What had I done- or not done- to make him so damn distant from me today? Especially since he was leaving tomorrow and wouldn't be seeing me for weeks, I would have thought that he would want to spend some time with me tonight. Yet, I was the only one he was ignoring. He stood there laughing and talking animatedly with Emmett and Jasper, and even Alice and Rose at times, seemingly oblivious to my existence. I felt angry tears burning my eyes but I wouldn't let them fall. I never thought it would be possible for me to be as angry with Edward as I was at that moment but he was hurting me intentionally, and it was completely uncalled for.

After quickly chugging down three beers, I staggered over to the bonfire to sit down and lose my thoughts in the flames. A pair of arms shot out to catch me as I stumbled and prevented me from falling directly into the flame. "You alright there?"

I turned my head toward the unfamiliar voice and found myself gazing up at my russet-skinned savior. I felt the alcohol coursing through my body and released all of my inhibitions. Edward Cullen was not the only man on the planet; I was going to have fun. "Yea, I'm… fine," I replied in a staggered voice. My flirting skills needed some serious work, but the beauty of this guy in front of me was awe-inspiring. He was no Edward, but his silky black hair that was nearly as long as mine and his beautiful white smile certainly compensated for anything he might have been lacking. "I'm Bella, by the way."

His smile widened as I held my hand out to him, and wrapping his warm one around mine. "Nice to meet you, Bella. I'm Jacob," he replied in a soft voice and then suddenly began rubbing the back of my hand. "Your hands are freezing!"

I gazed down at our hands, finding the feel of his touch and radiating warmth soothing. Just as I brought my eyes back up to him to respond, I felt an arm come tightly around my waist, almost knocking me off balance.

"Are you lost, Black?"

Edward POV

The moment I saw her in that parking lot tonight, Bella had simply taken my breath away. I knew she would dress up for Emmett's graduation, but nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. And when I held her against me, I never wanted to let go.

The last few months between us have been the longest of my life and were a big part of why I was going to Alaska for a few weeks this summer. I needed to get away to attempt to clear my head and try to refocus my life, and as much as it pained me, I needed time away from Bella. Every time I looked at her now, all I could think of was that kiss we shared on her front porch that night. It was the single most breathtaking moment of my life. As if they had been specifically sculpted for each other, her lips melded to mine and I felt my body soar when she kissed me back.

Since then, that fact had been my own personal torment. It was only natural for her to respond to a kiss. That was the normal thing to do, wasn't it? It wasn't as if we didn't know each other and I knew she trusted me. I, on the other hand, wanted to stay on that porch kissing her forever. Like with any forbidden fruit, it left me hungry for more. Every time I saw her, I wanted to sweep her into my arms and kiss her senseless. I hoped that by separating myself from her, it would give me the space I needed to get back to the way I was before that night. I would always love Bella; there was no doubt about that. Which was all the more reason for me to go. I couldn't lose the most important person in my world because these intense emotions wouldn't go away.

However, after seeing her tonight… I didn't want to leave. That was a problem. So I made a conscious decision at the ceremony. As soon as I let go of her hand, I made sure that would be the last time that I touched her tonight. I knew it had to be done, even with as much as it pained me to see that look in her eyes when she realized what I was doing.

Or else I would never leave.

That all came to a screeching halt the moment I saw him touching her from across the beach. I felt my blood begin to boil and my legs began to move of their own volition toward them. I knew that Bella was already three sheets to the wind, having kept a discreet eye on her all night, having never known her to be a drinker. And seeing Jacob Black talking her up? All I could think was Not her, you ass. This is why I hated coming to the reservation. Black and his asshole friends had no respect and there was no way I was letting him put his filthy hands on her.

I heard footfalls on either side of me and I did not have to look to know that Jasper and Emmett were right on my tail. I hooked my arm around Bella's waist the moment I reached her and shot him a menacing look. "Are you lost, Black?"

The cocky lowlife had the audacity to smirk at me, but at least he was smart enough to let go of Bella's hand. "Well well, if it isn't the Cullen boys. And Whitlock," he chuckled in response and then brought his gaze back to me. "I could be asking the same thing of you all, since it is my rez you guys are on. But I suppose that would be completely inhospitable of me, and my father raised me not to be rude."

I could feel Bella's confused stare on me without looking down to her, and my hold tightened on her as Jacob undressed her with his eyes. "Come on, Bella. Let's go," I said in a tight tone, sneering at Jacob and pulling her along with me.

"No!" she yelled as she struggled in my arms and roughly shoved my arm from around her waist. She spun around on me so fast that I was surprised that she didn't fall over considering her state of intoxication. "Who are you to tell me who I can or cannot talk to? I was just thanking this nice young man for catching me before I became kindling!"

My eyes widened at the venomous tone of Bella's voice. She was actually angry with me, something I had not seen since the day we met; but this was different. This wasn't annoyance because I had embarrassed her. This was blind fury. "Bells, come on…"

Her hand roughly meeting my face cut me off mid statement. "Don't call me that and don't tell me what to do," she snarled through clenched teeth, fixing me with an enraged glare.

"Bella, sweetheart, he's right," Jasper said in his notorious calm demeanor as Emmett remained frighteningly silent on my other side. "You don't want to be here."

I watched Bella as her eyes flickered angrily between the three of us and she scoffed in annoyance. "Great. So now, I have all three of you ganging up on me. Why can't you all just leave me the hell alone!" she snapped, storming past us and running unstably down the beach.

Jacob shook his head at me with a sarcastic chuckle. "Still have a way with the ladies, eh, Cullen? I wasn't hitting on your girlfriend, by the way. She almost fell into the fire while you were busy over there, ignoring her."

"She's not my…" I retorted quickly but stopped short, closing my eyes. As much as I hated to admit that Jacob was right, he was. Though I'd be damned if I acknowledged it to his face, so I instead turned my attention back to the more important subject at hand. Bella.

I quickly turned on my heel and began jogging down the beach after her. "Bella! Bella, stop!" I called after her, watching her stagger unevenly on the sand.

"Leave me alone, Edward!" she yelled back over her shoulder but kept walking.

I finally caught up to her and gently grabbed her arm to stop her, but she still wouldn't face me. "Bella, I'm sorry. I just…"

"Sorry for what, Edward?" she snapped, turning on me quickly again and glaring up at me with tear-filled eyes. "So, now I'm finally worthy of your attention because some guy started talking to me? Why don't you just go back to blowing me off? You were doing a great job of it earlier!"

I sighed heavily as she yanked her arm away from me and began storming away again. "Listen to me. I'm sorry about that, alright? I just have a lot on my mind right now but Jacob Black is not the best person for you to be around. He doesn't exactly have the best reputation when it comes to girls."

Bella turned back toward me, waved her arms out carelessly and swayed slightly in her drunkenness. "So maybe I need to get laid, Edward! Everyone is always saying how uptight I am, maybe getting laid might relieve some tension!" she spoke loudly with a sarcastic smirk on her face. I had never seen Bella so ornery before and it took me completely by surprise. "I'm almost sixteen and I'm still a virgin. Hell, that's practically unheard of these days. There are even girls popping out kids by my age. But if I want to go out and fuck the whole of Forks, who are you to tell me I can't?"

I was about to respond when she suddenly folded onto the sand in front of me, burying her face in her hands. Sobs began wracking through her tiny frame, and I gently ran my hand over her hair. When she raised her hand, I half expected her to smack mine away.

Instead she grabbed a fistful of my pant leg and gently tugged at it, urging me to join her on the sand. I quickly obliged, kneeling down beside her and was barely on the ground when she thrust herself against my chest. She curled against me like a frightened child And I cradled her gently in my arms as her tears soaked through my shirt.

"Why, Edward?" Bella asked suddenly in a shaky sob as her hand clutched my shirt tightly, but she never elaborated more than that. Even when I asked her and continued crying until she passed out against me.

I sat there holding her for who knows how long, staring out at the water and rocking her gently in her sleep. An internal battle raged within me between what I wanted and what I needed, and neither side showed any sign of relenting. The part of me that wanted to stay here in Forks with Bella fought just as hard as the part of me that needed to get away for my own sanity. Having her so close all the time yet still so unreachable was taking its toll on me.

The party began breaking up behind us and I heard Emmett calling for me from down the beach. I lifted Bella into my arms and she never stirred. Note to self: Never let Bella drink again. My brother was chuckling as I approached him with an unconscious Bella, but one look from me halted that. He opened my car door for me to set Bella inside and then quickly retreated to his own car.

As I drove her to Alice's house, she began whimpering softly in her sleep, almost as if she were having a nightmare. I reached over and placed my hand over hers, rubbing my thumb in soothing circles over the back of her hand. So much of this girl was still such a mystery to me, and I wanted to know more. I always wanted to learn more about her. I knew from our conversations that she frequently had nightmares, but could never persuade her to talk about it. That was the only subject that she completely shut off from me, and I couldn't figure out what could be so bad that she felt she couldn't talk to me about it.

Alice peeked out the door as she heard my car pull in and hurried out to meet me. I stepped out and walked around the car. "Are your parents awake?" I asked her before even opening Bella's door. The last thing she needed was for this to get back to her father; she'd never be allowed out of the house again.

Alice quickly shook her head. "They are sound asleep, courtesy of Prince Ambien," she replied with a roll of her eyes.

I nodded and opened the door to lift Bella out of the car. We entered Alice's house and I carried her down the hall to the guest bedroom and set her down on the bed. I heard her whimper quietly as I began to take her shoes off, causing my gaze to move to her face.

"Edward," she murmured and whimpered again, softer this time. I pulled the comforter over her and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Don't leave me."

I pulled away slightly to look at her sleeping face as the words passed softly over her lips, her features twisted almost painfully. I brushed her hair away from her face and leaned down to her ear. "I have to, or I'll ruin everything. I love you, Firecracker."

I heard her sigh softly as I kissed her temple, and then I turned from the bed to leave. I paused at the door to check on her one more time. A small smile hinted at her lips for a moment, and I turned to leave before it disappeared. That was exactly how I wanted to remember her.