Massie woke up covered in what appeared to be… BLOOD!!!!!!!!! She screamed and looked at her bloody hands.

"Oh my god! What's wrong?!?! Sam ran in. "What the hell happened???" She screamed.

"I don't know!"

"Well, you might want to wash it off before you turn into a candy cane, Oh, and it doesn't come out of clothes." She smirked and chomped on some gum. "By the way, you have five minutes to get ready before we leave for Ridgeway." Sam shrugged.

Massie opened her eyes wide. Being late on the first day at a new school labels you "delinquent" not "leader of the pack."

But she'd rather look good and be late than look like an LBR. "Come awn! You can nawt be serious!" Sam smirked. "I hate you!"

"That's something we have in common." She replied with a smile.

"You are sooooooooooooooo D2M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Massie screamed as Sam left for school. Ehmagawd! Did that LLBR just ignore her? No way on Bean did she do that to Massie Block. "Ehmagawd! Bean!" She searched frantically for her little puppy. "Maaaa! Have you seen Bean?"

"Your dog? He's not allowed in the apartments so we chained him up outside."

"Chained him up!" Massie ran to the yard. "Bean!!!" The pug barked two times, grateful to see her owner. "I missed you too... Come awn, girl we gotta get you inside."

"Excuse me." A deep voice distracted her. She looked up and saw an incredibly hawt! guy on a bike. He was ah-mazingly cool. His hair! His clothes! His face! His voice! "Is Sam here?"

Massie immediately cursed herself for not washing the red gunk off her body. "No, she just left."

"Oh… By the way what's up with the…" He pointed at her body.

"Oh! Sam just pulled a prank. What a jerk, right?" Massie rolled her eyes, turning her head to apply a coat of Death by Chocolate Glossip Girl.

"Uh… I guess… I find her sense of humor funny, though." He smiled in that what-can-I-say? way.

Massie chastised herself again. "Yeah, who wouldn't think that?"

"You might want to get to school soon… You go to Ridgeway?"

"Uh-huh."

"Need a ride?" He patted the back of his bike.

She thought about Derrington and his ah-bviously han-me-down bike. This bike was newer, cooler, and had a hotter driver. Derrington was cute; don't get her wrong! But this new guy… he was huh-awt! "Sure." She smiled and sat on the back.


Sam stood outside Ridgeway, waiting for dorko to show up with her sister in candy cane form. There was Massie. On the back of someone's bike. But could that really be Freddie? He was actually… worth looking at… How it burned to say that. "EHMAGAWD!!!!!!!!!!" Massie screamed and looked at herself. "YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY??" She hollered at Freddie. "GOOD, BECAUSE IF YOU DID I WOULD MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Freddie walked over to Sam with a smirk.

"Ehmagawd!" He said with fake enthusiasm.


Massie watched as her Seattle crush walked away. He sympathized for the embarrassment that was going on in her world. She felt all alone and wished that the Pretty Committee were there, riding to OCD in her Range Rover. Then she saw it. Her crush was laughing and talking with SAM! Her sister. NAWT Massie Block, the most popular girl in Westchester seventh grade! "Oh, Freddie, you're so funny!" She heard. Massie boiled.

"I'm so funny, all of a sudden?" He shook his head sarcastically.

"No you're so cute." Sam traced her finger around his face. Massie stormed out of the courtyard and to the nurse. "Is she gone?" Sam hissed. Freddie nodded. "I'm gonna go barf now. Impressive acting skills."

"You too." Freddie nodded and waved her off.


Carly wandered the halls looking for the new middle schooler. "Hey!" She smiled when finding her. Massie looked away. "You're Massie right?" The girl nodded. "I'm Carly, you look really pretty today."

"Huh-llo?" Massie pointed to herself.

"Yeah, but I know you have pretty potential. That Sam girl said she would ruin me if I talked to you, but you seem way cooler than her." Carly smiled her perfect never-needed-braces white teeth. They reminded Massie of Skye Hamilton. She was quirky and cool at the same time.

"Definitely… If you could only see me at my old school…" Massie opened her locker. "It didn't smell like feet there." Both girls cracked up.

"I saw you with Freddie earlier this morning." Carly smiled. "I'm impressed. No girl is brave enough to talk to him."

"Why?" Massie wondered, proud of herself for setting the example that hot guys are human.

"Cuz Sam practically owns him. They've been a thing for ages." Carly whispered and searched the hallways for something. Massie felt a little apprehensive by the way Carly said the last sentence. How could she have known? "The last girl was put in the hospital two years ago… She's not out yet."

"What happened to her?" Massie asked, biting her lip.

"Sam saw her slow dancing with him at the Christmas Dance Party, she walked her into the bathroom, and no one knows what happened afterward." Carly smiled a tight smile.

"That's dumb; you can dance with more than one guy." Massie rolled her eyes. "What? Is she afraid she can't find anyone else to go with?"

"No, Sam can have her pick of the litter." Carly leaned in. "But once she marks her territory, he's untouchable." Massie bit her lip. Was Sam really that powerful? At least she could be safe, staying in the middle school wing. As long as Sam was in the high school wing. "Well, I have to head to class. See you later." Carly smiled.

Massie could barely breathe.

Current State of the Union:

IN:

Ridgeway

Freddie

Massie crushed :(

Freddie+Sam

OUT:

OCD

Derrington

Massie crushing

Freddie+Massie :(


Sam sighed and laid her head on the desk. She side glanced at the new Freddie. Was that really Freddie? He was always that cute little tech nerd, probably because Carly's a sweet-and-innocent type of girl. But now with his brown leather jacket, new hair, and dishonest actions… he was almost as blinding as Jonas was. The bell rang and snapped her out of her daze. She grabbed her bag and pulled over to Carly's math class. "Hey, did you talk to her?"

"Uh-huh."

"And?"

"She almost pissed her pants!" Carly laughed. "Her face was white as snow, and she stammered a ton. I feel so bad doing this though." Carly frowned.

"But…" Sam started.

"But it feels so good!"

"Come on, we'll drive her home." Sam snatched Freddie by the backpack and dragged him to the middle school wing. "Hey, sis!" Sam called. She watched Massie's feet freeze mid-step and grinned. "You wanna ride home or walk?"

Massie turned around. Sam wore her most sincere smile. "Uh, sure..."

"I see you forgot to wash this morning. Man that was really funny right?"

"Hi-larious!" Massie plastered a worried smile on her face.

"Pardon my manners. This is Carly, and this is Freddie." Sam pointed to the two beside her.

"Wait... you guys are Carly, Sam, and Freddie?" Massie asked. They all nodded and muttered a few yeah's. "Ehmagawd! You guys are from iCarly!"

"Uh, yeah?" Freddie rolled his eyes. He didn't think the girl was so bad, but a dumb person could not have been less attractive with that red goop all over her.

"Are you perhaps a fan of iCarly?" Carly mused.

"Ehmagawd, yes! You guys are ah-mazing! My friend Kuh-laire and I watched your show every week..." Massie's voice faded.

"You miss your friends?" Sam asked sympathetically. Massie nodded. "Well tough nubs, you'll make new ones." Massie's eyes wandered to Freddie. She was probably thinking about how "hawt" he looked with the leather jacket... and his hair... and his natural meaty smell... "Snap out of it, Sam." She told herself. NO way would she ever seldom admit she liked that dork! It was just an act.

"We could get you a spot on iCarly's next show if you want." Carly smiled tightly. Sam could tell she was plotting something.

"Really?" Massie asked with genuine curiosity.

"Just a one-time thing you know?" Carly smirked

"Puh-lease, please, please! That would be ah-mazing!" She beamed.

Sam gave Carly a look and received a reassuring smile. "Seriously, it would be so cool to have someone from New York on. Can you come next Wednesday?" Sam crossed her arms.

"Cool! I'll be there! Thank a buh-zillion!!!!"

Massie got out of the car at the apartment, but no one else did. They rode off laughing like TPC pretended to laugh. She sighed and wandered up the steps.

"Bean... do you miss it in Westchester?" The pug barked once. "Me, too, girl."


Sam laughed at Freddie's joke. "Man, Suh-am. How did you get soooooooo ee-vull? She is a toh-tull muh-ess!" He shook his head.

"Ehmagawd! Puh-lease! That was nuh-thing! You should suh-ee wuh-at iCarly will be like." Sam replied.

"All right, enough Massie talk. We have to plan to get rid of her on the next iCarly." The two others leaned in. "She's obsessed with fashion, her dog Bean, misses her friends and horse Brownie, is dating someone named Derrington? She was once the leader of this group of girls, the Pretty Committee, and has a mannequin to help her pick out outfits. And… thinks she is all that because she was all that. At her old school, Octavian Country Day School, she was the most popular seventh grader. Role models include… Abby Boyd in that movie Dial L for Loser and Skye Hamilton."

"That all?" Sam asked her brunette friend. Carly nodded. "Perfect."


Massie got on her iMac and IM'd the PC.

MASSIEKUR: Guys U there?

SEXYSPORTSBABE: Present

ALICIAISBETA: Hola

FUDGEGIRL: Here

MASSIEKUR: Claire?

CLAIREBEAR: Hi!

MASSIEKUR: Guess what????!!!!

MASSIEKUR: I'm gonna B on iCarly!

CLAIREBEAR: OMG!

FUDGEGIRL: 4real?

ALICIAISBETA: I wish I were U :(

SEXYSPORTSBABE: How????

MASSIEKUR: My sis is Sam!

FUDGEGIRL: No way! I luv her!

MASSIEKUR: But she's dating this really hot guy who might be my Seattle crush :(

SEXYSPORTSBABE: Awwww

CLAIREBEAR: What about Derrington?

MASSIEKUR: His shorts and I are duh-un. That Freddie guy - I think he got an Extreme Makeover cuz he is HAWT!!!!!!!!!!!

ALICIAISBETA: 3 that!

FUDGEGIRL: What made U give up Derrick?

MASSIEKUR: He wears those shorts allllll the time, he's waaaaaay immature, has something wrong with me, plus long distant relationships suck!

ALICIAISBETA: Point!

CLAIREBEAR: Don't U think U should talk to him B4 U quit on him?

MASSIEKUR: Kuh-laire, am I an owl?

CLAIREBEAR: Nooo

MASSIEKUR: Then what makes U think I give a hoot?

SEXYSPORTSBABE: G2G moms killing me

FUDGEGIRL: Ah-bviously

ALICIAISBETA: Dyl, thats mean

FUDGEGIRL: Its true!

MASSIEKUR: Guys! U have 2 watch ME on the internet! Wednesday!


Sam sat on the couch laughing as the duck jumped outta the pond and pecked Girly Cow. "Man, I love that little duck…" She sighed and yawned. She was almost going to fall asleep. So her eyes fluttered close and she lost all control of her body. Her head hit Freddie's shoulder and relaxed there.

Freddie stared at her for a moment, stiffening himself immediately. This happened rarely, and every time it did was after a really strong argument the two had, or when Girly Cow was on. In this case it was both. They had bickered for hours about just random things like his mother or Sam's mother or Sam's eating habits or Freddie's love of technology, on and on. And whaddaya know, her head had managed to land on his shoulder. If she were conscious of it or his arm around her shoulders, Sam would beat the shit out of him and eat it like meatballs.

And Carly saw the way he gingerly handled Sam and smiled. Freddie pretended to gag, but Carly knew it was only pretend. She also knew Freddie didn't like her anymore because many times he would wake Carly up in that situation. So Carly could only smile on behalf of her win and her friends'.


Massie typed an IM and smirked. Whoever this SHIRTLESSWONDER guy was, he was sounding very cool.

MASSIEKUR: Do U go 2 Ridgeway

SHIRTLESSWONDER: No duh! GO BULLDOGS! ;)

MASSIEKUR: OMG U R so funny! :D

SHIRTLESSWONDER: Finally some1 recognizes my comedy genius!

MASSIEKUR: LOL

SHIRTLESSWONDER: Ur that new kid I heard about?

MASSIEKUR: Yup

SHIRTLESSWONDER: Well I can show U around sometime

MASSIEKUR: I would luv that

SHIRTLESSWONDER: Cool I'll see U tomorrow; my mom doesn't want me to talk to girls ;)

MASSIEKUR: K L8ER!

And Massie fell in love that night. She would settle for that guy even if he were a B-Lister. It's not like it mattered in EW Seattle. Massie twirled around on her purple swivel chair and called Claire. "Kuh-laire! It's ah-mazing! I'm in love!"

"What?" Claire asked sleepily. It was like two a.m. there.

"Kuh-laire!" Massie begged in the puh-lease-tell-me-you-didn't-miss-that way. "I said I am in love."

"Really? Who with?"

"Some guy named SHIRTLESSWONDER. I met him on IM and we talked for nearly five hours! It was ah-mazing! He was soooo funny and sweet and understanding. He's gonna show me around the school tomorrow." Massie put one hand on her heart.

"Great… can't this wait until… I dunno… when it's morning?" Claire mumbled.

"Kuh-laire, am I a hot soup?"

"Uhhhhhhhh…" Claire rolled her eyes.

"Then why are you blowing me off?"