Chapter 6: You Haven't Fooled Me

Edward POV

The opening riff to "Welcome to the Jungle" stirred me slightly out of a deep slumber, but I had become so accustomed to letting it ring over the last few weeks that I never lifted my head from the pillow. I knew I would have hell to pay when I got back to Forks at the end of the summer; now even more so once Emmett told her that I wasn't coming home next week. Not only would the money that I was earning this summer from Tanya's father be a nice buffer in my bank account that didn't come from my parents, it would also give me the distraction I needed and came all this way to find. I needed to get Bella out of my head in any form other than friendship.

I thought I was imagining things when I heard another voice in my room answering my phone. Then I heard her speak to me and my head shot up as she touched my shoulder, which I instantly regretted due to the already present pounding in my head. I reached my hand over my shoulder to take the phone she was handing me; I couldn't ignore the phone call now since it was already confirmed that I was here. "Hello?" I answered with my voice still groggy from sleep and the long night behind me. I could hear distant voices in the background, but she never spoke. "Hello? B-…"

But the line went dead.

I buried my face in the pillow, letting out a loud groan and tossing my phone onto the floor. "Shit, shit, shit, SHIT!" I yelled loudly, thrusting my face against the pillow repeatedly until my head began to object. "Why did you answer my phone, Tanya?"

I turned my head to look at her as she leaned toward me and kissed my shoulder. "I didn't think you heard it. I'm sorry, sweetie..."

"Don't. Call me that," I said coldly and sat up, grabbing my pants from the floor and pulling them on. There was only one person in the world I allowed to call me such an endearment, other than my mother. I gazed at her as I buttoned my pants and her look of shock and hurt made me feel a little guilty. I had never spoken to her like that, but just imagining what Bella must be thinking right now was bothering me and I I tried calming my voice some before speaking again. "Tanya, haven't you noticed that is the one ring tone I've been avoiding for weeks now? I am still not ready to talk to her yet. And now, the first thing she hears is a woman answering my phone?"

Tanya held the sheet tightly to her chest, refusing to meet my eyes. "So that was Bella," she replied as a statement more than a question. I nodded my head and looked down at the floor, and then heard her shift in the bed to stand up. "I don't get it, Edward. You say you love this girl, but you won't talk to her. You come over two thousand miles just to get away from her. And if you two are such close friends, a woman answering your phone shouldn't be that big of a shock to her."

My eyes met hers again quickly, as she stood there in one of my t-shirts. I really couldn't be angry at her for that, but she meant it to sting. "I don't flaunt it in front of her face like that, Tanya! I have a bit more respect for her than that. And I've told you from the beginning that this was all very complex."

"Why did you come here, Edward?" Tanya asked suddenly with her arms folded over her chest, appearing to be holding back tears.

I sighed heavily and waved my arms out to the side. "I told you why I came here, Tanya. Things between Bella and I…"

"No, Edward," she cut me off, shaking her head. "Why did you come here? To me."

I stood and pondered that silently for a moment and let out a heavy sigh. I guess I knew exactly why I came here in the first place and looking at Tanya right now was evidence that I was right. The look on her face when I had to leave Alaska was unbearable, much like the one she was giving me now. And I never wanted to see that look on Bella's face when I had to leave her behind too.

Tanya laughed sadly and looked down. "It was all to get over her, wasn't it?" she asked and my face must have given me away because she sat down at the end of the bed. I realized I was bracing myself for a reaction that wasn't going to come, because I was in the wrong room with the wrong girl. Tanya wasn't Bella, my firecracker. I tried to speak but Tanya shook her head. "Don't. I know what you're going to say, Edward. And don't. It's not your fault that I fooled myself into thinking that maybe you might have missed me."

I walked over to sit next to her and placed my hand over hers on her lap. I realized then that I selfishly had never really considered the effect this was eventually going to have on Tanya. We didn't break up because we stopped caring for each other after all. It was young love, it was first love; but it was still love. "I have missed you, Tanya. I think about you all the time," I replied, trying to reassure her that she wasn't just a distraction.

"I know you have, Edward," Tanya replied softly and tried to smile, lacing her fingers with mine. "Just not the same way I've missed you. Your heart isn't mine anymore."

I gently kissed the inside of her arm as she brought her free hand up to sweep the hair from my forehead. This was exactly what made me fall in love with Tanya in the first place at the tender age of fifteen. She was quite possibly the most caring and compassionate person I had ever met, even in the midst of her own pain.

"I've known you for so long, Edward," she began again, tracing her fingers over my cheekbones but the look in her eyes had changed. They now seemed so distant while she was looking right at me. "In some ways, you are still that same sweet twelve year old boy I met on the playground that day when Mike LeGrange tripped me and I split my lip. Everyone else laughed, but not you. Not my Edward. The same Edward I loved and will always love. But something has changed in you at the same time and I think I've known that all along. This isn't you, darlin'. All this sleeping around and never just one girl. And now there's this girl who has captured you the same way I did but you're pushing her away. You're going to lose her, Edward."

Her hand rested along my jaw and her eyes bore into mine. I shook my head as I brought my hand up to hold it against my face and I shook my head. "I can't leave her behind, Tanya. You and I both know that the long distance thing doesn't work, and it's not even fair to ask her to do that anyway. She's fifteen years old!"

"So were we," Tanya pointed out and brought her other hand up to my face to hold it firmly between her palms. "And if I thought there was any chance that you would ever come back, I couldn't think of anyone more worth waiting for. You can't play the tough macho guy with me, Edward Cullen. I knew the pre-pubescent you. No one changes that much and you're really not that good of an actor anyway. You may have fooled them, but you haven't fooled me."

Tanya continued to stare into my eyes for a moment and then slowly leaned forward to brush a soft kiss on my lips. It was so tender and gentle, unlike any kiss we had ever shared before; but it was also missing the passion it once held. As she pulled away, she smiled at me and ran her hand over my hair.

"You have to fight for her, Edward. If you love her this much, then that's not something you find every day," she said as she gently caressed my cheek, before standing up and kissing my forehead. "You need to tell her and you need to show her. But first…" She walked away from me and bent down to pick up my phone, and handed it to me. "You need to call her and fix the friendship."

I sighed, looking down at my phone. "I don't know, Tanya. I really don't think she's going to want to…"

Tanya placed her hands on her hips sassily and pursed her lips at me, so out of character for her that I couldn't help but laugh. "Are you going to be a chicken shit, Edward? Because if you are, then you don't deserve her. And I'd like to think there's still more of my Edward in you than that."

My eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my skull as she turned on her heel and quickly left my room but the vibration of the phone in my hand brought my attention back. I flipped it open to see a text had just come in, sighing as I looked at the sender and the message.

What the hell did you do to her, bro? Get your ass back to Forks so I can beat it!

A shower and a cup of coffee later, I found myself pacing the floor of my room and staring at my phone. I honestly had no idea what I could possibly say to make things right between us again. 'Hi Bella, I've been up here banging my ex-girlfriend in an attempt to get over you' just didn't have that 'forgive me' ring to it.

"Well you're never going to get anywhere just staring at the phone, stupid," I grumbled to myself, flipping open my phone and dialing Bella's number.

Voicemail.

I closed my phone and shook my head. I had no idea what to say to her, let alone the empty space of a voicemail. I really wouldn't blame her in the slightest if she was the one who was now avoiding my calls. Since the day we met, we had never gone more than a day without contacting each other in some way, and now it had been over three weeks since I had last spoken to her. She didn't deserve this; she had done nothing wrong. Somehow, it seemed that I was managing to hurt every woman in my life to some degree. First Bella, then my mother when I told her I wasn't coming home until the end of summer, then Bella again and now Tanya. What the hell was wrong with me? I opened my phone again and began typing a text to Bella. I was going to leave the decision to her whether or not she wanted to speak to me.

Bella, sorry about this AM… really think we should talk. Plz call when u can. Promise I'll answer.

I hit send and then sat down on my bed, resuming the blank stare at my phone. I had nothing better to do that day since Tanya's parents had gone away for the holiday weekend, and I heard Tanya's car leave about a half hour earlier. And the longer I sat there staring at the black screen, waiting for it to light up with a call; the more I began to fear that Tanya was right; that I was losing her. The exact opposite of the reason I came up here.

Life without Bella was hell. No matter how much I tried to drown myself in Tanya over the last few weeks, that was the only constant. I missed Bella, and so many times, I wanted to pick up that phone and call her. But I knew the moment I heard her voice, the only emotion that would run through me would be my desire to go home and see her. My heart already ached from missing her so terribly. Hearing her voice was only bound to stir the emotions I was trying so hard to dim. However, losing her completely was out of the question.

At some point in the evening, I must have dozed off. Before I knew it, I was being woken once again by that familiar tune and vibration on my stomach. I briefly glanced at the time; it was almost midnight, which made it almost one in the morning in Forks. What the hell was she doing up at this hour?

"Bella?" I said softly into the phone, but all I could hear was her soft breathing on the other end. "Bella, I know you're there, I can hear you biting your lip."

That remark rewarded me with a soft laugh, but she still made no attempt to speak. I had never known Bella to be at a complete loss of what to say, especially to me. I didn't call her 'Firecracker' for nothing. For a while there was nothing more than her breathing and then I heard her sniffle, and my heart shattered into a million pieces. She was crying… because of me.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," I began, still trying to think of what to say to her but crying women rendered me weak. There was nothing more heartbreaking than the sight or sound of a woman crying. Except for this. This girl crying was something I never wanted to see or hear again after that night on the beach.

"Well," I heard her voice for the first time and it sounded different. Drawn out, tired, sad. Not my Bella. "You wanted to talk. So talk."

"Bella, it's one in the morning, you should be…"

"Don't tell me what time it is, and don't tell me that I should be in bed," she snapped angrily in a rough whisper. There she was; there was my Bella. "You're lucky I'm even calling you at all. I've been battling it out all day. I can't think of anything I have done to deserve this, Edward. You, my best friend, taking off to no man's land and pretending that I don't exist. You ignore my messages, my phone calls and I find out from Alice that you're not coming back until the end of summer. And then, I call you to ask you about it and I was so happy when I heard the phone pick up. But it wasn't you. Tell me, Edward. What part of all that are you actually sorry for? Ignoring me? Making me feel like shit? Or lying to me?"

I didn't even bother interrupting her. She had every right in the world to lash out at me, and I deserved every bit of it. The pain and anger in her voice nearly broke me. "All of it, Bella. I've been an ass and I know I shouldn't have taken it out on you this way. I had to sort some things out, but I never lied to you."

"Bullshit!" she spat in a venomous hiss. It took me by surprise because even the night at the beach did not compare to the daggers in her voice now. It caused my gut to tighten nervously for fear that I may have pushed her too far. "Last time I checked, 'I'm going to visit some friends' did not translate into 'I'm going to Alaska to screw my ex-girlfriend and ignore my best friend'. And why the hell was she answering your phone from your bed? Or was it her bed last night?"

"Bella, stop please," I pleaded with her, pinching the bridge of my nose. I heard her exhale exasperatedly, but obviously resigning to let me speak. "I never meant for Tanya to pick up the phone. I told you a long time ago, I would never flaunt this in your face. But I didn't lie to you, Bella. She is my friend and I never meant things to happen between us again. But she is also helping me through some things. I needed to sort out my head."

"And you had to go to Alaska for that?" Bella exclaimed in a harsh whisper, sounding like she was struggling to stay quiet, probably to keep from waking a sleeping Charlie. "What, because I don't sleep with you, you couldn't sort that out here with me? Dammit Edward! I'm not trying to cut you off from your other friends, and I know how much you hate Forks, but that didn't mean that you had to completely cut me out. I don't care if you fuck the hell out of her all damn summer! But when I call to talk to my best friend, I really don't want to hear a post coital female voice answer the phone! And beyond that, do you have any idea how much it hurt to hear that you weren't coming home in the next week or so from someone else? You're enjoying your time with Tanya, fine I don't care. But have the common courtesy for everyone who's been waiting for you, not just a select few. You've obviously made it quite clear who and what's important to you."

"That's not true, Bella! Don't even go there!" I exclaimed as I shot off the bed and began to pace. Her statement triggered a chord in me; she thought she wasn't important to me. I didn't know whether to be angry at her for being ridiculous, or angry at myself for allowing this feeling of hers to manifest in the first place. But how many times had I told her how much she meant to me? And she could dismiss all that so quickly? "Maybe I chose a wrong way of going about it, but I knew my decision would upset you. It took me two weeks to even tell my mother. But never ever think that you are not important to me, Bella. You don't need to be burdened with my problems, you have enough in your own life. I just needed to get away or I was going to snap. And that's the last thing I ever want you to see."

She was actually quiet for another moment, and I thought that she had possibly fallen asleep. But I heard her take a slow intake of breath and blow it out in a steady, controlled manner. "You've hurt me, Edward. In so many ways. The way you treated me after Emmett's graduation and since, I think I have every right to hang up this phone right now and never speak to you again," she replied in a frighteningly calm voice, to the point that I was afraid that she was actually going to follow through. But after several of the longest seconds of my life, she still hadn't. "But I'm not going to. I can't. I wouldn't be this upset if I didn't care about you and need you so damn much. I need my best friend, Edward."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I know I was wrong, and I swear I'll make it up to you when I get back," I replied earnestly, far more relieved than I deserved to be.

"But so help me, I will follow through if you ever do anything like this to me again. I'm not a throw rug you can just wipe your feet on," she replied firmly, sounding as if she had just instantly bounced back from the verge of tears again. "But for now, I love ya, Cullen. And I really need to get some sleep. Can we talk tomorrow?"

I chuckled softly and sat back down on the bed. "Yea, we can talk tomorrow. I love ya too, Swan. Sleep well."

I heard her yawn at the other end and the shuffle of fabric, as if she just laid her head on her pillow with the phone still to her ear. "Just make sure you answer the phone."

"I will, I promise. Goodnight, Bells," I whispered softly.

"Goodnight, Edward," she whispered back and the phone beeped to signal the end of the call.

I closed my eyes, lying back on the bed and then opening them to stare at the ceiling. My mind was racing at all the ways that conversation could have gone, and didn't. And it gave me hope that everything really was going to be alright. Once I was sure of that, I was going to take Tanya's advice and go back and tell her how I felt. She deserved to know the truth, and I would drive myself insane with the 'woulda, coulda, shoulda's' for the rest of my life if I didn't.

She was worth that chance.