Chapter 12: Awakenings

Bella POV

I had never slept so calmly and peacefully as I did that night with Edward. And when I opened my eyes to see him still there and sleeping, with his arms still around me; I had also never felt more content. I stared at his lips and my mind drifted back to the night before. His face had been so close to mine and I thought for a moment that he was going to kiss me, and with everything in me, I wanted him to. When he only kissed my forehead, I tried my best to hide my disappointment.

But I knew my Edward better than that. If for no other reason, he wouldn't kiss me for the same reason I wouldn't kiss him. James. I couldn't help but wonder if things had been different last night, if there were no James; would it have turned out differently? Would I have felt the pure heaven of his lips against mine again as I had that night that now seemed like forever ago? The kiss that even the most passionate one from James could never hold a candle to? One I would never forget as long as I lived…

My thoughts were broken as he rolled toward me in the bed and eventually opened his eyes to look at me. A lazy smile graced his lips, his eyes still barely more than slits as he gazed at me. "Morning," he mumbled in what had to be the sexiest morning voice I had ever heard. So deep and gravelly that if I wasn't already lying down, I might have ended up this way regardless. His face was so close to mine that our noses were brushing together, and he brought his hand up to brush my hair out of my face. "How'd you sleep?"

If anyone were to walk into this room and see us like this, I would swear they would think something other than what was actually going on here. I felt so comfortable in this close intimate bubble with him, and I never wanted to leave it. The moment I moved, it would burst and I wasn't ready for that. His hand cupped my face and he rested his forehead against mine, and without even thinking about it, I slid my arm around his waist. "Better than I have in years. Thank you for staying, Edward."

I felt his finger come to my lips and I closed my eyes to will myself not to kiss it. I didn't know where these strong sudden urges were coming from; far stronger than anything I had ever felt before. It was wonderful and confusing and heart wrenching all at once. Because he was here, but he wasn't mine. What was 'mine' was in California for the weekend-on my birthday. "What did I tell you last night? You never need to thank me for being here for you."

I smiled at his words and I hugged myself against him, enjoying this time for as long as I could. "Yea well, next time I'm remembering to bring a blanket because you're a cover hog," I joked, trying to lighten the situation.

"Next time?" he replied and my eyes flashed open again, looking up at him. He had an amused smirk on his face and his eyes were actually dancing for the first time in I couldn't remember how long. It was such a beautiful thing to see again. "You're already planning a next time?"

I smirked and tilted my chin up more. "Well you know, my dad is taking me for my license test Monday, and I might even pass. So who knows? Maybe I'll just be taking you up on your offer."

Both of our smiles slowly wavered and we stared into each other's eyes. That one look from him stirred so much inside me; the room soon became overwhelmingly stifling with the electricity in the air. I had to break it before it went too far.

"Charlie is going to be coming to get me when he gets off duty, so I better get dressed," I said softly as I pushed myself up to climb over him. We moved at the same time, and between the tangle of sheets and legs, I felt something brush up against my thigh. I hoped beyond hope that it was just my imagination, but as I raised my eyes to take in the expression on his face, something told me it wasn't.

Holy crap! I thought to myself, and swallowed hard. I had tried so relentlessly never to think of him in that way, though it rarely worked. But now I didn't know if I could keep myself from thinking about it.

I was quite literally saved by the bell when I heard Charlie's horn outside. "I'll uhh… I'll just pick my clothes up at some point."

Edward merely nodded his head as I continued to climb over him and he got out of bed as well, following me downstairs to walk me to the door. "Um, Bella?" he called from behind me, carrying my ringing purse over to me.

My phone and my purse; I had completely forgotten about that. I pulled my phone out and looked down. Dad.

"Hi Dad, I'm on my way out now… bye." I closed my phone and the display read 47 missed calls. Obsessed much?, I thought to myself, knowing no one would call me that many times except for James. And everyone else had been here last night. I rolled my eyes, looking up at Edward and smiling nervously at him. "I'll call you later or something?"

He gave me an odd sort of smirk and nodded, giving me a gentle hug. I walked out to the car and waved to him once in the doorway before climbing in.

Being in the car with Charlie didn't help to ease my nerves at all; if anything, it kept them on edge. After the long, soul-bearing talk I'd had with Edward last night, I felt somewhat awkward around my dad right now. Why is it that in ten years, I couldn't talk about this with the one person who could possibly understand what I was going through? I couldn't even talk with all the shrinks and grievance counselors I had been forced to endure. But one night, one moment in one song was all it took for me to lay my trust in Edward's hands and open up fully to him. No one had ever been able to break down my walls and see the deepest depths of my soul. And I'd never wanted anyone to… until last night.

"Did you have fun last night?" Charlie said suddenly, almost seeming as uncomfortable as I felt.

I looked over to him briefly and then nodded as my eyes fell back into my lap. "Yea, it was great. You know… for a party," I said with a small chuckle, but then I sighed. Talking about the way things used to be with my dad had made my heart ache slightly for what we once had. I knew the death of my mom had affected him in a way I couldn't even begin to imagine. Such a sudden lifestyle change; his whole life had been uprooted as he was abruptly thrust into single parenthood. My heart went out to him as I thought about this for the first time in my life. I'd been so focused on the effect losing my mom had on me, I'd hardly thought about him at all. But now wasn't the time to talk to him about this and thank him for doing everything he had for me. Monday… after my test, we would have some father daughter time.

My phone buzzed in my hand and I looked down, cringing slightly. James. I really didn't feel ready for this. I silenced the ring and stared out the side window, my mind drifting back to Edward and that wonderful dream I had last night. I was still smiling to myself when we pulled up to the house and walked in. His warmth and scent had infused into me last night to create, by far, the most vivid dream I had ever had of Edward. We were in a cabin somewhere, sitting on a couch and drinking wine. His arm was around me as we stared at the crackling fireplace. I even remembered the scent, that deep musky smell of burning cedar. I looked up at him and whispered 'I love you', and I felt my chest swell as he returned the sentiment and pressed his lips softly to mine. The passion increased slowly with the kiss until he set his wine down, taking mine and doing the same. He scooped me into his arms effortlessly and carried me into a bedroom and set me down on a large pine four-poster bed. 'Bella baby,' he whispered as his lips pressed against mine again...

Bzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzz.

I wanted to flush the damn phone down the toilet. I silenced it again and bit my lip. 'Bella baby'. He'd said that to me last night. He'd called me many things over the last year, but never 'baby'. Just the thought of it sent shivers down my spine, even if he didn't mean anything by it. Just the sound of it on his lips and directed at me was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. And I could help but smile as I played it over and over again in my mind.

Bzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzz.

I groaned in aggravation. Every pleasant thought I had today had been interrupted by this damn phone. I flipped it open with my jaw clenched. "What?" I exclaimed in a tight, annoyed tone.

I heard James sarcastic huff of a chuckle on the other end, and the sound made me cringe. "Well, that's some way to greet your boyfriend who you have completely ignored for nearly twenty four hours. Where the hell have you been?"

I took a deep breath and exhaled angrily. "I was at my party at the Cullens', James. You know that."

"Sure, but what were you doing with Cullen that you couldn't answer your damn phone?" he snapped angrily and my blood boiled. He'd been increasingly jealous of any time I spent with Edward over the last couple of weeks. However, after the emotional night I'd had last night, and amazing yet confusingly awkward morning so far, I was really in no frame of mind to be logical. I was happy, but still very confused and conflicted. I had no idea where these strong emotions toward Edward were suddenly emerging from, even though I knew that they had always partially been present. But this morning, laying in his arms in his bed, even though it was completely innocent, was more intimate than anything I had ever experienced. I didn't feel as strange as I thought it would, lying there in the arms of my best friend. "Did you hear me, Bella? What were you and Cullen doing?"

His loud screech into the phone broke me out of my reverie, igniting my anger again. "Nothing! We were having a party to celebrate my birthday and that was it! Why are you being such a jealous prick?" I sneered, trying to keep my voice down so as not to wake my hopefully sleeping father.

"Gee, I don't know, Bella. Maybe because I didn't want you going there in the first place?" he yelled, his anger seeming to reach new heights. "Don't you think it's a little inappropriate to be spending the night at a guy's house, without your boyfriend present? There are already enough rumors going around about you and Cullen, and you're not going to make an ass out of me."

"No, James. You do a fine job of that all by yourself," I retorted, feeling a new surge of empowerment inside me. I had never really had the nerve to defend myself, the courage to go toe-to-toe with him. It felt good. "Maybe I wouldn't have been at another guy's house without my boyfriend, if said boyfriend hadn't decided that this weekend would be a good time to go surfing in California! On my birthday of all days."

"You know I had no choice, babe," James replied, his voice calming a little.

"No James, that's where you're wrong. You always have a choice," I snarled into the phone as I grabbed a danish out of the fridge and tossed it into the microwave. "Edward and I have been friends for over a year now, and close as we may be, we are not like that. You know, it's not like you don't have a rumor mill going around about you and that cheerleader. So should I start questioning you about that?"

"Even if I was doing something with Victoria, it would be completely justified," he snarled, his anger rising again. "Maybe if you'd put out…"

"Yea well unlike you, I don't have a one track brain," I hissed, ripping the drawer open and reaching in for a fork, when one of the tongs caught the edge of a plastic wrapper. I paused as I watched the entire bag of straws from the drawer scattered across the kitchen floor.

"Shit," I whispered and crouched down to start picking them up. But as soon as I took one in my hand, for a moment nothing existed in the world. Not James screaming in my ear… not the beeping of the microwave… nothing but that blue pinstriped… bendy straw…

…'What the fuck, Bella? It's a straw! Want it bendy? Here…', and he bent my straw.

...When it happens, I want it to be with someone who knows me and I can know for certain that it's because he cares about me and not just because he's a horny teenager.

…"Oh hold on!" Edward exclaimed from beside me and ran over to one of the kitchen drawers and back to me, and popped a straw into my soda. "There ya go."

you know what he did? He bent the straw!

What's he got a death wish?"

I don't know why Edward insists on enabling your OCD behavior…

The words from last night rang through my head, as the tip of my finger bent and released the straw repeatedly in my hand.

Edward.

Edward had brought the package over last month and put them in the drawer. I remember looking at him and smiling and he had just smirked back at me, shrugging his shoulders before walking into the living room. He always did things like that. Small things. Considerate things. He was always taking care of me. He had brought me a new package every month since he discovered my obsession with bendy straws. He used to say it was to prevent a battle when Charlie inevitably forgot and came home with the straight ones.

I want it to be with someone who knows me…

You know me so well…

What's he got a death wish?"

I want it to be with someone who knows me…

Edward insists on enabling your OCD behavior…

I want it to be with someone who knows me…

You know me so well…

And it was then that it hit me. All it had taken was something as ridiculous as a bendy straw for me to figure it out. That's it! Why I opened up so freely last night, when no one else had ever been able to break through. No one else could ever earn my trust enough. Why every touch of James' repulsed me. Why no matter how hard I tried, he just didn't do anything for me. I didn't want anyone else… because nobody else was Edward.

I was never meant to get over Edward Cullen.

"Bella!" James yelled into the phone, snapping me back to the moment. "Dammit, will you answer me when I…"

"It's over," I said simply in a very distant voice, my eyes still focused on the straw.

"What? What the hell are you talking about, Bella. Are you high or something?" James screeched into my ear, but I didn't even flinch.

I was still elsewhere. In a bright room with a wall of windows, under a black velour comforter with the arms of the man I loved with all my heart around me.

"I've actually never been thinking more clearly. We're done. Go ahead and fuck Victoria, have a blast," I replied with a smile on my face. And even when he retorted that he already had because he 'had to get it somewhere', I was still unaffected. I knew what this whole morning was all about now, and what I needed to do. And who I needed. And it certainly wasn't the voice on the other end of this phone. "Goodbye James."

With that, I snapped the phone closed, and I instantly felt lighter, freer. I giggled lightly at the realization and couldn't stop as I picked up all the straws. I had been such an idiot for not seeing this sooner. All I could hope was that the look in his eyes this morning and the electricity between us was not misinterpreted or one-sided. There was only one way to find out. I just had to figure out how to go about it.

Edward POV

First of all, morning wood… never a comfortable thing. I had tried so hard to keep enough space between our bodies the morning in the bed that she wouldn't notice and just enjoy that quiet, peaceful moment with her. But when she moved to get out of the bed, in an attempt to avoid contact, I put myself right in the line of contact with her thigh. Which naturally, only served to worsen my condition.

Not only was her body touching mine in a very intimate way, but also her thigh against my erection was the most intense pleasure I had ever felt in my entire life without actually having sex. But I swore to myself that I would be what she needed me to be, and this was certainly not it. We just stared at each other for a moment before we heard the sound of Charlie's horn outside.

As we got downstairs, the sound of a cell phone ringing caught my attention and I glanced over to the couch to see that Bella was about to walk out the door without her purse. I grabbed it quickly and ran it out to her, our eyes making contact one more time before she got into the car. I returned her wave before she lowered into the car and then she was gone. I groaned softly as I closed the front door and leaned back against it; my painful erection making itself clearly known. I had to get rid of it, or I would never hear the end of it from anyone still in this house.

I ran back up the stairs-fortunately unnoticed-and into the bathroom. I undressed and stepped into the shower, turning it as cold as my body could tolerate. But it didn't ease it like it usually did. With the thoughts and even the scent of Bella still fresh, my problem was only increasing.

Her thigh pressed against me, even for such a short moment… I slowly began stroking myself at the thought. Without stopping my movements, I reached back and turned the knob to bring the water up to as hot as I could tolerate, and then rested my palm against the wall in front of me. I closed my eyes and pictured the only face that appealed to me, the one that made my body sing. Even the thought of holding her in my arms last night, watching her sleep was enough. And then… hearing her almost moan my name in the middle of the night. I allowed myself to believe just for a moment right now that she had been dreaming of me in the same way I had dreamed of her nearly every night for the last year. Her small petite frame writhing beneath mine, a sheen of sweat from our passionate embrace being the only separator between us. I could smell her, feel her, taste her. Her lips pressed against mine, her tiny fingers in my hair, her tight wet folds enclosing around my….

"Fuck!" I exclaimed as my release came in a sudden explosive rush, leaving me panting heavily as each wave came over me more urgent than the one before. It had been a long time since I came this hard, and never had it made me feel this light-headed, and oddly satiated. As my hand came to a stop, I dropped down to my knees as I struggled to regain my breath and orientation. My head was spinning in a way I had never experienced before. If that was the closest I ever came to making love to Bella Swan, I could still die a happy man.

Making love?

That brought my consciousness back to me. Since when did I ever phrase it like that? It's sex. It's fucking.

Obviously unless your name is Bella Swan.

"God this is going to be a long year," I muttered to myself, and pushed myself up to finish my shower.