Chapter 9: Moody and a Little Emotional
Edward POV
Unlike last summer, this past one dragged on endlessly apart from the final week before school. I tried to spend as much time with Bella as I could to make up for the time we spent apart. But between her time in La Push with Black and her new budding relationship, most of our time was spent in the evenings on her porch talking until Charlie came out to tell her it was time to turn in for the night; the worst part of every day for me.
Fortunately, school started soon enough and even though she told me that James would be picking her up for school now, I still looked forward to her arrival everyday. But the days got progressively more frustrating as he found the need to attach himself to her hip every possible second. Before school, in the hallway between classes, at lunch, after school; it seemed unending. The only time I had Bella all to myself lately was in the fortunate happenstance of a shared study hall in the library third period. And it was the one time where Bella was still my Bella, my firecracker. We made a habit of passing notes to see who could make the other one make noise first, and nine times out of ten, it was me who made the first noise. I had already gotten one detention for it and we were barely into our second week of school, but it was entirely worth it for the note that caused the snort.
So how goes the status of the pussy ladder? Still in service, or has it lost its luster and retired?
With her sixteenth birthday right around the corner, I don't know why I hadn't expected something like that after the offer I had extended to her once she got her license. But honestly, sex wasn't all that appealing to me lately. I had learned this summer that burying myself in other women-no pun intended-did not solve anything for me; and that was thousands of miles away from Bella. Now I saw her everyday, surrounded by her scent for a solid hour; and no other girl in this entire school held the appeal for me that she did.
And today, surprisingly, the growth wasn't attached to her as we walked to her locker before study hall.
"So what time should I pick you up tomorrow for your party?" I asked her, leaning on the locker beside hers.
As expected, she groaned and rolled her eyes as she grabbed her Trig book out of the locker. "Edward, can't I just blow it off? I really just want to spend the day cocooned in my bed. And it's my birthday. Shouldn't the birthday girl get her wish?"
I tapped the tip of her nose with my finger and shook my head. "Nice try, Bella. But not gonna happen. Besides, do you really want to go toe to toe with the pissed off pixie? She's been planning this all summer."
"I'd love to be given the option of taking my chances, but obviously that's not going to happen. So I guess whenever," she shrugged and shut her locker roughly, but as she turned to walk with me down the hall, someone shoved past her and knocked her into me while her purse slid off her shoulder and onto the floor. "Why don't you watch where you're going, asswipe!"
As soon as I steadied her on her feet, I bent down to start helping her collect the contents of her purse that were scattered on the floor. The first thing that caught my eye, besides the tampon that I wasn't touching with a ten foot golden pole, was a circular pink compact. I picked it up and gazed at it for a moment before standing up and looking down at her as she gathered everything else into her purse. I didn't need to be a brain surgeon to know what it was.
"Um, Bella? What the fuck is this?" I asked tensely, between my fingertips.
I watched her stand up, looking at the object in my hand as she pulled her purse strap back onto her shoulder and shrugged nonchalantly. "It's a pack of birth control pills, what does it look like?" she replied in casual annoyance and reached out to grab it from my hand.
I pulled it out of her reach just before she made contact and my eyebrows rose. Beyond that, I felt my blood begin to boil. "Excuse me, it's what?"
Just then, I saw the leech sneak up behind her, slink his arm around her waist from behind and kiss her cheek. "Hey babe, sorry I'm late. Whatcha got there Cullen?"
"You should know, they belong to your girlfriend," I seethed with a glare that, if I had my way, would have him six feet under centuries ago.
Bella's eyes widened, snatching them from my hand and shoving them into her purse. "Thanks a lot, Edward," she growled through her teeth, her jaw clenched tightly.
"Well, that's always good to know," James replied and I had to look away before I knocked his teeth out as he began kissing her neck.
Get the hell away from her, you fucking slimeball, I growled mentally as I felt the circulation in my fingers still in my clenched fists, and the veins pulsing roughly in my neck. They hadn't even been together a full month yet and she was already on birth control. It made my stomach turn at the thought of those filthy hands touching something so beautiful and pure, let alone…
"You're gonna be late for class, James," I heard Bella's voice break the silence and turned just in time to watch her remove his arm from around her, sending him on his way down the hall. She seemed almost annoyed with him, but then again, it could just be her annoyance with me transferring onto him.
Or just wishful thinking on my part.
She then grabbed my arm roughly to start making our way to the library, her eyes narrowed. "I could fucking kill you," she hissed just as we were coming to the door of the library, leaving me no window for response.
We settled into our chairs at the table just as the bell rang, signaling the beginning of class. As I was digging my Calc book out of my bag, I caught sight of her hand in my peripheral vision shoving a piece of paper in my direction. I slipped it off the table and onto my lap to open it.
What the fuck is wrong with you? Could you have possibly drawn any more attention to me out there in the hallway?
I reached back to grab my pen from my back pocket and settled onto the table to respond.
Are you having sex with him?
Her eyes widened and I heard her gasp softly, shooting her gaze over to me briefly before turning back to respond.
What?
Don't play dumb, Bella. Are you having sex with James?
I shoved the note back to her angrily, my stomach tightening in anticipation of the reply. I tried to concentrate on the calculus problem in front of me, but I might as well have been staring at blank paper for all the sense it was making to my scrambled mind. I knew that someday someone would be with her in that way; touch her in ways I could only imagine. Just not him. I begged with everything in me for it not to be someone as vile as him. It should be someone who would love and appreciate her, not take that innocence away from her in some casual act of sexual release.
The folded paper appeared back in my vision on top of my assignment and I carefully unfolded it, bracing myself for the reply.
Not that it's any of your business, but of course not!
The relief was short-lived as I hurriedly wrote down my next concern.
Then why are you on the pill, you barely know the guy!
I've been on it for almost two years, Edward!
My eyes widened and I looked over to her in shock. The librarian cleared her throat and we both looked down at the table. Two years? I couldn't even formulate a reply to that right away. She had always come across to me as innocent not only in body, but when it got right down to the root of it all, in her mind too. She would make jokes about my sex life and would never seriously discuss any thought of exploring that avenue for herself; but on the pill since she was fourteen? To say that was surprising to me would be a supreme understatement.
And then the next obvious question popped into my mind.
Does Charlie know about this? Doubt he would approve if you aren't even supposed to be dating yet.
I watched her roll her eyes and jut her chin out slightly as she read, and then leaned over the table again to respond.
Charlie was the one that had me put on them, butthead!
I was so shocked by her statement, I couldn't even laugh. And I instead jotted down a quick 'What?'
Bella bit her lip to restrain a laugh and shook her head. She grabbed a new piece of paper and began to write again, taking much longer this time.
Edward, seriously do you think I'm a fucking skank or something? I just met the guy. Don't you think I have better things on my mind than that? Sex is the last thing on my mind. I saw a psychologist a couple of years ago, because, in case you haven't noticed, I tend to be a little moody and overly emotional at times. Well, over the period of a few months, she started to notice that the closer it came time to 'that time of the month', the more emotional and down I was. And she suggested to Charlie that I might be experiencing something called Premenstrual dysphoric disorder, and that it might be a good idea for me to go on the pill to regulate my hormones. That's all.
I read the note over carefully, occasionally glancing up to my Calc book for show. I had been unfortunate enough to catch several extremely nauseating cafeteria discussions about this particular 'disorder', so I knew vaguely what it was. But anything surrounding 'that time of the month'; the less I knew the better. Unless of course one was late, but that was hardly a concern of mine these days.
Well I'd hate to see you off your meds then.
I joked, trying to lighten the mood between us that I had so obviously intensified unnecessarily. She read the note and I stared down at my book again, fighting back a smirk until I felt her pinch the side of my thigh roughly and it broke through. She scribbled furiously for a moment and then shoved the paper back across to me.
Yuck it up, smartass. You men are assholes, you know that? That's exactly what Jake said too.
As much as I personally despised Jacob Black, I had decided not to make anything more complicated for her as long as he kept it strictly on a friendly level. She seemed really happy whenever she came back from La Push and her smile was something I never tired of. So if he kept it on her beautiful face, who was I to complain?
The bell rang to end class and I realized that I had been so caught up in my thoughts and passing notes with Bella, I hadn't gotten a single Calc problem finished. That meant more time after school, running boring numbers through my head, but it was worth it to have the peace of mind that my worst fears had not been realized. Yet…
Bella POV
All through lunch following that study hall, I was still a little tense. I could hardly believe what had just transpired the period before in the library. It was such a ridiculous reaction for Edward to have over something as simple as my being on the pill. And what did it matter anyway? Once again, this overprotective brother routine. For once, I wish he would stop, and just be my friend.
If I couldn't have him in any other way than this, I at least would like my best friend instead of this overzealous protector, going ballistic on me over being on the pill. Alice was the exact polar opposite of Edward. She was encouraging me to 'get it over with already'; my own personal sexual cheerleader. Rose and I still had not made much progress toward being friends, and she thought I was a prude.
Was it so damn difficult for everyone to understand that I don't want it to be just anyone I share myself with? Call me old fashioned, but I wanted it to be special. I wanted something more than just 'get it over with'; I thought at least Edward would understand me that much.
"So, you coming to the game tonight, babe?" James shook me out of my thoughts when he abruptly sat beside me and tugged me gently toward him with his arm around my waist.
The game. Tonight. I completely forgot; what kind of girlfriend was I? "Hey Alice, you wanna go to the game with me tonight?" I called across the table to her, immersed as she was in her own little world with Jasper. I rolled my straw wrapper between my palms and then flicked it toward her, watching it bounce off the back of her head. "Hey, little spritelette! Football. You game tonight?"
Alice's face scrunched slightly and she bit her lip. "I'm sorry, Bells. I kinda have plans with Jazz tonight. He's got a gig up in Seattle."
"Oh, wow. That's incredible, Jasper," I smiled encouragingly, truly excited for him. Jasper was an amazing guitarist, and I knew this was a big deal for him. There was no way I was going to steal his 'muse' away from him, as he so fondly referred to Alice.
My eyes then moved around the table, passing right by Rose. Emmett had to work tonight, I knew that much. And there was no way I was going to place either of us in that uncomfortable situation. Which left… Edward.
"Bella, you know I can't stand football," Edward groaned as I gave him my best pouty face. He owed me big time after the study hall incident, and he knew it.
I heard a loud snort from the other side of me, and my head spun to see James laughing. "Oh come on, Eddie. What man who calls himself a man doesn't like football?"
I closed my eyes, half-expecting Edward to snap, but when I turned my head slowly to look at him… he was calm. Too calm. That was infinitely worse.
He leaned forward on the table, looking thoughtful for a moment and then glanced over at James. "Oh I don't know, the ones who use their heads for something other than battering rams?"
"Oooooh. Never took you for a brainiac, Cullen," James taunted Edward and I knew this was going nowhere good very fast. "Guess we can't have you messing up that pretty boy hair. You know that's how you get all the chicks hot and bothered."
Edward started stabbing the tray lightly with his fork and shaking his head. I leaned toward him and ran my fingers through his hair gently. "Girls really like your hair, Edward? Thought that was just me," I teased lightly, trying to get him to smile.
But he reacted in a way I never would have expected. He startled the entire table, including me, by shoving his chair back roughly and screeching it across the linoleum. The sound echoed through the entire cafeteria and he stood perfectly still for a moment looking down at the table, before grabbing his tray roughly and met my eyes. "Consider yourself to have a ride."
I watched him stalk out of the cafeteria angrily and thrust the doors leading outside open roughly. In all the time I had known him, I had never seen him as uptight as he had been today and I would be lying if I said it didn't worry me. I stood up from the table without a word, following his path outside and stopping suddenly at a sight I hadn't seen in almost a year.
Edward was smoking a cigarette.
I walked toward him slowly and it took him a moment to detect my presence. When he did, he looked over at me and then quickly away again and sighed.
I stopped right beside him and watched endless emotions crossing his face so fast, I wasn't sure I could identify them all. "Edward, what's going on?" I asked, running my hand gently up and down his arm.
Edward cleared his throat softly and shook his head. "Nothing, I… sorry, I know this bothers you. I'll pick you up after school."
He began to walk away and I grabbed his arm, pulling him back to me but he wouldn't meet my eyes. "No, talk to me! What is going on with you, Edward?" I looked up at him flabbergasted and shook my head. "First you completely over react about my pills and now you are blowing a completely harmless comment out of proportion. This isn't like you. I don't understand why you're so upset over something that is obviously true, and…"
"How many times do I need to say it? Because I don't flaunt it in your face, Bella!" Edward replied sharply, but not raising his voice to loud. "I never have and I am most certainly not going to start now that it's not even a valid topic."
I felt my face go lax and I'm sure the gaze I was giving him was very blank. I had seen Edward angry many times, but this wasn't angry. I wasn't sure what this was, and to be honest, it frightened me a little because I didn't know what to expect from him next. He looked at me long enough to speak, and then quickly turned away again. I placed my hand on his cheek after he exhaled the drag he had just taken and pulled him gently back to face me. "Edward? Relax, okay? I know you don't. But that doesn't mean that I've forgotten about the ladder, or know about…"
"Bella," Edward interrupted me, this time not moving his eyes from me. "That's not me anymore, alright? Look, a lot has changed this summer. Some things that I really haven't had time to talk to you about. And now certainly isn't the time. But the only reason that ladder is still there is because of the offer I made to you, to use it anytime you needed me. That's it."
I watched his face in amazement and saw nothing but pure sincerity in his features. Edward was almost as obvious as I was when he was lying and a part of me was flying high at his words and I smiled, wrapping my arms around his neck. This was the Edward I loved. Not the womanizer, or the wisecracking tough guy. My Edward.
He hugged me back for a moment before pulling away and kissing my forehead, brushing his thumb lightly on my cheek with a weak smile. "I'll see you after school," he said softly and then turned to walk toward his car, taking a last drag of his cigarette and flicking it aside. I was too numb at that moment to move, or to even begin to wonder why he was leaving in the middle of the day.
James POV
I watched Bella leave behind Cullen without a word or even a glance in my direction and I stood up to follow her. The relationship she had with him never quite sat well with me. She would get these far off looks when she talked to him, or even about him and it was going to stop. She was my girl, not his.
But then why was she following him? Wasn't he the one being the over-reacting prick about this?
As I rounded the corner of the building, I got my answers; standing there, watching her interaction with him. Too close, too intimate to just be 'friends', and this needed to stop. My fists clenched tighter when she held him and he kissed her forehead. What was it about Edward Fucking Cullen? This pretty boy that made every woman and her sister weak at the knees?
Well this was one girl he wasn't going to get…
