Chapter 18: Decisions

Edward POV

The next couple of weeks seemed to fly by, and I could never remember being as happy as I was now. I looked forward to coming to school every single morning. Even hearing her voice on the phone all the way there couldn't compare to the smile that greeted me when I arrived.

By the second Friday night date with Bella, it was set in stone; this was who I was meant to be with.

We had plans to spend this Friday at Alice's house. Her parents were away for the weekend, so she invited all of us to come over. Bella protested slightly to the change in our Friday night plans at first, but I argued that I had been monopolizing her time and keeping her from her friends. She had no rebuttal to that.

After about an hour of sitting around with our friends, talking and laughing, Emmett suddenly cleared his throat loudly. It was only then that I had noticed he had actually been the quietest of us all tonight, which was uncommon.

"You know, you all are the best friends anyone could ever ask for… even you, butthead." He gave me a slight grin and I jokingly flipped my brother off, causing him to laugh out loud. "So I wanted you all to be the first to know that… I asked Rose to marry me. And she said yes."

I stared blankly at Emmett for a moment to determine if he was joking, but then Bella and Alice both jumped up to rush over to Rosalie; who now pulled her left hand out to reveal a sizable diamond gracing her finger. I shook my head with a laugh and stood up, walking over to my brother and giving him a hug.

"Congrats, man," I said, patting him on the back.

I watched as the girls gushed for what seemed like hours over wedding dresses and flowers, almost sounding as if they were speaking in a whole other language. I stood up and walked outside, breathing in the cool damp air and feeling it fill my lungs. No matter what choices I made, life would never be that simple for Bella and me. I was graduating in eight months and she still had two years beyond that to finish. She was still so young, and while I couldn't imagine my life without her anymore, who knew what two more years could change for her? If I stuck to my plan and left, would that even be fair to ask of her? To expect her to hold out and wait for me? If I stayed, would I someday resent her for it? Although I couldn't imagine now ever resenting her for anything, who knows how I would feel when I was forty or fifty. Sacrificing for love sounds very romantic when you're young and in the throws of passion.

And very naïve.

I suddenly startled by two tiny arms sliding around my waist and a pair of lips pressing against my back.

"You okay, Edward? The big 'm' word scare you off?" Bella teased and I laughed, gently rubbing her arms with my hands.

"No, I'm fine, baby," I replied, bringing one of her hands up to my lips and kissing it gently before placing it back on my stomach. "Just been a long week, clearing my head."

Bella moved around my body to stand in front of me, boosting herself up to sit on the porch railing and hooking her legs around my thighs to pull me closer to her.

"I think I just might be able to help you there," she replied with a sly grin, bringing her hands to my face and gently pulling me into a slow, passionate kiss.

And just like that-all my thoughts were lost.

Once again, the only thing that mattered to me in the whole world was this girl right here in front of me, pressing her soft lips against mine. How I ever thought I could live without her, I will never know.

She pulled away from my lips slowly, but her hands continued to play gently with the ends of my hair as she nuzzled her nose against mine.

"Everyone's gone to bed," she said with an insinuating tone. I grinned as I felt the grip of her legs around my waist tighten, pulling me closer to her.

I smiled at her and brushed her lips gently with my own as I lifted her up into my arms off the railing. It was incredible how much the last few weeks had changed not only me, but Bella as well. Her smile always reached her eyes now, and the relaxed comfort we felt with each other was amazing. Not to mention she had become a little minx behind closed doors, and I had never been more gratified. I set her feet on the ground and she took my hands, biting her lip innocently as she stepped backward toward the door.

We walked hand in hand to the guest bedroom that was ours for the night and the door had barely closed before she pulled me back into her arms. Her lips returned to mine in that same sensual way with her hand caressing my cheek. Quickly shedding my jacket and removing hers, lifting her into my arms bridal style and never pulling away from her lips as I carried her over to the bed. Our bodies met the bed in one fluid motion and her arms tightened around my shoulders. Even though I could count how many times we'd had sex on two hands since we'd been together, I could read Bella like a book when it came to this. When she held me and kissed me like this, it wasn't just about the sex; she needed me.

But I also knew that it was in these moments that some of her insecurities would surface, even though she was getting better. Her hand trailed down from my shoulder all the way down to the waistband of my jeans and froze for a moment.

"It's okay, baby," I whispered to her softly against her lips, gently taking her hand and guiding it further down.

She left out a soft moan as her hand cupped around my erection through my jeans and her lips sealed against mine again, my own throaty sound meeting hers. Her other hand weaved through my hair as I began gently massaging her breast through the white wifebeater she had changed into, the one that had belonged to me no more than a week ago. But as with so many things, I could not deny Bella of anything she wanted. Especially with something as simple as that.

I felt her hand move from the bulge in my pants to the button of my jeans and she undid it quickly. There's my minx, I thought to myself as, before I knew it, she had my jeans and boxers pushed over my hips and her hand was slowly stroking me. My hands slid up the back of her shirt as I moaned into her mouth; the soft skin of her palm feeling amazing against me but I wanted to be inside her and feel her.

So I nudged her arm with mine as I began lifting her shirt from her body and she pushed my jeans down with her feet. That was the most endearing thing she did during sex, since every other girl had either shoved them from my body while we were still standing up, or I broke away from the moment to remove them myself. But with her, our bodies needed to remain touching. She could continue kissing me as I had only allowed her to do; she was the only one I had ever wanted to.

As soon as she brought my shirt over my head, she immediately slid her arms around my shoulders to pull our bodies together and we both released sighs of contentment. I slid my hand inside her pajama pants and felt her grin against my lips. I grabbed onto her ass and noticed that she was wearing no underwear.

"Oh how you tempt me. I just might have to take advantage of you, Miss Swan," I whispered in a husky voice, gazing at her with hooded eyes.

"And I just might have to let you, Mr. Cullen," she replied in her soft tender voice, brushing my lips gently with hers.

I smiled, kissing her lips softly and then worked my way down her neck; continuing along her body until I reached the tie of her pajama pants. I tugged at it lightly with my teeth, eliciting a soft giggle. She stared at me lovingly as I traced my fingertips along her waist, just enjoying the feel of her skin and felt her hand come up to gently stroke my hair. I slowly tugged at the tie and never taking my eyes off hers as I slowly guided them down her legs. Kicking my shoes and pants off at the end of the bed, I tossed her pants on top of mine and began kissing my way back up her body.

As I reached her thighs, her body began to tense slightly until I kissed up her hip and over her abdomen. Only once had Bella allowed me to pleasure her in that way because, as she explained to me, she didn't want to receive pleasure that she couldn't reciprocate. And each time we made love, I made a mental note to pummel James for dragging her self esteem through the mud like that. When I finally made it to her lips, I kissed her gently.

"Relax baby," I whispered softly, her arms and legs coming up to wrap around me as I slowly slid inside her.

"Oh god, Edward," she gasped softly as her head tilted back into the pillow and her fingers wove into my hair. I kissed along her chin until she finally brought her lips back to mine and I began my movement inside her.

This was heaven to me.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed having sex with her but when we were together this way, it was so much more than that. Every cheesy line ever written came to mind at times like these. We were one; connected mind, body and spirit. Like there was no one else in the word but the two of us.

But this time was different and I could feel that already. When I opened my eyes to look at her, I noticed a tear trailing down her temple. I stopped my movements and waited until she opened her eyes. "Bella, what's wrong?"

She merely shook her head and raised her lips to mine. "Nothing. Please don't stop. I just feel so close to you."

She kissed me, not letting me speak and bringing her hips up to meet mine. I began moving inside of her again slowly, our bodies rising and falling to meet each other. And it wasn't long at all before I felt her body begin to arch and tense around me, knowing that both of our climaxes were near.

"I love you, baby," I whispered huskily before kissing her just below her ear.

"I love… you… God, Edward!" Bella panted heavily and tightened her hold around me as she came; pressing her lips firmly against my shoulder. And our groans mingled a moment later when I released inside her.

We lay there holding each other for several minutes together, and I felt her kissing along my shoulder and running her hands lightly over my back. When I finally rolled off her, she immediately moved back into my arms against my side and pulled the blanket over us.

She was acting very strange tonight, her moods changing like night and day. And now she was lying silently beside me, staring at her fingers tracing tiny patterns on my palm; but her expression was unreadable. Her eyes came up to mine when I caught her fingers in motion and laced mine with them.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked seriously, staring into her eyes.

They flickered slightly as she looked at me, and then she sighed softly. "It's nothing, really. I told you, I just feel very close to you tonight."

I rolled onto my side and propped my head on one hand, her eyes falling to my chest as I brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Baby, talk to me. You know you're a terrible liar," I replied lifting her chin and offering her a small smile, which she weakly returned.

"It's stupid, really," she replied with a sad laugh and returned her eyes to my chest, starting with the fingertip patterns on it again. "I was just thinking tonight. Watching Alice and Jasper, and then Emmett and Rosalie with their engagement. It's like everything fits with them. But it's never going to be that easy for us, is it?"

Sometimes I swore the girl could read my thoughts; and that scared me.

I traced her cheek gently with my fingers and kissed her. "Bella, no relationship is easy…"

"You know what I'm talking about, Edward." She cut me off, looking directly into my eyes seriously. "For the last few weeks, I've been trying to ignore the elephant in the room and just enjoy this between us. I've been ignoring the very obvious truth that could take you away from me."

"Bella, nothing is going to take me away from you," I replied trying to comfort her as she started to become upset.

"You're leaving," she said suddenly as I was about to continue, shaking her head. "I don't know where or for how long. And I'm going to be here. I won't even get one full year with you before you're gone."

I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against hers, bringing my hand to rest over hers on my chest. "Baby, I'm not even sure what I'm doing yet. I don't want to lose this, but I don't think it would be fair to ask you to wait for me either. You're sixteen years old, with your whole life ahead of you…"

She silenced me with her fingertips on my lips and I opened my eyes to look into hers.

"I know what I want, Edward," she replied as she traced my lower lip with the tip of her index finger. "As much as I wish it could be as easy for us as it is for them, I love you more than I have ever imagined loving anyone. And I'm not too young to know what love is. I'll wait for you. However long it takes. It may sound cheesy but… you're my forever. I know that in my heart."

I looked into her eyes and I was absolutely speechless. It was nearly impossible for someone so young to be so certain about something like this; to know without a doubt that this was what she wanted. But Bella did. This wasn't a passing fancy for her, as it would be for so many other girls her age. She didn't throw out those words to just anyone, and neither did I. I kissed her and then pulled her against me tightly.

"I love you so much, Bella," I whispered against her hair as she snuggled into me.

"I love you too, Edward."

We laid there silently in each other's arms until she finally fell asleep; but sleep evaded me. I had to make a decision now. She deserved it.

I kissed her forehead as I slid my arm out from under her without waking her and dressed, watching her the entire time until I got my jacket on. I hunted around for a piece of paper and then desperately looked in my wallet for an old receipt. I pulled the pen out of my jacket pocket and wrote:

Bella,

Had to run home for something. I should be back before you wake up. Love you.

Edward

And with that, I silently left the house and drove home. I looked at the clock and breathed out heavily when I saw it was after midnight. My dad would be home from work, but would be none too thrilled that I was out driving at this hour. All the years in one crazy emergency room after another, he had seen the worst of what came from teenagers driving at all hours of the night. But this was too important to wait; Bella was too important. I hoped that he would understand that.

As I pulled up to the house, I saw that the light in his office upstairs was on but their bedroom light was off. Perfect.

I walked into the house quietly and up to my father's office, finding the door open and him behind his desk reading.

"Dad? You got a minute?" I said softly when he looked up at me.

He removed his reading glasses and set them down on his desk with his book. "Edward? I thought you were at the Brandons'. Is everything alright?"

"Yes... no... I don't know," I replied, running my hand through my hair as I closed the office door. I walked toward the desk, sitting down across from him and shaking my head. "I really don't know what to do."

"Let me guess," my father replied calmly, his hands tenting in front of his face. "You haven't told Bella, have you?"

I leaned back in the high-backed chair, shaking my head as I pinched the bridge of my nose. My hand fell and I looked away from him. "Well, yes I did. A while ago. But things were different then and she thought I was joking."

"And you just never got around to telling her that you were serious," he replied as a statement instead of a question, and I simply shook my head again. He hummed in response and I could feel his eyes on me. "Are you?"

"Yes sir," I replied without hesitation and looked back to him. "But I don't know how Bella is going to take it. I don't want to leave her behind but she still has two years left of high school after I've finished." My eyes fell into my lap and I let out a heavy sigh. "How did Mom take it when you told her?"

I heard him chuckle softly but my eyes remained down. "She left me," he replied in the same serene voice and my eyes shot up to him so fast it almost made my head spin. He held up his hand as I was about to comment and stood up from his chair, coming to sit beside me. "Now before you get ahead of me here, just listen, alright? Things were a lot different back then, Edward. I know you care a lot about Bella, that much is obvious. But the longer you keep this from her, the more it's going to hurt her."

"I'm going to hurt her, no matter what, Dad," I replied, closing my eyes and shaking my head. "I love her."

"I figured that much out when she came in the front door instead of your bedroom window," he said and as I looked up at him in shock again, I found him restraining a smile. "Really, Edward. I was a teenage boy once too. Do you honestly believe I never noticed the ladder, or heard the late night visitors?"

Of all the embarrassing…

"But if you knew, why didn't you…" I started but I was at a loss for words.

"Son," he started, placing his hand on my arm. "I was really strict with you boys growing up, and I know that. But I also knew that as you got older, I had to start allowing you both to make your own decisions and just hope that you would both be intelligent enough to make the right ones. And I'm assuming you have. Everything came back clear?"

"Yes, sir," I replied with a nod. "Now I just have to decide."

"Edward, I know how much you care for Bella and vice versa. I adore her myself, and nothing would make me happier than to someday have her be a part of this family. But," he paused and I cringed. His 'buts' were never good. "You're both still very young, with a lot of growing up still yet to do and a lot of life yet to experience. You need to make your decision based on what is best for you, son. And if you and Bella are meant to be, everything will fall into place from there. But you are the one person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with, and you have to be happy with that first."

I always hated his 'buts'. Like I said, they were never good; but moreover, they were never wrong. I nodded slowly and let out a heavy breath. I knew what I had to do and even with her words tonight, I was terrified to do it. I stood up silently and began walking toward the door, but stopped at the sound of my father's voice.

"Soon?"

I turned my head to look back at him from the doorway and nodded.

"Soon," I replied before closing the door behind me and rushing to my car to return to Bella. I watched the clock as I made my way back to Alice's house. It was almost two by the time I got there but it didn't matter; this couldn't wait.

I walked quietly back into the house and back to the bedroom, opening the door to find Bella exactly the way I had left her; sleeping peacefully and hugging the comforter to her body in place of me. I shrugged off my jacket and kicked off my shoes, gently crawling back into bed with her.

"Bella," I whispered, brushing her cheek with my fingers. "Bella baby, wake up."

She stirred groggily, nuzzling her face against my chest and wrapping her arm around my waist.

"Edward," she mumbled through her pouty lips and I kissed her hair. "What time is it?"

Her voice was barely audible and I knew I should let her sleep; but then I would lose my nerve. "Baby, we need to talk."

Her breathing stilled even in her half-awake state and she tilted her head up to look at me.

"What's wrong?" she asked with fear in her eyes, her arm tightening around me. "I'm sorry about earlier, Edward. It was stupid, I just…"

"Shh," I hushed her by kissing her gently and paused briefly, keeping my eyes closed as I responded. "Bella, I'm joining the Army."