Chapter 20: Dinner at the Cullens

EPOV

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, contemplating the evening ahead of me. I had been pondering this evening for a couple of weeks now, and made the decision last week at Thanksgiving dinner. It was time to tell my mother but it was something that I couldn't imagine getting through without Bella. Nothing about tonight was going to be easy. My mother had made no secret about not wanting this life for my brother or me; from the time we were very young. I knew a lot of it was born from the same fear that caused her to leave my father when he enlisted but things were different now, and I hoped that would ease some of her worry. There was no war I was enlisting in, no real danger.

And I had something special at home waiting for me.

I was so lost in thought that I hadn't heard Bella enter the room and jump onto the bed, straddling my hips.

"Hello handsome," she teased with a smile, placing her hands on either side of my face and lowering her lips to mine.

And just like that, even if only for a moment, all my worry melted as it always did when she was with me.

"Where'd you come from?" I taunted back, teasing her lips with mine and sliding my hands into the pockets of her jeans.

She smirked playfully at me, biting her lip. "The window," she replied with an innocent shrug, contrasting sharply with the wicked gleam in her eyes. I gripped her backside firmly in my hands, rolling us over and began kissing her neck, causing her to giggle. "Edward Cullen, we don't have time for this!"

I chuckled and kissed her firmly as her arms slid around my shoulders. "And why not," I whispered in a husky voice against her lips and her body arched against me reflexively.

She smacked my shoulder lightly as I began to kiss the skin just below her ear as she wriggled underneath me. "For one, your door is wide open. Two, your parents are right downstairs. And I am not going to have dinner with your family looking like I've been through a wind tunnel."

I groaned in feigned defeat, raising my head up to kiss her lips gently before resuming my previous position on my back. I bent my arm back behind my head and looked back to the ceiling. The bed shifted beside me and I felt her hand rest on my chest, and brought my free hand up to cover it.

"You're really nervous about tonight, aren't you?" she asked me softly, lacing her fingers with mine with one hand, while tracing them lightly through my hair with the other.

My thumb ran light circles across her hand on my chest and I nodded. "You have no idea, baby. She is going to be so angry. This is the one thing she never wanted for me or Emmett," I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. "She's never going to forgive me for this."

"Edward?" she whispered and kissed me gently as I opened my eyes to look at her. "Your mother loves you, no matter what. I'm sure she'll be upset, just as I was. But not so much that she won't forgive you."

"Bella, you don't understand. She left my father when he enlisted," I tried emphasizing my words to make her understand. "This isn't something that is just going to blow over."

Bella's eyes narrowed slightly in thought as she gazed at me. "Are you having second thoughts?" she asked abruptly.

I shook my head and looked away from her. "No," I replied in a flat, firm tone.

"Then listen to me," she returned my firm tone and I saw her shift in my peripheral vision, as she lifted up to straddle my waist. Her hands returned to my face, forcing me to look at her. "You are her son, her baby. She may not like or approve of everything you do with your life. But she will always love you, and want you to do what will make you happy."

I sighed against her lips as she kissed me again, and I was about to reply when I heard my mother's voice echo up the stairs.

"Edward, it's time for dinner. And we already heard Bella up there. Come on," she chuckled softly.

Bella leaned down to kiss my forehead and then my lips again. "It's going to be alright, Edward," she said calmly and soothingly, as her hand ran over my cheek.

All through dinner, I tried to keep my demeanor as normal as possible, occasionally feeling the reassuring squeeze on my hand or knee from Bella. Once we were all finished, I glanced over at my father who gave me a nod. I reached over for Bella's hand and then looked between my mother and my brother.

My mother must have sensed my unease, her smile fading slightly and a worried expression came over her features. "Edward? Are you alright?"

I sighed and nodded. "Yes, I'm fine. There's something I need to tell you," I replied hesitantly and her eyes immediately flickered between me and Bella. I closed my eyes to gather my strength and then reopened them to see her leaning forward on the table expectantly. "I'm joining the Army, Mom."

Her face froze and paled, staring at me in disbelief. And suddenly she began to laugh uncomfortably as she reached for her glass of wine. "No, you're not, Edward," she said firmly and then took a sip from her glass.

"Yes, I am, Mom," I replied with a fresh feeling of determination. "I've had my physical and enlisted. I'm being sworn in on Saturday."

I felt Bella's hand fall limp from mine and I looked over to her, a similar look on her face as that which graced my mother's features only a moment before. Her eyes fell to her lap until both of our gazes shot over to my mother when she set her glass back down on the table roughly.

"No you are not, Edward Anthony Cullen. And that's final," she growled through her teeth in a tone I had never heard in my eighteen years. Her eyes burned the dark emerald green that I had inherited with her temper, however rarely shown it was, as she placed her napkin from her lap on the table far too calmly to match her mood. "You are going to just tell them that you changed your mind. You are not sworn in yet, so that will not be a problem."

"Mom, I'm doing this," I gritted resolutely, meeting her gaze.

Tears began to form in her eyes as she shook her head. "Why, Edward? Why do you feel this need to do this? You have your family here. And what about Bella?"

"Bella and I have already talked about this," I cut my mother off before she could continue anymore. "This is my decision to make."

I watched my mother shake her head and then look over to my father. "Did you put him up to this?" she snapped, pushing her chair back roughly and standing up from the table.

"Esme, calm down. Edward is not a little boy anymore and he needs to start thinking about his life and his future. But this is his choice, not mine," my father replied calmly, with a hint of pleading in his voice.

My mother's jaw tightened slightly before she turned on her heel and stormed into the kitchen, with Emmett on her heels. Bella's sigh accompanied mine but there was a strange sound to it and when I turned to look at her, there was a tear in the corner of her eye. I reached over for her hand, but she pulled it away.

"Bella," I started but she rose up from the table and made her way quickly into the kitchen after my mother. I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to calm myself and then excused myself from the table, grabbing my jacket by the front door and going outside. I knew tonight was not going to be easy; but I was not counting on Bella pulling away from me too.

BPOV

Saturday. Hearing that word suddenly made this entire thing too real. I knew he was leaving and I thought I had accepted that, until I heard the finality in his voice. And I knew I had to step away for a moment. So I retreated to the kitchen where Emmett was attempting to calm Esme, but I was not prepared for her angry eyes to flash to me.

"You knew about this?" she exclaimed as she gripped the countertop tightly. "And you didn't think to say anything? How can you be okay with this?"

"Mom, come on. This isn't Bella's fault," Emmett said calmly, placing his arm around her shoulders. "This is something Edward wants and we should be proud of him, not condemning him."

"I'm sorry," I whispered softly, shaking my head and looking at the floor. "I just didn't feel that it was my place. This is his dream and his decision."

"This isn't a dream, Bella," Esme said, her tone shifting slightly from fury to almost desperate despair. "You don't understand what it's like, what this family has been through. Twenty years I have lived in fear of losing my husband, and my fears were not always unfounded. We nearly lost him in Desert Storm. My boys came so close to being without a father. This is not a path I want my son on!"

"It's only four years, Mrs. Cullen. And it's not as if we're never going to see him even in that time. He's not going off to war," I stuttered slightly, shaking my head and shrugging nervously.

"That can change tomorrow, Bella. And never believe otherwise!" Esme snapped again, and knocked Emmett's hands from her shoulders as he again tried to calm her. "The moment he takes that oath, there's no turning back. No changing his mind. And I refuse to lose my baby like that! And that's something you will never understand until you're a mother yourself!"

I bit my lip to keep my chin from trembling at her words, until Emmett pulled her into his arms and nodded toward the door; giving me an escape which I gladly took. I re-entered the dining room to find Edward missing and Carlisle nodded toward the front door, his face drawn and tortured as Rosalie held his hand beside him. I grabbed my coat from the rack and quickly made my way outside, the cold wintry air gusting gently against my skin. I immediately found Edward leaning against his car and indulging in his angry habit, two lines of smoke billowing out from his nostrils.

I leaned on the opposite side of the car, facing away from him as I spoke. "I thought you were giving those up?" I began softly, folding my arms around my body to shield from the cold.

I heard him exhale heavily after taking a drag. "Yea, well some days are harder than others," he mumbled deeply, flicking his cigarette sharply and lifting it to his lips again. I turned to face him and said his name, but he shook his head without even looking at me. "Don't, Bella. Just don't."

I stormed determinedly around the car to face him but he still kept his eyes averted from mine, his jaw tight. "Don't what? Don't talk to you? Because really, that's all I'm trying to do here."

His eyes finally met mine and they were hard and cold, something I hadn't seen before; not like this.

"Damn it, Bella. I thought you were behind me on this!" he exclaimed angrily and my jaw dropped slightly in response. "I thought if there was one person I could count on tonight, it would be you. But guess I was wrong, because you ran out on me as quickly as my mother did."

I was taken aback at his sneering expression and his biting words. I had never seen this side of Edward, and frankly, I really didn't like it. "I didn't 'run out on you', Edward."

"Really?" he snarled sarcastically and pointed toward the house with the cigarette still between his fingers. "Then why the fuck were you in there with my mother when I needed you right here with me?"

"Alright, you want to play that way?" I retorted defiantly, folding my arms over my chest. "Why didn't you tell me about Saturday?"

"Oh don't start with that, Bella. That is such a minor point right now," he shouted back, shaking his head and took another drag. "You knew this was happening, regardless of when. 'When' is really irrelevant here."

"When is entirely relevant here! If it wasn't, you would have told me!"

We both let out heavy breaths and leaned against his car silently. I traced my finger over the light layer of frost coating the metal.

"Edward, why didn't you tell me about Desert Storm?" I asked tightly, keeping my eyes down. "About your dad. I mean, maybe your mom has a point. You know, anything can happen at any time and that could be you next time."

His eyes turned to me again and I felt them on me. "You think I haven't considered that? That's the risk that everyone takes when they go into the military. And my dad did what he needed to do and so will I, if it comes to that," his voice was almost venomous, and I could hardly believe this was actually the same Edward. The same nervous boy from his bedroom just a couple of hours ago; the same guy who had made me feel so adored and precious over the last few weeks. My Edward. "Are you still sure you want to wait for me?"

I tightened my jaw and glared at him angrily, looking him directly in the eyes. I thought I saw them flicker slightly when I began to shake my head, but I was too angry at his statement to care. "Right now? No, I'm really not."

I pushed past him making my way for my car and digging my keys out of my pocket.

"Good to know," he shot out angrily and I turned my head to glare at him as I got into my car.

I fought back tears as I started my engine and began pulling out of the driveway. As soon as I was out of sight of the house, I allowed the tears to trail down my cheeks. Over and over during the drive, the tone he used tonight rang through my head; the icy look in his eyes haunted me. And Esme, the woman I had come to adore like a mother, so angry and bitter with me. The thought of my life without the Cullens in it was nearly as unbearable as the thought of my life without my own father. They were family to me. I pulled into my driveway, wiping my face roughly with my hands and glanced in my rearview mirror. I would just have to try to get upstairs before Charlie had the chance to worry. I got out of the car and hurried into the house, almost running right into my father as he was putting his coat on.

"Dad? Where are you going?" I asked in confusion as my eyes fell to his holster and then back to him.

"Station called. They need me down there for a few hours," he replied and then paused to look at me. "What's wrong, Bells? Have you been crying?"

I shook my head and looked down. "No, I'm fine. Just surprised, that's all," I stammered, until he said my name and I looked up at him. "Look, it's no big deal. I just got into a fight with Edward. Don't worry about me."

"You sure you don't want me to stay home? I can call the station," he asked in concern, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head and pulled away. "No really, Dad. I really would just rather be alone right now," I mumbled and instantly felt guilty; he was trying to comfort me and I was pushing him away. I looked up at him, seeing the uneasy look in his eyes and shook my head, trying to force a smile. "Don't worry, I'm just going to head to bed anyway. Long night."

"Alright, well you have the number for the station if you need me. Don't forget to lock up," he called back to me as he reached the door, and I nodded and waved as he walked out.

I let out a heavy sigh, tossing my jacket haphazardly on the coat rack and locking the door behind him. Slowly trudging upstairs to my room and closing the door, I leaned back against it in thought. This was going to be one long weekend, but I was not going to be the first to apologize. The things Edward had said to me tonight cut me deep, coming from the one person who could hurt me the most. A shiver ran through my body and I glanced at the window, noticing the tiny crack that I always left open in case Edward were to ever come over during the night, which he rarely did; probably too afraid of Charlie finding him here.

Won't be a problem tonight, Cullen, I growled internally as I stormed across the room to shut it roughly and locked it, before turning around to change for bed.