Chapter 15: Assumptions

Edward POV

That morning, I woke up with my arms still around Bella as she curled against my side. Her head was resting on my chest, her hair spread over the pillows and every inch of our naked bodies pressed together. She was sleeping peacefully.

Making love to her last night had been, by far, the most amazing and intense experience of my life. Our bodies had fit together as if made for each other. And Bella…she was incredible. I'd never seen that side of her before and I grinned as I realized I couldn't wait to see it again. I looked down at her and a warmth I had never felt before filled my chest. Sharing something that intimate and personal together made our bond even stronger.

You don't have to say anything. I know, she had said.

She was mine and everything else could be figured out over time; but I wasn't letting her go. I'd never been happier in my life.

I watched her eyes flutter open slowly and she looked at me, a beautiful morning haze present on her features. "Morning," I said softly, nuzzling my nose against hers as she looked up at me and brushing my lips against hers.

A small contented smile came over her lips and her fingertip drew gently along my jaw line. "Morning," she whispered back and pressed her lips back against mine in a deeper kiss. I ran my hand over her hair, kissing her with soft passion until she pulled away and smiled. "I'll be right back. I have morning breath."

I chuckled and shook my head, but released her to rise up slowly from the bed. A pang of guilt hit me as I watched her wrap the sheet around herself and walk uncomfortably toward the bathroom to brush her teeth. She had decided to leave one here after last week. It had filled me with hope to think that she had considered staying with me again. I hated to think that I was the cause of her aching like that; but at the same time, I was glad it was me. She deserved to cared for and a small part of me, one that I would never admit to, felt immense pride as I watched her gingerly walk away. I had been her first. She chose me. A small smile lifted my lips.

A sudden scream from the bathroom broke through my thoughts and I jumped up out of bed, throwing my pants on and hurrying to the door. Before I could reach it, it flew open and tears were running down Bella's cheeks. "Baby, what's wrong?"

She began shaking her head violently and moved past me over to the bed, her hands coming up over her mouth as she looked at it. "It really happened, didn't it?" she said in a distressed tone, which I had to admit confused me more than just a little. How did we go from morning breath to tears in such a short period of time?

"Bella, what is wrong?" I asked again, walking toward her and placing my hands on her shoulders, following her gaze to the bed. Shit. A small circle of red stood out against the white sheets and it was then that it hit me; it was a heat of the moment thing, and now she regretted it. "I'm so-"

Her head began to shake rapidly again as she pulled away from me, half fumbling to put her clothes on. She kept the sheet covering her as long as possible and turned to face away from me. "No! Do not say you're sorry, Edward! It's not you, it's me! How could I have been so stupid to think that I could handle this?" she began rambling and once she slid on her shirt, she turned around to face me. "I mean seriously, a girl climbs through your bedroom window and practically throws herself at you, what are you supposed to do? Say no?"

"Be-…" I tried to speak again, but again cut off by her as she drove her hands into her hair, with more tears falling.

"I've ruined everything! How could I have been so stupid and blind and completely irrational! I mean, hasn't this been what I have been avoiding all this time? What the fuck was I thinking last night? Did I really think we would just wake up this morning and everything would just go back to business as usual?" she nearly screeched, and I stepped toward her, reaching out for her; but she stepped back quickly hugging her arms around her abdomen and wincing slightly. I knew she was still sore but I think the frame of mind was such that she hadn't thought about it as much as she would have otherwise. "Don't. You don't have to pretend for me, Edward. I just… I… I have to get out of here."

I moved after her again as she grabbed her keys off my bedside table and walking toward the door. "Bella, don't. Please, let's just talk about this," I pleaded with her as I caught up with her as we both reached the bottom of the stairs and I took her arm.

"Just let me go, Edward," she said in a soft pained voice that struck me deep in my heart, and I felt I had no other option but to comply. What choice did I have? She probably just needed some time to grasp the reality of what happened last night and the changes it would entail; the intimate bond we now shared. I could not begrudge her that.

So I let go of her arm without a word, and she rushed out the door without looking back. Everything would be fine. It had to be.

I sighed heavily as I heard her car start and the crunching of gravel as she pulled out. I would not accept that this thing between Bella and I was not meant to be. She felt it just as much as I did; I was certain of it after last night. The way she held me, touched me, kissed me; no one had ever done that. No one had made me feel that way, as if it was more than just a 'good time'. Even the few that had gotten a little clingy were just a little dickmatized. I never failed at pleasuring a girl to the fullest, and that is what they wanted more of because none of them really knew me.

But Bella did. Bella knew me better than anyone else did and very few things did I keep from her. My plans for the future, for instance. I had mentioned it in casual conversation once and she had chuckled as if I was joking. So for now, I allowed her to believe that. She seemed more content that way. But regardless of what decisions I would have to make now, one thing was definitely for certain; Bella was going to be a consideration in all of them. She wasn't thinking rationally right now and once she was, we would figure it out. Together.

Bella POV

I got out of that house as quickly as I could; ignoring the discomfort I felt. Nothing was more prominent in my mind than the fact that I just fucked up in the worst possible way. One night of listening to my heart instead of my head and I had just destroyed the best thing in my life. He would never look at me the same way again. How could he? I was no longer the sweet, innocent and untouched Bella. I had become just another one of those girls who had climbed up that ladder to experience Edward Cullen, and it was never anything more than that. Why should I be any different? I may be his friend, but there was nothing special about me that would hold the attention of a guy like him; friend or not.

I drove straight to Alice's, knowing that not only was that where I was supposed to be, but I also couldn't let my dad see me like this. When I got to the house, Alice flew out the front door with an excited smile on her face… until I stepped out of the car. And then her steps quickened as she rushed over to me. "Bella, what's wrong? What happened?"

I shook my head as I walked back into the house with her and to her room. "I'd really rather not talk about it, Alice. Not right now," I replied as we walked in and I flopped down onto her bed face first but as much as I tried, I couldn't hold in the sobs.

I felt Alice come and sit on the bed beside my head, and run her tiny hand over my still mussed hair. Sex hair. Bella Swan had officially obtained sex hair! There was no way I could lie about this; not only because of my hair, but Alice could read into things far too well for her own good sometimes.

"I slept with him, Alice," I mumbled into the pillow and I felt her hand come to a halt on my hair. "I went over there, I threw myself at him and I slept with him. God, what have I done?"

"Bella, sweetie? You would be far more intelligible if your face wasn't buried in a pillow," Alice said softly, gently trying to turn me toward her.

As my face turned, I saw that Rose had also joined Alice on the bed beside me, both of them looking at me with questioning glances.

"I love him," I whispered softly as fresh tears filled my eyes. I knew that by admitting that to someone other than Jacob, it meant that I would now have to accept it myself. I saw Jacob maybe once a week. Alice and Rose I saw every single day, and I would now have to face that reality every day as well. But my chest was so tight, I felt as if I might explode if I didn't get it out. "I love him so much that I can't and don't want to picture my life without him in it. And now I've gone and done everything I had been trying so hard to avoid. I've become another notch on the bedpost. No matter what last night may have felt like for me, it's never any more than that to him."

Rose stood up abruptly and folded her arms over her chest with a stern look on her face. "Not to sound like a bitch, Bella. But when are you going to take that head of yours and remove it from your ass? Maybe then you could see the big picture a little clearer."

Both Alice and I looked up at her with wide stares; but whereas I was stunned silent, Alice started shaking her head. "Rose, don't…"

"No, she needs to hear this!" Rose snapped at Alice, and then her eyes came back to me, surprisingly softer as she sat back down on the bed. "Bella, are you really that blind?"

I looked at her and narrowed my eyes in confusion. "What are you talking about, Rose?" I asked softly, shaking my head.

"I guess you are," she replied with a slight roll of her eyes but to my amazement, she still kept a calm demeanor without any rudeness in her tone. "Bella, that guy is in love with you."

"Rosalie, please. Don't start with that too," I replied pinching my eyes closed and lowering my head. "I know that Edward cares about me a lot. But you don't know Edward like I do, and you don't know what a mess I've made…"

Rosalie's fingers under my chin cut me off, lifting it up to look at her. I hesitantly opened my eyes as she spoke. "Really? And you think I spend all my time waiting for Emmett to get home from work baking cookies with Esme? And have you forgotten that Edward and I are lab partners in Chem this year?" I gazed at her speechlessly; I had not known that. She reached over and took my hand gently, rubbing the back of it. "Bella, Edward loves you. Over the last month, we have sat out in the pool house on so many nights, with him just pouring his heart out to me. He was completely devastated when he came home and found out you were with James. And I don't know what happened last week after your birthday but something changed in him, Bella."

"Nothing is going to change him, Rose," I yelled out, my tears spilling over again as I sprung off the bed and faced away from them. "He's never going to love me like that and certainly not now. Especially now that I've just become one more girl coming to his bedroom for sex."

"Well, is that why you went there?" Rose asked pointedly, with one of her perfect eyebrows crooked as I spun around to look at her. "It's a simple question, Bella."

"No, god no!" I asked, slightly appalled by her question but then my eyes cast down. "I just wanted to see him, you know. Just tell him how I felt and... I don't know what I was expecting. But these feelings aren't going anywhere and if he's going to reject me, I want him to just reject me now and get it over with before…"

I bit my lip to stop myself from continuing. Before he left me too. I had worked on my confidence over the years and tried to hold dear to any spark of happiness in my life that I could. But I had already had one person that I loved so much step away from me voluntarily, leaving me behind without a care. I still had my dad but he was my father; my one constant in life. Even if he didn't love me as much as I knew he did, he was still the only parent I had left. My dad would never leave me.

But Edward was different. Over the last year, Edward had become a part of me and lately he had been the one thing in this world keeping me from losing my mind and holding me together. What was going to happen when he graduated and left?

After 15 minutes of arguing and one death threat to a pair of Manolo Blahnik's later, I was home and in the shower. Standing under the hot water, I allowed myself for the first time to think back on last night. Even with everything that Rose had said, it didn't change anything. Maybe Edward did think he loved me; I suppose anything was possible. Did I think it was anything other than a fleeting emotion for him? No.

I had known Edward for over a year. Hell, sometimes I think I knew him better than he knew himself. In all that time, I had never seen him with someone for longer than a couple of weeks; actually a couple of days would be a more accurate description. As soon as the sex was done, so was everything else. I knew he had been with Tanya for longer. He had cared for her but looking back, I realized it might have just been an infatuation. They had been each other's firsts, and he had felt a need to prove to her that it wasn't just a casual thing.

I knew deep down that Edward would not be an ass about this, but I just couldn't bear to hear the words that were bound to come. He didn't do actual relationships, and I wouldn't do anything but. I loved him far too much even to be an occasional casual fling for him. So I ignored every call, every text, every email and even the knock on the door around 6:30 that night. I did not regret losing my virginity to Edward; just the circumstances. And that was what was so difficult to bear. It was tender, it was passionate and he was so damn gentle and patient with me. To the casual observer, our heat of the moment encounter would have been easy to interpret as two people in love. But I knew better, and I didn't want to wind up being nothing more than a passing fancy to him.

I also knew that I couldn't avoid him forever, no matter how hard I tried. I was going to have to face the truth sometime… just not now. The longer I put it off, the more prepared I would be for it.

When I pulled up to the school on Monday, after spending the remainder of my weekend in bed with a book, my stomach began to turn. I half considered turning around and going back home as soon as I saw that glint of gold across the parking lot. At least I had two hours before I had to face him in study hall. What had once been my most anticipated class of the day had now become my worst nightmare.

I saw him standing with Alice and Jasper out in front of the school and I walked past them all without a word and jogged inside. I couldn't let anyone see how much it was affecting me to see him or the pain it caused my heart. I certainly couldn't pretend that I was okay; I was far from okay.

The hallway was filled with voices and footsteps all around me, so I hadn't noticed when one particular set came storming out of nowhere and slammed my locker shut in front of me. My head spun to the right and there stood a very enraged Edward. Not exactly what I was expecting to see.

"We need to talk, Bella," he said in a tense voice, every one of his features pulled tight.

I looked away from him and tried to open my locker again, but he only pressed more of his weight on it to keep it closed. He was far stronger than I was and I knew this, but I was not ready to handle any of this.

"Not now, Edward. Please," I pleaded, glancing at him briefly out of the corner of my eye and then back to the floor.

Before I knew it, he had a firm yet still gentle hold on my upper arm and began pulling me along with him down the hall. "Yes, Isabella. Now," he replied flatly and with a finality that meant there was no arguing with him.